My daily ramblings
I am finally going to follow the lead and try and avoid posting in multiple different places. I am going to try and do most of my rambling in this thread.
My cognitive issues are making it harder and harder for me to focus on multiple things. That combined with my laundry list of other issues, makes functioning at all near impossible.
Having to go through medication experimentation again is going to make it even harder.
Whenever I have to refocus because I literally can’t remember blocks of time or where I am and why I’m here kinds of things , I’m usually able to come here and figure out through my posts and profile etc.
That has proven to not work very well at times. I wondered if I centralized my thoughts here that maybe that might work better.
That also keeps me from being a distraction from those who are more deserving than I.
How many times do I need to answer the same questions regarding depression and anxiety. 100% on both every time, everyday, every week, month, year, decade. It has been the same for my entire life. Every test I have taken over the past forty plus years has produced similar results. Thousands of tests. Hundreds of doctors/psychologists/psychiatrists/therapists etc., all producing the same data. I don’t need reminded repeatedly of something I deal with every minute of every day and night.
I just had a different brain episode. Came to standing in kitchen thinking I was reliving a couple traumatic things at once. . Panic attack later started to come back to reality.
This thing whatever it is is evolving I am not sure what is happening but it can’t last much longer before it maxes out can it
Caring is never wasted.
You are you you are, and I am who I am.
I can choose who I care about, for my own personal reasons.
Caring makes me feel connected with something beyond myself.
Thanks for sharing your personal journey with bunch of strangers who actually care. This is a great community.
People post responses that are very true for most people. My track record has proven I don’t fit any normal mold. They insist on showing they care for someone like me. Ok, fine. Out of my control, add it to the long list that is my life that is out of my control.
I try going to these group rooms and maybe it’s just me but it doesn’t seem like they are much more than … what are they called. Chat rooms.
maybe that’s the point. I just don’t see the benefit. I am not interrupting or changing the focus if someone actually is trying to work through something. I definitely am not chiming in when it’s some misc. conversations.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Well brother on this earth. Maybe the groups are not for you now at your state of mind. I joined "sharing circle" often for about 1 year. For me it was good. I could understand a lot of what the persons there were talking about and wanted to lift them higher with my words. But maybe you're suffering too much to join.
I am absolutely no healthpersonal and I cannot discuss your medication with you. I myself stopped taking antidep. med and became really depressed.
From Helga.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Brother on this earth.
Why don't you try to go to Christ again. You told here you were a Christian earlier. Listen what he says to you in the Bible. Matthew 11.28-30:
"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
@Helgafy
I tried numerous churches, but I don’t remember ever claiming I was of any faith. I am neither believer or nonbeliever. I’m aware of the teachings and familiar with some practices. But none claim me.
I’m very accepting of yours and anyone else’s firm beliefs. I’m ok with being in your prayers. I’m ok with receiving verses, etc., there are many wise things written in the Bible. I’m just not a spiritual person.
I am capable of believing in things I can’t see. With my struggles and issues, added to the millions of people that struggle with so many things, things that have no explanation or meaning, that to me is proof that the unexplained happens all the time. The “miracles” are in the same category, unexplained but still true. Whether things happen randomly or with a purpose, they still happen. I have no control over them. I don’t have control over what happens in my tiny speck of whatever this is.
I am familiar with the teachings, I am grateful you include me in your prayers and keep reaching out to me.
Thank you
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I was a little bit worried for you iam as you could see of my posts.
@Helgafy
Thank you ,
I am extremely struggling, and I’m just trying to make sure I don’t bring anyone any closer to the edge of the pit I am in, for fear they fall in and get trapped like me. So pushing away is the safest way to accomplish that
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I still ask the Father in heaven to fully cover you with his love.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Friend on this earth.
Do you have to se the emergency department? I had to do that myself 1,5 years ago. I was so depressed.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Brother on this earth.
Hopefully there will soon come other Cuppers to look after you in your pain. I'm leaving you now for this hour and I ask God to watch over you and to keep you in his hand.
Helga.
@Helgafy
No , I don’t need emergency department. They just make things worse for me.
It’s ok
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Friend on this earth.
I'm a bit afraid to leave you here for some moments until other persons come to talk to you. Can I leave?
@Helgafy
No need to worry, I am ok. Go. Be your wonderful self. Thank you
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Thank you brother on this earth.
Helga.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Friend on this earth.
This is what you wrote (page 7):Over the years I attended various churches with different people. I witnessed a lot of people including pastors/priests who only seemed to practice their faith when they attended church.
I misunderstood! I thought you wrote that you witnessed a lot FOR pastors/priests! - that is - told them about your faith in Jesus Christ. So I misunderstood what you wrote!
