Cycles of PTSD

@TrineT

Hey there,

Im sorry to hear things are rough for you right now, and it sounds like they have been for quite some time, so I hope you are receiving some much needed support to help you through your troubles.

I just wanted to say, your are actually stronger than you think, you are not beaten, you are winning this battle step by step, because you are not allowing it to take over your life, define you as a person, you get up, shower, dress, eat breakfast, go and do a days work, you have routine, and routine helps us move forward in a positive motion, your doing this perfectly.

Best Of luck to you my friend, I admire your strength, and let's hope your recovery is a speedy one

Emma x

Thank you so much for the uplifting message. I hit just the right spot.

Work was very busy and helped me keeping me occupied. Only one flashback today and no one was around (that I know of). That is a successful day. I kept your words of encouragement with me and it was very helpful in the time immediately after the flashback. I did pick up and I did keep on going.

I hope everyone else out there managed to get through their day successfully.

Tonight - yes I worry about having to sleep, yet we need the sleep so desperately to feel even better tomorrow. No pressure, right! 😀

Was tired after a hectic day at work and yesterday had been a relatively good day - I thought perhaps I would sleep well. Sometimes I can exhaust my body enough to where I can fall asleep quick and sleep through the entire night - that feels so good.

last night I woke up four times from nightmares. It was not the same nightmare every time. I think that's is more confusing to me because I am not sure what the triggers are then. And thus I don't know how to avoid or minimize the reoccurrence.

i am a little more apprehensive of going to work today as I don't feel quite as alert, I will try to listen to some calm but positive music on my way to work.

I hope for a busy day that will totally exhaust me and I hope for no flashbacks. Plus can I have my appetite back?

@Emma, thanks for the words of encouragement, it was really comforting to have some positive words. I hope you have a beautiful day

Just got home from work. It was a really busy and exhausting day. That means I might get to sleep really good tonight. I guess I got what I wished for (wanting to get exhausted).

work was a mixed bag today. Not even one flashback - yaaaaah. However, the day was incredibly stressful and emotionally draining.

Hmm, this writing is rather therapeutic, which I find interesting as I have never felt good about writing or journaling in the past.

@Emma,

No, I am not currently receiving any professional help. I got some counseling 10 years ago. I thought I could get rid of this PTSD then, now I am just trying to learn how to cope with all the ups and downs of PTSD cycles as they come and go. Some are as short as a few weeks others last months. It is the long periods of having constant night terrors, flashbacks, etc that totally wears you down physically, mentally and spiritually.

Well, better cash in on this draining day and hopefully that payout will be good sleep

@TrineT

Hi Trine, have the last couple days been any better for you?

I agree that you're a fighter and you are getting through this tough road. It's hard but so worth it. I know you have a great strength deep inside because you are reaching out. I do hope you'll start sleeping better though. We all need some good sleep every now and then, More now often than then, :)

Winding down for a few minutes after a stressful day was good. I fell asleep quickly, it never ceases to amaze me how great that feels in comparison to the nights you spend tossing and turning trying to find sleep.

then the nightmares had to interfere. After the first one I follow my routine of trying to reorient myself, deep breathing, positive words, and holding my husbands hand while trying to fall asleep again.

the second nightmare - same routine but it is really hard to fall asleep because I am anxious about having more dreams.

after the third nightmare I just got up. I know I won't get anymore good sleep. Tried to settle down with some studying and soft music- too difficult to concentrate. Found 7cups and started writing, but the text vanished more than halfway through. That was really frustrating. It made me question how therapeutic it was to write/journal. However, if I can feel so upset about it not working, then it must mean that it is important to me on some level.

@KristenHR

the answer would be yes and no. No, the PTSD is "well and alive"; yes I feel better because I am not giving in and I am trying out this 7Cups as a new coping strategy.

When a cycle of PTSD gets long, I can get really down mentally as well as physically. Loss of sleep and appetite means less energy and emotional resources to deal with the anxiety that will increase and at some point I feel like giving up and a depressive state enters. I am fully aware of where on the spectrum I am, however, I have never felt able to be in control and stop the downward spiral.

all I know to do is my routines, avoid known triggers, and hope it is a short round of intensive PTSD.

I am in bed now. Finished my routines and I am calm yet really nervous. I feel like I have done a lot the past few days to reach out and to get this period of PTSD stopped. I am scared that none of it will work and that night will be terrifying. What if it doesn't work, is it the technique is it me, or did I simply just not do enough? Positive thoughts, positive words: I can get through this, I will get through this, I have gotten through this before.

Why do we feel so vulnerable at night? Please let all the outreach work - it is supposed to work.

I am still scared of going to sleep. But I will be ok, you will be ok, we will be ok.

Sleep did not come easy and did not stay long. After a couple of nightmares I got up at 1:00am. The house is dark and quiet and your emotions start rolling. I am so tired. I feel hurt and frustrated that the last week of working hard on reaching out and trying to use writing as a new coping skill is not paying off the way I want it to.

But I have learned one thing from my years of experience. If I allow myself to give up I will for certain end up depressed and have suicidal thoughts. If I keep on fighting and keep trying then there is hope that I can break the cycle earlier.

Last night I decided to go with distraction. Movies don't work for me, my thoughts end up wandering. I tried out the group support chat rooms. I felt it was very confusing, disturbing at times, and a bit too much negativity for me to handle and I was about to sign off again. Then I got to experience how an experienced listener intervened and changed the whole forum and really helped out a member.

Although, I was just a spectator at that moment, I felt as if I received a great deal of hope

I miss my children.