Single and in your mid 30s…
Does anyone have stories to share or suggestions on how to stay driven and positive when you’ve suddenly become the last person in your friend group to be single?
Its like it snuck up on me but here I find myself the last single person in my friend group and I suddenly feel like such an outsider and so lost. I feel so lonely. My life exists just to wake up, work, go to sleep, rinse and repeat.
Its like once people become married they suddenly no longer have the same social interests they once had. That or they feel the need to only do married couple things together.
Im so lonely and lost these days as it’s like the “system”, right or wrong is forcing a lifestyle on me. Where once my friends were my support system and social system, it’s now gone and I have nothing.
I work from home too, so I can go days without leaving my apartment and interacting with someone in person, it’s just so depressing and I feel like I’ve lost any purpose and don’t even know how to have fun anymore.
Id love to hear stories from how others have dealt with this or from the perspectives of married folks. Just cause you’re married, does your social life suddenly become just you and your spouse? That’s basically what happened with my friends.
Any help or thoughts about how to push forward and find a new purpose would be appreciated.
I just turned 35 on May 8th. I’m the last person in the office who’s still single as well as in my circle friends. And yes, everyone is going out with their spouse and talk about families, children etc. So yes, I can relate to that because I feel lonely too sometimes. I know I have to keep busy or looking for new friends, but it’s just a hassle and not something that easy to do (to make friends). But yes I wish I could find a way to feel less lonely too. Maybe us unmarried 30 something people could hang out lol
I obviously can relate to this so so so much. It’s not easy to make friends when your older that’s for sure. The thing is even with things like meetup.com while I know there’s many of us out there in similar situations, I think some are too prideful to admit “I need to make new friends” or they simply are too anxious to go meet with a total group of strangers…which applies to me for the most part. I see a few meetup groups on my area for 30 something singles but even though they have 300+ people part of each group it always seems like only 4-5 people actually go. Just seems like it could be awkward, but that’s me just probably getting into my own head.
@MikeCheck88where are these I’d like to go
@MikeCheck88 I understand how you feel, I'm sorry that you've been feeling isolated. Have you shared your feelings with your friends to let them know that you'd like to meet up recently? I feel isolated at times too due to remote working and friends prioritising their romantic relationship over friendship, I view both as a priority. I've been looking for in-person meetup groups as a way to build my confidence up to meet new potential friends. It's important to feel connected and to share experiences in real-time.
I have, and to my friends credit they have made efforts to reach out more and such. That being said there’s only so much you can ask for as for example those with infants, sometimes it’s logistically just not possible to make time. Ironically those same people are telling me they miss the days of just hanging out with friends and such and they “need the break”. It frankly confuses me that people make the choices they do if that’s how they feel. Is it just the pressure of societal norms to go down the path whether you want to or not?
@MikeCheck88
This is the best thread. You're a realist. I whole heartedly agree with you. The societal pressures to conform drown out personal desire and goals sometimes. I am grateful to be single and able to use my friends' situations as a comparable, in a helpful way. What image are you chasing?
@lovingApricot6415 hey Mike I just realized that this post was from a few weeks ago, I'm glad you're doing much better now and that you have received so much great advice from everyone in this thread, best wishes! ☺️
@MikeCheck88 Hi Mike , This is just my personal opinion. Being married ain’t that great . I found out recently that my wife of 23 years Said that she was only happy for the first 3 years of our marriage . I asked her why and she couldn’t give me a real explanation. The *** with marriage it’s just another antiquated Human Concept. I really wish I could go back in time and stay the single man I was. You know what they say you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.
Hey, I’m so sorry to hear that…that’s got to be extremely tough. Frankly it’s stories like that, that have caused me to remain single as long as I have over the years and to never really truly let my guard down to a partner. But besides the point, I do agree that while I am in the situation I am, there’s so much stuff I could be doing and I should be doing…but it’s tough to do things solo…at least for me it is. Wishing you all the best, thanks for the words of advice.
Hi Mike, how are you doing with everything? Just wanted to check in and see how you were
Hey! Thanks again for checking in, you are too kind. Frankly, I have my ups and downs. There are days I’m happy and content to be where I am and almost feel liberated that I can do whatever I want and I’m the only one dictating my life. On the other hand, we are social creatures and the want for companionship or just friendship sinks in and makes me want to be able to share my experiences with a significant other or friend(s). I think my biggest hurdle is still going out and doing things solo and trying to escape the mindset that I’m some “loser” while doing so. Hope you are doing well yourself.
Hello! Mid 30s and currently separated so while not exactly what you're dealing with I get the whole feeling lonely thing. I will say if any of these friends are newly married (3 yrs or less) that's still like the honeymoon phase and people tend to have most if not all social interactions with their spouse. Talk to your friends about how you're feeling. Real friends won't take offense and will be understanding.
Im sorry to hear about your situation but thank you for mentioning this! I have heard about said honeymoon phase and came to a similar conclusion myself. Yes, basically all my close friends got married in the last 3 years and I believe (understandably) it’s a big change but also believe things will settle down and they will begin to look inwards and want a balance in life. I’m obviously biased but I would think that family and friends are both necessary to lead a fulfilled life as they both fit different needs. In fact after talking to some of these friends how I felt they have confessed even now only a few years in that they miss being with friends and will be trying to make more of an effort to get together and such. My hopes are things will trend in this direction but only time will tell. Hoping for all the best for you!
"The grass is always greener on the other side".
When I was together with my ex-fiancé with our son, I thought my life was complete but... Slowly, had less and less friends. Couldn't hangout with family. I felt lonely and isolated. It didn't help that my ex-fiancé was verbally & physically abusive and was an alcoholic. I was envious of my single friends, who didn't have to worry about compromising all the time with their partner, or worry about kids, finances, etc. I was overwhelmed and had to take care of everything at home
Now? I've been single for a while, dated here and there but ultimately... I actually enjoy being alone. A LOT. I love that I don't have to always compromise or change myself for ANYONE. I like that I can meet many different people. I'm happy I don't have to worry about pleasing someone else all the time. I can decorate the house however I please. Dance or sing at random hours out of the day. Spend more time on hobbies, etc and the little one and I have similar hobbies, so it's pretty cool! Some things may be a bit harder with having a child and all, but if you're childfree and single, enjoy it!
Go out and meet people in groups, bars, downtown, hiking/trekking, etc. Go enjoy your life!
If you want to have fun too, dating apps don't hurt or just old school seeing the same person often at the places you frequent (ex. Book store, park, bar, what have you) and asking them to hangout. Your couple/married friends might even be able to set you up too!
I've been focusing more on self-improvement since... I need time to heal and focus on my son & myself.
I wish you luck friend 🍀 and hope your journey goes smoothly! ✨
Thanks you for those words of encouragement and suggestions. I’m sorry to hear what you originally had to go through but it sounds like you’ve come out as a better person and really been able to identify what you value in life and what makes you happy. I agree with so much of that, I just have the flip side of feeling I miss out on experiences because I’m ashamed to do it alone for whatever reason. But so many of the other comments about nothing having to compromise I whole heartedly agree with and enjoy too.
@MikeCheck88 Hey, no problem! I've been there...I've felt really lonely after I lost my family. It kind of sucks, because I was SO used to waking up with someone by my side, and now I'm alone. But overtime, it hasn't phased me much. There's nothing wrong with doing events or going out alone, I actually do that a lot lol. It's kind of a nice feeling tbh. I feel relaxed and can just be free to be me.
Anyhow...How have you been Mike? What's new with you? :) Hope things are better for you!
@MikeCheck88 hi there! Let me first commend you for braving it all out there and addressing the elephant in the room. You are admirable and keep being you!
I totally relate! Where my single ladies at? 😂 It’s like society labels singleness as lack; like something’s missing in your life. Truth of the matter is, it’s a season of life. Others may have transitioned to a summer while you’re still in spring and that’s okay! Thing is, relationships (either with ourselves, and with a romantic partner) is equally as honorable. May we never see singleness as something to be shameful of but rather an opportunity to get to know ourselves more and love ourselves even better.
Of course it’s easier said than done and it’s never going to be perfect. 😅 One day you’re in a power suit, owning your singleness like a pro, and in the next hot minute, you see couples all around you, with matching outfits, smiling with their cute babies or dogs in a stroller- whatever! But it is what it is.
You can never stop society dictating outdated mindset or other people shoving their beliefs in your face but you can choose how to respond, set your mind into, stand your ground, and live in the moment rather than being unhappy and miserable because of your status.
It’s been like a long rant, hehe, but these are my honest thoughts. 😊
Thank you so much for that! I love how you stated that and admire your enthusiasm and approach to these topics. Touched on so many true things. I just need to get better at taking things at face value and enjoying them vice worrying what others think or assume I should be doing and resulting in me feeling down simply cause I’m not meeting expectations vs actually not enjoying the situation itself.
Same ,im in my 28's , and my all friends get married and have kids ,they don't even ask for me but whenever came to ask is "u still single?" , That just hurt unknowingly. Idk. Why people just ask things without knowing purpose, many things aren't in our hands, it's fate, but ... I made my self more reserved and alone, I don't talk much to my friends, I don't talk to my relatives, trying to stay away from toxic people surrounding, that never let us become happy or stay in peace,
