Weekly Prompt #33: What are some barriers to disclosing what you are going through?

@ASilentObserver haha! Look at the little dog😂😂😂😂😂😂

I have issues looking at people in the eyes, because🤔🤔 it's embarrassing and I don't want to see people's reactions when they see me. Also when it comes to my psychologist trying to get me to talk about certain topics, it's kinda embarrassing too. But otherwise I think I'm pretty open about everything, I'm not shy to say things. I actually have a bad habit of saying before thinking😁❤❤ 

obs is it freezing weather where you are??? In uk it's gone so cold the past few days. I'm hoping for snow soon😁😁 do you get snow where you live??

@Tinywhisper11 Thank you tiny. It is getting warmer here lately.  

Also it sounds like you find it difficult to look people in the eye because you feel embarrassed. How do you feel when people react to you?

@ASilentObserver imagine walking down the street you see a lady whos slightly on the plump side, you smile say good morning, don't look at her any different from a normal person, next you pass a man tall thin, but nose. And you say hi, and don't look at him any differently. Then you come across a lady who is covered in scars, missing legs and fingers. You would not look at me normally, you'd say hi probably out of politeness but, you'd give her a different look

@Tinywhisper11 I understand what you mean. It can be difficult to see someone who looks different, and our initial reaction might be one of surprise or unease. However, it's important to know that people with visible differences are still human beings deserving of respect and dignity. They are more than just their physical appearance. 

@Tinywhisper11

I would ask, “Are you Tiny? May I give you a hug for reals?"

@CalmRosebud yesssssss hugs you tightly ❤ I love you

I love you too and you are beautiful, shining from inside of you is a beautiful glow. Anyone can see that.

@Tinywhisper11 I have a similar problem. I can talk to people but I can't look into their eyes. 

@BesYar hugs you tightly ❤❤ dw we will get better with this ❤❤ 

Yes, I am afraid to discuss certain things.

As I get older I feel more confident.

I liked the graphic as well, it’s very cute.

@CalmRosebud haha! Yeah look at the lil doggy😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 and hugs you tightly ❤❤❤ I love you ❤

@Tinywhisper11

I love you too. Hugs you tightly back. The lil doggie is so cute how it got right through the gate. But I don’t have fluffy fur!!!!!!! lolz. Obs picks the funniest and cutest graphics.

@CalmRosebud so your not a furry then!?!😂😂😂😂😂😂

@Tinywhisper11

Bahahaha, I am furry when I am Lionness!

@CalmRosebud Thank you Calm. I liked the gif too.  It sounds like you are hesitant to disclose because you fear others may judge you. How do you feel when people judge you?

@ASilentObserver

No, most people just very simply don’t care. They care about themselves.

@CalmRosebud

Lola is exception. So are other people on 7 cups and so many nice people on Sharing Circles.

@CalmRosebud or maybe I have to open myself to the possibility that most people are just trying as hard as they can. They are juggling many things, as am I, and are trying to stay cheerful and positive, and it’s not always possible given the circumstances, some events are worthy of tears and we should all be crying collectively and then picking up our pieces and carrying on. 

I wonder why you decided my “why” now that’s a topic worth exploring. Maybe you’re stressed trying to respond to all these people. After all, you’re human.

I would say fingering out how to negotiate through my hip joint pain

@Countrygirl095 I am sorry to hear about your hip joint pains. How has it been affecting you?

@ASilentObserver some days are easier than others, but it's always been an ongoing issue because of the way my hips were formed due to my condition

Afraid of being judged, showing "weakness". 

Maybe they don't understand or you hit a "wall".

And maybe also a little fear for yourself, because discussing it with people makes it more real and then you also have to admit your struggles to yourself.

@Michelh1996 It sounds like you are hesitant to disclose your struggles because you are worried about being judged and wanting to avoid that feeling. I appreciate you sharing these feelings with me. How do you think others might respond if you were open about how you are doing?

@ASilentObserver I don't think they will laugh or anything, but they might think things that leave me feeling judged. Maybe it is also a sense of control or perfectionism as well. I think it will also get some pressure of my shoulders, but they will feel surprised as well. Since in my family and direct environment, talking about feelings or in-dept stuff is not done much, so I think they will be surprised where things might come from, not noticed them at all. It would be totally new for some.

@ASilentObserver

Hi, ASO,

Thank you for asking this question.  I've got a lot of reasons for not disclosing what is going on.

1. I'm afraid of who I might be talking to.  I was on a hit list.  No joke.

2. It is too much trauma and pain to recall.  

3. my memories surrounding my trauma are scattered and sketchy.  I don't remember what happened clearly. 

4. sometimes when a person, starts a thread, such as this one, and asks a follow up question, I answer the follow up question, only to have the OP not answer.  

5. i have so many bad things happen to me that I don't want to tire a person out telling them what has happened lately.  You would not believe how many bad things happen.  I have told an old therapist that I am the Queen of Misfortune.

6.  The constant terrible things that I have happen to me cause me to shut down.  Sometimes I am numb.  Other times I am in such despair that I don't want to speak.

@purpleTree4652

7. I forgot that I have chronic pain that doctors cannot diagnose.  At times in my life, I have missed so much time at work/school that I was given special exceptions to continue in the job and/or school.

@purpleTree4652 Thank you for sharing these barriers with me. You've been through a lot, and it makes sense that you may feel hesitant to disclose. Please know, you are in control of what you share and when. I can see how each one is understandably contributing to you feeling hesitant about opening up about your experiences. I appreciate your honesty and willingness to explore these challenges with me. 

Fear of judgement. Insecurities. Feeling  like it's complicated to explain. Vulnerability because things get used against me. I often feel irrelevant 

@mytwistedsoul It sounds like you have had difficult experiences with opening up in the past. Those are understandable feelings to have. How do those feelings show up for you in this situation with your friend?

@ASilentObserver I think I'm confused lol - my friend? 

Because I am a very private man, & have been for a few years now. I don't trust too many people with that kind of info. Personal info is personal, you see... I was once dx'ed with "avoidant personality disorder" but really, it's just my basic attitude after the calamities I went through & the lessons I learned from them. This is not a completely safe world for such disclosures, nor has it ever been. I do not believe that will change.

@slowdecline48 It makes sense that you would feel hesitant to disclose after experiencing calamities. Would you like to discuss more about what kinds of calamities you experienced, if comfortable and okay to?

No, Silent, but I appreciate the thought. Nice of you to say so.

This much I will say: one reason why I won't disclose more recent misfortunes is because I do not wish to look like a fool. It was foolish...if I had just followed my gut instinct at a certain point in time, I would've saved myself a lot of trouble after that.

@slowdecline48 I get that feeling, Slow. I understand you're hesitant to disclose more recent events because you're afraid of looking foolish. Part of our role here is to work through those emotions together. Take your time and share what you can. there is no rush. <3 We are all with you

@slowdecline48

that is totally understandable. it's difficult to regain trust after going through misconduct. Opening up is not easy and feels unsafe on many occasions in our lives. 

@ASilentObserver

Thank you for this post as I struggle to be open about many things

So here’s what I think my barriers are:

- Afraid people won’t understand or will think I’m crazy

- Afraid I’ll be too much of a burden on someone

- I don’t know when or how to talk about things till they REALLY bother me

- I can’t open up about my trauma or my anxiety without getting anxious

- I’ll be recommenced to therapy when I’ve never gone through therapy successfully because I can’t open up about things

- I can’t talk to therapists about problems because I forget all my problems when I want to share them with someone (I think it’s an instinct or something)

@ivoryDog4942

I feel you on the strange mind wipe that seems to happen when meeting with therapists, or docs/professionals in general. Idk what that's about but just wanted to say that you're not alone in it! 

@memyselfandmoth

Thank you, I really needed that! I get frustrated easily, I’m not that patient with myself or people listening to me..

@ivoryDog4942

I don't know if this is somewhat like what you experience, but for me, it can be hard to talk and relate with people/communicate when my anxious thoughts are going a mile a minute, yet i'm trying to keep it somewhat together/composed.