Group Support Prompt #3: What are your 3 expectations from the Group Support Chats?

@ASilentObserver

Expectation

Reality

@PatienceImpatiens nice pictures, Pat. A good way to visualize. If we can make the reality better, what would you suggest?

@ASilentObserver

Obs, I hope you weren't put off by humor.

In the expectation photo, you can see the cat, even the toe buds, so cute and transparent.

In the reality, cats like smooth, cool surfaces, so it's very likely this Beauty of a Calico Cat just likes the sensation of being in the toilet bowl. But we, looking through societal expectations, see that it's a toilet bowl! And, so we may inwardly "want" the cat to be out of the toilet bowl. But, for the cat, it might just be the comfortable place for right now. I was trying to capture that.

I love the Sharing Circle and the Group chats so I hope you know I do think they can go in the right direction many of the times, I would say when there is a composition of people who: 1. stay, 2. attend 3. support and also share when it's their turn and 4. a facilitator really helps.

@PatienceImpatiens Thank you for sharing your perspective. It sounds like you find insight in exploring different ways of looking at situations.  Reflecting on societal expectations versus an individual's own needs and comforts can be insightful. 

@PatienceImpatiens oh no! Poor kitty😮😮😂😂😂😂😂

@PatienceImpatiens

You are so amazing! 😊 ❤️  Spot on my sweet friend! 

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️ (still laughing by the way! 😊) 

@ASilentObserver

Expectation

Reality

@VioletVeritas very cool image Violet. Loved the first one! I hope we able to get group chats closer to that image. It is a long road though but our every step would count. What would you suggest to start with? 

@ASilentObserver

Dear Obs,

I wish I had explained the images better because then you might like the second image as well.

The first is kind of self-explanatory I guess.

In the second image, taken from a series which is about how young children can use dried flowers to make magnificent works of art, shows a young child carefully touching and looking over a dead flower. I think in fact that at times our Sharing Circles do work in this way, that someone Shares, and we are able to "look over" and support that person at the moment in time they are, and that the context of the child turning the dead flower into something, transforming it into something new, is the part this photo doesn't capture completely. However, I have felt it, when the Sharing Circle works its magic!

Love and Courage, Tas

@VioletVeritas thank you for sharing more, Tas. Always good to hear your thoughts and discuss them. The child examining the dried flower with care and focus captures a moment of transformation. Sharing circles can have a similar effect, where someone shares part of their experience and finds understanding and support. 

@ASilentObserver

Yes, Obs! The transformative effect! Those are beautiful words!

You asked what my 3 expectations are.

1: Everyone gets an equal chance to be heard.

2: People focus on the person who is sharing.

3: We are all changed through the experience of spending the time together, hopefully changed for the better, "transformed."

@VioletVeritas Those are absolutely beautiful expectations that aim to bring out the best in each person and strengthen understanding between all. Your priorities show deep care for human dignity and growth. 

@ASilentObserver three things I do when in chat rooms 1) try to say hello to everyone who enters. And extra welcome to newbies 2)avoid conflicts, and call a mod 3)try to lighten the mood, but also be supportive

I think I expect the same things. I really enjoy the group chats😁❤

@Tinywhisper11

Tiny, I enjoy the Group Chats with Tiny in them!

Love,

Patience

@PatienceImpatiens awww I love you too ❤and I agree tiny is always so nice to talk to😁

@Tinywhisper11 It sounds like you find joy in connecting with others and helping to foster a supportive community.  You mentioned being welcoming- how we can be extra welcoming to the newbies? any ideas, suggestions

@ASilentObserver like this, this is what I generally say. Hi ....... I'm lola ❤ welcome to cups ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤

then I ask how they are today. And ask questions or make comments to help them open up and feel more comfortable. 

it's always hard to find your voice in group settings sometimes so just try to include them, keep a little check on them if their being to quiet. Just gotta show a bit of kindness and effort

@Tinywhisper11 Thank you for sharing your perspective on supporting others. It's caring of you to think about including those who may feel quiet. How are you doing today?

Respectful environment, no claiming or rumours spread that someone may have a condition esp if they haven’t told the room and exp shame , this one is tricky but having a growth mindset not a fixed one (so acknowledge there are different ways to do things , different experiences although you may not agree but they can be valid still), I think people should be allowed to say what religious background they are from and even if they do want to add something from their holy book people can be allowed to say “hey I agree”, “hey I don’t agree respectfully” without offence just like someone with atheism tells people what they believe . Sorry for all the detail

@GoldenRuleJG Hii Golden, good to see you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on creating a respectful environment. Having open and caring discussions while avoiding assumptions or rumors is important. You clearly value respect between all people. How does focusing on understanding different perspectives make you feel?

As always your discussions offer so much for reflection and that’s great. Thank you so the engaging posts, Obs ❤️

For me it’s all about intent - really exploring do you have the right attitude towards others , your work

Are you doing what your preaching? That’s the question

@GoldenRuleJG

Golden Rule, I always enjoy when I see you in the rooms and I so appreciated your reply here. I have listed my religion on my profile and have found that when having chats 1:1 some people really enjoy when an insight can be brought from a particular verse or whatnot. I have not tried in the groups at all, but recently with people I have established a bond with, I will sometimes draw out a quote to comfort them, or that seems pertinent to the situation, or that might lend some clarity to the situation. I appreciated your comment on this matter, especially as it pertains to respect, since I know there are people who have been traumatized in the name of religion and it's something that may hurt some people very badly. Thank you for this observation.

Love and Courage, Tas

@VioletVeritas yeah violet - I’ve seen you in the rooms and you speak in a loving way of your faith . The scripture that you share with us is amazing to hear for me personally - I appreciate it ❤️

I expect everyone will participate in a topic discussion and stay on topic.

Some days things don't quite turn out that way if someone is having a bad day like this

I like your sense of humour, Soul!

Lol♥️😂

@soulsings Very nice picture! soul <3 Can relate to this feeling. It is understandable to expect discussions to stay on track, yet people have good and difficult days that can impact things. You must care deeply about making sure everyone has a chance to share.

@ASilentObserverI agree we want to support everyone but there are times where a person needs a listener or the sharing circle so they can fully be heard. If we allow people to become the focal point of the topic (not open chat,) then people who wanted and needed to talk about the topic and their situation may be deprived of support.

It is not black and white when this is happening so it is one of the more difficult aspects for me to define when someone needs support that the topic chat can give them and when their need is greater than the topic chat can give without depriving others of their opportunity. To me hosting is an art form not a cut and dry science. 

Well said!

@soulsings I hear you and completely agree that balancing support for individuals and topics of discussion can be challenging. You are dedicated to making space for all voices and I'm glad caring for others is our shared goal and vision. <3 

@ASilentObserver

Obs! 😊 ❤️  I really gotta' hand it to you! The gif that you chose is a perfect summation! *giggles* 🤭 One never knows how the group dynamics can change. These are rooms that everyone (oops...many have) has access to and so we have no idea who will enter, what they will say and how the "tone" of the room could shift. 

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️  

@SparkyGizmo Thank you for sharing your experience of the group dynamics changing. I agree it is important to feel understood in conversations. What kinds of feelings come up for you in situations where the tone may shift? 

@ASilentObserver

Thank you for asking! 😊 ❤️ I enjoy noticing the group dynamics and how it is that one or two or more can effect the tone of the room. It's fascinating to see the "shift" if there is one. 

The feelings I may have for wanting to be a part of any room can shift dependent upon the behavior of others and to what degree (how extreme) that behavior is. Many can bring with them a very positive influence and attitude. Many can bring a sense of teamwork, relationship building, community building and a communal effort. Some bring with them a sense of calm that washes over the room. 

It's nice to see these teammates enter the rooms. These are typically highly consistent people that one can look forward to seeing. Lovely moments filled with gratitude for their special talents and gifts. 

One can always have an "off" day or many off days. If you have worked with someone for quite a while, know that their heart is in the right place ❤️ you can offer them help and support and know that they are simply human as we all are and that everyone deserves their space and time. 

It's nice to be helpful and kind to others in all of the rooms. Some days one can feel quite neutral in being a part of a room. There may be no highs, no lows and in those times, the experience is also enjoyable. Still happy that one helped and contributed and got the opportunity to spend time with their teammates. ❤️

Unfortunately, one can find others in the rooms that are highly negative towards others, habitual offenders for breaking room rules, may enter the rooms consistently with a very clear agenda to be disruptive and in a variety of different ways.

Some may be the eternal "debaters" for discussing topics that aren't allowed. Some may enjoy bringing up polarizing topics consistently, in an effort to see, how in fact they may have the power to change the dynamics of the room and in a negative way.

For some of these types, I can only imagine that it's fun for them to see the divide once they "plant the seed" for divisiveness, to see a previously happy situation/well working room into an unhappy one as that brings them joy as they had influence and control over others. They get to instigate the conflict, then back away as they slowly see the room crash and burn and be like "who me"? For these types, I still greet them, hope for the best that it won't happen that day, but yet be highly aware of not contributing to their diatribe. 

"Selective hearing" can be quite beneficial, lol 😊 It's good to not take the "bait". I can still remain hopeful that things will work out for the best, keep engaging with others or leave the room as this is a very big place and plenty to keep us busy around here.  

Yup, again, group dynamics can be pretty fascinating. I heard it said once that "Everyone is a joy to see. Some when they are coming towards you and some when you see them walking away". Good to reach for the positivity as well as to try and see the humor as best one can in certain situations. 

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

@SparkyGizmo

Sparky! I really liked your response here! I just wanted you to know that!

@CalmRosebud

Hi Rosebud! 😊 ❤️ Many thanks my sweet friend! It really means the world to me that there were things that I said that somehow resonate with you! 

It especially means a great deal to me as my understanding is that you are a very strong leader here in our community and specifically do so very much for all of us in the rooms! I am grateful for all that you do for us here on the platform. Thank you for your service! ❤️

I'm hoping that through Obs question of me, that somehow the universe may have brought to you what is that you needed the most today. I'm guessing that through things that I said help you to feel validated, understood, knowing that you aren't alone in your feelings or of what it is that you see. 

Leadership moments can be so incredibly gratifying and rewarding in an effort to help others. We can also have challenges that represent opportunities to learn and grow and even become stronger and more aware in our leadership roles. You never have to do this alone! ❤️

*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️

@SparkyGizmo Thank you for sharing your thoughtful reflections on group dynamics. It sounds like you have noticed both the positive and challenging influences that different people can bring. Focusing on the strengths of consistently supportive teammates seems wise. For those struggling, compassion and understanding can help everyone feel heard. wonderful thinking, sparky

@ASilentObserver

Many thanks my friend! ❤️❤️❤️

1. Apologies where needed
2. The person who said something trigger should get an opportunity to express where they were coming from and what they meant
3. I’ve noticed work can be a sensitive topic as well as DID, BDSM, work/education, inappropriate behaviour shaming so I think avoid asking the individual to go into detail, using suggestive emojis of fruits and not asking about how much people earn , if they want to go to college/uni (this isn’t for all and doesn’t make someone less than if they don’t choose this), telling someone they need to assert themselves so that people know not to flirt with them and assuming it’s easy for someone to just accept your disgust.

@GoldenRuleJG Those are thoughtful expectations. It can be challenging to discuss sensitive topics while making everyone feel heard and respected. What matters most is creating a caring space where people feel safe opening up without fear of judgment. An open dialogue where all perspectives are welcomed can help achieve that. Thank you for sharing with us, Golden. very helpful

All your discussions are GOLD observer ð¤©ð¤©ð¤©ð¤©ð¤© They are so well-thought out!!