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- Ramblings 3
Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
@Tinywhisper11
All the more reason to love them.❤️
@Tinywhisper11
Not much longer to wait then, at least as far as actual time is concerned. ❤️❤️ I am sure they missed you immensely. I think anyone who has spent any amount of time with you would miss you immensely ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami awwww thankyou ❤ and I do love them, very very much😁❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yes, I always use photos of myself for my profile picture😁 only the head though, not the embarrassing body parts.❤
@Tinywhisper11
If you don’t mind my saying so , you are as beautiful (if not more) as your words . I understand why you feel that your body is embarrassing. I feel mine is extremely embarrassing also. I know that nothing I say will change how you feel. But my thoughts and feelings on the subject basically say that anyone who truly loves another is never turned away by outside appearances. Whatever scars or whatever pieces might be missing have no bearing on that love.
Those things are only signs of experiences that have helped create the person we are now, regardless of what the experience entailed, it is proof of being a true survivor. ❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami awww ❤ that made me cry ❤ thankyou so much ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Those words are ones I strongly request that you remember and tell yourself if and when you look in a mirror and any other time it needs to be a reminder to you.💕💕💕💕💕💕. I love you 💕💕💕
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok I'm really gonna try to go sleep now ❤ goodnight angel ❤ I love you ❤❤ the snoring person has shut up finally😁 hopefully now I can sleep ❤
@Tinywhisper11
❤️❤️Sweet and peaceful dreams, I love you ❤️❤️
Well, my stubbornness has accomplished it again. Between being stuck in bed mostly and having a supposedly simple project right in front of me driving me nuts. I decided to try and get it done.
I realized rather quickly how weak I have become in the last couple months.
The old tv that was still hanging from my ceiling and the new one sitting on storage totes in front of the old one. Taking the old one down should have been relatively simple. Loosen two thumb screws whose only purpose is to keep the tv set in the position you set it in. Then remove one bolt at the bottom while holding the tv up then carefully slide it off and set it down somehow. Needless to say, it somehow caught on something in the support tubes and it let loose and I dropped the old tv and it fell into the new tv and knocked it over including all the totes it was sitting on, it also destroyed the hdmi cable in the process.
It took awhile to pick everything up. But when I finally did, I found an old cable and plugged it in and the new tv and dvd player still works ok.
I continue down the moron path.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 at least you did it ❤❤ realising how weak you are is never easy🙁 welcome to the world of disabled people😁 ❤my sweet moron, I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11 oh I gotta go ❤ I'll be back in a bit ❤❤❤
Well I somewhat accomplished part of it . I still have to take the mount off the old tv and screw it to the new one. Then lift the tv up and line the posts together and install the bolt to hold it up. Maybe next year…….,
@Iamwhoiamwhoami you will get it done by next year ❤ their gonna fix you up soon, don't worry ❤❤hugs you tightly ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I'm so! happy your new TV and DVD-player are not destroyed.
@Helgafy
Thank you, so am I. All because of my stubbornness. That was one of those scenarios that only happened in a matter of a few seconds yet in my mind I think I told myself I was a stubborn moron numerous times while I watched it happening.
❤️
There are times when I actually look at how many pages I have written under this heading and in the many others under my name. Then I realize how much I have written and also realize that I haven’t changed my tune since I started here.
Next thing that triggers is that after how many years of writing my ramblings, how much have they really helped me.
Then it triggers that remote chance that after I am gone, my ramblings if read in their entirety, without judgment or jumping to conclusions, could open the eyes and ears of all those who think that they have all the answers for whatever ails humanity, whether it’s therapy or pills. Maybe then they might realize there is a lot they don’t know and may never fully understand. And maybe, just maybe if they listened, I said LISTENED a lot more and brushed off the topics and related details that scare them, those things that they fear might give them the type of dreams/nightmares that people like me experience daily. They might realize that opening the discussion up to all our thoughts and feelings and bringing them out in the open like they “say” other things in society are.
That if we felt like we didn’t have hide all these things that they fear discussing. Maybe a lot of people would be on the road to recovery a lot sooner for some, and for people like me the road we are currently traveling would no longer exist to be travelled on.
Then reality sets in and I realize that is a fantasy that is not even close to being based in reality.
Those people never fully listen, the few that actually do, are so few and far between that they may help a few which is great but what about the rest of us suffering, possibly needlessly if we were able to speak and discuss openly about all thoughts and feelings that plague the darkness.
I understand that true open discussions with others suffering can trigger reactions. I am referring to say me going to a therapist, psychologist, whatever…but being able to openly discuss all the thoughts in my head without being shutdown and locked in a hospital for a minimum of three days because I mentioned words that they don’t understand and misinterpret as soon as any one of a thousand words and /or combinations of those words are spoken out loud. Treated like it is a crime against humanity for thinking things like that much less daring to speak them out loud. When the reality is that I would wager everything I own, including my own soul that nearly every one of those therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and others who are willing to hide behind this belief and behavior, I would wager it all that nearly all of them have had those thoughts more than once in there lives, many probably still do.
One on one discussions , group discussions with all participants knowing before joining that the depth of the discussions may be very dark discussions, open and willing participants. They still may be triggered, I probably would be one of the first if not the first to be triggered, as long as their support system is readily available for them at that time for whatever they need. These kinds of discussions are the key. Maybe in other countries that is already happening and that is great. Another thing this country is failing behind the rest of the world in. At least regarding the true things that matter most. People, humanity should come first, not mountains of money and the evil that usually unites with those who hoard and/or flaunt it .
With these meds I am taking, I still haven’t gotten used to some of the goofy sensations that they create during movements.
One in particular is when I am able to get in bed without falling into bed, I kneel on one leg so I get into a comfortable position a little more quickly with less twisting and shuffling. But when I kneel on the left leg it feels like I am kneeling on a small rock or pebble. There are a couple other goofy things like that but focus is going again.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yeah I understand that 🙁 with all the progress in mental health, how open it is now. Yet the ones who are suffering the most, are to scared to say their real thoughts, cause it's just to much for people to understand. They want facts and scientific research, and what works for one or two, then supposedly that works for all🙁 it's a sad truth. And I'm not sure it will ever change. But I also believe, that we all have the power to make a difference to others. No matter how big or how small, we all have a purpose a reason for our lives, some of us suffer, to make others aware, if a desperately needed change, in the way things are done ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I came home now ready to sleep for 5 days😁❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤I love you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
That is great to hear. 💕💕💕This hug feels warmer than the last few. Must be because your heart is warmer being home. I love you 💕💕💕
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 😁 ❤ yep, warmer and stronger ❤ now I can hug you properly
@Tinywhisper11
Maybe you have the strength I lost❤️❤️. If so keep it
Helgafy has really got me thinking about this cuckoo clock that I remember from somewhere. I think it was in my grandmother’s house. I don’t have any good memories from there, but I think I remember it hanging on the wall in one of the rooms I slept in when I stayed there. I also vaguely remember it being wound down when I was there, something about how the cuckoo affected me, or something. I think they were called acorns that were on the ends of the chains.
I think it was pine cones not acorns that were hanging on those chains.
Trigger warning for talk of getting bit by a dog.
I have talked about the strange dreams/nightmares that I have. I think I have even mentioned some of the details in them . But I don’t think I have mentioned any of the animals in them.
I remember there being many different animals that would be in the home I think was the one I was in as a child. There was an all white cat, a few different rabbits, I think multiple hamsters, and some guinea pigs, some mice , There are other animals in my dreams but these are the ones that always seemed to appear in that place. I remember multiple dogs, but I think they were the neighbors dogs. I remember now about some smaller black and white dogs, I remember bending over and petting one of them. Then it jumped up and bit me in the face. I don’t remember much of anything after that except something about being lucky I didn’t lose my eye.
But I have dogs in my dreams in many other places so I don’t think it turned me away from dogs.
I have images of pigs and cows and of me working with them, images of some horses, but only one that I really interacted with regularly, I am sure riding them was not something I did, I have a couple of images of me getting encouragement to get on a couple of them and I think I fell off pretty much as soon as they started walking. I have images of many cats as well.
I don’t know what my relationship with any of these animals was but I am sure they were a part of my past in some way or another.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami that's alot of animals. I wonder if they were all from different people in your childhood. Dogs are scary, I'm very very slowly getting used to them. That dog probably bit your cheek🙁
@Tinywhisper11 do you ever remember working, or helping out, at a farm?
@Tinywhisper11
I don’t really remember doing so but I’m sure I probably did.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami it sounds that way, maybe one day you'll remember ❤ don't push it, let theese memories come back to you, when they do ❤
@Tinywhisper11
❤️❤️❤️ were your piggies happy to see you? ❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami yes 😁😁 two of them was squeaking when they heard my voice, excited squeaks like when they hear a bag open and think it's good for them ❤❤ the other one he didn't squeak, but at least he woke up and came out to see what the others were squeaking about😂😂😂 they all had big cuddles ❤❤ I cried when I saw them, I didn't quite realise how much I had really missed them ❤❤ it's gonna be dry out this morning but rain here in the evening today, so I'm gonna go out and sit with my son for a bit this morning ❤ I've really really really missed him. I know I can talk to him and God anywhere, anytime. But I like to go sit by his cross in the garden. It just feels like he can hear me better, and that's our special place ❤
@Tinywhisper11
That sounds like a wonderful plan. I hope your time with him is peaceful and calming 💕💕💕 I love you, 💕💕💕
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I love you more ❤❤ I'm not sure if I've asked you, I probably have. But your appointment is in 7 days, have you booked a taxi in??
@Tinywhisper11
The same person that took me the last time is taking me again. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok that's good ❤ and your medication are you able to take extra like last time?
