Distortion 8. Labelling

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@Hope

There was this one assignment which at first glance looked easy to understand but when I really started working on it, I couldn’t understand as to what to do and how to do it so I thought it was a me problem and well I felt dumb (and whatnot). So I talked with others and found out that they didn’t know too so we all talked with our classmates (like I talked to some and then they talked to some so it was kinda like a whole endless chain) so that we could get various point of views and tried to make a single understanding out of it all and then I finally finished it and submitted it on time.

I am glad I reached out instead of just letting the negative thoughts take over me

@tidyHickory3283

That is a good example! A great reminder that things are not always as negative as they seem!

@Hope

Right!

@Hope

Someone was being super aggressive and tone deaf regarding someone's emotions. It was easy to label them as straight toxic and get riled.

I challenged them with a reflective question and insight, and they were pretty quick to respect that and apologize.

Damage was still done which wasn't *** cool; it's beyond annoying seeing that kind of behaviour still these days and who knows how much of that was just lip service on their part.

But staying preset and mindful will allow one to see the bigger picture and focus on the good while working on the bad with a more positive attitude, optimism, joy and gratitude.

@communicativePond1728

It looks like despite their challenging behavior, you tried to help them see things differently which is all we can do sometimes.  

@Hope

It's just not enough :( Nike says just do it, and Yoda says do or do not, there is no try. I'm a cultural and social failure.

Thank you for helping me put things into perspective ✨

@Hope

There was another person who was being super pompous and assumptive, negating everything I said and invalidating my voice so they could be right and the winner.

They were basically working from a toxic toolkit.

Underneath all their hot air they're probably just a scared person who hasn't learned how to interact with others in an effective way at all.

Doesn't mean I'm going to ever speak to them again or not have my boundaries up though.

@Hope thank you for this informative post!

@Hope Thank you for this post, Hope. This distortion really makes a lot of sense to me, because it it something i do a lot. I like how you point out why we'd want to stop labelling, it does kinda paint a false picture and stops us from seeing the full picture.

Seeing the first example of "school sucks" reminds me of so much because i always feel that school sucks. The counter though provided isnt applicable for me, sadly. Yes, classes in school do stress me out, but i dont have any friends to meet in school. I cant really think of anything about school that i appreciate. I mean, i appreciate the education i get, but i dont think school is necessary to get education.

I think part of the reason we label things lies in the language we have learnt to use. I mean, if someone asks how was your day, and i say that it was awful, i am labeling my day as awful. But it's pretty rare for me to have a 100% awful where absolutely nothing good happened. It does happen sometimes, but not every day. Usually, there is at least 1 good minute out of the 24 hours in a day. But i have no idea of what i could say instead.

I'm not too sure about this, but any time we're calling something good or bad or any of their synonyms, are we labelling? Like if we call someone an amazing person, is that labelling too? Also, can there be times when labelling is actually okay? I mean, i could say that pollution sucks, and i cant really find a counter thought for that. I'm a bit confused.

Reflecting on a time when i labeled someone and later changed your mind, i often think of my parents as terrible people. But when i think about it, they do do some absolutely terrible things that tear me apart, but they arent necessarily terrible people. Another instance is when i label myself as a bad person. I may do some very very very bad things but i do have some good qualities, even if my parents tell me that i dont. Sometimes i think of some people as stupid based on one or maybe a few interactions, but later i realise that i was wrong.

@exuberantBlackberry9105 i think its on breaking down things. Sometimes words doesn't break like we say you are amazing we often misunderstood that all the things in us are amazing rather they were complementing on some parts. language tries to label things but its understood that it is not an ultimate tool to express

@considerateWalker6214 I think that makes sense. If someone says "you are amazing", it doesnt mean everything in me is amazing, but they are talking about some things. And if i say "my day was awful", it doesn't mean that my day was completely awful but rather many parts of my day were awful. And that totally makes sense. So if i say that XYZ is a bad person, does that mean i am saying that some things about XYZ are bad? That would certainly be what i mean to say, but we still dont consider it okay to call someone a bad person for some reason. Honestly, i am confused.....

@exuberantBlackberry9105 if someone is considered bad by you, it may be because they are following a negative ideology or engaging in harmful behavior. If they continue down this path, their positive behaviors may transform into negative ones. Therefore, WHEN WE LABEL SOMEONE AS BAD, IT'S BASED ON THE POTENTIALFOR THEM TO WORSEN IN THE FUTURE. For example, if a person smokes for the first time, we may not label them as bad, but if they continue, some people will.  

@considerateWalker6214 I sometimes call my mother a bad person because she can get verbally abusive. I dont call my father a bad person, but i do call him a bad father sometimes. By the way, my father has been smoking for the past 41 years (he started when he was 20), but that's not even part of the reason why i call him a bad father. I call him that because he hardly spends any time with me, he's never really there for me, he just doesn't play much of a role in my life other than earning money.

Neither of my parents may worsen in the future, they might just continue to be the way they are but something i still call them bad.

But the biggest problem is when i call myself bad. I am expected to study most of the time i am home. But instead, i spend most of the time on the phone, so much time on 7cups. My parents dont know about this, but i still feel guilty. I secretly use makeup every day and nobody knows but i feel guilty because I'm not supposed to do it. I disrespect people and i feel bad about it sometimes. I've lied to about so many thing. I have done sooo many terrible things in just these 13 years of my life. Who knows if i will continue down this path and if i might get worse in the future. What if my positive behavoiurs transform into negative ones? I just feel like such a bad person. I try to tell myself otherwise, but i really cant help it right now.

@exuberantBlackberry9105 okay bad person means who will not come out of the shell .  its a same statement but in opposite style. 

@exuberantBlackberry9105 are you 13 year old? 

@considerateWalker6214 Come out of what shell?

Yes, i'm 13 years old. Why?