Getting along with parts and building communication
Hi, I have been thinking about some of the things people have asked me and things I have learnt along the way about understanding and communicating with my other and I thought I might share some here. I would love it if we could all share our ideas here!
Somethings that I learnt from the book Got parts that really helped me understand my parts and my system as a whole:
1. I asked each part to write down in a circle what their name was, how old they are, what their traits are and why they 'split' or 'fragmented'.
2. I asked each person to wirte down their core memories - this helped us build on conconciousness so that we are not afaird of each other 'finding out' secrets, we made time to share and deal with those things conciously and it built trust between us all. It especially helped with the smaller parts (I call them my littles) because i took the burden away from them and now they are free to be kids again.
3. Acknowledge and thanked each part for what they had done for us, they survived things and held memories so we didnt have to. They each deserve respect for that. I also acknowledged the roles they filled and continue to fill in our life.
4. I set up inner safe spaces, most people with DID discribe an inner world. Inside mine there is a house where I made a safe room for everyone, there are also other places like the place we go to pray or the giant duvet fortress my littles built with monsters and dinosaurs guarding the doors... let them decide what they need to feel safe :) Some parts may want space to be alone, to remember or just have the freedom to be, I created spaces for them to do that. I also created a space called lockdown which I put a part if they are being harmful to themselves or others. I also ask parts to go into the safe space when at doctors appointments or i just want some alone time/time with my hubby.
5. Agree short and long term goals, I created a contract with my parts which we all agreed to. This sets boundaries for everyone inside so that we can live together in a way that works for us all. Take your time on this part as it is important everyone is heard. Stipulate behaviours and consequences for unacceptable behaviour/harm, be forgiving though as parts learn to develop new coping skills.
6. Set up inner meetings to review the contract when necessary, you may wish to set an informal agenda, make time for each part to talk about their feelings and encourage parts to buddy up and help each other. It also helps to tell insider parts what is happening in the outside world to help them ground in the present. I use this time to tell them about any difficult things like doctors appointment or to ask for help with daily tasks etc... You can also use this time to teach eachother coping skills.
I really loved this book because it was so practical and it really did make a differenc and dont forget, be kind and compassionate to your inside family!!! <3
FH: N
How I personally cope with participation in therapy and recovery:
We have a journal where we all can write note to each other about daily tasks/things we need to remember from our inner meetings. We also have a journal where we work through things like counselling homework/feelings/trauma body memories and flashbacks. This helps us understand what is going on inside and what happened when one part was out. I personally found that 2 separate journals were helpful so that I could review my daily tasks without anyone getting triggered by something we are working on trauma wise.
We mainly have an agreement that the core personality attends counselling sessions but other parts are welcome to speak. We have rules like, if we are present we let the core person know so that they understnad what is happening inside. We also tell our counsellor who is talking when. My parts are very shy so I like to ask them what they want to talk about in the next counselling session. It helps me to make sure all needs are met and also not to surpise them, they all hate surprises so I avoid that! This is what works for us...would love to know what helps you all 
Unblending
I have been learning about this technique in counselling and I thought it might be helpful for others. I get a lot of overwhelming feelings that I don't understand. I don't always feel connected to them but they can be so intense that I can't deny that they are there.
My counsellor suggested that I consider that the feelings are a communication from my other parts. I name the feelings as not mine, (you can do this however works for you). I start with 'these are not my feelings' and eventually when I know whose they are, I name them as that parts feelings. It helps me separate from their distress enough to be able to objectively look at the situation and help them. The next bit is to externalise the part that is in distress either by finding an object to represent it or by drawing etc. Personally I didnt like this idea as it made me feel more separated from the part but I took the concept and made space inside for them to feel. Then together we put the emotion into an imaginary jar to be curious about. Next you sit with the part and try to understand why they feel that way. I found that they often have transference of other parts feelings so it usually ends up involving a few of us inside. Once I understand it I reassure them that its perfectly logical for them to feel that way and validate them – found this very important, as they had never been validated before! Next is offering to ‘take over that feeling, again not keen on this and I think some of my littlens would have a melt down if I did that but the concept of offering to help them is beneficial. In practical terms it has been a negotiation, some convincing that the threat is no longer present and some ‘would you please trust me to handle this for you or at least together.
Im going to keep practicing this myself as it has been super helpful and I might make it part of our inner meeting eventually. If you want to try it I suggest chatting it through with your counsellor/thearpist to find out what works for you best
**FH: N** <--- what does this mean, curiosity is kinda messing with me.
Good post 
@Hope me too I didnt put that there...i wondered if my posts are getting moved about 
