Single and in your mid 30s…

@MikeCheck88

My own experience as being someone single is finding something you like doing and finding like minded groups in your area. For example I'm a huge nerd when it some to comics and anime so I go to conventions, meet ups and online groups to chat with them.

I also have hobbies that enjoy doing, that can be done by myself or with groups, such as trying new foods in my local area.

@MikeCheck88

Hi there. I'm in the same situation as you and I also work from home so I get that it's not easy at times. That said, I have a few thoughts that might help, based on my own situation.

First thing I would say if you don't do it already, would be to find/practice things that you're really passionate about. There's something great in getting lost in the moment whether that's playing guitar, travelling, taking an acting class - whatever. It doesn't really matter what the activity/thing is but if you can find something that you're passionate about and gives you meaning, that's a fulfilling and worthwhile thing to pursue and it will remind you that happiness comes from within. Relationships only really enhance that (if they're healthy and not toxic of course). Not saying you don't know this but it can be good to remind ourselves.

Another thing that has helped me is to remind yourself that there are many other people who are in the same situation as you - this thread for example! There are also plenty of content creators on various platforms all from different backgrounds living single lives and sharing their experiences. If that's not your thing, you might find groups near you where you can meet a mix of different people, some of whom may well be single but regardless, the social aspect can often help too - especially with the working from home piece. Overall, If you're always comparing yourself to married friends, it will be hard not feel down sometimes but there are so many people who are single at this age for a multitude of reasons so experiencing a mix of both is good to gain perspective.

Also, to get a bit philosophical, I would say that nothing in life is guaranteed and things are not always as they seem - You could meet someone in 1, 10, or 20 years and one of your friends could be divorcing at that time and wishing they had what you had, or perhaps someone is envying your single life right now. You never know and we never can know exactly what's going on with other people all the time, so we might as well put that energy into ourselves, and developing as a person. Then when someone comes along or we meet someone we like, we're in a better position to choose wisely or enjoy a relationship.

Hope some of that helps and take care - don't be too hard on yourself :)

@MikeCheck88

Perspective from a married woman:

I find it easier to hang out with unmarried people than other married couples.

I had a set of friends who are all married, like myself. We have drifted apart because our schedules aren’t lining up, making it harder to hang out. I don’t blame them.

Fortunately, my husband still has unmarried friends who have more free time to hang out. I appreciate that they don’t mind me tagging along sometimes ☺️

@MikeCheck88

Wow, it’s like we are living the same life! I decided to make it my mission to go to every couples event, work event or anything social I was invited to for six months. Through that I managed to make friends with so many people in similar situations and now being the single one in my group no longer bothers me because I have my fellow single friends :) hang in there - it’s much lonelier to be in a bad relationship than it ever would be to be single! Brighter days are ahead for you!! (Side note - not sure where you are located but my colleague has a great group of single friends she met through the friends version of Bumble, I think it’s called bumble bff)

@MikeCheck88

Hi Mike.

I too was the last single person in my friend group at 30. And watched the friendships change as their focus shifted to thier new families. It was very sad and lonely to me.

A few things helped. I moved cities for a job. This forced me to join new clubs etc and so I developed new friends. I didn't lose the old ones, but I didn't need to rely on them so much.

I found my partner at 35. It'll happen for you if you want it to. It's hard to be patient. But I'm glad I was.

And finally, something you possibly don't want to hear. I was with my partner when we shifted to work from home. I loved it. More time together. Just more time in general from not having to commute/dress up etc. I was never a social butterfly, so I really enjoyed the peace. When our company suggested we go back once a week, I resisted. It was torturous having to drag myself back to the office. But things started happening. I began to enjoy work more. I argued less with my partner. I became less frustrated. Now I'm doing 2, sometimes 3 days in the office. In the freedom that work from home gives us, its easy to overlook the potential long term downsides for mental health, because these only creep up on us gradually. Human beings are social beings. Even for those of us who enjoy our own company. Work from home has lots of benefits. But it does have the downside of social isolation. You may need to push yourself to get back into society.

@MikeCheck88 ok went through this. Your friends forgetting single friends exist very normal.

I brought marriage to every house I lived in.

I finally lived alone with cats.

*I* got married haaha (first).

Frankly feel good you are in a much better position than I am in lol.im 36 single, unemployed trying to study for a major exam, recently got dumped,dealing with a couple mental illnesses,etc only good thing was losing 100 pounds during covid.