Group Support Prompt #3: What are your 3 expectations from the Group Support Chats?

@ASilentObserver

You know? I visited Listeners support chatrooms a few times and it was..... dead. No banter, very quiet,  just nice welcomes and dainty chats. It almost sounded improper to talk about the weather in case someone was triggered. 

@Fradiga Thank you for sharing your experience of the Group Support Chats. It sounds challenging to find the right balance between openness and care. What was it like for you to feel that sense of being "improper" or that discussions could be "triggering"? 

@ASilentObserver

What was it like for you to feel that sense of being "improper" or that discussions could be "triggering"? 

Well, it made me feel like I was wasting my time. No particular subjects were broached, as if people had either nothing to say, or were afraid to talk about anything. A chat room is not a party, I get that, but you do not actually meet people and learn about them. 

@ASilentObserver

Well, I forgot the particulars but someone tried a joke that was - in my view - rather innocuous and I was surprised to read the mod's admonition. I too had once made a funny comment about Covid - if I remember that right - and was told off. Yes, the wording from the mod was kind and everything, but I felt as if this was a kindergarten class and no matter how you wrap it, a admonition is what it is. I thought to myself that the chatroom rules seem to be made for the potential snowflakes, hence no real conversation possible.  This is probably because the internet is now full of people spitting venom at each other and 7cups tries hard to prevent this on their website.

@Fradiga It seems this experience left you feeling frustrated. I can understand why receiving an admonition, even if well-intentioned, might be felt as restricting. Our differences in perspectives are natural. Perhaps there are lessons here about community and care that are worth reflecting on further. You remain thoughtful in your way. 

Hello Silent,

I must admit I do enjoy the support chats and my expectation is zero (except maybe listener support room). But it is always enriching to get different points of view from all over the world. Sometimes it's boring or stuck - but this is up to everybody's initiative themselves to change that.

Some rules I find helpful for myself

1. Always say hello and goodbye

2. When nothing is happening I can try to change that (or leave, when nothing changes, nothing lost)

3. Try to affirm people in need of it

4. Ignore trolls, once I identified them

5. Try to seed some good spirit

6. Try to solve misunderstandings (for example I often use ;-) emoticon, because I am often kind of try to be not too serious and too grave. But I had to learn this can be understood quite wrongly. But not everybody grew up with ironic families like me.)

7. Have fun end enjoy the magic when it happens

@BeCreative1967 you find value in connecting with others through these support chats. Meeting people from around the world and seeing different perspectives can be enriching. I am glad you've found rules that work well for you to feel supported while being a support for others. Focusing on affirmation, understanding, and positivity seems like a compassionate approach. 

@ASilentObserver I would say people need to learn that if they don't have the patience for someone else's problem or can't find a way of telling someone politely and respectfully when they disagree/the person messed up big time and using this disagreement or fact that what the person did wasn't ok as a starting point for a gentle exploration and discussion of what happened, why and how to proceed now that will increase the chance of positive impact and outcome, then take a short self-care break and let someone else handle it who is able to do it without getting agressive, accusatory and argumentative while still maintaining compassion and assertivity where needed or is able to redirect the conversation elsewhere when they conclude this conversation needs to happen elsewhere for one reason or another and redirect the person accordingly. Based on a mess of a room with member powered sharing circle yesterday.

@sadcat13 It sounds like that meeting brought up difficult emotions. Reflecting on how to have challenging conversations respectfully is so important. What was most meaningful for you about seeking more positive ways to address disagreements? 

That is a very important point to raise. I apologise to anyone for the times my communication hasn’t been the best - always trying to work on it . I wonder what word choice is upsetting , could it be when messages curt/brief or stuff like “why did you do… ?” I wholeheartedly do believe each listener should 100% communicate with a listener as they would with compassion to a member . You are welcome to discuss any triggering points with your mentor or chatroom supporter if it’s that too. Your experience is valid :) We are all learning 💛💛 Much piece to you sadcat13

@GoldenRuleJG thank you. It was a member powered sharing circle, we didn't have a host and the members were attacking someone for a screw up they made and wanted support for. They acknowledged what they did was wrong and we're hurting, and needed support and instead got attacked for it and accused of the story not even being real. It took me, a mod and a host who entered the room to host the next hour to pick the fight apart

@sadcat13 Im glad you were supportive and forgiving of the mishap cat <3 im sure that was appreciated - big thank you :) 

@GoldenRuleJG I just hope no argument like that happens again 🌻

@sadcat13 That sounds like a very difficult situation. It can be really hurtful to open up when seeking support and instead feel attacked. You showed strength and care by working to resolve the conflict. I appreciate you, cat. 

@GoldenRuleJG Thank you for sharing your experience and reflection. It sounds like communication and ensuring all feel heard with compassion is important to you. You are dedicated to learning and growth, which is admirable. Please know that you are not alone in seeking to understand different perspectives.