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My daily ramblings

Iamwhoiamwhoami December 1st, 2022
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I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.

My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.

Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.

Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.

That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.

That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.

937
WorkingitThrough2 September 24th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

How are you? I am thinking about youlove-you.gif

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP September 26th, 2023
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@WorkingitThrough2

Thank you for your concern. I am still around, just not up to writing anything. My depression and other things have been pretty intense for the last couple months.

Even though I appreciate and am thankful for everyone here. It is not the same as face to face friendships. I’ve become more reclusive and miserable than I ever have been.

I suppose this is just who I’m destined to be. I just am not up to writing anymore journal entries right now.

WorkingitThrough2 September 26th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

I understand and that is ok. Just take care and know that you are in our prayers❤️

WorkingitThrough2 March 17th
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Hello, my dear friend. You have been on my mind for a while, but I had a lot going on. How are you?

How is your health doing? You don't have to respond to me, just know I am still here for you❤️😊

WorkingitThrough2 September 25th, 2023
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@Helgafy

My goodness, I am not sure of how to respond to those findings. I wonder if they are hiding from someone or if this is just a right-out deceptive trick for some strange reason.
This post has been deleted
mytwistedsoul September 25th, 2023
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@Helgafy It does mean truth 🙂 I actually know that from Harry Potter lol. They had Veritaserum - a truth potion. Tbh - I actually knew who you meant after awhile because I found the country you mentioned because it sounded so unusual. Basically a mix of curiosity and being nosy lol. I think it's kind of funny too and I can't help but wonder where her next move will be. It sure does seem misleading though

mytwistedsoul September 26th, 2023
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@Helgafy I ran across the name again just moments ago and the flag is changed again lol. A lot of people look for listeners in certain areas - just like they would with languages. Idk - it just seems disrespectful to members too- like they're not taking it seriously at all

Helgafy October 3rd, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami
@mytwistedsoul
@WorkingitThrough2

Hi friends - I'm back on the horseback! Well - because of my health I think it is better that soul rides the horse and I lye down at the cart.
I have been missing you 3. Iam let us have a site here.
Last Wednesday I got this message from 7Cups: "We are writing you to inform you about the status of your member account with 7 Cups. You were recently reported for engaging in hurtful behavior towards another user of the community. 7 Cups is an emotional support site and, thus, we have a zero tolerance policy for this type of behavior. As a result, we have suspended your member account. " So for 6 days I could not write at 7Cup, but I could read. I saw that the message I wrote when I told you I was a bad lady was removed. So maybe that was the issue, or it could have been another post that also was removed. There was this person who struggled. I told I also struggled and quoted Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” This person didn't like what I wrote at all and the text was deleted. If this case was the reason I was suspended I wrote to 7Cups that Glen (the leader of 7Cups) gave me (and everybody) permission to quote from the scripture (I asked because I was deleted 3 times for quoting the scripture).

So yesterday evening I got this message from 7Cups: "Thank you for requesting that your account be reviewed. After reviewing your account, I have restored it for you. "

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP October 19th, 2023
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Same stuff different day 

Iamwhoiamwhoami OP December 30th, 2023
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Words have been escaping my grasp for quite some time. I have been struggling with doctors and medication attempts. I still struggle with the same laundry list of issues. 

Doctor is frustrated with me and my issues. Taking me off of a few depression meds and going to something else. How can someone who has lived in the deepest, darkest realms of severe depression know , even have the tiniest suspicion that the meds are helping?

I do think that the med for headaches and sleep (brain flickers) has helped. I still have brain  flickers , just not as severe, I think. That or I am just getting used to them. 

I thought there was a few of you that were using one of my posts to communicate back and forth? Hopefully you all are still doing so still. I enjoyed seeing your friendships blossom.

WorkingitThrough2 December 30th, 2023
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami

Thank you,I think your thread got lost somehow. I missed being able to talk with you.

How is your health doing? How was the Holidays for you? Did you find a Bible that you liked?

No pressure to answer these questions. I just want you to know I am still here for you❤️😊

mytwistedsoul March 12th
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@Iamwhoiamwhoami @Helgafy You've both been in my thoughts. ❤️ 

CheeryMango March 12th
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CheeryMango March 12th
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SoulfullyAButterfly March 12th
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CheeryMango March 17th
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Iamwhoiamwhoami OP May 26th
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Time keeps blowing turbulently by, yet I still am trapped in the miserable darkness of my own creation. Still struggling with health issues, both mental and physical. Underlying, intrusive thoughts that have plagued my darkness for decades, still rule my world. Brain episodes are still persistent. Loneliness is a strong contender with everything else. Yet I am well aware that it is better off for everyone that I continue living my hermit lifestyle. Hiding underneath the granite mountain of baggage left by my life choices/experiences/regret. 

I have rebuilt the walls thicker and sturdier than they ever were. I have regained the mastery of extreme play acting being “normal” . I have actually went beyond anything that I ever thought possible, considering my anxieties and issues. Severe depression and extreme social anxiety at the top of the list of surprises. 

It’s like I am a complete stranger experiencing interactions with others. Extreme overcompensation in all interactions with people. Once I am alone I feel so drained and extremely miserable. Putting on a show to everyone that I am everything I am not. This behavior is compounding my issues and this has ensured that I remain buried underneath baggage mountain.

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