High Functioning: "You Look Way Too Put Together to be Crazy"
Hello Readers,
Today marks my fifth appointment in my newly acquainted journey to seek psychological wellness. In preparing for my day, which took each and every one of my spoons, I emerged showered, dressed, haired, and make-up-ed. A huge feat these days, I admit. My husband took one look at me and said,
"You look way too put together to be crazy. You should go in pajamas and slept on makeup."
This set off a light bulb in my mind in the way mental health presents itself visually in society. It's true, more often than not it is messy, however, what about the high-functioning mentally ill? What about those of us who advocate for ourselves and fight tooth and nail everyday to get out of bed and fight back through this hell? What about those who are somehow able to stand on two legs and hold a conversation for their children? What if a manic or mixed phase isn't necessarily euphoric and all-beautiful? What if depression gets dressed in the morning?
Discuss: What does manic depression look like? What have people assumed about you based on your appearance?
Additional Reading:
Psycheducation.org, Treating the Mood Spectrum, "Normal Is a Place I Visit" by Dr. Suzanne Fiala
"So yes. Im capable. Im talented. I work hard. I produce stuff. Yay me. But the price I pay for that is not being able to be anything else."
People have always told me throughout high school and still now I'm in my 20s that I'm the happiest person they now, and so easy going, and that they can't imagine me angry. I just always thought : they don't know me. It actually really annoys me that I'm so good at faking. I love people who are honest and I guess im not, I just don't want to bring other people down with my problems
@Azulblue
Some of us learn to survive very early. Try not to come down too hard on yourself for being able to wear your mask. That is what makes true friends so valuable after all. It is exhausting, I know. I have so many facets of my personality that every day is different. I do try to be more outspoken as I believe this is the best way to normalize these conversations. Also, I try to remind myself that discrimination in places of employments is highly illegal. The fear of my professionalism being impacted silenced me for years until I decided enough is enough. Who are we, afterall, if not genuine. Be your beautiful, imperfect, wonderful, complex self! 
@blitheSun94 so true and thank you 😊❤
I am considered 'high functioning'. I struggle with bipolar - though I am medicated and stable on that front, depressed, anxious, suicidal and struggle with eating disorders. In the workplace, people cannot tell. They have no idea. What I think people cannot understand is how exhausting it is to keep up the facade. They don't get that I can only keep up the act for so long until I am simply exhausted. And then I need a break. It's really just hard.
Can i ask a question?
Whats the early symptoms of bipolar? :?
@Savas That's actually a really huge question. I'll try to tackle it to a small degree for you though. Obviously, prolonged mood alteration is the most classic sign. It's not like when you have moodswings several times a day, sometimes feeling a little up, and sometimes a little down. There is a form of BD that has rapid mood shifts, but more commonly, the elevated moods and depressed moods last for several days to weeks at a time, and often have "normal" moods in between.
The up, or manic, episodes can include giddiness, impulsive behaviors like overspending on random things or risky sexual behavior, and agitation. The down, or depressed, episodes can include bouts of crying that are easily triggered, isolation from others, and lack of motivation to do tasks or events you generally enjoy.
More severe forms of BD can incluide psychosis, in which the person becomes disconnected from reality and can even hallucinate.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, but these are usually the signs that are most visible.
Let us know if we can help you understand more about Bipolar. Also, don't hesistate to read through a lot of the threads in this Subcommunity. They are full of lots of helpful information if you are seeking to learn about what having Bipolar Disorder is like, and how people approach it in their everyday lives.
Good luck!
@ladylazarus1971
What a beautifully brilliant reply. Thank you for writing this, Lady.
@blitheSun94 **blush**
Thak you! Just trying to follow your wonderful example.
@ladylazarus1971 Mania is a cruel mistress. Her touch feels so good. The energy, the way food tastes...music sounds better and I become indestructable. I love the mania. I hate opening the credit card bills afterward, I hate picking up the pieces of my life
Depression is a sneak, a liar, an abusive lover who keeps you away from things in life that matter. Depression is the hounds of hell barking at your door, while the Prince of Darkness whispers "come in, we've been waiting for you".
@braveKitten4951 Very astutely put! You have a wonderful way with words. <3
I was diagnosed two years ago and my meds seem to work as I dont have any symptoms now. Is it possible for bipolar to go away or is it just managed by my meds now.
@brightBeechwood5006 I don't mean to be a bummer, but Bipolar never "goes away." It can be managed indefinitely with therapy and/or medication, but without those things, it is likely to come back to the forefront of your life. But kudos to you for being stable on the meds. That's a great accomplishment, and something to be incredibly pleased about.
:)
@brightBeechwood5006
I'm 483 days into finally getting treatment (yes, I have a spreadsheet), 186 days (apr 13th) of actually having a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, though we (GP and I) have been watching it for a few years.
Ideally meds will make the swings less noticeable and easier to manage. I still have swings into the extremes, but for the most part the meds let me function. I do notice if I miss a dose or run low on sleep (usually closely tied together).
Yes , true , i understand
That's why I have to say to anyone suffering from pibolar or any other mental illness stay strong ,even people don't support you enugh.
Much love
Thank you for lovely post 💚
@delightfulUnicorn38
Pibolar......love the typo.... bo- pilar was another from years ago lol ;)
So on the opposite side: is it normal for my bipolar sister to sleep in and never look for work? Shell criticize everyone on religion and break every promise made. Is this just a stubborn person who wont get help or is it all the illness?
@HonourLu Remember that there is a depressive component to Bipolar Disorder as well. Exhaustion and irritability play a huge role in that form of BD. So, it's as likely as not that her symptoms are part of the disorder. Thanks for asking the question!
I just joined this community and saw this thread. Responding to the original post, I have been told so many times that I am too high functioning to have a serious mental illness. I've never had any academic or work problems, so what I deal with can't be real. Or if it is, it can't be serious. I don't know how to get past that stigma from other people. It's really frustrating.
@rainboweucalyptus
I relate to this completely. Fortunately, our society has improved since our grandparents, but still we face a lot of challenges. Mental health is no something we can make someone understand or accept. I find it is best to capitalize on teachable moments and answer questions honestly. For example, something that helped me in the work-place was understanding my rghts. For years I was terrified of mentioning my mental health challenges in front of my employers or co-workers. It is important to remember that there are discrimination laws that protect you from wrongful termination and in fact, many companies are beginning health and wellness incentives.
@blitheSun94
Excellent post. As humans, the meaning making we strive to do can cause us to make many assumptions! Keep on getting yourself ready like you do as every step you make to take care of your psychological well-being is great! :)
Wow! Coming from someone whom I guess could be classified as high-functioning with a mental illness, I can totally resonate with this. I seem normal but I slip through the cracks cause I’m always tired or can’t quite handle stress or dating and making new friends is exhausting. And I’m always wearing a mask. No one knows my secret except my close family. And it hurts having people say they love me but not know who I actually am. Thank you for your post.
@blitheSun94
Discuss: What does manic depression look like? What have people assumed about you based on your appearance?
I think this is an interesting conversation to be had. Today, I looked nice and put together. And my neighbor actually looked and smiled at me for the first time.
Keep in mind, I do have depression. The way I describe it, it gets way worse at night, and no one gets to see it. It's just like a terrible, overnight-worked Asian mom (my cousin's mom to be exact). She is completely worked to the bone.
I guess, people assume me to look good and I have nice conversations, and all. I know I have that ability. But I trade it for two months+ of isolation and hardship (being on a depression community, delaying going out to parties and Starbucks).
@Cnguyen1
Thank you for your reply. Very relatable. I would also say it depends on the day. I suffer from severe manic depression myself and some days I function while others I can't move from my bed, never mind shower or put myself together. I also work from home which I think has also made me even less motivated to do so.