Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
I struggle with these thoughts everyday multiple times a day,
with everything else I struggle with everyday and limited focus I can’t grasp on any way that anything can happen to change that dynamic
The wonderful people here try their hardest to shine their light into the darkness others are in. I would truly like to say that their light has changed the direction of my journey.
They deserve pure positivity for their efforts.
They remind of the strength it takes to have made it this long suffering from so much. That in itself should speak to the reason my reserves are beyond depleted.
Obviously by my writings today, this is one of those days that are my worst ones to struggle through. Normally I try to avoid writing here when I am struggling this much with the darkest of thoughts, but I decided to try and put a little bit of those thoughts here as well, I do write the truth and days including thoughts like these are a part of my truths.
I am a little, no actually a lot, scared to go to sleep tonight. I don’t want to wake up to what I did this morning. That feeling I felt scared the heck out of me,
That fear has intertwined itself into my thoughts. I feel that fear gradually creeping into other thoughts. Creeping into the loneliness side of things.
The times that I am forced to struggle with the darkest of thoughts for extended periods of time, which is usually like a 24 hour bug. Basically for a day or so I am at this level. Then it’s back to my “normal” level of depression etc. I classify it as vent day . Let’s some pressure release.
Tried a shower and pain meds didn’t help for that just a couple of minutes from bed to shower and pain went to extreme. Stayed under for a minute or so then got out and partially dried off and collapsed into bed
Too much negativity influencing my thoughts. But that is a normal thing I deal with daily. If it wasn’t for this community and the Friends who found me I don’t think I would still exist.
@Tinywhisper11
❤️❤️ I think this is a good spot to get back in to reading my writings ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok thanks ❤ I did not read the previous messages😁 😁😁😁
@Tinywhisper11 ok yeah you know I read them, that was a lie sorry. I don't like lieing so sorry
But I only read them because I'm proud of you ❤ I don't have the guts to write my darkest moments and deepest fears. I'm so glad you do ❤ hugs you tightly ❤
Tinywhisper11
you wonder what it’s like out there… I think if you had the right person by your side, you would love it. There’s always things not so great also. But to have someone who shares your love of life and tries to find the positive in everything, would make it all the more wonderful.
So , someone the opposite of me.
For me the world is a scary place but that is all my issues talking.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I would feel safe going out there with you ❤ I don't know who else I would feel safe around
I think it’s Sunday today so rollator and chair should be here tomorrow. Food delivery hopefully tomorrow night. Not looking forward to the many trips in and out then putting it all away.
I am an extremely private person plus my anxieties kick in so I am really not comfortable with anyone in my house, even if it’s a coworker of many many years. So before it’s asked that is why….,