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rainboweucalyptus
6,203 M Moving Along 3
PathStep 74 Compassion hearts124 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes44 Current upvotes44 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2020 Member sinceDecember 28, 2016
Bio
During the day, I'm in training to become a healthcare professional. In my own time, I love to create art, spend time with my partner and pets, and connect with people. I am far from perfect. I have struggled with a variety of mental health and addiction issues. But I'm excited to get more involved in this community and to give and receive support.
Recent forum posts
More than half my life later, I still hurt
Trauma Support / by rainboweucalyptus
Last post
 January 7th, 2018
...See more My most significant trauma occurred during my teen years, but life wasn't too great before that either. I grew up with parents who believed that something was wrong with me from an early age. Because I got anxious, they would make negative comparisons between me and my grandmother who had a mental illness...from the time I was very small. They claimed that they always knew something was wrong with me. So when a friend of theirs began sexually abusing me when I was 12 and I came forward about it at age 14, they did not believe me, punished me, told me that I was crazy, took away all my privileges, and made my life miserable. Eventually, they saw some of the evidence of what was happening for themselves. They apologized to me, then promptly told me that we must sweep the whole thing under the rug because no one would believe me anyway, and they thought I should consider the feelings of my abuser and his family. They also said my abuser was old and probably senile, so he probably didn't know what he was doing. I've tried to maintain some sort of relationship with my parents since this, but it has never worked. They want me to "let it go" and "get over it" because they believe that forgiveness means sweeping things under the rug. I've made an effort for years to deal with the hurt I feel inside as a result of this, including all the mental health issues and addictions I've dealt with. Nothing has ever done any good, and I've reached the conclusion that therapy and mental health services are not what they claim to be. I'm not sure of how to proceed in my life. I think maybe I'll always feel miserable inside despite trying all kinds of ways not to be. I'm in my 30s now, and this happened over half my life ago.
Worse anxiety after talking to a listener
Anxiety Support / by rainboweucalyptus
Last post
 January 10th, 2018
...See more I'm feeling very distressed right now. I reached out to a listener, and I was honest about feeling anxious and depressed. I was also honest about the fact that I don't believe in therapy. The listener cut me off and told me that I am hopeless and negative. The listener blocked me. As a result of this, I feel even more anxious and depressed. Reaching out for support and being rejected is really, really hard, especially in an environment where that is not supposed to happen. If I'm not supposed to be honest about feeling negative, how am I supposed to get support?
Anxious, perfectionistic overachiever seeking long-term listener
General Support / by rainboweucalyptus
Last post
 December 30th, 2017
...See more I am a thirty-something in the midst of a career change. I'm currently working on a doctoral degree in a health sciences field and have lots to be stressed about. I'm anxious, perfectionistic, and overachieving. I have a long history of trauma, mental health issues, and addiction. Very high-functioning, but there's only an extent to which I can hide my internal mess from my colleagues. I do think they notice and get concerned, despite my good grades. This is a basic overview of me. I'm looking for a mature, insightful person to be a long-term listener. I'm understanding about boundaries and the fact that listeners have their own needs too. I promise to respect my listener and be candid in our discussions.
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