Emotional abuse

@FutureDoctorDoc things that I used to enjoy have no longer become enjoyable, I constantly feel watched, as if I am supposed to be on my best behaviour at all times, and the voices tend to get unbearable at night, and it's all because I listen to my mother's words, and let them consume me. It's horrible, and I really do wish I could get out of this. I relate with you and I wish I could help you, too.

@dunyaaa02

Hello,

We're all here because we know that something isn't right in how we're being treated. Identifying what is happening is the first step to making things better. What can I do to help you?

Agree with you @FutureDoctorDoc, the first step is identifying what is happening and recognising that it isn't right. Then its about looking after oneself, reclaiming the self that may have been lost in this relationship. As you said before change only comes slowly and beginning to pick up.old hobbies and interests can be part of this. Knowing too that we can only change our selves, and we may "rock the boat", but remembering we deserve better. And we need support... let's keep supporting each other here!

@rozie, I'm gonna take a second and tag some other people here: @TransAm85 @dunyaaa02

Alright now that that's taken care of, I want to say this. Rocking the boat is, I think sometimes the second most essential part of this process. The first being taking care of yourself. Here's why:

As human beings, we find it very easy to get comfortable in a situationand just accept it. We say things like: that I can deal with this, this isn't too bad, I can survive this, well if I quit now then it's all been wasted time. It's so easy to lull outselves into this false sense of security, maintaining hope that if we just stay the course that things will get better. Nothing will change without action (although I am incredibly guilty of inaction myself). Rocking the boat is a way of changing a course, or shaking things up so that both sides of the relationship may be forced to examine things. Here's why we need to rock the boat. Maybe the other person doesn't see what they do, or doesn't see it as a bad thing. We have no control over them, but by being there for OURSELVES and by pushing towards our own interests and well being we are supporting ourselves. If this causes friction then it means that the other person is not looking out for us. If there is resistance to you doing something good for you, then the person doing the resisting is not looking out for you. If you do nothing then there are two possible outcomes, either things stay exactly the same, or the other person treats you even worse because they will ALWAYS push your limits. If you don't tell them to stop right where they are, then they will just keep going. However, if you do rock the boat, then the only outcome is a good one. You empower yourself, you stand up for yourself. By rocking the boat, you bring things to light and you will either cause improvement in the situation (yeah!) or you will make things to the point where you will know that things will never improve and that you probably should leave. If you are pushed to the point of leavng it means that you are BETTER without them. Irregardless throughout all of this, you are empowering yourself. You are what matters, and for all the limits that they have pushed, all the boundaries you have set that they then went through, you are putting those back up, you are telling them that it is not ok and you are putting yourself back where you need to be. So rock the boat, because it means that you are standing up for you. Because YOU matter, I matter, WE matter and people who can't see that need to be thrown overboard.

@FutureDoctorDoc I found this article today .. It kind of suits my situation, wanted to know if you could relate? -

"Emotional abuse is a form of brain-washing that slowly erodes the victims sense of self-worth, security, and trust in themselves and others. In many ways, it is more detrimental than physical abuse because it slowly disintegrates ones sense of self and personal value. It cuts to the core of your essential being, which can create lifelong psychological scars and emotional pain."

I thought it described my life right now in a nutshell! And as you said, we can get ourselves back to the way we once were, just have to set boundaries and have courage and be affirmative. Today I told him I am sick of being treated like an employee or some random person and he bosses me around. His response was that, we are supposed to be in this together and you are the wife, so you do the wifey things! Changing ball joints during the day and cooking dinner at night and washing your dirty underwear doesn't sound exactly like a normal wife situation when all you do is criticize me! Well anyway, I hope you have a good weekend! :)

@TransAm85 I can certainly relate to that article too. It's strange how pervasive teh actions can be, how it sinks deep down and just erodes you without you even realizing it. I'm so glad you are standing up for yourself though! You need a partner, and you need him to be a partner. Let me know how things are going and I wish you a good weekend as well!

Much needed, thanks!

Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse maybe in some ways worse. Trubbles Cat Box is a great website for identifying verbal abuse and how to respond.

Remember, none of the abuse has anything to do with you! Your job is to realize you deserve to be treated with love, compassion, loyalty, and respect. The reason we put up with this is because we believe it's all we can get or all we deserve..

I suggest finding a journal and hide and lock it write in that journal positive I am statements about yourself everyday. Look in the mirror and say "I love you" or even start with "I allow myself to love you" everyday.

When you are ready reach out for help to a counselor, a support group, or someone you trust. Try to set boundaries and stick to them. I also recommend the book by Melody Beattie "Codependent no more".

Most importantly be good to you and say positive things to yourself. You deserve so much more than you realize! Sending love, light, prayers.

@Crushed01 Having a journal is a tremendously good idea!

I've found that the most practical option for me has been a journal app on my computer. It can be locked with a password, and I think it's starting to help.

Thanks for your advice and support!

I was twelve last year when there was first domestic violence in my house, and not towards me. I don't understand why people don't think of the emotional abuse the kids recieve in domestic violence situations. It really tore apart everything. There is one night that always comes back to haunt me that I don't tell anybody, and I don't think I could and still be sane. That is how bad domestic violence really is. And people get uncomfortable talking about it, and no one does anything! Sorry for my mini rant.

@morgan1910

I'm glad that you're willing to share your story. I think it's really important to address the impact that violence, even when it isn't directed at us, can have on the emotional state and well-being of children or anyone else. Thanks for sharing, and if you ever want to talk about it more, we're here.

When I was 15 domestic violence, physical abuse, etc. use to take place at regularly. It was difficult to live in such a condition. I finally decided to take the help of a lawyer my case is still being run under the guidance of family law lawyers Centreville, VA. Hoping for the best.

@ElaineDorsey

I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that. I hope that you're doing better and getting all the support that you need. I really hope your case works out for you :) We're here if you ever need to talk.

@FutureDoctorDoc

I have been through, still going through what you are going through. But I am hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel real soon..... If you ever need to talk about things I will listen. Just message me. You need to get your strength and power back only you should look after that not someone else.

I'm assuming there is no new category for emotional abuse because this took forever to find, but I'd like help with my situation as well I just don't know what to look under when I go into chats or therapists or forums....

Yes this is the forum for emotional abuse @Elinxs27.... so glad that you have found us here and sorry it took a while. And to look for those therapists and listeners who list Domestic Violence as a category they deal with would be a guide in seeking support. you. You deserve the support you need... nobody deserves emotional abuse. We are here for you.

@rozie Thank you so much :) If I ever feel like talking, I'll be sure to come to here from now on

So this is my story.

I am the oldest child in the family. I have a younger brother who is three years younger than me. I have always noticed that my family always favours my brother more. And being the oldest, my parents expect me to be a good example. At a young age, I already had to cook, clean, do laundry for everyone. I understand that my parents have to work but they hardly ever help me. The least they could do is show me appreciation, right?

I am currently only a teen, so it means I have school and homework. I have extra curriculum activities 3 times a week, the activity being a sport and ending at 6-630pm. I get home tired and I still have to do everything for the family. But it seems that my family focuses more on my mistakes. One small thing I do wrong I'll get verbal abuse from my parents especially my birthgiver. I hardly ever get a break. I'm currently seeing a counsellor in my school without telling my parents. It helps a bit but currently the mental/emotional abuse is getting too much.

So sorry to hear what you are going throigh @NxxxxH and I'm gald that you are able to share this here. Its tough when it seems that only your mistakes are picked up on and there is little aprreciation for all that you are doing at home. I know that mental/emotional abuse is so damaging and can understand when you say its getting too much.But your awareness is a positive and seeking help for your self like seeing your counselor and posting here shows courage. I hope that reading what is written here will let you know that you are not alone, that others share your experience, and may this bring you encouragement.We care and are here for you.

Hello again. This has gone too far. I think it's starting to affect me in a worse way...I'm already depressed and have anxiety, possibly ptsd and bpd. Now I'm afraid I'm physically abusive. I've always been one to fight with my younger sister physically because I'm not good at words and Ive never known how to stand up to a smart mouth. She's disrespectful and I cannot stand her anymore. If it wasn't for my SO I'd have relapsed tonight. My mother is also extremely emotionally and verbally abusive - my sister got it from her I'm assuming. I've never hated anyone more than I do. I always feel betrayed and I'm scared because in my head I think I'd feel better if she were never born or worse and I feel awful and that makes me feel like I don't deserve life and I already feel so worthless...idk what to do. Please help I'm so sorry. :(

@Elinxs27 i feel u my mother and sister say lots of painful words. I want you to know that you are worth it, and you are stronger than you think!!! Be brave and speak up!! I believe in you.