Hey, I'm a Certified Counselor, ask me anything you'd like to
I had already posted this message in other places on this thread. But since I'm seeing new messages and questions coming in- I'm posting the same message below again.
Dear all, its been a wonderful experience interacting with a lot of people across the world in our 7cups community through this thread which has now been running over two years. I regret to inform that I won't be able to respond to the posts here, going forward. I'm unable to dedicate adequate time to be able to do this and hence I request everyone's understanding. Warmth and strength to one and all !!
For all those who are seeking support- 7cups have multiple group support forums and one to one listening services.Also there are self help articles and resources available free on the website. Please do check them out if you'd like to. Big hugs to all!
How can I stop hating myself? I have a very low self esteem to the extent that I don't have any dreams or goals in life because I can't imagine my future... I'm 21...I feel like happiness doesn't exist...Whenever I try to do something to improve myself I sabotage my progress ..and I literally never stand up for myself I just keep quiet and ignore whatever was said or done...I don't know what to do :///
@optimisticBunny8932 I suppose many things would have happened cumulatively in your life that have led you to how you perceive yourself as an individual. I understand you have come to a point where you feel there is no way forward - but I want you to know that self esteem is definitely possible to rebuild. There's unfortunately not one size fits all answer here that I can give you- if you are looking for some general tips, there are a ton available if you google it. Possibly you have read up that but is not finding the drive and motivation to work on self. This is where one to one 'support' can make a difference. Seek that out , you don't have to do this alone. Reaching out here and owning up to these thoughts is a good step forward.
I'm not sure if I'm posting this right. Hopefully I am.
Anyway. I'm a child; 13 years old. I have a lot of issues with my life. I have severe depression, paranoia, anxiety, schizotypal personality disorder, (I can't do anything without panicking), OCD, and many other mental problems. I've also got a lot of sleep disorders. I believe all this is due to the fact that my brothers (older) are mean to me 24/7 and my parents always tell me off, even though my brothers are the ones that start everything. I'm not sure how to handle any of this. Now they send me to a psychologist but I hate him and every time I see his face I just want to run him through with a katana. Of course I haven't trusted him and have barely talked to it, not revealing anything about me. I don't know how to fix myself. I really need help. Please?
@BooksaremyRefuge Hey, thanks for reaching out here! That's quiet a lot you are dealing with and I can imagine all of this becomes even more challenging when you do not feel you are in a safe and supportive environment. I can imagine the apprehensions and difficulties in being able to trust the professional you've been meeting with. I'd suggest if possible, try discussing your apprehensions with this psychologist and see for yourself whether its worth to give the process a fair opportunity. Yes this is a person your family has found to help you but afterall you are the one in charge of your mental health...you are addressing it for improving your quality of life. That's a helpful approach than thinking everyone else have all the control on it. 7cups provides therapy to only adults, but we do have volunteer listeners you can connect with. It is not an alternative to therapy, but you can have that extra support and safe space to feel heard and vent. Also there's a teen support forum which you could check out. And please remember you are not to be "fixed". You should know that you are not any less of you because of what you are dealing with!! At this young age, you have the courage and insight to understand and own up to your struggles, and that is indeed commendable. Sending you lots of warmth and strength!!!!
When everything has been tried and failed what does one do?
@HappyDucky8 From what you shared, you are probably not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel "right now"- that does not mean there is no light and you cannot see it. There could be something else you could still try, or the same thing when tried in a different way at a different time could still work. What I mean is that - there is hope it is all about getting yourself to the point of being able to believe in it. Whether or not we can change how others treat you, you can definitely change the way you treat yourself. I cannot get into therapeutic advice here like I mentioned before, and you will know best how emotionally disturbed you are feeling now and how deep is your pain - you do not have to deal with it alone!! Please seek out individual support and get to addressing the root of your challenges.
I have felt depressed and lonely this past week, and i dont know why.... Is there any way you can help?
@bluePenguin1147 Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you are making steps to reach out. If it is a sudden development, you may have to put some time and effort into understanding what's causing it to help address. If you need help do that, individual support is available in various forms. Sending you lots of warmth! Take care of yourself!
How to overcome shyness?
I am extremely shy & my shyness doesn't let me find a job. Even if I find a suitable one, I just back off by making excuses. I feel like I won't be able to fulfill my duties. I would be criticized and mocked by others how I was criticized two years back by my class fellows
@bubbleCircle3689 Hey, thanks for writing in. I want you to remember that you are unique the way you are and we are all different in the way we express ourselves. So while being true to your core self, you can workaround your personality to capitalize on your potential. I'm guessing since you mentioned you want to "overcome" shyness, its probably coming in the way of your quality of life. If yes, try understanding in what ways it is and work on those aspects. It could range from stage fright to communication to self esteem- you are the best judge!
Hi! I'm wondering how I can figure out if I have just normal anxiety( like I'm just feeling anxious temporarily) or if I have actual serious anxiety. I've developed this issue where any sort of decision I have to make makes my heart pound, feeling overwhelmed, and I'll pace back and forth for hours trying to sort things out. I also was in a high stress academic environment a few months ago and would often be unable to sleep due to thinking about all the work I had to do while asleep but I've found that even though I'll have no work or that environment anymore, I still have trouble sleeping through the night without being stressed that there's something I forgot to do. Could this be just normal stress or actual anxiety?
@bag75 Thanks for writing in. If you are talking about anxiety disorders, they can be diagonised by a medical professional only. Besides that, anxiety is an emotion basic to each of us. Without over complicating it, let me say that if its coming in the way of your regular life, then it needs some work. In your case, it clearly is but there is absolutely no need to view it as 'abnormal'. There are effective ways to equip yourself to handle it better. I hope you do that! Take good care of yourself!
Hi. I'm wondering how I can talk to someone about a very sensitive subject without causing a lot of "drama". I understand I can't control or even anticipate their reaction. I'm concerned about how to word things so they don't spark defensiveness, beyond the typical "I feel/think" statements and stuff. I could tell their first statement was full of anger and hurt and they didn't seem open to opposing views. Their statement was also unreasonable demands that I wanted to address carefully because I think it has an impact on everyone who comes across them, not just the original person. I worry the "I feel" statements may not work. Should I state my desire for a calm conversation at the start?
@Lexloveslife I can only understand as much as you have written and I'm sure there are multiple angles to what you are trying to address. I can give you some pointers- see if they apply to your situation. So yes, setting the expectations right definitely can help get everyone involving in the conversation on same page. Still, like you said you cannot control the other party's responses but you can keep a tab on the words and tone you use. It will be important to be consitent and asssertive, while being empathetic in your communication. If you feel they are closed, and are coming from a place of anger and hurt, it may make sense to give them time and space to calm down, and have a meaningful discussion when they feel ready for it.
Hello!
I have aspergers and I am wondering if you have any idea on how to break it to my friends or tell them ways to help me (Signals of when I am axious or over stiumulated) without seeming like I am stupid or needy. I do not want to appear needy to my friends but sometimes I need the extra support in social situations or large crowds.
@brightHickory6804 Thank you for sharing . I can imagine you feeling apprehensive about sharing this with your friends. It is natural to fear judgement, but its really important not to judge yourself first. I want you to know that you are not being "stupid or "needy" when you ask for support. You, like everyone else, irrespective of the challenges you have, deserve a supportive environment!! You have amazing insight and self awareness of what you are dealing with and that is quite commendable. Everyone may not be able to understand, but you'd be able to find some empathetic souls out there. You can only find them by making that first step. Take that little risk and try sharing it with one or two, tell them why you chose to share this with them and see for yourself how it goes. And remember if they judge you, that only means they could not understand it in entirety.
Hi. I'm a 16-year old girl. I was addicted to the internet until a month ago. I keep having unnecessary triggers that are harmful and toxic. Os there any way to get rid of them? They are messing with me really badly and I want them gone
@stargazer3603 Thanks for sharing. I'm glad that you are owning up and acknowlegding the addiction. Not being in denial is the first step to be able to resolve it. You mentioned about triggers- its important to understand this in detail to be able to address them. If you can't get rid of them, there will be ways by which they can still be managed. Pls seek individual support should you need help in that process. Also, pls look into any underlying unresolved issues to understand if there's any void that the addiction is trying to fill up. Sending you lots of strength!
@SarahGeorgeDCS
Thank you for replying ma'am. I'm working really hard to get rid of them. I even succceeded for a few days. But then my mind relapsed back to these thoughts.Is there any way to stop this?
@stargazer3603 Suppressing them is not a helpful way. Like I said they need to be worked on. I won't be able to get into therapeutic advice here. Pls consider seeking out individual support if you can. Take care!
A week ago they found my brother dead in his house. They think he died 3 weeks before and they think his wife killed him. The police did a welfare check and had to kick the door down after the neighbors called cause of the smell. when they gained access to the house they found my brother and his wife. The police put her in hand cuffs and took her to a local psych ward. Now as a family they are turning to me to help them in dealing with this. Heck I cannot deal with it myself. I cannot sleep a full night. Have crying when I least expect it. and hate to be alone cause that is when I do my most thinking. My coping skills are not helping and I just do not know what to do to get back to where I was.
@Lindylou That must have been so very traumatic and I can't imagine how disturbing and painful all of this would be for you. Pls know that the disoriented feeling you are going through is absolutely natural, considering the severity of this extreme situation you've had to unfortunately witness. Pls seek out individual support. This is one of your most challenging situations in life, and you do not have to fight it alone!! Take good care of yourself. Sending you lots of strength!!