Conquering Anxiety: Cycle of Anxiety

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@Hope Something that can be anxiety provoking is separation away from loved ones or the people closest to us. An example of where this can lead to more anxiety is when it goes without being treated. In the end in can cause all kinds of other stressor and even lead to the person getting panic attacks. But I feel with consistency in day to day life and with therapy things can improve in the right direction. 

Thank you so much for making this post. ♡ 

@YourCaringConfidant

Thank you for sharing! Yes, people can develop anxious attachment when they can't seem to rely on the people around them. 

Very few things are not fixable if you work on them earnestly and consistently

@Hope 

One situation where I am currently stuck in an anxiety cycle involves the vehicles that belong to my husband and myself.  

I drive the Subaru Outback, which is paid off, full of crumbs and toys.  It has nearly 100,000 miles on it.  It's practical, roomy, and comfortable.  It's a mom-mobile. I have ramped it off curbs, backed into stuff, ran it out of gas on a couple of occasions.  

My husband bought a Tesla model 3, with white interior.  It's immaculate.  It's snazzy-looking.  Driving it is a bit of a skill set, as Tesla is constantly changing the menus and driving features via wireless update.  It has an INSANE and scary amount of power.  (Think about riding a new, electricity-powered roller coaster, that doesn't spin up and can shoot off at an insane speed without any wind-up? That's what this thing is like.).  Hubby is OBSESSED with the cleanliness of the car and avoiding any scratches, dings, or dents. Have I mentioned we have a three-year old daughter and an 18-month old son ? 

I have driven it, and know how to drive it.  I have my own driver profile. On a few different occasions when my husband has had a drink or two, I have driven our family home in it. When he is riding shotgun, my husband is freaked out over every bump and turn.  The car can DRIVE ITSELF but he says derogatory things about me driving it and freaks out thinking I'm going to scratch it or run it in a ditch.

We bought the car in 2021.  It's been three years of this garbage, and truthfully, I hate the car.  Now, I would rather walk ten miles than get behind the wheel of it, it makes me PANIC.  It seems so frivolous, so extra.  My husband bought it as a commuter car (he also owns a 3/4 ton chevy Silverado), but then pandemic has moved his job to at-home, all-remote work.  So we pay a WHOPPING huge payment on this stupid Tesla, which I hate driving and refuse to take out anywhere, even when husband tries to encourage me to take it... and it sits in our garage.  

I should probably tell my husband it makes me feel this way and drive it somewhere this weekend, even though I would rather dunk my head underwater and hold it there. 

@yellowPineapple3652 Would you call this anxiety or anger?

It’s both. Anxiety, anger, more specifically resentment. He has nice things while I have my stuff trashed by the kids.

@yellowPineapple3652

It seems like the situation with the car is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety but it seems less so about the car and more so about how valuable it is to your husband.  It looks like you have not communicated how stressful this whole situation is to your husband. I like that you acknowledge tackling the situation rather than continuing to avoid it. 

From what you have shared, your anxiety seems to be mainly based on these two factors

1. The car is complicated to operate compared to what you are used to. 

2. Your husband's presence when you are driving and his critique makes it even harder to drive it. 

Perhaps these steps can help you with your journey towards conquering this fear. 

1. Talk to your husband about how driving this car makes you feel (use I statement, so you can say 'I feel terrified whenever I have to drive the car' rather than 'This car is terrifying). The car is clearly valuable to your husband so it may help to emphasize on your feelings rather than criticizing the car's complexity. Your husband may not be aware of how his comments are adding to your panic so maybe you can communicate that 

2. Secondly, it may be an idea to do very short and straightforward familiar routes with the car without your husband as he seems to add to your panic. This may help you get used to the idea of driving the car and getting comfortable with it and not worrying about the additional distress of being criticized. 

You talked about trying it out this weekend. Did you do that or have you made any progress already?

@Hope. I have not made any progress with this, but upon revisiting this post and rereading everything, I plan to.  

• Reflect on an area of life where you have struggled with anxiety think about the cycle of anxiety that has existed surrounding that topic and share with us what that cycle looked like for you. 

My cycle of anxiety surrounding public speaking was really bad. I actually ran out of the room during a drama monologue in 8th grade. It was bad. I just kept avoiding and avoiding. I did everything in my power not to answer questions in class or give presentations. Most of the time I ended up writing an essay instead of doing anything in public speaking. In my freshman year I said screw this I'm joining the speech team. I was really anxious and needed a lot of support at first, but by the end of the season, I had won several tournaments and was doing quite well in the field of public speaking. It's still anxiety-inducing but it's ok now. 

• Think of something you were once anxious about doing but now you either feel reduced anxiety surrounding it or do not feel anxious at all. Do you think you knowingly or unknowingly broke the cycle?

I used to be really anxious to wear makeup in public. I would wear it around the house. But when it came time to wear it to school or even to the grocery store, I was scared. Now makeup is my security blanket. I eventually swung the total other way. When I went inpatient I couldn't wear makeup. Both times I unknowingly broke the cycle. Now I'm able to strike a balance. 

@NovaIsNB

It looks like it was quite the slippery slope for you. Wow what a complete turn around. That takes some massive courage!!

@Hope thank you for this post, hope!

• Think of something that can be generally anxiety-provoking and give us two examples, where one path leads to more anxiety and another weakens the cycle. 

Giving a speech in an audience.

1. Avoiding doing it leads to more anxiety

2. Understanding that even though it is something that can be very difficult in the beginning, it will get better in the future and working towards doing it more and more and exposing ourselves to such situations bit by bit will weaken the cycle of anxiety around it.

@KateDoskocilova

It seems like public speaking is a very commonly anxiety-provoking task! Also a very clear exmaple of how the cycle of anxiety functions

• Reflect on an area of life where you have struggled with anxiety think about the cycle of anxiety that has existed surrounding that topic and share with us what that cycle looked like for you.
•  I am only now, in my 50s, admitting to myself that one of the major reasons why I have been  freelancer most of my career and working years is because of anxiety. The idea of applying for a job/career I might have wanted or needed at the time, and committing to regular work if I got the job, was totally overwhelming. I over and over again chose the challenging path of independence and avoidance, carving my own path, creating my own jobs, finding funding, and struggling to make ends meet.  I cannot continue on that path any longer and am collecting my courage to do the opposite, apply for a regular job. 
  

• Think of something you were once anxious about doing but now you either feel reduced anxiety surrounding it or do not feel anxious at all. Do you think you knowingly or unnowlingly broke the cycle?

I started having panic attacks when I had to read out loud in high school. There was no way of totally avoiding those situations, and little by little I realized that once I got over the first few lines, I'd be ok continuing. Later, it was like I unknowingly made myself face my fears. I started a career in mass communication where I regularly had to read out loud. The anxiety occasionally returned yet I was able to recognize it without reacting to it and feeding the panic. It was helpful to think that this is not about me, this is about the message.

@Hope

@jadejuniper09

It is very hard to admit these things later on in life and it is very courageous of you to consider such a possibility! I like that goal of trying out the other path and seeing what lies ahead!

It looks like not being able to avoid the reading kind of helped as you continued on. It looks like you are no stranger to the cycle of anxiety!

@Hope Think of something you were once anxious about doing but now you either feel reduced anxiety surrounding it or do not feel anxious at all. Do you think you knowingly or unknowingly broke the cycle?

@mytwistedsoul

It seems that have no choice in the matter has somewhat helped you not strengthen the cycle of anxiety!

Even though the situation is challenging and likely distressing but I am glad you can see the silver lining

@Hope

For exposure therapy I went to a meetup.com coffee chat group at the recommendation of my therapist. There were 8 other people there. I stayed about an hour. Immediately after it I threw up. I was ill for days not being able to sleep.

 There is nothing that I am anxious about that has gotten better.

@Gettingbettertoday Hey I have to commend you though for even trying something like that! And then to stay an hour. I'm sorry you paid such a big price afterwards tho 

@Gettingbettertoday

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry it was a bad experience. It can take trial and error for your therapist and you to figure out what is the right balance for you. 

Exposure therapy is helpful but we need to consider the person's current level of tolerance and only push a bit past that. Like in exercise, if I have not gone up a flight of stairs in years, I should not attempt a 10-story building at first. 

Your experience reminded me of the Comfort, Discomfort, and Panic Zones. Perhaps the meet-up went right into the panic zone. You can read about the zones here. 

@Hope Thank you for this insightful post Hope❤. 

• Reflect on an area of life where you have struggled with anxiety think about the cycle of anxiety that has existed surrounding that topic and share with us what that cycle looked like for you. 

Umm I have exam fear so my cycle can be like I have exams I feel very nervous and anxious so I skip some of them like class tests and then for the final one, where I can't escape I can't handle the pressure well and end up feeling more anxious and ruin the exam. 

• Think of something you were once anxious about doing but now you either feel reduced anxiety surrounding it or do not feel anxious at all. Do you think you knowingly or unknowlingly broke the cycle?

I used to have social anxiety, I'd hate meeting people as I'd not know how to react what to speak etc but then due to some family function I had to face people mostly strangers so I prepared myself to face them in that particular duration of time and now I'm kind of used to people like I don't feel anxious as I used to. So I can say that my social anxiety is reduced to some extent. 

Have a great day. 

@Blahblah1805

It does seem like that cycle is holding you back. That is the interesting thing about avoidance, short term relief causes long term distress. 

That is a big deal of overcoming your social anxiety, even if it has reduced by just a bit. Great job!

@Hope

Reflect on an area of life where you have struggled with anxiety think about the cycle of anxiety that has existed surrounding that topic and share with us what that cycle looked like for you. 

If I think about being too anxious about doing maths, I guess the cycle looks something like: me thinking maths is really difficult, then me deciding to put off my maths homework for later because I don't understand how to solve something so just doing other subjects instead, and getting that temporary relief. And later on getting very stressed with having a lot to do and needing to force myself to do it, and then getting just so anxious before the maths exam that I mess up everything. I think such a cycle also applies to saying things in front of many people or unfamiliar people.

Think of something you were once anxious about doing but now you either feel reduced anxiety surrounding it or do not feel anxious at all. Do you think you knowingly or unknowingly broke the cycle?

I can't really think of a proper answer to this question. I haven't really ever been able to break the cycle. I guess I have reduced anxiety about dogs now, but I don't think I have ever technically broken the cycle there. Because I have never really avoided dogs like that (I've tried, but it's next to impossible to completely avoid dogs, they are there everywhere I go!) But then trying to convince myself that the dogs are just animals, who are maybe looking for food, maybe trying to make friends with us, or maybe coming after us and barking at us because they are scared we'll do something to them, has helped me stay a bit calmer when I see a dog.

@exuberantBlackberry9105

Math is a challenging subject, I empathize but like you said, avoidance only worsens the distress. I could be wrong but this feels more like procrastination than avoiding anxiety. In which case have you checked out the 5 second rule by Mel Brown? Here is a video on it

It does seem like you have made progress with the dogs anxiety. I would say that defintely counts!

@Hope It's probably more of procrastination, it's kind of like having to do maths make me feel anxious so I just keep it for later to try to avoid that feeling. So I dunno, maybe it's a mixture or something. Either way, I'll check out the video.

@Hope

Going back to a place where some trauma occurred can be anxiety provoking. It can get better if someone whom you consider safe accompany you, or trying to associate more good memories rather that the bad ones significantly being in our minds. 

@daydreammemories

Thank you for sharing!

Thank you @Hope for this insightful content 💓

When there is a lot to consider, especially in situations that are filled with uncertainties and responsibilities, it can lead to anxiety. This can recur in cycles, making it difficult to cope up with. I think to break the cycle, it's important to be mindful of our situation, take breaks if necessary, consider seeking support from others, etc.

I am looking forward to more such posts, but I would like to ask,  what coping mechanisms can we use if the situation I mentioned occurs? 

@WeEarth

It seems I missed your reply! I believe you have already participated in the coping skills post! 

yes @Hope I did!

@Hope

Think of something that can be generally anxiety-provoking and give us two examples, where one path leads to more anxiety and another weakens the cycle. 

Something that is generally anxiety-provoking is completing an assignment. There can be a desire to be perfect when working on assignments which can bring up anxiety. The path that would lead to more anxiety is constantly procrastinating. You can get temporary relief, but it does not resolve the unfinished assignment. The path that would weaken the cycle is to finish the task. A way of doing this is by setting reasonable goals to complete the assignment and making sure to celebrate each win.

@CordialDancer

That is a really good example! Procrastination does tend to add fuel to the fire. 

@Hope Contemplating an imminent presentation often causes concern however worrying too much about the possible mistakes raises this anxiety to higher levels, while getting ready thoroughly, being kind to yourself mentally and stressing your best behaviors will help prevent such anxiety issues and enhance peace of mind, trust in self......

@MindfulJourney22

That is a good example

Nice post!

A common anxiety is social anxiety. The fear that we won't be accepted in social gatherings or even criticized or bullied. Since we've seen this happen in the past to either us or someone else, we fear it will happen again.

Action 1, which perpetuates the anxiety cycle: not go to social gatherings and stay home feeling safer (and maybe even guilty because you want to actually be in that social gathering). By avoiding one fear you could grow a different negative emotion such as guilt and be critical of yourself.

Action 2, which requires exposure and breaks the anxiety cycle: go to as many social gatherings as possible with protective strategies to not feel overwhelmed or hurt. Otherwise, you will stop the exposure cycle and you risk entering the anxiety cycle again. After all, there are people that will make you feel unwelcomed (maybe unconsciously) and this cannot stop you from enjoying your existing and future social connections.

@Aputik

Great choice of example! Alot of our participants are struggling with anxiety in this area. 

It seems that moderation is key!

@Hope

generally anxiety cycle 

A. A person losing several jobs and being afraid that no one else will give them a chance

B. A person a has been rejected several times and is afraid that they will never be accepted 

@Hope 

The path that weakens the cycle

1. That person who has trouble holding onto a job does research about situations and practices before finding a better solution

2.  The person who has been rejected works on accepting that they were rejected but also works on liking themselves 

@CreativeKombucha

Thank you for sharing!

@Hope

Having to do a presentation at uni/school. It can always be daunting!

@YourShouder03

The path that would foster more anxiety would be to avoid the event entirely. This avoidance form of anxiety does not allow people to grow within an uncomfortable situation