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Clio9876
11 21,311 M Aiming High
PathStep 163 Compassion hearts3,468 Forum posts725 Forum upvotes1,217 Current upvotes1,217 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceAugust 1, 2021
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It's not my problem.
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by Clio9876
Last post
 16 hours ago
...See more Trigger Warning. Drink and decidedly unpleasant consequences. This evening my partner went out for a car part. And came back 6 hours later, drunk. The first thing they said to me was that I was a horrible person.  Hurtful. Despair. A big deep breath. This is not my problem. And then I responded with compassion. I'm so damn proud of that. My partner promptly fell asleep. They are not sleeping well. They keep waking, almost vomiting, and then immediately falling asleep again. At some point they likely will vomit. They normally do in this situation. Normally I would get a bucket, so it's handy. But I've just been learning about enabling. Maybe I should let there be a mess that they have to clean up in the morning. After all, it's not my problem. Maybe I'm going to be OK. Thanks for listening.
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Playing the piano
Hobby Zone / by Clio9876
Last post
 February 6th
...See more When I was a child I played the piano because my parents said I should. Practice was a chore I avoided, if I could. Until, as teenager I was given one particular piece. It was a moody, mornful angry piece. And the first piece I enjoyed playing. I'm sure it's because it expressed feelings I couldn't express. I moved away from home and stopped playing because I had no piano. I met my partner who gave me a piano and I started playing again. The type of music expanded a bit. I was ok with my partner hearing me play. I can't say I liked them listening, but I could ignore it. Then we hit a rocky patch. I started to only play the piece of my teenage years. I got help. I learnt to share my feelings. I'm feeling a bit more stable.  I don't play the piano. I'm curious why I'm not playing. Because I shared the feelings? Maybe but I'm not convinced. There's still plenty of feelings, just different ones. I'm afraid someone might hear me playing. Why does that matter? I don't know. Does it even matter that I'm not playing? I don't know. But it is curious. If I did play, what would I be playing for? Because people say I'm good and it would be a waste not to do something with that? Do I want to play for other people? Clearly not. If you play, what motivates you to play?
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Has anyone managed to teach children to enjoy chores?
35 & Over Community / by Clio9876
Last post
 December 19th, 2024
...See more Please share your tips. I think it is possible with small children. Because they value the attention. But what about teenagers? My mum resented chores. So I think the main thing she taught me was to resent them. Eventually I realised that I needed to stop doing chores because I was "supposed to" and start doing them for me. So I wash the dishes because I hate not having clean things to eat with. And I pay the bills because I don't want to live without light and water. Etc. And I found that when I viewed chores as things that make my life nicer, I liked doing them better. Is this something that is possible to inspire in a teenager, or something they have to discover for themself? Of course, there's always the reward/payment route. But I'm very interested if anyone has managed to inspire a love of doing chores. Or had it inspired in themself. How do you think it happened?
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My partner drinks
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by Clio9876
Last post
 December 6th, 2024
...See more My partner drinks. Not a lot. But daily. They have health conditions, each of which alcohol can be a cause. Its doing my head in. To me it is obvious that alcohol is at least a contributory factor, if not the cause. But they are convinced its not. Each symptom, they ascribe to something else. I want to shout at them "look! Just look at what alcohol is doing to you!" I want to show them websites that prove the links. But I know I will be doing no good. Except letting off a bit of steam. I know they won't hear until they want to hear. I know it is futile to try to take responsibility for someone else's choices. But I want to, none-the-less. Because this is affecting me. So I've come here to rant instead. Thank you for listening. I'm angry. And that's OK. I care. And that's a good thing. I want to do something. I want to say something. But my partner knows what I think about this and doesn't seem to want to hear it. And in that scenario, I can't see saying something achieving anything. So maybe this is just an opportunity to focus on me and processing anger. But. I'm not good at sharing (in real life). I'm trying to change that. This makes me feel I should say something. Otherwise I'm not living up to my goal to share and not keep inside. It makes me afraid that I'm finding reasons to not say something, to justify what I was going to do anyway. It will be OK. Thank you again for listening.
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Dealing with emotional pain. A thought.
Relationship Stress / by Clio9876
Last post
 November 27th, 2024
...See more It is very sad to me that a lot of the posts on this thread are about emotional pain. Heartbreak. Rejection. There's a lot of hurt out there. My heart goes out to anyone out there right now trying to deal with this. I've been there, and know that sometimes the pain is insurmountable. If that is where you are right now, know that it is OK to feel miserable. Its OK to feel angry. It's OK to grieve whatever it is that you have lost. Why, oh why, must it be so painful? Hindsight gives an interesting perspective. Maybe the pain is there to promote change? After all, physical pain is there to prompt a change in behaviour. When you hurt yourself, your body needs rest to recover. The pain tells you to take things easy. It promotes rest. It causes a change in behaviour. So I wonder. Is emotional pain our minds trying to tell us that something needs to change. That we need to alter our behaviour? I know in my case the pain started getting better when I made the choice to start doing things differently.  Confronting ourselves and our choices can be immensely painful in itself. So I can understand it is not for everyone. But what about you? Are you ready to listen to what your pain is trying to tell you about yourself?
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Beer fountain dilemma
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by Clio9876
Last post
 November 17th, 2024
...See more My partner was drinking enough alcohol for it to be damaging their health. They've recently cut down and are seeing the health benefits. We're looking at a weekend away for Christmas. I found a promising hotel. Among other things, my partner commented "it is near the free beer fountain!" I don't find it funny. A few years ago, I would have found this a totally normal comment and we likely would have visited the beer fountain. Now I'm frustrated at the normalisation of giving away a destructive drug for free. I'm afraid that if I respond to the comment I'll be perceived as being a melodramatic negative party pooper.  I want to focus on the positives. I want to support my partner in cutting down and improving their health. But comments like this one make me afraid that my partner is still in denial about alcohol and destroy my hope. Thanks for the space to figure out my feelings.
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Improving a bad posture
Motivation & Accountability / by Clio9876
Last post
 August 17th, 2024
...See more TW Child abuse. Motivation sometimes comes from the most surprising of places. I've been working on my posture. It's hard to change 40 years of habit. So it's slow and gradual. Today I read a post on another site by someone else working on their bad posture in middle age. Like me, they have discovered that the problem isn't the back, but a collapsed core. As they put it: "From protecting myself from beatings as a child". And then they wrote "it's hard to remember that no one is going to hit me anymore" I wasn't beaten as a child. But my collapsed core is also due to feeling hurt and defensive in the past. And it is hard to remember that I don't need to anymore. But today I'm going to walk tall. In solidarity with anyone and everyone out there, and particular with that one poster. Everyone who is feeling small, but determined to keep trying. I will, because you do.
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My cat
Positivity & Gratitude / by Clio9876
Last post
 August 9th, 2024
...See more My cat was recently critically ill. After a stressful journey of complications over several months, she's navigated the final hurdle of a risky operation and is recovering. A few people on 7 cups have kindly listened and supported during the moments when we thought we were going to lose her. To thank them I create this post, so they can see what they have helped with. This is my cat, enjoying the simple pleasure of sitting in the sun with friends, on the first day when she was allowed out again after the operation. The beginning of the rest of her life.
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