Getting along with parts and building communication
Hi, I have been thinking about some of the things people have asked me and things I have learnt along the way about understanding and communicating with my other and I thought I might share some here. I would love it if we could all share our ideas here!
Somethings that I learnt from the book Got parts that really helped me understand my parts and my system as a whole:
1. I asked each part to write down in a circle what their name was, how old they are, what their traits are and why they 'split' or 'fragmented'.
2. I asked each person to wirte down their core memories - this helped us build on conconciousness so that we are not afaird of each other 'finding out' secrets, we made time to share and deal with those things conciously and it built trust between us all. It especially helped with the smaller parts (I call them my littles) because i took the burden away from them and now they are free to be kids again.
3. Acknowledge and thanked each part for what they had done for us, they survived things and held memories so we didnt have to. They each deserve respect for that. I also acknowledged the roles they filled and continue to fill in our life.
4. I set up inner safe spaces, most people with DID discribe an inner world. Inside mine there is a house where I made a safe room for everyone, there are also other places like the place we go to pray or the giant duvet fortress my littles built with monsters and dinosaurs guarding the doors... let them decide what they need to feel safe :) Some parts may want space to be alone, to remember or just have the freedom to be, I created spaces for them to do that. I also created a space called lockdown which I put a part if they are being harmful to themselves or others. I also ask parts to go into the safe space when at doctors appointments or i just want some alone time/time with my hubby.
5. Agree short and long term goals, I created a contract with my parts which we all agreed to. This sets boundaries for everyone inside so that we can live together in a way that works for us all. Take your time on this part as it is important everyone is heard. Stipulate behaviours and consequences for unacceptable behaviour/harm, be forgiving though as parts learn to develop new coping skills.
6. Set up inner meetings to review the contract when necessary, you may wish to set an informal agenda, make time for each part to talk about their feelings and encourage parts to buddy up and help each other. It also helps to tell insider parts what is happening in the outside world to help them ground in the present. I use this time to tell them about any difficult things like doctors appointment or to ask for help with daily tasks etc... You can also use this time to teach eachother coping skills.
I really loved this book because it was so practical and it really did make a differenc and dont forget, be kind and compassionate to your inside family!!! <3
FH: N
How I personally cope with participation in therapy and recovery:
We have a journal where we all can write note to each other about daily tasks/things we need to remember from our inner meetings. We also have a journal where we work through things like counselling homework/feelings/trauma body memories and flashbacks. This helps us understand what is going on inside and what happened when one part was out. I personally found that 2 separate journals were helpful so that I could review my daily tasks without anyone getting triggered by something we are working on trauma wise.
We mainly have an agreement that the core personality attends counselling sessions but other parts are welcome to speak. We have rules like, if we are present we let the core person know so that they understnad what is happening inside. We also tell our counsellor who is talking when. My parts are very shy so I like to ask them what they want to talk about in the next counselling session. It helps me to make sure all needs are met and also not to surpise them, they all hate surprises so I avoid that! This is what works for us...would love to know what helps you all 
Unblending
I have been learning about this technique in counselling and I thought it might be helpful for others. I get a lot of overwhelming feelings that I don't understand. I don't always feel connected to them but they can be so intense that I can't deny that they are there.
My counsellor suggested that I consider that the feelings are a communication from my other parts. I name the feelings as not mine, (you can do this however works for you). I start with 'these are not my feelings' and eventually when I know whose they are, I name them as that parts feelings. It helps me separate from their distress enough to be able to objectively look at the situation and help them. The next bit is to externalise the part that is in distress either by finding an object to represent it or by drawing etc. Personally I didnt like this idea as it made me feel more separated from the part but I took the concept and made space inside for them to feel. Then together we put the emotion into an imaginary jar to be curious about. Next you sit with the part and try to understand why they feel that way. I found that they often have transference of other parts feelings so it usually ends up involving a few of us inside. Once I understand it I reassure them that its perfectly logical for them to feel that way and validate them – found this very important, as they had never been validated before! Next is offering to ‘take over that feeling, again not keen on this and I think some of my littlens would have a melt down if I did that but the concept of offering to help them is beneficial. In practical terms it has been a negotiation, some convincing that the threat is no longer present and some ‘would you please trust me to handle this for you or at least together.
Im going to keep practicing this myself as it has been super helpful and I might make it part of our inner meeting eventually. If you want to try it I suggest chatting it through with your counsellor/thearpist to find out what works for you best
@LifeIsMyCanvas Thank you for posting Canvas!
Imagery jar...can you explain that? I like this idea...will try it as well. I still feel emotions as separate from me. For the most part, I the adult, I have very basic emotions. My therapist would say I feel okay, and angry... everything else is not me..
I have to get past the feeling of this being weird or childish...that prevents me from taking the time to check in... frustrating, very! My young emotional spaces crave a present and stable caring compassionate mother, my therapist as my mom and I recently stopped talking as of last year. Still grieving that loss.
Ideas, suggestions or comments welcome!
Thanks
@Quest4me2
We have jars to put our emotions in, so that they are contained but not hidden/ignored. We are autistic (fairly common with DID) so my littles dont always know how they feel (alexithymia) and when they do they don't always have the language to tell me. We imagine our feelings a colours and put them into jars so we can share them with each other and offer support to each other. After a while I got to know which colours meant what emotions for my main parts.
About needing a mother figure, we had that issue and we also lost our long term therapist of 9 years which was hard for my littles. I feel like we survived it ok because I had done a lot of the parenting of my littles so they are securely attached to me for that need, rather than an external other that could let us down. Hope that helps.
@LifeIsMyCanvas I'm sorry I don't mean to butt in or anything but reading the second part of what you wrote really hit home for me. That light bulb moment I guess because it makes so much sense with some of the things that have been going on - the reactions and over reactions and emotions - that overwhelming sense of loss and at times anger at someone no longer in our lives. All of this was so new at the time and in alot of ways it still is but it explains why they got so attached to this person - they weren't attached to me and I'm afraid I haven't been a very good parental figure for any of them. I still struggle to accept all this sometimes tbh - but - wow
Thank you
@mytwistedsoul
Butt in all that you need to my lovely. It's meant to be a conversation here. Glad it helped, I never understood it until I watched a talk on attachment theory and child development. I realised all my stuck parts got stuck because a developmental need was not met. So I got to meeting that need to get them unstuck. But in doing so, they securely attached to me and now I look back on it, it makes sense why we have less attachment issues that we used to.
This is the talk if you are interested, it is long but I am a nerd hehe: https://youtu.be/lY7XOu0yi-E
@LifeIsMyCanvas I can't thank you enough for all the help and information you've given me. It's so much to take in and there's so much I need to do and understand. I feel incredibly stupid sometimes - it's hard to retain all the information I know I need - all the things I need to understand so it's not so chaotic all the time. I guess I keep thinking there's a quick fix to all this but there really isn't - everything has to be handle with kindness and gentleness - delicacy
Lol - I don't mean to sound like a whiner. I know all this needs to be done. I've started watching that video - I haven't finished it yet and I'm sure I'll need to watch it again so I saved it. Thank you Canvas ❤️
Good post 
@LifeIsMyCanvas - I especially like #4. I've never thought about the idea that different parts could need different safe places and not all be satisfied with one safe place, but it makes perfect sense now. Thank you so much for pointing it out.
I have a question. It sounds like you are very clear on your parts. Have you always known who they are, their names, ages, traits? Even now, do you always know who is speaking or acting? Or how did this develop for you?
@Chiaroscuro1 Hi, thanks for your questions...um short answer is no I didn't know about them all. For most of my life I was completely unaware of them. it was 2014 I think that I first noticed a small child trying to get my attention. Then when I told my counsellor she worked out that I had DID and 4 more surfaced shortly after then I think it was about a year until I find 4 more and 3 more somewhere along the way (we are 13 in total so far). The reason I am so aware of my parts now is because of therapy, Got Parts book and also the book we cover in the work group session which I actually worked through a long time ago. Compassion for your parts and respect is essential to building trust, getting to know each other and cooperating. I think that is mostly it but if you have more questions feel free to ask :)
@LifeIsMyCanvas - Thank you so much.
@LifeIsMyCanvas Hey How are you?
I wanted to give you a very heartfelt ThankYou for the threads you have on DID. It's helped give me some guidence and a little direction. A little hope.
I admire your bravery and how you have everything so well written. Understandable.
Thank you again - Take Care
@LifeIsMyCanvas
OMG, I must thank @MyTwistedSoul for directing me to this post on DID. I never knew this area existed. I have been recently diagnosed with DID, and I had never heard about this until early this year here on 7cups doing research for the Forum.
I am dealing with the nonacceptance of this condition although I really know that there is truth in this to some degree. So maybe because of my unacceptance, the communication is shabby. I guess they don't trust me yet. So far my Therapist has determined that there are at least 5 alters. I am conscious of 3 with little communication.
This post has helped steer me in a good direction to begin this journey. Thanks😊❤️
@scarletPear1945
Hey Pear, I'm sorry I hadn't seen your post before now. I hope you and your parts are getting along ok now. Feel free to ask questions here or join the DID/OSDD chat on Weds at 12 cups time.
@scarletPear1945
Scarlet May I ask how did your therapist find out you have DID? Did he tell you? Or you had a feeling about it. Thank you hugs
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Canvas I miss you. When are you online again? Hugs