Emotional abuse
Hello all,
I was just wondering if there was a thread for emotional abuse. I sometimes feel rather intimidated because I'm not in a situation that is necessarily domestic violence, but still often feels abusive nonetheless. If there isn't a thread then, could we possibly start one?
Thanks,
Doc
Hello @futureDoctordoc,Think you raise a very valid point here.Emotional abuse is more subtle and often less noticed, but certainly fits into this category.How about we start a thread?
This is what I believe to be an important topic that does not get enough "air time". Check this out.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201308/the-invisible-power-childhood-emotional-neglect
Ok, I'm going to try to start this up, if we move this thread I'll just post this again there as well.
My parents were very absent when I was a child, attention was to the other child who was their star and I was only attended to either when hurt, when they needed something from me, or when I was in trouble. As a result, I came to see that the only way to garner affection was to do things for you.
This has led me into my current relationship which, from things I've read, does appear to be emotionally abusive. However, I seem to be powerless to escape it. I'm constantly taken for granted, neglected and if I've done anything even the slightest bit wrong then all affection is immediately removed. Combined with my learned behaviour from when I was a child, I basically do anything and everything that is asked of me regardless of my own needs, wants or desires. I have sat and watched over the years as things that used to be fun for me, have become tedious tasks with no pleasure or enjoyment. I have watched my life slowly be reduced to a complete hollowness. I have been repeatedly cheated on, and often feel incredibly unimportant.
I know these things logically, yet I am unable to just leave, or seemingly to really work towards changing my situation. It is my inability to do the actions that would change my lot in life though that has left me with perhaps the most self-loathing and self-disgust. I know what is happening, I know it will happen again, but I never seem to do anything to avoid it.
@FutureDoctorDoc Im sorry this is happening to you maybe you should talk to a listener and see what they say
Thank you for beginning this thread and sharing your experience @FutureDoctorDoc. It is in telling our stories that often others get to recognize what is happening in their lives. Emotional abuse strikes the very soul, it is subtle and not readily identified. We may start to realize that we are being undermined and losing our sense of self.My heart goes out to you when you talk about your inability to do the actions that would change your lot. That's what emotional abuse does...it paralyzes us.. like being caught in a web from which there doesn't seem to be any escape. But your awareness and understanding can be the key to beginning to find your self again and the strength that you have... slowly step by step. I read the post you wrote in another forum and appreciate your care and encouragement for someone else. Now its time to use that caring and encouragement for your self. You're worthy of it. And here in support of you.
@FutureDoctorDoc i am in the same situation as you and I totally understand you. I feel mental and verbal abuse in my relationship sometimes
@FutureDoctorDoc
@FutureDoctorDoc things that I used to enjoy have no longer become enjoyable, I constantly feel watched, as if I am supposed to be on my best behaviour at all times, and the voices tend to get unbearable at night, and it's all because I listen to my mother's words, and let them consume me. It's horrible, and I really do wish I could get out of this. I relate with you and I wish I could help you, too.
Much needed, thanks!
Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse maybe in some ways worse. Trubbles Cat Box is a great website for identifying verbal abuse and how to respond.
Remember, none of the abuse has anything to do with you! Your job is to realize you deserve to be treated with love, compassion, loyalty, and respect. The reason we put up with this is because we believe it's all we can get or all we deserve..
I suggest finding a journal and hide and lock it write in that journal positive I am statements about yourself everyday. Look in the mirror and say "I love you" or even start with "I allow myself to love you" everyday.
When you are ready reach out for help to a counselor, a support group, or someone you trust. Try to set boundaries and stick to them. I also recommend the book by Melody Beattie "Codependent no more".
Most importantly be good to you and say positive things to yourself. You deserve so much more than you realize! Sending love, light, prayers.
I was twelve last year when there was first domestic violence in my house, and not towards me. I don't understand why people don't think of the emotional abuse the kids recieve in domestic violence situations. It really tore apart everything. There is one night that always comes back to haunt me that I don't tell anybody, and I don't think I could and still be sane. That is how bad domestic violence really is. And people get uncomfortable talking about it, and no one does anything! Sorry for my mini rant.
@morgan1910
I'm glad that you're willing to share your story. I think it's really important to address the impact that violence, even when it isn't directed at us, can have on the emotional state and well-being of children or anyone else. Thanks for sharing, and if you ever want to talk about it more, we're here.
When I was 15 domestic violence, physical abuse, etc. use to take place at regularly. It was difficult to live in such a condition. I finally decided to take the help of a lawyer my case is still being run under the guidance of family law lawyers Centreville, VA. Hoping for the best.
@ElaineDorsey
I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that. I hope that you're doing better and getting all the support that you need. I really hope your case works out for you :) We're here if you ever need to talk.
@FutureDoctorDoc
I have been through, still going through what you are going through. But I am hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel real soon..... If you ever need to talk about things I will listen. Just message me. You need to get your strength and power back only you should look after that not someone else.
I'm assuming there is no new category for emotional abuse because this took forever to find, but I'd like help with my situation as well I just don't know what to look under when I go into chats or therapists or forums....
Yes this is the forum for emotional abuse @Elinxs27.... so glad that you have found us here and sorry it took a while. And to look for those therapists and listeners who list Domestic Violence as a category they deal with would be a guide in seeking support. you. You deserve the support you need... nobody deserves emotional abuse. We are here for you.
@rozie Thank you so much :) If I ever feel like talking, I'll be sure to come to here from now on
So this is my story.
I am the oldest child in the family. I have a younger brother who is three years younger than me. I have always noticed that my family always favours my brother more. And being the oldest, my parents expect me to be a good example. At a young age, I already had to cook, clean, do laundry for everyone. I understand that my parents have to work but they hardly ever help me. The least they could do is show me appreciation, right?
I am currently only a teen, so it means I have school and homework. I have extra curriculum activities 3 times a week, the activity being a sport and ending at 6-630pm. I get home tired and I still have to do everything for the family. But it seems that my family focuses more on my mistakes. One small thing I do wrong I'll get verbal abuse from my parents especially my birthgiver. I hardly ever get a break. I'm currently seeing a counsellor in my school without telling my parents. It helps a bit but currently the mental/emotional abuse is getting too much.
So sorry to hear what you are going throigh @NxxxxH and I'm gald that you are able to share this here. Its tough when it seems that only your mistakes are picked up on and there is little aprreciation for all that you are doing at home. I know that mental/emotional abuse is so damaging and can understand when you say its getting too much.But your awareness is a positive and seeking help for your self like seeing your counselor and posting here shows courage. I hope that reading what is written here will let you know that you are not alone, that others share your experience, and may this bring you encouragement.We care and are here for you.
Hello again. This has gone too far. I think it's starting to affect me in a worse way...I'm already depressed and have anxiety, possibly ptsd and bpd. Now I'm afraid I'm physically abusive. I've always been one to fight with my younger sister physically because I'm not good at words and Ive never known how to stand up to a smart mouth. She's disrespectful and I cannot stand her anymore. If it wasn't for my SO I'd have relapsed tonight. My mother is also extremely emotionally and verbally abusive - my sister got it from her I'm assuming. I've never hated anyone more than I do. I always feel betrayed and I'm scared because in my head I think I'd feel better if she were never born or worse and I feel awful and that makes me feel like I don't deserve life and I already feel so worthless...idk what to do. Please help I'm so sorry. :(
@Elinxs27 i feel u my mother and sister say lots of painful words. I want you to know that you are worth it, and you are stronger than you think!!! Be brave and speak up!! I believe in you.
