Hey, I'm a Certified Counselor, ask me anything you'd like to
I had already posted this message in other places on this thread. But since I'm seeing new messages and questions coming in- I'm posting the same message below again.
Dear all, its been a wonderful experience interacting with a lot of people across the world in our 7cups community through this thread which has now been running over two years. I regret to inform that I won't be able to respond to the posts here, going forward. I'm unable to dedicate adequate time to be able to do this and hence I request everyone's understanding. Warmth and strength to one and all !!
For all those who are seeking support- 7cups have multiple group support forums and one to one listening services.Also there are self help articles and resources available free on the website. Please do check them out if you'd like to. Big hugs to all!
Hey its Amber here
I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now and I love her so much. But the thing is I am a lesbian, and I really want to come out to my parents but they are homophobic and I don't want to lose her. I have tried to come out a few times but each time I have ended up panicking, freezing and and then running away from home. I don't know what to do, because once my parents find out they are likely to kick me out of the house and stop me seeing my girlfriend. I don't want to lose her as I suffer from depression and she has helped me immensely with trying to stop self harming, but I don't want to lie to my parents anymore either. What should I do?
@Buddy203 I can imagine your dilemma , and its not at all an easy decision to make. Your anxiety and worry is completely understandable. This is too specific a scenario, and unfortunately, I would not be able to get into therapeutic advice here since this is a public space of discussion. But please know that you are not alone. Help is available. On 7cups itself - you have ways to get one to one support, and also there are group support forums to LGBTQ related issues where you could find the support you are looking for. Take care! Wishing you lots of strength and warmth!
Hi! I think I might have a mild case of OCD, is there any way to rule it out?
@Saramsmith That's quite mature and self aware of you to be acknowledging there could be an issue and wanting to address it. I'd suggest you consult with a medical professional , who specialises in mental health who can diagnose / rule it out for you. Once you have clarity, you can discuss on how to address the challenges you have, under the advice of your doctor. Take good care of yourself!
Good morning,
I've been recovering from anorexia for 3 months now, but my emotions are still the same. I need to be perfect, I can't let myself get overweight and I need to exercise on a strict shedule. I do eat a lot better with a surplus to tone up and gain some muscle, though.
However, I'm a really shy and socially anxious and I barely have friends. The virus situation makes me feel even more alone, and it feels like I really need someone to the point of crying every night. I'm not old enough to get married yet, and I'm not allowed to date due to my religion, just marry. It feels like I just want to hug someone and cry, someone like my future husband. These emotions have just been getting stronger.
Thank you so much
@UnassumingKitten678 My heart goes out to you. Sending lots of warmth!! I can sense your struggle and pain from your words. You need not be stuck at that difficult feeling of being alone. You have help available - do reach out for one to one support - there are different mediums and options available. We also do have our listeners who do voluntary services if you want to chat with someone personally, and you could also check out the support forums where people come together to share and care!!
I don't know what is wrong with me. I end up pushing away everyone I'm closest to. My boyfriend, past best friends, even my family. I love them all but I can feel myself pull away when even the SLIGHTEST thing upsets me. I don't know how to fix this
growing up my household wasn't a happy place and there was constant and explosive fighting from my dad. I wonder if this might have influenced the way I am able to get close to people?
@Aprilshowers7 I'm glad you are acknowledging there is an issue when it comes to any close relationships. Like you shared, it may have to do with some insecurities from your formative years as well. The positive thing is that - its not late to take the driver's seat and start working on them. If you feel you need support in that process- you know you do have many options. Wishing you the very best, pls know that you are very much capable of buiding long lasting meaningful relationships and bonds. Take care!!
@SarahGeorgeDCS
Thank you for offering this free AMA and taking your time to answer everyone with care. I really appreciate your services.
As for my question. I have stress induced memory loss sometimes. Or broadly said I have memory issues that sometimes go beyond what is considered normal. It doesn't ruin my life and I don't feel very bad because of it, both mentally and physically. But very often when I want to talk about this issue to both listeners and members they say it is too serious for them and that I urgently need professional help. I've had this problem for many years and it's really fine by me, I'm not suffering, but everyone feels very overwhelmed by the mere mention of this issue as if my life was in danger.
Of course every listener is entitled to not take on people they don't think they can help, and of course I would seek professional help if things became more serious. But are mild memory problems really that serious and outlandish of an issue that people shouldn't try to help or listen to me because only an exclusively professional environment is suitable for me?
@Soe22 Without pre-empting what Sarah will say on whether mild memory problems are serious and outlandish, I just thought I would chime in on the unhelpful experiences you've had with listeners.
Listener training clearly tells us what listeners are for:
On 7 Cups, you will help to provide a safe space for people to talk anonymously about what theyre going through.
The method that our listeners use is called active listening, and our training makes it equally clear that:
Active Listening is not: Trying to solve the person's problems
It does sound like you've had the misfortune to encounter listeners who did not provide you with a safe space to talk about what you're going through, and who thought they had to be able to solve your problems in order to help.
Our training tells us to refer to a therapist when:
You feel like the person needs more specialist help than you are able to offer as a listener.
Unfortunately this is difficult for listeners to interpret, because the help we are able to offer as listeners is to provide a safe space for people to talk. It's only when someone needs more than being able to talk in a safe place that we can refer someone to a therapist.
When I compare your experiences with what our listener training tells us, it leads me to think that those listeners should be reported. Reporting them will encourage them to discuss their approach to listening with a mentor so that they can learn and improve.
By the way, you are welcome to message me any time you like. I've read your profile and I'd be happy for you to chat with me.
Charlie
@Soe22 Hey, my apologies first ! I think I had missed your message in this thread. I'm sorry you did not feel heard when you reached out for support. Let me tell you, whether or not you need professional support, you should know that you deserved to be heard and listened to !!
However, just so that you can see the other side, all the listeners who are on the platform are regular people , who ofcourse have received an active listening training. They are here to provide voluntary support to people in distress, to the best of their ability. It is quite possible that the listeners who you have interacted with might be coming from a place of apprehension or responsibility - and probably hence the suggestion to rule out any more serious issues behind this symptom. We have a big pool, I hope you can find a listener to whom you can really connect with.
Coming to your memory issue- you shared that you feel it is stress induced and does not come in the way of your regular life much. If it does, or if its coupled with any other symptoms- it is important to address that so that you can rule out medical issues. If it does not , it is important to work on the underlying stress (which you mentioned is causing this issue for you). You can do it by yourself, with anyone in your support system, with the help of a listener, a therapist- that's a call you can take.Take good care of yourself !!
Hello to whoever reads this post. I very much appreciate answers to this because it has recently taken over my mind and i cant focus on anything else. I thought I was straight, I still think I am. I am physically + sexually attracted to males. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. He recently asked me when I started to like him and I went blank. I realized I don't, I never did. When i see him/ talk to him/ be around him, I feel like I'm in love with him but at the end of the day i forget about it and i feel nothing. I dont think my sexuality has changed? I think im just hiding those feelings from myself, and i dont know why. It is so frustrating because I want to feel them. I havent felt actual feelings for a guy since 3 years ago. The only thing i can think of that could of altered that , is my relatiosnhip with another guy 2 years ago. I did not like him. I liked the idea of being with him, and gaining popularity from it. Could this have changed something in me? I feel like i forced a whole relationship for no reason. I was really stupid. And now im scared I wont be able to feel those feelings again. I dont know what to do
@tiger329
^^ P.s
I feel like i am straight and i am just overthinking it too much. The only problem is me catching feelings. Everything else is fine, I like cute guys, I can see myself married to one, and having kids with one and all that. I just dont know why i cant feel such a noraml feelig that i should feel.
@tiger329 I can imagine all of this making you feel a bit confused about your feelings probably. I won't be able to get into therepeutic advice here , and its too specific a situation. But I'd want you to know its okay to feel the way you are feeling right now - this will probably help you become better aware of yourself, and your expectations from relationships. If you feel its overthinking, that can be addressed too.There is one to one support available if you feel you need some handholding through this phase. Take good care of yourself!
@SarahGeorgeDCS
Okay, and thank you for the advice. Take care as well!
Hi,
I have been long term freinds with a guy I like for almost 9 years going on 10. Honestly it sometimes still doesn't feel that long and that we're going to freinds forever. I have acknowledged the feeling I have for him and he's given a lot of signals of him reciprocating them. Which was something I only imagined a few years back. When it comes to vocalizing my feelings I have a hard time, but we always do sweet gestures for each other. Also he sucks at the vocalizing things like me. So I don't stress on that as much as I used to. I have gone on dates before, but they always fell through. I told him the funny disaster story versions to get a few laughs too. I also didn't discourage him to dating other people so long as he was happy. Not that he ever had to ask me permission, he'd simply ask my input on his decision. We never labeled each other as a thing or even mentioned to each other being together. So I genuinely think it'll help him grow anyway aa a friend but lately it's been hard. Not seeing him or my other close friend a lot is normal. However we planned on finally having vacation during the Covidd and they fell through. Btw we are all college students. We did zoom recently but with all this isolating. I keep getting really into my feelings about him. I know that it'll be less of a big deal when we all hang out but I still wonder. If I am waiting for him or me to ask about dating each other. Lately I have been beating myself up about the times I almost asked him out and didn't. (Although it may have something to do with me sparring myself a mini heart attack. Since I was already giddy at being around him).
@lovingLand747 Thanks for sharing what's been going in your mind, and letting it out !! Its natural that when you are staying indoors all the time, you end up putting more serious thought into all of this. I wouldn't be able to get into specific therapeutic advice here, but it seems like you are having a hard time decision making- and you've probably been in this confused and apprehensive space for a long time. I can imagine this is not at easy for you, but I want you to remember that it is important for you to take a call ( and if you need help doing that, consider getting that help). I understand you trying to protect yourself from being hurt, but postponing decision making does not make the challenge you're dealing with go away, right? Pain and hurt can be worked on, regret is harder to. Think it through, and you know support is available in different ways and means if you are finding this too hard to deal with alone. Take good care of yourself. Hearts!!
Hello, thank you for everything you do!
Lately my family has been having a really awful time. My grandma died in February, and now we might lose our house. It is very stressful. My mom is having a hard time with forgetfulness, most likely caused by stress, but we are worried about her. Friends of ours said they do the same thing, once they get past a certain stress point, they shut off. How long will her memory be spotty? Is there anything we can do?
Thank you so much!
Alex~
@AliceGrayMagic Thanks for writing in, I hear you, and I can imagine it's a really difficult time you and your family must be going through. You're right that stress can cause forgetfulness, but stress is definitely not the only reason for memory issues. Its not advisable to go by what worked for someone else in this case, as each human being's body and mind works differently. You may want to consider getting her to a doc to rule out any medical issues, if its been too troublesome. Also, all of you are going through really stressful time, so seek out emotional support if you can, and take good care of yourself along with your mom too. Sending lots of warmth and strength to you!
As a child I spent time at a children's research center where I was diagnosed with ADD(revised later as Overstimulated Sensory Disorder), exceptional levels of empathy and an I.Q. of 139. I am a narcissist with inferiority complex. How well versed are you with Jungian techniques?
Sorry if that came across as condescending, i have seen many therapists not prepared to deal with me. I can deflect using others own issues against them. In other words I can be a real ass.
@RealityCzech No, you did not come across as condescening. You came across as self aware and straightforward rather. I think its really unfair to be so hard on yourself. Being able to own up to one's own negatives and acknowledge them is rare to see, and it does not come across as what you described about yourself at all. I base my therapy on Karl Roger's person centered therapeutic approach, and if you ask me I totally feel the effectiveness of therapy depends a lot on on how well the two people involved in the process connect with each other. I do understand you have specific issues and a personality that can come with its own challenges - it can be indeed hard to deal with. But there's genuineness in your words and willingness to work on yourself which are your strengths.
what is the best way to let go of someone you really love? like really move on
@Sadsoul5432 There's pain that's coming across in your words. Separations are not at all easy, especially if you are emotionally quite invesed in the relationship. Feelings don't work on a switch on switch off mechanism, and it will take time and effort to get to a better space emotionally. It is however possible to work on the loss step by step, not trying to avoid the feelings but trying to deal with them better, and better. There are ways and means to do that, I won't be able to get into specific therapeutic advice in here. Pls know that you are very much capable of getting there, and consider seeking out one to one support if you feel you need the handholding. Take care!!
