A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)

@Optimisticempath Hey you - you've been in my thoughts. I hope you're taking care of yourself and being as gentle as you can

*sending you good vibes and much love OptiBear* ❤️❤️

..

appweciating myself?😬 but it tuff and me no believes 😕 why lie if you no believe... me no lie :( .. they say fake it till you make it but then there's the pressure to make it and heyyyy im only tryna make it to like sunday every week and repeat..the miserable monotony of existing pathetically... no making anything else ... v tired already ffs ..

@Optimisticempath

Hello Opti 💜 it been long time buddy 🥺 I hear appreciating ourself is tough. 🤗 You is doing really well and we proud of you. 💜 your doing your best and that's what matters. ❤️ you being really strong. We take it one step at a time 💜 maybe not today but some day 💜 and I'm sorry to hear about all this going on :( *sending hugs if okay*

@amiableBunny4016 bestie bunwee yes it been long 🥺 I miss you and talking to you more im sorry for being so quiet lately... a weirdish combination of loneliness, depression and anxiety with a side of self doubt..everything feels like it's coming together and me just existing ... which ain't any fun either 🥲 but yeah what else to do 😖

it's ok tho, nothing new xD

how have you been buddy? i peek your thread sometimes and see your struggling too 🥺 *luvvvvsss bunweee* 💕 I hope chu continue holding strong bunwee, you are uplifting everyone around here always you deserve kindness too 💕 *sends luvv and huggzieesss🤗🤗

@Optimisticempath

Awwww missed you lotssss! ❤️❤️❤️ I'm so so so happy to see youuuuu Opti! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 *Hugs if okay* your so sweet! Awww! I'm sorry things have been not so good :( anxiety , depression, lonlieness etc can be really overwhelming 💜 I'm really proud of you for coming through to be such a strong human! ❤️ and you also deserve twice the amount of happiness and love! 🥺 Opti your being so strong and brave ❤️ I just want to say I'm extremely proud of you! And of course always here if you wanna talk 😄 *gentle hugs* I'm okayyyyyyy 😄 aww thank you for checking in on me! Look after yourself okay? Be gentle with yourself? (Or at least try)

@Optimisticempath I agree it is hard to appreciate ourselves and even harder still is to believe it. You're doing your best Opti - nobody can ask for more than that ❤️

*Big squeezies* ❤️

@mytwistedsoul Soul 🥺🥺 you know what stars look like? :0

*big squeeziee back*

how's you Soul?❤ time keeps flying 😔 hope you being gentle with yourself. 🤗🤗🤗

@Optimisticempath

hello there opti buddy 💜 i was just wondering about you and wanted to check on you. how've you been? 🤗💕 *sends love and huggles if okie*

@LoveMyMoonflowers

flower buddy you're too sweet🥺 thank you for the check in and this adorable message 💕

yes its oki ofcourse 🥺 *sends luvvsss and huggles back🤗

im existing mostly... or pretending to..idk somewhere in between 😅 but ok..

how's you? 🧸

@Optimisticempath

*huggles back* im here if you wanna talk about anything 💜 no pressure tho.

and im here if you just need a buddy to sit in silence with, too. 💕

me..? hmm im existing too tbh. idk..

@LoveMyMoonflowers

thank you for being so kind to me flower buddy 🥺 it means vv much to me 💕

i can relate with the existing.. idk feeling :( it's no fun 😖 here for chu also if you need a buddy to talk to or sit with any time 🤗 be kind to yourself also you are v precious part of the world *huggles*💕💕

@Optimisticempath

aww this made me cry tbhh 😭💜 you’re so sweet and such a precious person optii 💕 im so grateful for you. i hear you :( existing is an awful feeling and it’s really tough. but we’ll get through this okies? 💜 we can get through this together

*huggles chuuu* 💜💕

awh that’s such a sweet little note 💜 im proud of you too. you’ve made it, all this way. and that proves strength 💕 im so proud of you, for getting through each day, and for being you 💜

omg you people are so kind 🥺🥺 thank you vv much for checking on me and sending kind reminders, i keep hiding 😖 but it means so much to me 🥺💕💕

@Optimisticempath

*sends more huggles* you one of da sweetest optiii 💜

it okie to feel like hiding sometimes. me understand.. nii hide a lot too 😖

we just want you to know that we care soooo muchhh about our optii bearr 💜 and that we here for chuu, we are 💕

we back at it ..like we ever left 💀

@Optimisticempath

🧸*sit with milky bear*🧸

@VictoriaLove7 cutest victory 💕 your a bear too now?😄🧸🧸

you were in my thoughts victory how are you doing? sends huggles🤗

@Optimisticempath

Yes, I'm a rainbow bear 🌈🧸

I'm okayish.. ☺ How are you, milky bear? 🧸

@VictoriaLove7

me found chu ☺ rainbow bear looks really cute 🌈

why okayish only victory? something bothering you? it's ok to be okayish too tho i know im there so often xD because somehow it touches the border of honesty and "don't wanna worry this kind person asking" ... or idk just me? xD

im okayish too 😅 but idont care at the moment bcoz we existinggg or something similar as that ☺

@Optimisticempath

The rainbow bear 🌈🧸 you put is cute, milky 🧸☺. Thank youu for the Rainbow bear picture! 🤗

I have just replied now because earlier, I was not quite okayish..

Yes, I've been worrying, milky bear.. 🧸

Why are you okayish, milky? 🧸

tw:

maybe don't read this at all idk if i can be mindful enough to skip triggering stuff currently...im sorry 😔

i feel so done tbh idk there's triggers everywhere...everything is an awful reminder of my pathetic existence ...i feel done ... seeing their disappointed faces every time.. hearing their taunts and sarcastic remarks...everything is a haunting reminder of my undeserving existence... literally just wasting everything...taking unnecessary space....it's coming back... it never left but it's coming back strong ... the urges ... the flashes... the thoughts...trying v hard to not give into them but its been hard to hold on to ... when it feels like the only escape ... lately been imagining slitting through the ... yeah... feeling the red thing dripping... it's so crisp and particular in my imagination.......so weird when I cannot do it to myself im imagining about it...maybe the blood dripping... the pain feeling like the emotional weight flowing away but idk really ... this feelz unsafe and im not myself ... i don't know who myself is anymore ... i cry anytime...i get those thoughts any time ... its difficult pretending... no one understands...no one cares and no one should. ...even I don't care so yeah ... whatever... just holding on..lying on bed... crying.... till tears run dry... too tired to wipe them away now ..idc...im

You are safe... 🙃

You are fine...👍🏻ok

@Optimisticempath

Milky bear 😧🧸 i read it..

Would you like to talk? 🧸 your existence matter, you make a difference, Milky 🧸

@VictoriaLove7 victory...😔 idk im sorry

im ok..needed to get some stuff out is alll..🥺

@VictoriaLove7 victory 🧸🌈 are you ok? ididnt wanna upset anyone....sorry if it was too much to read ..😔

@Optimisticempath

I am okayish, milky, 🧸☺

What you wrote is okie, it is not upsetting🧸☺ you can write anything to let it out here and we can talk if you want to.

How are you feeling now? 🧸🤗

@VictoriaLove7 thank you 🥺

okayish why? what's troubling? you can always share anything on your mind too here if comfy or if you have forum diary like this too? you can tag me there anytime also 😄

im the same.. existing ... ive made peace with it or im delusional about it either way its ok 🤡

@Optimisticempath

Milky 🧸 my apology for the late reply.

Something that bothers me I think it is because I'm pathetic. (I do not have something like 'space' here 😅 I'm too introvert)

But you are more than just existing, I am so sure that your existence means so much to people like your friends, family. Oftentimes it is easy to be hard on ourselves.

What are your hobbies, Milky? 🧸🤗

sometimes if we do things we like, we will feel a bit better 🤗

@VictoriaLove7

it's ok victory no apology necessary 💕

what makes you say you are pathetic? :( if ok to share?

its ok tbh i didn't think ill have space either but i saw some others doing it and it felt safer to have a space to share somethings... im not good with words specially when talking about me so its v difficult talking to people directly like in chats and stuff ... i end up ghosting or replying so late to a lot of listeners sometimes when i can't talk more, it's wrong ik 😔 and ik it's the purpose of this site but idk...still hard to talk ...... but this is somehow better for me as i can share relatable pictures ... vent sometimes when things get too much or when its it's hard to keep it inside....im still not comfy talking a lot of times too but trying .. you can try also if you want but no problem if not it's ok to take your time, if you wanna share something or talk you can do here also ☺

hobbies...victory tbh i don't know anymore, i used to have hobbies but it's hard to remember now .. also im probably lazy to do anything so nothing really motivates me ... but can we count making appreciations for PAT?? because that's fun and probably only thing i enjoy doing lately

how about you? what's your hobbies 🧸🌈

@Optimisticempath

Milky bearr 🧸 i know, it's hard to talk about ourselves..

My hobbies for now is watching funny videos in utube or other sites 🤗

(Was gonna take one for you, but its taken earlier, I was kinda 1 minute late.. me slow poke 🤦‍♀️ )

I wish there's a feature to make journal private ☺

Have you had meal or something, whwhat'your favorite food, Milky? 🧸

@VictoriaLove7 yes it's hard 😔

funny videos are nice I like watching them too 😁

oh it's ok victory 🧸🌈

meal um im not eating well lately... but i like soupy noodles lots also pizza, burgers and french fries ☺ all things unhealthy 😅 how about you tho? what foods you like more? *huggles victory 💕 how was your weekend?

@Optimisticempath

Hi milky bear, 🧸

(I was triggered earlier 🥲 but cannot say specific.)

Why are you not eating well, Milky? 🧸 if okie to ask.. Soupy noodles, pizza, fries are yummy. I like those food too, and taco 🌮 and fried food.

*huggles milky bear*🧸

my weekend was like usual.. how's yours, Milky? 🧸

@victorialove7

im eating sometimes .. it's not so bad but it's just less with skipping some meals in between...idk im not feeling hungry or appetite seems reduced

@Optimisticempath

You have less appetite, milky 🧸

are you worrying about something? 🧸😟what if you try nom food that you like, so you'll have more appetite, milky 🧸

@VictoriaLove7

🥺 that's no good Victory is you ok? what helps you calm when you feel triggered? sending lots of safe huggles for you 🧸

fried food is yum and taco also🌮 I notice you out taco and pizza emojis in PAT posts ☺ they are v cute.

my weekend was ok, it just went by too fast 😮now monday eww

hope you have a good week 🌈🧸

@Optimisticempath

I'm anxious when I'm triggered 🥲 and stressy, scared of what will happen..

I went to the anxiety room earlier, but there's no one..

It has been peaceful for weeks 🥲 then I saw something earlier, milky.. 🧸

I turned off my internet earlier because I saw it in phone.. but still afraid of what will happen

@Optimisticempath idk what is it that made you feel so anxious Victory but I understand feeling stressed and anxious when something unexpectedly shows up after some peaceful time :(

🥺 I hope it'll all be ok 💕 breathe 🤗

do grounding exercises help you comfort? or maybe talking to some listener here?

@Optimisticempath @victorialove7

stuuupiood reply button keeps going hide hide😖

me worrying about many things...everything... and nothing at the same time idk it's hard to explain 🥺

thank you for the suggestion victory 💕 will try

@Optimisticempath

What is grounding exercise, milky? 🧸

I try but even the mention of it, made me feel anxious, stressy. Wish I can tell you I private milky 🧸

@Optimisticempath

I'm worrier too, milky 🧸😟 I know how it feels..

The reply button gone after a couple of boxes

@victorialove7

yes idk why they keep limit on replies 🥲

me understands forums not feeling safe to share sometimes :( huggles 💕

there's lots of grounding exercises to help with feel calmer when feeling anxious or panicky 🌈🧸

like one v common is this technique which asks you to find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste ... you can mention here too if you comfy 🤗

not everything works for everyone tho if you feel like trying you can also see more similar techniques... there are some breathing exercises videos in youtube too ... or even listening to calm music 💕 hope you feel better victory 🥺