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Azulblue
538 M Embraced 4
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts24 Forum upvotes25 Current upvotes25 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2017 Member sinceAugust 11, 2017
Recent forum posts
Talking at a million mph, shaking and sweating - are these manic symptoms?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Azulblue
Last post
 September 20th, 2017
...See more Hello everyone, I'm cautious not to undermine people who are truly suffering with bipolar and have been diagnosed... I just thought to ask people who actually have it if my symptoms sounds familiar? I know I have a problem but am not sure what it is... If it's anxiety, depression, bipolar!?... Basically these are what make me question it: my family history of this is that my grandfather had manic depression (bipolar) and schizophrenia. I think at the age of 16 I remember clearly saying to my mum that I have never felt so happy... And for absolutely no reason, I just felt elated... I've always been a nervous person who has panic attacks, but at this point suddenly I felt like anything was possible and I would not have to worry about anything in life ever again... I remember noticing this after a few days of being completely over the moon about nothing.... And then I remember like a sudden crash, I felt depressed. I knew then that I had never felt depression before because it was the first time I felt like this especially after such elation. I lost all joy in every thing and couldn't even force myself... Since then I've been up and down (I'm not 20) and I have periods where I'm depressed , at first I thought it was PMS but then I realised after tracking it wasn't only before menstruation... I also remember, but I'm not sure for how long, always being aware but never really thinking much about it of these stages of 'hyperness' where I literally couldn't get my words out fast enough, my thoughts were just bursting , and I got angry at people for not understanding... This just happened to me: I was talking to some friends and I kept having fits of laughter for no reason, and I couldn't stop it ( this also used to be a problem in school and id get sent out of class and I was laughing for no reason) and I was shaking, sweating even though I was cold, and couldn't talk as quickly as wanted to... And sure enough ive realised that the last few days I have been really on top of the world, but I only notice it afterwards and right now I just feel like crying... It's so confusing... I have read that sometimes when manic people spend a lot of money and this has happened to me a few times.... When i've done it, and I'm not sure what I was thinking, I literally bought everything I wanted (and I am not a big spender at all usually) and the most recent time I did it, I came back home and burst into tears, and felt how I did now... My heart and head is racing but my mood is dropping and I know I am going to be depressed now.... I sleep a good amount but I am so tired all of the sudden... But this may be due to different reasons of course... I just want to hear whether any of this sounds familiar so when I go to the doctors I can be specific as to what I believe is the problem.. maybe it's just anxiety because I have panic attacks and am an extremely nervous person....
Do I suffer from anxiety and if so, should I seek help?
Anxiety Support / by Azulblue
Last post
 August 31st, 2017
...See more I have always been a nervous person. I have pretty serious panic attacks where I literally can't walk or breath, and i get so nervous about even the smallest of things. I get heart palpitations, I can't sleep properly. When i do I have nightmares about my worries for the next day. Sometimes I just wake up nervous for no reason. It also affects my digestive system pretty badly. I started university last year, and although on the surface it appears I have been very successful, I hated it and mentally is the hardest thing to cope with. I've lost a lot of weight unintentionally despite eating healthily and good amounts. Also my mood changes RAPIDLY. I'll go from depressed, to suddenly feeling ridiculously happy and on top of the world, invincible, and then it just drops. So confusing. This started happening when I was about 15, though my nerves have always been out of control. Anyway, I guess you could also call me high functioning. I'm a musician and performer, I get very nervous before performing but I'm good at pretending. People always comment on how confident I am. Even when im not performing, everyone sees me as confident, easygoing and happy. I am far from it, I'm just a good pretender!! I hate social events, I never go out clubbing because I can't stand it. Alcohol also makes me aggressive and depressed so i avoid it. I tell my mum these things and she has witnessed my panic attacks, Ive had nose bleeds from worry, she has seen me worrying irrationally and crying my eyes throughout the night but tells me I'm strong and I'll get through it like i always do. I used to thank her but I now I think that wasn't such a useful piece of advice. It's got worse over the years, and university definitely hasn't helped. I was lonely on top of having all this stress and worry about nothing! I have also just ended a year long relationship with a much older man, also a liar, a cheat and married... My grandfather had bipolar and schizophrenia so we don't really like talking about mental illness in my family's house because my mum's life was really hard having him as a father. Therefore, I'm basically on my own here. I don't want to scare my mum and my family by seeking therapy or a doctor or something.... Though my question is SHOULD I seek help or is this how life is supposed to be and I can just get through it or am I just thinking about myself too much??? Do I actually have a problem??? Forgot to mention that I have an extremely controlling father who is basically living through me, and controls my every move. I don't have an emotional relationship with him as such, as in we never talk of those things. So for him, to know about my problems would make him crazy. My brother has mental health issues, he was seeing a psychiatrist for a while, and my dad still to this day tells my brother he's full of s**t and he should just stop focusing on himself and get on with his life. I'm the only one of my dad's children left that's doing what he planned for me to do, so to 'spoil' it would be heart breaking for him.
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