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Ramblings 3

Iamwhoiamwhoami December 31st, 2023

Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 2nd

Is it possible to be emancipated from the darkest places of the darkness to then be emancipated from the darkness?

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 2nd

Living in the darkness with the darkest of thoughts plaguing my mind. It is my day to day place. That doesn’t mean that I am comfortable with my circumstances

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 3rd

I think due to the darkest of places that I am at . I am going to try and stay away from writing tonight.

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 3rd

I suppose I should at least leave a legitimate explanation for those few that may or may not show up here. .

With where I am at I will continue the self deprecation over and over and over again. I have done that enough here in multiple?threads? . Not sure of proper terminology. So I will avoid providing more of my self deprecating thoughts to my writings.

Helgafy September 3rd

Hi!

Maybe this is what you should think of and declare today, from the Bible:

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

Helgafy September 3rd

Hi!

Maybe this is what you should think of and declare today, from the Bible:

This is the message we have heard from him

and declare to you: God is light; in him there

is no darkness at all.

Helgafy September 3rd

Friend.

If you want to I can hold your hand during the day today and you can hold mine (to strengthen me). But remember - I'm old as methuselah lol! 

2 replies
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 3rd

@Helgafy

I accept any hands that are offered, I am thankful and appreciative for being offered such a beautiful and generous gift. My physical strength is beyond weak and has been for some time , my grip even longer so I think methuselahs hands might crush mine. lol Thank you so much,

1 reply
Helgafy September 3rd

@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Excellent! Then we walk around like to 5-years-old children - holding hands - being happy all day long1

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mytwistedsoul September 3rd

I think it's understandable that things look and feel so dark right now. Your world was fairly small with work and home. Right now with the pain you're dealing with work has been impossible and home has probably begun to feel like a prison. 

I keep thinking of what you wrote to @Helgafy about how your thread was a space of positivity and togetherness. Tiny had commented in an early reply that I was the magnet but I don't think that is the case. I think Iam that you are the magnet because you drew us here.

I admire your honesty in your writings. We see the light you possess beyond the darkness. Why? How? Because you're a long time survivor too Iam. Even with the pain and dark thoughts you're struggling and fighting with you're still kind to everyone. You could be lashing out but you're not. I think that says a great deal about the heart and soul that is inside you. 

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 3rd

@Helgafy @mytwistedsoul @DarkBlueAurora @Tinywhisper11

I owe you and many others a debt that I will never be able to pay. Continuing to come back to my little places that I write and always validating my feelings and the things I write. Kindness, understanding, support, sympathy, friendship, love, compassion, words of wisdom and compassion. I will never understand how you all have the strength to read my writings and still be able to share your love with me. You can explain it to me , but those reasons don’t register with me.

I have probably told all of you this very same thing before.

It’s just that I live in this lonely darkness, and times like now, when I am alone in the dark, with the darkest of thoughts in control for an extended period of time, the thread that you all have intertwined in my single thread that I am able to hold onto keeps reminding me of your love and friendship, reminding me of the many hands intertwined with mine. No matter what the future holds for me, I will forever be thankful to all of you.

1 reply
Tinywhisper11 September 4th

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 

hands-powwow.gif

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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 3rd

This stuff I struggle with doesn’t make sense with the things it creates inside me. This darkness in my thoughts somehow lets me see the things like I wrote above. Then twists that into guilt for feeling this way when there are so many here trying to help me.

2 replies
BlueDarkAurora September 3rd

@Iamwhoiamwhoami Us saying the positive things, saying things to help you see the positive in you isn't because we want to just see an instant change in you or that we want you to instantly put a stop to the negative thoughts. We are not here to make you feel like you need to stop writing your thoughts, no way is that our intention. 

It's rather a gentle encouragement to help you see what the darkness is hiding and ofcourse it's gonna take time for your eyes to adjust to the light and that is okay. Us being here is a way to let you know that you're not alone while you're dealing with all that you are going through. 

There's no switch to getting better that we can just flip and be like "Here I'm all good now". It takes time, sometimes a lot of time to unlearn the negative things so deeply rooted in our mind. You're trying, even if it doesn't feel like it. You're trying cause you're still here and still being so appreciative and kind. As soul said, you are the magnet that brought us to Your space. Keep trying while we all share words of encouragement to let you know we're here ^-^

1 reply
Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 3rd

Thank you

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