Personify Your Depression: If my depression were a person... [fill in the blank]

I feel like my depression wouldn't be a person, perhaps a faceless black figure, a being of darkness able to mold and shape itself into whatever it wishes. A demon only here to torment and have its fun, as if I broke a deal with the devil and this is merely a punishment. It never leaves my side. It sits in the corner at night waiting for me to look at it. It feeds on this. It shambles and falls on its way to my bed using its limbs to gather itself, and I can't take my eyes off of it. It's shapeless and melting, something monstrous. It speeds up the longer I look at it. My eyes widen and I grab my phone in a weak attempt to busy my gaze with something else. But I can still feel it. I can't focus, so I put my phone aside. It's already too close to look away, almost at the foot of my bed. The closer it gets, the more shapely it becomes. It's no longer melting and it instead becomes a person with comforting eyes, still shambling as it sits next to me on my bed. The figure tries to make me think they're gonna comfort me, setting their hand on my scalp, petting it gently. But I already know what's next as my hair is gripped and my head is thrown back against the wall. They wrap their arms around me, one around my throat, hand tangled in my hair and the other holding me still, their hollow feeling skin engulfing me. Their skin is suffocatingly warm and they try to throw my head against the wall again. And again. And again.

But then of course, it's also there in the morning, a crow sitting on my shoulder, a snake slithered around my ankle. On bad days, they're still a person in the morning and they follow me around throughout the day in that form. They sit next to me on the bus, they take my food and throw it in the trash, they sit next to me in class and pick at my scabs. They distract me in social situations, sitting behind me and whispering things in my ear, distracting me, making me unable to focus as I stare out emptily. They smell like pills and vomit and smoke. "What's wrong?" One of my aquaintances asks. They slap me; I wasn't playing my role. They haven't teached me theatre for nothing. Huh? Oh. Just tired.

So, so tired. Right? Always tired. Always miserable. We smell like vomit. In my mind, at least. I can always smell vomit and pills. It makes me sick and them happy. They like vomit. Vomit and bullets and blood. Sometimes I can't see it or feel it, but it's still there, laying in wait until I can focus on us enough to give it attention. We often sit in bed and philosophize. (TW: mentions of suicide) They hold me and we talk about life and death and nothing in between. They tell me how worthless everything is in a gentle voice. They tell me nothing truly matters and I will never manage to achieve anything significant. Don't I recall nothing good ever happens? They show me pills and how to tie a noose they tell me they know how to approximate how tall a building would have to be. They tell me I should waltz with death and they could hook me up. They act caring and they do online research about overdosing for me. They give me song recommendations and introduce me to their friends sometimes.They like holding their hand on my head and guiding it towards walls.

@vaskebjorn Wow. This description was incredible and absolutely beautiful. You have a great way with words.

Theres no words to explain it. @-@

If my depression were a person, itd be a bad weather friend(like a fair weather friend but worse). I think about it occasionally but it seems more distant and manageable until I have a bad day or am feeling down and then it shows up to torment me.

My Depression if it were a person/being? I can only describe it as what i feel... it is a shadow. It is always around, if it is not weighing me down by latching on to me, then it is always in the corner of my vision. Be it at work or home. It gets worse when i try to sleep, the shadow moves around the room on the walls, even if it is pitch black i can still see it move. It keeps me from sleeping and it puts me in an all around emotionless state. I feel so empty, i feel as if i am not good enough, as if no matter what i do it ammounts to nothing. All that makes the shadow seem that much more inescepable...... it is my shadow after all.....

My depression I cant imagine as a person, my depression I cant describe or compare to any person Ive ever cane across. My depression is a wave, or should I say a tsunami but with no warning. One day Im fine Im happy its like being on a beach having a good time singing songs with my friends, they go up to the hotel. Im sitting alone Im happy, but then it comes all at once all so quickly crashing down suffocating me I cant breathe I struggle and Im struggling, but it hasnt killed me. I dont understand how, this pain makes me wish it had. No it just chokes me takes away every breath I have left to breath. But then I see my friends come back down, they look at me and they smile and wave and sit down beside me. There was no wave no tsunami, they still seem happy. But I still cant breathe and they dont see it, I try to tell them but how do u explain to someone that while they are enjoying the fresh air ur struggling, suffocating. Im alive but Im not living. The feeling comes and goes it takes time until I learn to breathe again, but then as quickly as before it comes crashing in again. An unwanted visitor into my life. If my depression was a person its the person who pops in then stays for hours until u want to bang ur head of a table and scream and then to go the frick home, but u cant. Except Ive never felt this bad from a person, constantly getting overwhelmed nothing makes me feel everything. But ththeres nothing about that I ever want to feel.

Have you seen the movie Silent Hill? The one where she loses her daughter in that weird town in its own little world and shes alone but then all the scary shit happens to her all at once? Thats what my depression is. Its not a person, that would be to easy. My depression is its own little world where Im alone but bombarded with all my emotions, doubts, negativity, and failure all at once. I will never escape this little world I will just simply learn to live in it.

@fearlessStardust500 - I am familiar and I love this description. Thank you for sharing ❤

My depression is like a cold, manipulative scorpion. Hiding under a damp rock in a swamp of despair that I find myself sinking in.

The scorpion sneaks inside, during a moment of my trust and weakness. Should I trust you?

The scorpion slowly crawls up my spine, into my heart, into my mind, into my soul in its deepest recesses. Should I open up to you?

If I let you in, can I trust you not to sting? I know your poison will burn and corrode like acid, coursing everywhere within me spreading outward from within. I know your poison will disfigure me and everything I see and experience.

No, I will not let you in.

@AbbyHarris1976

Beautiful

@weirdman

Thank you! That was kind of a poem of sorts. On my feed, I write my own stuff in addition to reposting others'. A lot of my "poetry" combines either how I am feeling or past experiences in my life (usually dealing with going through and recovering from anxiety and depression, the hurt of failed past friendships / relationships, and true friendship versus short-term pleasure relationships) with some aspect of living in Chicago because that's where I'm from and I'm turning into a city slicker at heart.

@AbbyHarris1976

Noice

My depression is like a brand of punishment on my chest letting everyone know of my flaws and sins

@weirdman whatever makes others feel better! that's our job.

@weirdman (being sarcastic haha. People are crazy)

*references to my self harm so please read with care*

Depression. Depression is a dark, bony, shadowy figure. It appears out of no where, sudden and unexpected. It appears easily but is never easy to get rid of.

It looms over me in class, at home, when Im out and when Im trying to sleep. It keeps me awake. Ive become so close to it that it has been a part of me for a little over 5 years and had been growing steadily up until a couple months ago. Depression brutally murdered one of my best friends without a second thought. It took him away, never to return. Since then, its engulfed me completely, it has changed even my appearance.

Depression has dulled the blue of my eyes to a dead grey, its caused the numbers on the scales to fluctuate, ruined my once cheerful smile and has been the reason behind the deep, pale scars on my limbs.

It has ruined my life. My laugh. My friendships with the people I never thought Id lose.

Its slowly drowning me in a river of worries and anxiety and endless fraustrations.

But I dont know why it chose me, nor do I know whats really going on inside this head of mine and why Im like this.

But I hope that one day Ill find a way to get depression away and out of my life so that maybe I can start to regain my confidence, my smile, my laugh and my colour back

If my depression was a person..

(Bad grammar)

It'd probably be some time of black figure, or something of the sort, just following me around. Just waiting until the right moments. When I'm laughing, having fun, talking to a friend, it'll decide that's the time to make me feel like no one cares about me. It'll tell people they're worthless, they're stupid, no one likes them, they aren't smart.. even when they are.

Difficult for me to personify. When Im in a depressive episode I call it the black hole.

@TVH My depression for me most of the time is this hole I can't seem to get out of. I can see the top and I can almost reach the top my fingers. I can feel the top of the dirt at the edge but there's nothing to use to pull my self out. Some times though that hole is filled with concrete and it has me stuck in this almost dry state where I can barely move. Sometimes just my feet maybe up to my waist there are some days though that feel like I'm going to drown but I cant because its got me stuck with my head barely poking out far enough to breathe shallowly. There are days where I dont know what the hole even is. There are some that it's right there waiting for me to fall. There are days where the hole is only a figment of my imagination that I can see there is no hole but I do not want to leave my hole because I'll just be right back in it like it was never gone.......

She'd be like a dark figure in a dream, always in the corner of your eye, but if you turn to get a better look, she moves in closer and blocks your view. Whenever you're happy, or think you are, she's laughing in your ear at how stupid you are. When you're down, she's a sweet old friend with a stinging voice who rubs your shoulders and tells you that you should be used to this, it will always be this way, and she can help you out. She has the way out, and only wants the best for you. She looks like you, dressed in clothes you used to love but no longer own, but her smile is sinister and she's shrouded in darkness so thick you can hardly make out her features. If you didn't know your own face so well, you'd think she was a monster. Maybe you think you're the monster.

I guess that's how I see it.

I think if my depression was a person it would just be me. Largely because most of my depressive episodes happen because of the way I feel about myself, whether that be in ability or appearance. Although, it would probably be a much uglier me, to represent the way I feel about myself while in its control

@I3fyr

That's exactly what I was thinking about my depression!

Here's how I feel with depression ...

There is a beast raging within

This beast is not evil, or angry without reason, or malevolent, but is still a beast

This is a beast who is hurt and cannot trust

I pace around like a lion in a twisted cage with spiked bars waiting for your reply, waiting for someone to see my pain and situation. Where are you??

There is a thorn in my paw, but on closer look, it is not a thorn ... it is a poisonous scorpion's barb, lodged hard and deep in my paw, in my heart, in my soul. Deep inside me spreading its poison throughout me and all I feel is pain and unrest.

I roar at the pain and the hurt ... can you hear me? Do you feel any empathy for this raging beast within?

I only seek compassion, kindness, and gentleness. Will you kindly and gently remove this poisonous stinger within me? Will you remove the thorn from my paw?

If my depression were a person, I would tell it to leave. Hopefully.

The thing is, I'm not even quite sure what it actually could be. Imagining it as a person, I don't really consider it a person on it's own. More so, it feels like it's part of me or an attachment, a growth on my back. Weighs me down and convinces me that a lot of things don't matter.

You know how it's hard to see your own back? Like going in circles trying to catch a glimpse, maybe I could confirm there's a way to peel them off. I just don't know. It's just difficult to rid of something that's hiding from behind at all times.

If depression were a person I would beg to just let me be. Stop interfering with my life, my goals, my relationships, etc. For the love of God leave me alone.

My depression would look like a normal person at a far away glance but when you inspect them closer you see black scales around the left eye and a wicked smiled that torments your mind.

My depression for me most of the time is this hole I can't seem to get out of. I can see the top and I can almost reach the top my fingers. I can feel the top of the dirt at the edge but there's nothing to use to pull my self out. Some times though that hole is filled with concrete and it has me stuck in this almost dry state where I can barely move. Sometimes just my feet maybe up to my waist there are some days though that feel like I'm going to drown but I cant because its got me stuck with my head barely poking out far enough to breathe shallowly. There are days where I dont know what the hole even is. There are some that it's right there waiting for me to fall. There are days where the hole is only a figment of my imagination that I can see there is no hole but I do not want to leave my hole because I'll just be right back in it like it was never gone.......

It had give depression a character role. . . it's like deaths cousin with skin. (Note death or repear is usually a skeleton with a black cloak. Depression wears all black, greasy hair, no make up, dark rings around the eyes. . . he would look hot if he would like himself enough to do the work, but life sucks and he brings everyone down. He usually has a dark grey storm cloud over him.

If depression were a person, it would be this really skinny woman, with long straight black hair and white skin, who plagues my nightmares. It would be this woman who torments me constantly, who tells me that I should be better, that I need to be perfect. It would be this woman who orders me to harm myself, to destroy me because I will never be enough... for anything.
And sometimes, somo other times, depression would be me, cause I'm my worse enemy and I can not stop myself from sabotaging me.

Maybe cancer.

It's hard to get rid of and it slowly eats you inside, until there's no more left of you.

@FindingMyselfInTheDarkness wow that's a good one

The grim reaper.

A cold gray bucket of suck

@GoodTrouble19 - Absolutely. Thanks for this honesty ❤

If my depression were a person they would be cunning, strong and stubborn. As a person depression would know how to sneak in and out knowing which buttons to push and then slamming down on them until I collapse. And as a person, depression wouldn't let go of that button until I can't feel warmth from the sun anymore.

if my depression were a person it would be someone who's constantly following me around who is screaming terrible things about myself.

@dangadanga - Sounds like you are really having trouble with negative self-talk, that voice in your head that is tearing you down. I'm sorry to hear that you are so hurt by this voice.

My reflection bringing me down about every single thing.

‘Telling me how much of a disappointment I am not even to other people but to myself.

@Fierceinthestreetmessinthesheets me along with everyone else that no matter how hard I try it will never be good enough

If my depression was a person,it'd be that one friend that gives you the illusion of safety and comfort to pull you in and by the time you see their true colours it's too late because while you were distracted by their charm they were slowly digging and sinking their claws into you without your knowledge and then slowly they'd break you until you were nothing but putty in their hands.