Loneliness on 7Cups

@PicturePerfect003 I couldn't find you either. But I set my profile on public now. Can you try again?

@diplomaticBunny2322 Think I found you! I definitely recommend checking it the forums, many the same as here but like I said a little easier to navigate (and not nearly as many bugs)

I am feeling this way too. I tried to join in a few live chats today but they go so quick and are either focused on one person or get really confusing to keep up with and to reply to so I gave up. I managed to pluck up the courage to message a listener after spending ages browsing through the list but didn't get a reply so apprehensive to try again.

@Redphoenix13 I suppose you too, I'm sorry to hear it. Once again, it would be nice us regular people could act as listeners by talking amongst ourselves.

@Redphoenix13

I agree, group chats may be pretty chaotic. I have tried sometimes but left them very quickly...I couldn't understand who was wrtiting to who...I think that when you feel distressed, anxious and such, a one to one conversation is much better.

If you wish to talk to a listener I suggest you to just connect with the first available if you have an acute need to talk. That's what I do to. By doing so, I found a couple of great people. Before I used to browse listeners to try to find something in common, but not receiving any reply was more frustrating than not even trying. You know, listeners reply when they can.

I hope this was helpful for you.

I also think that following each other is a very good way to build up "relationships". I'll go and follow you!

Read my profile, my dear, and if you think we have things in common and would be a nice match, I would be honored to call you friend. I am so isolated, I hardly leave my room. I have OCD so I shower a lot, but then I just put a gown on, I hardly even get dressed anymore. I have no friends or family apart from my 87 year old Dad with whom I live. @MeMyselfAndHer

@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES

Hello!

Nice to meet you, I am happy you wrote me.

Isolation is something we have in common for sure...maybe it has two different reasons, but the result is similar. I am also very lonely after a good number of memorably bad experiences with people.

I am still undiagnosed, as I explained in the beginning of this thread I live in a place where receiving treatment is impossible. I don't trust self diagnosis, and not even recommend it, but if I shall describe myself I seem to have a borderline personality disorder, but also compulsive behaviors related to cleaning, tidying up, simmetry and even colors...I feel good ony when everything is perfect. I need to be "in control"...that is one of the reasons of my self imposed isolation. When I'm alone, I'm safe.

I have only had sessions with a psychologist on Skype, and her idea was that the bad experiences I had to go through were responsible of my breakdown. So...it is still not clear if mine is a psychiatric condition or just the result of a complicated life. Well, whatever it is, it's hard enough to live with. I'm trying to fight, I really do my best. Some days are black, some are ok, some others are even good...and in those days I really feel I can be helpful for people seeking support. I'd be very happy if we could talk!

@MeMyselfAndHer

Howdy !

I have BPD, OCD, depression, insomnia and binge eating disorder, most of them have been for 34-45 years. Based on what you've written it does sound like you have some form of OCD. Do you constantly check the locks on the doors ? Have intrusive unwanted thoughts, shower and wash your often obsessively or at least more than others ? Those are the main hallmarks of OCD, oh and skin picking and paint peeling as well as having everything lined up, which is what I do as well as you.

I haven't read anything so far that makes me think you have BPD, but do some google research on it, I know it gets jumbled up a lot with bi-polar, but they really are not the same. There are meds for bi-polar folks, borderline people have to do DBT skills training as it really is malaptive personality traits like black or white thinking, unstable relationships, outburst, loving someone on Monday then hating them the next day for a comment we can't cope with, etc. Stacks of stuff on it including whole websites. If you are a reader you may wish to try ' Sometimes I act crazy ' or ' I hate you, don't leave me '. Both are top notch.

@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES

Well...I have described just a little part of the whole picture, that is actually pretty big

I have so many symptoms that I don't even know where to start from. I go from panic attacks, to emetophobia, from depression to suicidal thoughts, from uncontrollable rage outbursts to changing my mood from excited to distressed because of the smallest things, and then back to happy-version of myself unpredictably. These days I am working on identifying what triggers my mood changes, and I already have a pretty detailed list: all things that remind me of the bad events happened to me in the past may push me over the edge (an event, a sentence, a person...to mention one, the word "varsel", that in Norwegian means "notice" petrifies me. It brings me back in time when I had very serious problems at work).

About the compulsive behaviors...I kinda feel distressed and anxious if things are not the way I want them...I can't relax as long as I haven't fixed them. And there comes the isolation...people may "mess up my stuff"...use the toilet without closing it, leave drops in the sink or the hand towel wrinkled... The car is also challenging, I try to never let anyone in, but if it happens, during the whole drive I listen to their moves to hear is they are moving of touching something, and when they leave the car I instantly check if they left foot, or even fingerprints.

And again, I tried to summarize, but I could write a book about how I feel and what I do...

Yeah, I am a weirdo

Ps: are the books you suggested me available as e-reader books? Thank you

@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES

Thinking about bi-polar versus BPD, the main reason why I think I am more on the BPD is that, if I am not mistaken, bi-polar people just change from white to black and back without any clear reason. For me it works differently: my ups and downs always come after a triggering event related to certain specific topics.

Also, I am actually never "too happy" or "too active" as I think is typical of bi-polar disorder. When I am fine I am just calm, I wouldn't even dare saying "positive". I have always been a very dark person, so for me feeling fine means anyway feeling kinda depressed, but in an enjoyable way.

@MeMyselfAndHer

https://www.bustle.com/articles/150956-whats-the-difference-between-bipolar-borderline-personality-disorder

@MeMyselfAndHer

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder-bipolar-disorder

@MeMyselfAndHer

https://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-Act-Crazy-Borderline-Personality/dp/0471792144

@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES

Thanks!! 😊👌🏻

@MeMyselfAndHer

I totally get what you're saying.

The thing about 7Cups is that, although it is a website to help other people, it is still just a website, and therefore, making meaningful friendships can still be just as challenging as making them in real life. I wouldn't bet on trying to make friends with listeners, though. They're the ones that always have to keep you at a certain professional distance. That's not to say they won't be friends with you eventually, but those first few chats I know from experience are going to be very formal.

I make the most connections with people through my feed. ^^ Sometimes I make a post and others reply, and sometimes I make a post and nobody looks at it. But in the end I learn not to take it to heart so much because I KNOW that this site is subjected to groups and cliques no matter how inclusive its portrayed. I'm not necessarily saying that 7Cups is clique-filled in general, but it's just what I expect. On the other hand, it might just seem like there are cliques because there are just so many people on this website in general all talking to one another. So I mainly use this site as a way to vent, as a way to let go of hard emotions, rather than using it to make friends. Because making friends is also hard and intimidating for me to do. However, even when I DO vent, I understand how it can be very lonely when nobody responds, or they just give you a 'heart' or a forum up-vote.

Another reason why it might seem hard to make friends on here is because messaging people individually is extremely limited right now. Members can't even private message other members yet, which I find very frustrating. We can only talk to each other through the feed and through forum posts, both of which are very public and thus that can be intimidating to some people (me for instance).

Anyway, I hope that you will be able to be more comfortable here eventually. :) 7Cups is a pretty great place to be.

@mimameid

Hello Mimameid

Yes, I think this website is not really meant to make friends..but it is good for many other things! For example, I find very useful to write about something everyday...It hab bacome a habit to check this app when I get up in the morning, and see whart hints I get. It helps me sorting my confusion...you know, like when you write about what you have done for yourself today, or what you would change if you could...I like this a lot.

I have found a couple of very good people among the listeners now, and this makes me happy. My story is pretty long and complicated, so it is hard to start a new conversation every time I need to speak...and stert telling the story from the beginning. It is good to have someone who knows me a little bit

@MeMyselfAndHer

Hi, after reading your message and thoughts about 7 Cups I just wanted to say, feel free to message me anytime. Even if you don't have a problem and just want to talk.. you're more than welcome to! :) I have many people who message me on a daily basis and it's just like we're friends! I wish you the best <3

@MeMyselfAndHer

Hey there, love. I'm sorry you feel lonely in a crowd full of listeners. Please pm me and we'll talk endlessly about anything you want to and I promise I'll listen.

I do not have many friends either. To be honest a lot of friends deserted me. I have depression and some of my friends kept pestering me to go out. There are times when I have not felt like going out.

@carefulLychee723

I have had the same problem too...I had some friends when I was still in my home country, and so often felt like hiding....and now, after I moved, I am basically alone, and I would give anything to just have someone to talk to...

I am sorry that you feel this way.

I can definitely relate to this problem. It's hard to make connections with people, and I've found myself getting frustrated with how hard it is to find a listener.

@creativeCamp2095

yes...every person has a long and complicated story that results in what we are now. It's impossible to tell the whole story from the beginning every time to a different listener, that's why I think establishing a connection and have an ongoing dialogue with the same person would be so much better...

I am sorry that you feel this way.

So sad! Ive risk my life for people. Took in the homeless.Got fir err d from many jons standing up for myself and others. The more I try. I get burned. I just finish cooking cause im live by myself. Just to down to want to eat.I drink a little. I dont see how two beers made me sick today. I love all women. My ex wife has to be the most black widow that could. I cant fathom while no one can actually love me. Im one of the last manly man gentleman in the World. Im trying my best to hold on. I feel like im losing it. I wish I could leave this planet for a year. I getting to depress. I found myself snapping on someone. Im starting to lose control of being social. Im a people person. Why cant I stop crying!!! Someone please pray for me. This is eating me outwards.

I just want run or fly away. To the deepest cave or far away planet

@adaptableHouse4111

How are you doing now? I'm so sorry I saw your messages only now, so many days after you wrote them. I apologize.

I think I can understand what you speak about...I am pretty familiar with the overwhelming feeling of "just wanting to disappear"...you're definitely not alone.

Would you like to talk? I'll be happy to listen

Ib

Understand.

@MeMyselfAndHer

Hey, there!

I know it sucks to feel like this when you can talk to hundreds of people but still you feel like something's missing. I completely understand that. We listeners are trained to listen to people and help them in our own ways! In my case, I try making guests/members understand that we all have something in common and even after this conversation ends they can still connect to me.In short, they can take me as their friend! I am so sorry that you're going through this but I am always here if you ever want to talk! Just drop me a pm!

@Bushraaa

So good to hear this! I will do it for sure

Thank you so much!

@MeMyselfAndHer I am sorry that you feel this way. As a listener, the listeners here are generally trained to be empathetic and understanding; not to be overtly friendly. But if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm always here :)

@carefreeWords70

I just found this thread. It's probably a waste of time writing this since I doubt anyone will see it or reply, but what you and others wrote resonated strongly with me.

I don't live on an island, I'm in a city, but I might as well be. I'm very lonely. I have one person here I call a friend and she's even more fucked up than I am, with an assortment of major life problems. I provide support for her, but there's no one for me- except my cats. I've always been the one to provide support for family and friends, but it was seldom reciprocated. Now, I have no family I'm close to. In the past, I had a few friends here- one at a time almost, but they moved, and the closest one died of a brain tumour some years ago.

I do have a couple of friends who live in other locations, and the periodic phone calls and email contact is nice, but it's superficial. As is the online contact I have with people in a forum. Though there, I often feel ignored and that what I share is dismissed as being unimportant and often gets no responses.

I have tried and keep trying unsuccessfully to connect with people in the real world- but if I do manage to make a casual acquaintance it doesn't go to the next level. I usually feel invisible. I'm on the shy side, reserved, and I have MAJOR trust issues due to some highly traumatic past experiences. I suck at small talk, and my interests are not what most people care about. I'm passionate about art and history, read mostly non fiction, love documentaries and don't own a television. I prefer classic rock, classical and light jazz. I'm not out doorsy and I don't drink. I'm also limited income and while I've looked into meetup to try and meet people- very often I can't afford the locations chosen for food /drinks.

I know I'm a good person-I have a good sense of humour, I'm caring, reliable, responsible, and no one wants to know me. I feel like a freak and a loser- like there's an invisible barrier separating me from others and I don't know how to break through it. I've thought about therapy- but my current crap insurance doesn't have mental health providers.

Like the other posters- I really want friends, people I can talk with, share what's going on with me and my life and feel like they have some interest. As I would reciprocate. But I don't know how that will happen. Even posting this feels like an exercise in futility.

@ForcefulCranberry

I will not ignore you. I know how it feels.

I have tried to establish some friendships here, but it's hard. This website is just not meant for this, I believe.

So...I don't know if this is against the rules, if it is, I apologize, but at this point I this it is necessary to act differently.

This is my personal mail: cinicalchic@libero.it

I would love to hear from you

@MeMyselfAndHer

Thank you- i've sent you a message.

Like a number of people here- I feel like I don't fit in where I live. But it's a large city- and I keep telling myself there have to be people on my wavelength. So I keep trying to find them- meetups, other events, CL. In the past I've taken special interest classes. Once in a rare while I've managed to find someone who became a friend, but mostly I'm not successful. It's frustrating and depressing.

@MeMyselfAndHer I think we might be almost the same person. My island is slightly more populated than yours but still very small, 1 food store, no fulltime doctors etc. I think you're a whole year younger than me. This is the most beautiful place I've ever lived but it sure can be really lonely.

@MeMyselfAndHer

I can relate to how you feel. I dont live on an island, but I live in a small town. Ive never felt like ive fit in anywhere. Ive lived here for over 10 years and I dont have one true friend. Every person I have met has just hurt me or just judges me for one reason or the other. Im better off alone than to be friends with people who arent going to accept me for who I am, or people who are going to lie to me or betray me. Ive never had friends who have supported me or have helped me when ive needed it but they all expect me to be there for them. So I just avoid them as much as possible. I havent been a kind of person who wants to go out and be social all the time anways, I rather be at home with my cats than to be with people anyways. I do have a supportive husband who Im very thankful for, and i know how lucky I am to have that.

@MeMyselfAndHer I feel the same. I get what I call watching TV listener.

With responds like "wow" "I'm sorry" "its ok." I don't feel like they are really engaging the conversation.

Send me a message maybe we can talk and exchange stories.

Lord knows im struggling to beat depression. Im sparring and finding myself once again. I staying busy as possible. To all who fighting the pains. Bend your mind to not be bent. Is a real journey. I swear if you walk the path to self freedom. Then look back to not go backward. You ll be amazing how far u came. Thats the true victory road. God bless

@adaptableHouse4111

Thank you for your post! It was very inspiring!