Weekly Prompt #33: What are some barriers to disclosing what you are going through?

@ivoryDog4942 It sounds like you have a lot of fear around opening up about your experiences. That makes sense, given what you've been through. Please know, you deserve to feel safe and supported as you work through these challenges. You have all of us here to support and listen to you. What would it take for you to feel safe enough to open up?

@ASilentObserver

I don’t seem to trust anyone either. I’m not sure what could help me open about things. But I do know that I’m getting a step closer every time I go on 7 Cups!

@ivoryDog4942 It takes a lot of courage to take small steps towards opening up about what you're experiencing. It makes sense that finding the right person to trust can feel challenging. Please know progress may be gradual, but it's important to keep moving forward. 

@ASilentObserver

Hey, great question. I think some barriers for me are wanting to talk about things but not wanting to be probed at. I think in general things have become so isolated and private that it's hard to be genuine but the truth of it is I think you just have to keep pushing and pushing yourself every day to go outside of your comfort zone. 

For me with my growth, I've had to learn what is worth sharing and what is best kept private. I've had to learn to enforce my boundaries and respect others, give space and gratitude for their presence in your life.

I hate to worry people when disclosing things I'm going through, things I'm discovering, different things I'm trying... But I have to learn that I *must* come first if I am going to make it through this journey of life. ☀

@memyselfandmoth It sounds like you're recognizing that there are challenges to opening up, but also seeing the importance of doing so. Finding the balance between being private and expressing yourself is a process of learning and growing. How can you continue to push past your comfort zone while setting appropriate boundaries?

@ASilentObserver

What a cute Mini pom 😊

So currently I'm so confused... 

I'm going to rant here cause the support room is full...

@TheSweetNight Hi night, thank you for opening up and sharing with us. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of confusion and uncertainty around your own identity. You've noticed patterns in yourself that you don't understand, and others have also noticed these things. That must be difficult to grapple with. How are you feeling as you think about possibly being neurodiverse?

@ASilentObserver

But I don't see the sharing circle... It used to be there often but now I don't see it

@TheSweetNight

When is the sharing circle held at the teen side?

@TheSweetNight Night, you can participate in other group chats and Sharing Circle happen at 1.30 am Sunday  

@ASilentObserver

What Timezone?

@ASilentObserver

And if you wanna know how I feel about this, idk I just wanna know more about myself

@ASilentObserver

Some barriers I experience are intellectual, physical and a low level of cocoa in my bloodstream.

I'm in one of the top percentiles of intelligence. This makes even a simple conversation a barrier. I become triggered or infuriated by the majority of others very quickly so need to take good care of myself to prevent feeling so isolated by this barrier. Since the pandemic broke me this has become basically impossible. Hard to want to take care of yourself and keep going when you've got no reason to and don't want to.

Another is physical. My body type is not just one of the rarest, it's combined with another type making it doubly weird. This has meant me being either judged, scrutinized, ridiculed or any combination thereof, even by my friends and family. And I've often also been fetishized.

I'm also not simply one culture or contain a single origin heritage. I don't belong to any one people. And since my parents divorced, I don't even belong to them, to a family anymore.

Growing up, my family didn't know how to talk about mental health issues. It was all 'suck it up' or 'eat chocolate instead' or some other toxic "coping" mechanism or vice. So now there's an inherited trauma and shame, stigma and guilt around my mental health issues that further prevent me seeking help.

There's also my personality and ego types. I'm a Scorpio Sagittarius cusp, or the Cusp of Revolution. Powerful, rebellious. Or in western terms, bipolar and lack emotion regulation. I'm also two different personalities due to being an ambivert - INTJ and ENTP I believe. 

All that plus a housing crisis, sociopathic boomers and an allergy to chocolate all conspire to set hurdle after hurdle for me to jump daily, which is fine. As long as I'm taking care of myself which I've done for a long time now.

@communicativePond1728 Thank you for sharing these insights into your experiences. You have faced many challenges and barriers throughout your life, from intellectual and physical differences to social and cultural pressures. The impact of generational trauma and stigma around mental health can be especially difficult to navigate. How have these factors influenced your ability to seek support and open up about your struggles?

What are some barriers to disclosing what you are going through?

Honestly? No barriers. I'm an open book for the most part. The only time I don't disclose things is if I'll receive A) pity,  B) unwanted advice, C) a lecture, D) an argument, or E) harassment. Then I won't disclose anything. I try to be as genuine as I can. The older I get, the less I really care what people think. However, I pick and choose my battles. Some things aren't worth explaining or fighting over. Sometimes, I don't have the energy to mention a trauma that happened a few years to a decade ago and repeat myself around new friends/acquaintances...

Although, I don't go around purposely telling my story. I'll only say something if somebody asks, or to relate to others situations... I don't care to relieve bad memories nor to relieve (current) bad situations. Sometimes, talking about it doesn't help. I just do what I need to do to solve it. Talking can sometimes make it worse and feel like I'm drowning in the issue. Just depends.

@ImpudentIncognito It sounds like you're thoughtful about when to disclose and take into consideration how it may impact you. You mentioned that you don't want pity, advice, lectures, arguments, or harassment. These are all valid feelings. How do you handle it when someone responds in one of these ways?

@ASilentObserver Hello! Thank you for your support.

❝You mentioned that you don't want pity, advice, lectures, arguments, or harassment. These are all valid feelings. How do you handle it when someone responds in one of these ways?❞

Unfortunately, I just dealt with this today, heh. I ended up having to talk to my mother (who, in the past, was physically & verbally abusive, along with committing SA towards me...) and she ended up pitying me and giving advice.

She knows a bit about my medical condition, and keeps acting like I'm going to be unalive (I won't, I don't think -- but she's overexaggerating my issue and makes it uncomfortable). She keeps saying she'll "pray for me" and requested for custody of my son with legal paperwork as soon as she heard about my medical issue (in my opinion, VERY insensitive thing to do...), if anything was ever going to happen to me, and I "joked" saying "What? You think I'm going to be unalive sometime soon? I don't plan to!" and it made her backtrack what she said.

She also wants me to move in with her (she lives 1,000+ kilometers away) and keeps advising me it'll be "easier" if I do. I told her that it wouldn't be, and reasoned with her for the reasons why (ex. My son's speech therapy, school, my government insurance, my doctor's appointments are ALL in this state and I don't want to start over and reestablish residency and deal with all of that).

So with pity, I may just joke around, with advice, I shut it down and explain how I have things handled.

If it's a lecture, argument, or harassment, I'll either fight back(with words, not fists lol, unless they get physical, then yes, self-defense + calling the cops, my ex-fiancé tried making me unalive and I had no choice), change the subject, walk away, or not even engage while cutting the person out of my life if it's a pattern or severe.

@ImpudentIncognito I am sorry to hear that, Impudent. It sounds like you have a difficult relationship with your mom. It must be hard to navigate your way through all of this. I am sorry you are going through this.

@ASilentObserver Hello,

I think some barriers to telling people what i really want to is that they would not believe me. And even if they did, then what? How are we supposed to validate or prove anything... it just doesn't make sense. I feel vulnerable at times when talking openly about certain topics because I feel that no one else has experienced what I have and it is discouraging to go through. I hope for better days and more communication skills...

Thanks for the topic,

E

@sincerePlane4053 It sounds like you're hesitant to disclose due to a lack of belief and understanding from others. You feel vulnerable discussing unique experiences. Better communication skills can help. Please know your experiences are valid, and you deserve understanding. We are all here with you to listen to and to support. 

@ASilentObserver I do understand this, but I feel uncomfortable because I feel like I know the truth, but that it is being washed over for the current time period. I cant just let this sweep under the rug. I am doing very well mentally, but I do not want to struggle with this again.

E

@sincerePlane4053 Feeling uncomfortable with what you know and trying to move forward can be difficult. But take your time Plane and you have all of us here with you

@ASilentObserver

What are some barriers to disclosing what you are going through?

Some of my barriers that I have when I am discloseing to someone is fear or experience of a negative response to disclosure and attitudes about masculinity and gender.  

@lovingRainbows2088 I understand that you are concerned about people finding out about your struggles and experiencing negative reactions. How would you feel if someone close to you found out about your struggles and had a negative reaction?

@ASilentObserver

I've recently learned that my way of handling challenging times has a lot to do with my past experiences and my ADHD. 

I withdraw when times are tough for many reasons. As I tend to overshare at times, I worry about making myself more vulnerable and sharing what's going on. I feel like I'm an imposition or a burden, and so I don't like to reach out to talk to someone about things. In the back of my mind I feel like I don't matter enough to worry others. It's my job to look after other people.

Yet I also know that my doing this doesn't help the situation. Husband and I are going through some very challenging times (not in our relationship at this point - work-wise and other aspects of life) and if I withdraw into myself, I know he'll worry more. 

So I'm learning and working on it.

@galfromaway I hear you Gal, it seems you have great awareness of how your ADHD may affect your behavior. That awareness can help you prepare for challenging situations. How do you plan to use this awareness to help yourself during these challenging times?

@ASilentObserver my overbearing family immediately wanting to solve it and handle it for me despite I do not want it. Also my vulnerability being used against me by people 

@sadcat13 That sounds like you're feeling frustrated about the lack of control over your life and decisions, Cat. I understand how it feels your family is not respecting your boundaries. How does it feel when they try to fix things without letting you figure it out yourself?

@ASilentObserver I'm ***. And stressed. Because then I have to deal with my feelings and their feelings over the problem instead just not tell them and only have to deal with my own

@ASilentObserver

Fear of judgment is the main reason. I have worked hard to present myself in a particular light. Unphased by things and able to handle anything that comes my way. By opening up about struggles I no longer fit that and am vulnerable. I have always known the issues I have and have been willing to ignore them for "the betterment and protection" of others. I know that if I ever actually open up I don't know what would happen other than being vulnerable. Fear of the unknown and uncontrolled. I deal with the devil I know not the devil of the unknown.

@anonyTortoise3336 hmm, sounds like you've worked hard to create this image of perfection. I can understand how letting go of that image and being vulnerable feels scary. But I also want you to know that you don't need to do it alone. You have all of us here to support you. You are not alone in this. 

Yes, I have learned to forgive those who hurt me

@Countrygirl095 That is great country. You have grown and learned from past experiences. Forgiveness can be challenging, but it can also bring healing. What steps did you take to learn to forgive?

@ASilentObserver Recently I've felt as If I'm on a hamster wheel with a friend whom I've known for like 5 or 6 years now because I'm here TRYING key word TRYING since I do fail at times , to be better than I was. but my friend at random times will come across very aggressive and re hash the past about something I did or said. I've expressed heartfelt apologies which he's accepted, I've gone over and beyond with explaining and it's as if he's forced to re hashing even after he's accepted these apologies and says to me that he believes me, I don't think you're lying, I understand you're feelings.

Not only is it really hurtful and puts me into a very sad depressed state each time. 

It's a situation that I don't want to be in but unable to turn it around so that it's not what it is. anymore

@chipandale33 Experiencing difficult feelings of hurt and frustration in your friendship can be painful and draining. It's clear that you've made efforts towards understanding and growth, yet it feels one-sided. How does this ongoing dynamic impact your willingness to open up and trust your friend?

@ASilentObserver  I'm not sure

Being overachiever due to my condition and disability, because society sees me a certain way because of it and it’s like if I don’t overachieve, then I’ll be a part of the stigma and that puts a lot of pressure on me and I do it to myself

@Countrygirl095 I can understand how you feel pressured by society's expectations. How does this pressure make you feel?

Being viewed differently than I have already worked to establish. It’s like a facade that will crumble and I will be vulnerable and weak.

@anonyTortoise3336 I hear you. You'd be putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. If people find out about it, they may view you differently.