Getting along with parts and building communication
Hi, I have been thinking about some of the things people have asked me and things I have learnt along the way about understanding and communicating with my other and I thought I might share some here. I would love it if we could all share our ideas here!
Somethings that I learnt from the book Got parts that really helped me understand my parts and my system as a whole:
1. I asked each part to write down in a circle what their name was, how old they are, what their traits are and why they 'split' or 'fragmented'.
2. I asked each person to wirte down their core memories - this helped us build on conconciousness so that we are not afaird of each other 'finding out' secrets, we made time to share and deal with those things conciously and it built trust between us all. It especially helped with the smaller parts (I call them my littles) because i took the burden away from them and now they are free to be kids again.
3. Acknowledge and thanked each part for what they had done for us, they survived things and held memories so we didnt have to. They each deserve respect for that. I also acknowledged the roles they filled and continue to fill in our life.
4. I set up inner safe spaces, most people with DID discribe an inner world. Inside mine there is a house where I made a safe room for everyone, there are also other places like the place we go to pray or the giant duvet fortress my littles built with monsters and dinosaurs guarding the doors... let them decide what they need to feel safe :) Some parts may want space to be alone, to remember or just have the freedom to be, I created spaces for them to do that. I also created a space called lockdown which I put a part if they are being harmful to themselves or others. I also ask parts to go into the safe space when at doctors appointments or i just want some alone time/time with my hubby.
5. Agree short and long term goals, I created a contract with my parts which we all agreed to. This sets boundaries for everyone inside so that we can live together in a way that works for us all. Take your time on this part as it is important everyone is heard. Stipulate behaviours and consequences for unacceptable behaviour/harm, be forgiving though as parts learn to develop new coping skills.
6. Set up inner meetings to review the contract when necessary, you may wish to set an informal agenda, make time for each part to talk about their feelings and encourage parts to buddy up and help each other. It also helps to tell insider parts what is happening in the outside world to help them ground in the present. I use this time to tell them about any difficult things like doctors appointment or to ask for help with daily tasks etc... You can also use this time to teach eachother coping skills.
I really loved this book because it was so practical and it really did make a differenc and dont forget, be kind and compassionate to your inside family!!! <3
FH: N