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Lexloveslife
187,611 M Achieving Goals 5
PathStep 100 Compassion hearts12,504 Forum posts1,193 Forum upvotes1,810 Current upvotes1,810 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2021 Member sinceMarch 4, 2016
Recent forum posts
Connecting with Blackness
Young People of Color / by Lexloveslife
Last post
 June 4th, 2021
...See more Hi. I'm a 22 year old black woman who is struggling with blackness. I watched my parents code switch to fit in with black people, instead of to fit in with white people. I got called oreo in school - black outside, white inside. I listen to rock and metal music. Was told in school that I talk white, I dress white, I have white (relaxed) hair, am trying to be white, am not black enough. Have also heard that relaxed hair apparently is done out of self hate / a desire to be white, but I like my hair and this is just me. So why do I feel like I'm not "being black"? My parents normalized their abuse of me as a thing black people do. I'm in therapy for it now and other mental illnesses. Mental illness and the therapy are heavily stigmatized by my parents. Mother said to me "you're supposed to be a strong black woman".. I got the mental illness from her side of the family. I've always felt more comfortable around non-black people because of these experiences. I'd love to overcome the discomfort I have. I don't know if it's self hate but I definitely don't feel like I'm a part of my own community. I don't "feel black". Where do I start? Thanks for reading, sorry about the easy
Improving Communication
Relationship Stress / by Lexloveslife
Last post
 October 31st, 2020
...See more Hey there. What are some ways to make sure your point gets across very clearly, calmly, succinctly? Today, in trying to clarify a misunderstanding, another happened. My classmate hasn't responded to my attempt to clarify the clarification. It sounds redundant and unnecessary because it is. He decided I'm wrong because he didn't see we actually agreed on the topic. I did use a sentence that I only realized was rude & taken as non-apology after he repeated it to me snarkily. It wasn't my intention (because I really didn't know if I upset him) but he snapped. He said he wasn't upset in the same response. I'm baffled by this, was it sarcasm? A pride thing? I'd apologize but he doesn't seem interested so I'll let it go for now. I definitely could've used better words and sentences. How do I manage my own assumptions and ensure a misunderstanding like this doesn't happen again with anyone else?
How to Be Mature?
Relationship Stress / by Lexloveslife
Last post
 June 18th, 2020
...See more Last night I ended a somewhat close friendship. At one point she treated me like family, constantly said she loved me, was like a big sister. The way things ended was messy and impulsive on my part. We had nothing in common and I was unhappy about my choice to walk back into her life. I told her instead of ghosting. I got the anger I expected & maybe deserve. I'm tired of thinking up responses to the argument though it's over. Wanting her to feel how much she hurt me is immature. I was an energy vampire and I acknowledge that. Being in her life again even for two weeks made me feel as if I never worked on that in therapy for a year. I constantly felt abandoned later in the relationship. I think I'm just immature. It hurts profoundly when people reject me, almost like I get physical pain from it. I'm aware that she may not have meant to hurt me. I lashed out because I think I deserve better - better than what, I don't know. I always thought she was lying to me about being busy because she didn't want to talk. All things I'll be working on again in therapy. Still, I am grateful for the positives she contributed to my life. I don't know why I've got this victim mentality when I'm the one that ended things. I can't reach out to her - it's time to leave her in the past. I want to stop thinking about her. I want flipping between regret to anger. I keep remembering her last words to me. They weren't particularly brutal but my brain is processing them as her unfair personal attack on me. I don't want to need closure. I need to get a handle on this emotional immaturity before it eats me alive. If anyone has ideas, I'm very appreciative.
Thoughts on a Friendship Ending
Journals & Diaries / by Lexloveslife
Last post
 June 19th, 2020
...See more So, a few minutes ago I broke up with someone who had been there for me through very difficult times. I have some issues that cause me to become overly attached, then very distant when I feel abandoned. Tonight I decided to let this person know I showed up in her life after disappearing again because I felt lonely, I thought things would've been better if I hadn't, and that I would be hiding the chat. She said "this back and forth isn't working for me. Wish you the best". That stung but I expected it. I was trying to break up with her essentially and it stung that she said so succinctly what I was trying to say. Are my trust issues going to be worse? Maybe. There's a part of me that hurts but I mostly feel relief after deleting the chat and blocking her. My attachment to her wasn't helpful and since our time together here, we never had any meaningful conversations. It's ironic since she has a mental illness where splitting is so common in views of people, and has admitted feeling a lack of interest in our friendship before too. At least I know that from all of this, people aren't always as they appear. That includes me, I guess. What I have noticed as well is that when you break up with someone, sometimes they'll want the last jab. I... can't say it doesn't bother me and that I'm not this way too. I can say that I'm learning and this friendship has taught me that ultimately, it's ok to let go of people. I spent days crying over this person, relapsed after we parted ways in 2018, then again late last year. All I ever wanted was for her to want to talk to me, as a friend. That seemed too much outside of this website. She was only interested in talking about her young child. That's fine because all I ever wanted to talk about were my problems. We had nothing in common. I'll likely not befriend anyone several years older than me again, or someone who is at different points in life than me. Now I know how my brain responds to it (jealousy, anger, lashing out) and I know what is healthy and what isn't. If I could say one thing to this person, it is that I hope no one ever abandons you in your time of need because they thought you weren't worth the emotional turmoil. I hope you understand the deep pain of abandonment even when it was foreseen. I'm sorry that you grew sick of me but I won't apologize for being in pain and for owning up to the reason I reached out to you. I won't apologize for the "back and forth" that you hate, that literally characterizes your mental illness but that no one in distress is immune to. Though I'm hurt, I won't cry for you. I understand your choice and I would've made the same - I did make the same. And I hope you will be ok in life, and that your children and husband will be well. I have grown up in the last 4 years, and sure quarantine has pushed me back into old habits as it has for a lot of people. I shouldn't need to defend myself. But hey, I'll give you more credit for saying to me what others couldn't so they ghosted me, and I'll give you credit for saying what I couldn't say to you. The only lasting feeling I have from this breakup at this moment is relief. Relief that I no longer have to depend on you to soothe me. Relief that no one is perfect and some people just aren't meant to be friends. Relief that you cared for me when you did and relief that I'm finally free from one of the attachments that held me back. I can move forward now, thanks to you. It doesn't have to be a bitter ending. I can look back on the positives and remember those. Of course, the negatives will follow soon after. But I've got a great therapist who taught me "think of a positive memory and play it through and then pause". I won't fall into a depression over you. Not again. Not over anyone, if I can help it.
A Place for Tessie & Lex
Eating Disorder Support / by Lexloveslife
Last post
 May 14th, 2020
...See more Hey @Tessie87, Made this thread, hopefully it won't violate any rules. I think it could be a good idea to also "establish rules", so to speak, between the two of us so we're aware of triggers and such. But I also think it's important to talk about triggers as we can't avoid them all in everyday life. What do you think? Also per 7cups rules, personal contacts aren't allowed and I can't post my L name so I won't do that (I'll just come and get you on my L when I'm ready)
School and COVID-19
Anxiety Support / by Lexloveslife
Last post
 March 20th, 2020
...See more Okay. This is a rant, I have no advice for others. So, most schools in countries are closing or closed because of quarantine. This includes my school here in the states, which as of today is completely closed. Seniors and graduate students were expected to have an "intensive making period" at the end of our extended spring break. That has been taken away so are we not gonna graduate?? We have already transitioned to a pass/fail system but we have studio work. I have rented film equipment from the school. I know I can turn it in when this is all over but what if it isn't over until summer? How are studio classes that require physically handling equipment going to operate in an online format? The whole point of studios (or labs depending on your school) is hands-on learning. I just... don't know what is going to happen, no one does and it's scarier than I thought. I underestimated this. Seniors who were given until the 28th to leave campus now have until the 21st. Residence halls are closing but some services are remaining open like the health center. I don't even live on campus and my anxiety and frustration for them is through the roof. Students who are international have just been asked to depart. Depart WHERE?? Potentially go back to countries where the virus is worse? There has been a travel ban placed for certain areas! Where are they gonna depart to? Like for real? I'm so grateful that I chose to live at home another semester because this sounds like an absolute nightmare. I understand the school has never been in this position before.. but it feels like we are being given alarming information by the school officials when those same officials don't have the solutions yet. How about give us the info when you have solutions! Where are students going to go? What is going to be done about graduation if this continues through April? What if I'm just panicking for no reason and this all blows over? Ugh. I hate quarantine. At first I was like, "yay a longer spring break and more time to work on homework", "yay my social anxiety doesn't have to flare up because I don't have to leave the house". I can't even think about what I need to do for homework. What am I gonna do for therapy? Do I go, or do I show up? Only one member of our school's community has been tested, results unknown, and we're told the campus is still safe. One case in our campus' city is positive. I keep checking myself for a fever every few minutes. It's a compulsion that is just getting worse. And hey what are other students who have mental health issues going to do if they don't have ways to come back and forth to our health center?
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