A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)
Uh hello if anyone is reading this! 😀
I have no idea why I'm even creating this thread but i just feel it will be nice to have a place to share some thoughts or even these images on the internet that i always keep saving for myself because i relate too much but cannot share it with anyone because yes haha
I'm okay with replies here so feel free to drop by anytime ❤️
Just please be kind and respectful if your replying to my posts.
omg you people are so kind 🥺🥺 thank you vv much for checking on me and sending kind reminders, i keep hiding 😖 but it means so much to me 🥺💕💕
@Optimisticempath
*sends more huggles* you one of da sweetest optiii 💜
it okie to feel like hiding sometimes. me understand.. nii hide a lot too 😖
we just want you to know that we care soooo muchhh about our optii bearr 💜 and that we here for chuu, we are 💕
we back at it ..like we ever left 💀
tw:
maybe don't read this at all idk if i can be mindful enough to skip triggering stuff currently...im sorry 😔
i feel so done tbh idk there's triggers everywhere...everything is an awful reminder of my pathetic existence ...i feel done ... seeing their disappointed faces every time.. hearing their taunts and sarcastic remarks...everything is a haunting reminder of my undeserving existence... literally just wasting everything...taking unnecessary space....it's coming back... it never left but it's coming back strong ... the urges ... the flashes... the thoughts...trying v hard to not give into them but its been hard to hold on to ... when it feels like the only escape ... lately been imagining slitting through the ... yeah... feeling the red thing dripping... it's so crisp and particular in my imagination.......so weird when I cannot do it to myself im imagining about it...maybe the blood dripping... the pain feeling like the emotional weight flowing away but idk really ... this feelz unsafe and im not myself ... i don't know who myself is anymore ... i cry anytime...i get those thoughts any time ... its difficult pretending... no one understands...no one cares and no one should. ...even I don't care so yeah ... whatever... just holding on..lying on bed... crying.... till tears run dry... too tired to wipe them away now ..idc...im
You are safe... 🙃
You are fine...👍🏻ok
@Optimisticempath
Milky bear 😧🧸 i read it..
Would you like to talk? 🧸 your existence matter, you make a difference, Milky 🧸
@VictoriaLove7 victory 🧸🌈 are you ok? ididnt wanna upset anyone....sorry if it was too much to read ..😔
@Optimisticempath
I am okayish, milky, 🧸☺
What you wrote is okie, it is not upsetting🧸☺ you can write anything to let it out here and we can talk if you want to.
How are you feeling now? 🧸🤗
@VictoriaLove7 thank you 🥺
okayish why? what's troubling? you can always share anything on your mind too here if comfy or if you have forum diary like this too? you can tag me there anytime also 😄
im the same.. existing ... ive made peace with it or im delusional about it either way its ok 🤡
@Optimisticempath
Milky 🧸 my apology for the late reply.
Something that bothers me I think it is because I'm pathetic. (I do not have something like 'space' here 😅 I'm too introvert)
But you are more than just existing, I am so sure that your existence means so much to people like your friends, family. Oftentimes it is easy to be hard on ourselves.
What are your hobbies, Milky? 🧸🤗
sometimes if we do things we like, we will feel a bit better 🤗
@VictoriaLove7
it's ok victory no apology necessary 💕
what makes you say you are pathetic? :( if ok to share?
its ok tbh i didn't think ill have space either but i saw some others doing it and it felt safer to have a space to share somethings... im not good with words specially when talking about me so its v difficult talking to people directly like in chats and stuff ... i end up ghosting or replying so late to a lot of listeners sometimes when i can't talk more, it's wrong ik 😔 and ik it's the purpose of this site but idk...still hard to talk ...... but this is somehow better for me as i can share relatable pictures ... vent sometimes when things get too much or when its it's hard to keep it inside....im still not comfy talking a lot of times too but trying .. you can try also if you want but no problem if not it's ok to take your time, if you wanna share something or talk you can do here also ☺
hobbies...victory tbh i don't know anymore, i used to have hobbies but it's hard to remember now .. also im probably lazy to do anything so nothing really motivates me ... but can we count making appreciations for PAT?? because that's fun and probably only thing i enjoy doing lately
how about you? what's your hobbies 🧸🌈
@Optimisticempath
Milky bearr 🧸 i know, it's hard to talk about ourselves..
My hobbies for now is watching funny videos in utube or other sites 🤗
(Was gonna take one for you, but its taken earlier, I was kinda 1 minute late.. me slow poke 🤦♀️ )
I wish there's a feature to make journal private ☺
Have you had meal or something, whwhat'your favorite food, Milky? 🧸
@VictoriaLove7 yes it's hard 😔
funny videos are nice I like watching them too 😁
oh it's ok victory 🧸🌈
meal um im not eating well lately... but i like soupy noodles lots also pizza, burgers and french fries ☺ all things unhealthy 😅 how about you tho? what foods you like more? *huggles victory 💕 how was your weekend?
@Optimisticempath
Hi milky bear, 🧸
(I was triggered earlier 🥲 but cannot say specific.)
Why are you not eating well, Milky? 🧸 if okie to ask.. Soupy noodles, pizza, fries are yummy. I like those food too, and taco 🌮 and fried food.
*huggles milky bear*🧸
my weekend was like usual.. how's yours, Milky? 🧸
@victorialove7
im eating sometimes .. it's not so bad but it's just less with skipping some meals in between...idk im not feeling hungry or appetite seems reduced
@Optimisticempath
You have less appetite, milky 🧸
are you worrying about something? 🧸😟what if you try nom food that you like, so you'll have more appetite, milky 🧸
@VictoriaLove7
🥺 that's no good Victory is you ok? what helps you calm when you feel triggered? sending lots of safe huggles for you 🧸
fried food is yum and taco also🌮 I notice you out taco and pizza emojis in PAT posts ☺ they are v cute.
my weekend was ok, it just went by too fast 😮now monday eww
hope you have a good week 🌈🧸
@Optimisticempath
I'm anxious when I'm triggered 🥲 and stressy, scared of what will happen..
I went to the anxiety room earlier, but there's no one..
It has been peaceful for weeks 🥲 then I saw something earlier, milky.. 🧸
I turned off my internet earlier because I saw it in phone.. but still afraid of what will happen
@Optimisticempath idk what is it that made you feel so anxious Victory but I understand feeling stressed and anxious when something unexpectedly shows up after some peaceful time :(
🥺 I hope it'll all be ok 💕 breathe 🤗
do grounding exercises help you comfort? or maybe talking to some listener here?
@Optimisticempath @victorialove7
stuuupiood reply button keeps going hide hide😖
me worrying about many things...everything... and nothing at the same time idk it's hard to explain 🥺
thank you for the suggestion victory 💕 will try
@Optimisticempath
What is grounding exercise, milky? 🧸
I try but even the mention of it, made me feel anxious, stressy. Wish I can tell you I private milky 🧸
@Optimisticempath
I'm worrier too, milky 🧸😟 I know how it feels..
The reply button gone after a couple of boxes
@victorialove7
yes idk why they keep limit on replies 🥲
me understands forums not feeling safe to share sometimes :( huggles 💕
there's lots of grounding exercises to help with feel calmer when feeling anxious or panicky 🌈🧸
like one v common is this technique which asks you to find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste ... you can mention here too if you comfy 🤗
not everything works for everyone tho if you feel like trying you can also see more similar techniques... there are some breathing exercises videos in youtube too ... or even listening to calm music 💕 hope you feel better victory 🥺
@mytwistedsoul 💕💕
sending hugs and lots of luvvv Soul ❤ thinking of chu 🤗
@Optimisticempath *sending hugs and big squeezies and much love to you too OptiBear ❤️😊❤️ Thank you
@mytwistedsoul big squeeezieess back Soul ❤ how is youu? 🤗 hope september treats you well ❤
@Optimisticempath Thank you! ❤️ It's been hot 🥵 here. But the weather is going to break this weekend I think. I have tbh depression is kicking my butt 😞 I can't seem to shake it. How is you? I've been worried about you - I hope it's ok to say that. I mean I don't want you to worry that I worry 😅 or maybe make you think that you gotta fake anything. I just care about you OptiBear
@mytwistedsoul
the latter message really made me smile so much Soul 🥺 i completely get you... feeling worried because we care but not wanting to worry the other person because we are worrying about them lmao what is this even 🤯 but i get it a 100 % because i feel as you do too 🥺 thankchu for caring for me Soul... i seem to have forgotten what it might feel to be cared for .. but me appreciates you so much for making me feel so cared for like always ... ❤ your the bestest friend me could ever ask for .. even better 🥺 me worries about you too because me cares about you too and always praying for you ❤
how is me.. i don't really known Soul... it's too much effort into knowing how i really am and then i know it's not a good answer so ill have to idk? work on it? and me doesn't want to do anything...im feeling tired of existing and im pretty sure im not even doing it right lol just yeah..here..and being someway😅
depression is really the worst :( im sorry it's been hard to shake off lately but you are allowed to take the time you need Soul .... its not easy to shake depression away when too much seems to go around us and maybe more inside us ❤ im here for you if you need spacey to talksiees or just sitting together ... we can lounge on comfy beanieees 🥰 me also here to remind chu that you're trying your best and hopefully you can continue to brave through the tough days ❤ nobody needs to ask more from you oki, just being patient with yourself and gentle while you deal with things 🥺 sends lots of luvvsss and tight squeezieesss💕💕
the weather is hot yeah 😮 did it change at your place over the weekend? it's been weird here .. sometimes hot, sometimes raining and sometimes chilly ... mostly at night tho ☺
@Optimisticempath Tbh I'm not sure what that is either lol 🤪
and you know what?? ironically enough, what keeps me going on days it is hardest to ... even a little... is the hope that someday ill be resting peacefully ... finally
sometimes I try really hard to remind myself to just breathe 😅 funny to need that sort of a reminder but at least it allows me to be here still D:
@Optimisticempath
*🌈🧸 sit with milky bear🥛🧸*
@VictoriaLove7 so creative with emojis victory 😮thank you for sitting with me 🌈🧸🥺 hope your doing well?
@Optimisticempath
Milky bear 🥛🧸 I'm learning the 🌈 🧸 emoji from you ☺
I'm okayish.. how are you, Milky? 🥛🧸
@VictoriaLove7 🌈🧸 me too okayish I think
@Optimisticempath
Why only okay ish, milky? 🥛🧸😧
I talked with a bunny earlier and I realized it's been alittle since I left a hug for a special Bear ❤️ Been thinking of you OptiBear
@mytwistedsoul 🥺 soul always being the bestest ever 🤗 me thinking of chu too and vv happy to see you always and hug you ❤ and you called me special bear 😭😭 youuuu are vvv special Soul im so grateful for you always *biggest squeezieeee🤗🤗
sends lots of luvvsss to Soul ❤❤❤❤
@Optimisticempath You are a special Bear ❤️ I know things like that can be hard to believe. I know compliments are hard too. You really are an amazing and wonderful person. Gosh there's so much I could say about the person you are 😊 One day you'll smile at the reflection you see in the mirror. One day you'll be proud of yourself for all you've overcome. One day you'll love yourself as much as we love you. That is my wish for you ❤️
@mytwistedsoul 🥺🥺 Soul how are you always so full of kindness and how do you always have the most heart warming things to say 🥺
I have such a hard time believing people usually.. specially if they say something nice ... but whenever you tell me something, i try vvv hard to believe ... you just have a way of sounding so genuine and pure and just like someone who has good intentions and good thoughts for everyone and only wants best for them and I want to believe you because you make me sound like a nicer person that some one would want around 🥺 it's still hard but it really means a lot to me how you pick me up always being as genuinely kind and thoughtful always and it just warms my heart sm I can't even explain ❤ you mean lots to me Soul ❤ you have made my world feel better , worth staying in so often ❤ you may not even realise😅 but you bring so much hope and light to my life and idk sometimes it's scaryto think someone would care but I'm just really grateful for you and it means more to me than any words could ever say ❤
I have so much love and so much respect for you and so much more love for you ❤ things in life haven't been kind to you either but you continue pushing forward and also bring hope to so many of us, you hold our hands, sit with us and hug us when needed and you are just someone everyone can count on ❤ you're a true blessing Soul, I don't say this lightly... I really pray for your days to be happier, kinder, better so much 🥺 i could collect just one teeny bit of kindness from every single living being in the universe and give it to you and you know what??? I think that would be less too! you deserve more and more and so much more kindness ❤ *biggest squeezieeeeeee
how's you doing soul?
me read about your doggo in some post and me just wants to be here with you and squeeziee tighttt🥺
@Optimisticempath I'm glad you try to believe what I say. I know it's not easy too do. It means a lot to me that you try. I know those harsh voices in your head are hard to ignore and it's often just easier to accept and believe the bad things people say because it fits the past narrative. But - what if they're wrong? Not just alittle wrong but totally wrong? I'm finding that there are some people who can never see the good. You could find a cure for cancer and be a brain surgeon and they wouldn't say a word. But forget something or fall short of their expectations and they break you down and tear you apart 😞