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exuberantBlackberry9105
400 103,955 M Moving Swiftly 2
PathStep 403 Compassion hearts5,298 Forum posts909 Forum upvotes1,103 Current upvotes1,103 Age GroupTeen Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 28, 2022
Bio

 ✨️ Hey there! ✨️

I'm Blackberry, you can also call me Berry. 🫐

I'm a teen from India. 🍓

 My pronouns are she/they. 🌈

I struggle with depression, loneliness, overthinking and self-doubt.

I've never been diagnosed with depression, yet I am pretty sure I am dealing with it.

I also deal with school stress and the stress of dealing with not-so-great parents.

I don't have anybody in my offline life who can support or listen to me or someone I can talk to during difficult times. 😔

I have no true friends in real life, 7 Cups friends are all I have and I'm incredibly grateful for them. 🧡

I literally rely completely on 7 Cups for emotional support. 💙

I am a totally different person at home, in school, and on 7 Cups.

7 Cups is where I am my most real self and I love 7 Cups more than anything else on earth. ☕️

I love being here because here, I get to be more of the person I really am. 😊

I will never forget the people I have talked to on here and who have listened to me and talked to me, and I really do miss talking to my friends who aren't around anymore.

I am quite a sensitive person, and it's sadly very easy for people to make me cry. 😭 Please be kind.

As much as I can cry sometimes, I also have times when nothing makes me cry. Those times are so hard because crying kinda helps me get my emotions out. 😢

Every so often, I feel like I am done with life and I feel like giving up. ☹️

I find I very hard to keep going, it is very hard to find the motivation to keep going, but I try to find reasons to live. 😔

I really really hate school. I might score well but that does not mean I like school. 🏫

I am, if it's correct to say, addicted to 7 Cups and YouTube. I spend a lot of time on Cups and it is important for my survival.

I like plant photography, but I don't know if I call that a hobby. 🌿🌱💚

I am really scared of dogs 🐶, though I love cats. Meeeooow 😺🐾🐾

"Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also harder to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say, 'My tooth is aching' than to say, 'My heart is broken'." 💔 — C.S. Lewis

"People talk about physical fitness, but mental health is equally important. I see people suffering, and their families feel a sense of shame about it, which doesn't help. One needs support and understanding." 💚 — Deepika Padukone

"When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone." 😔 — Fiona Apple

"If you know someone who's depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather." 🌧️ — Stephen Fry

"The worst kind of sad is not being able to explain why." 🤔 — Unknown

"That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end." 🔚 — Elizabeth Wurtzel

"Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die." 🌹🥀 — Danny Baker

"Your abuser's trauma does not justify them abusing you." 🤕 — Anonymous

"Verbal abuse is still abuse. It's abuse in the form of words. Don't assume that a few hurtful words won't cost them their life. Words hurt." ❤️‍🩹 — Unknown

"It hurts the most when the person that made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today." 💔 — Anonymous

"Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it's the place where we find the deepest heartache." 😭 — Iyanla Vanzant

"When you're depressed you don't control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. I wish people understood that." 💭 — Anonymous

"My thoughts are destroying me. I try not to think, but the silence is a killer too." 🙁 — Unknown

"Depression, for me, has been a couple of different things – but the first time I felt it, I felt helpless, hopeless, and things I had never felt before. I lost myself and my will to live." 🥀 — Ginger Zee

"This is not the life I wanted, and I do not want to have it anymore." 😔 — Anonymous

"I am laughing and smiling but on the inside, I am dying." 🥀 — Anonymous

"Keeping a lot to myself, because it is hard to find someone who understands." 😔 — Unknown

"It is that feeling when you are not necessarily sad, but just really empty." 😐 — Unknown

❤️ Thank you for reading through this! ❤️

💕 Sending you loads of love and warmth 💕

🫐 Berry 🍓






Recent forum posts
Good moments 🌈
Positivity & Gratitude / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 4 hours ago
...See more hey everyone, i'm creating this space for myself to come to every day, hopefully, and share my good moments. ✨ when i say 'good moment', it doesn't mean i have to feel happy or anything. it could be anything that made me feel a tiny bit better or something that made me feel good for a little bit. it could even be something that happened that's supposed to be good, even if it didn't change how i feel. or if i'm having a particularly bad day, a good moment could be a moment when i just didn't feel that horrific. and of course, it could be a moment when i just somehow magically feel fine for a bit, with no apparent cause. magic, lol. 🪄 i've recently realised that thinking of good moments makes every day feel a tiny bit different, instead of every day feeling the same and having that school, homework, exam, eat, sleep, repeat cycle going on. when i'm depressed and have been for months on end, it's really easy to just see that and forget the good that does occasionally come. perhaps after a while of posting on this thread, i might even be able to go back and read previous good moments when i'm feeling awful. i know that every time i try to feel better and actually get to feeling better, it eventually comes crashing down soon and i feel bad again. but i guess i'll try to feel better anyway by focusing on the good moments. and when i do get to feeling better, i want to make the best of it and use it to get work done, so that the times when it gets bad again don't affect my schoolwork too much.  i will really try to come here every day and post something, even if it's very small and seems insignificant, even if i feel like i didn't have anything good happen that day. and if i ever have a miracle day when i have a lot of good moments, i'll try my best to list them all out for me to read on the awful days that follow (somehow my really good days are always followed by some really bad ones, and it sucks). if i ever miss a day of posting, i will try to post that day's good moments the next day. i know that sometimes i will need to mention the bad stuff too here, to be able to explain why something was a good moment, but in general, i will try my best to avoid talking too much about the bad on this thread. thank you, @bestVase7265, for encouraging me to write down my good moments. this idea of yours has been of a lot of help to me. i hope it works well with this thread for posting good moments. feel free to follow along and read whatever good i find every day, and share yours too (only if you'd like to, of course. you can always just stick to our space if you wish). 🤍🤍 anyone else reading this is welcome to share their good moments as well, i'd love to hear them. wishing you all the best. 💙
Some plant pictures ✨️
Hobby Zone / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 August 29th
...See more hey everyone! sometimes i like taking pictures of plants around me, usually plants in our balcony and plants i see when we go for trips. someone asked me if i was comfy sharing some of the pictures i've taken, here on the forums, and i think i can do it hehe! 🌿  i was honestly quite hesitant, but i just discovered that today, 19th august, is celebrated as world photography day. so i convinced myself to share some pics, and today is the day i must do it, haha! 📸  so i looked through a lot of photographs and found some that i think i can share here. some of them are from quite a while back, while some are fairly recent. here you go! ✨️ thank you everyone for looking through these. i hope you liked them. by the way, i take pictures of the sky too sometimes, but usually it's just plants. 💚 anybody else here interested in plant photography? or nature photography or just photography in general? feel free to share some of your pictures if you'd like! 💙 tagging @WeEarth since you asked to see. 🌎 
Why do some forum posts automatically get minimized?
Site Updates / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 August 29th
...See more Hey, I have a bit of a question. I've noticed that sometimes certain forum posts automatically get minimized. I wonder why this happens because I find that this is a bit annoying if it happens in the middle of a conversation. Also, is this meant to happen this way or is it a bug? Any idea, anybody?
I'm struggling with hair pulling
General Support / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 March 31st
...See more hi, i've been struggling with pulling my hair for a while, over a year now, but i've never talked about it much because it makes me feel embarrassed. but i guess it's becoming a bit of a big problem right now and i thought talking might help, so here i am. i pull from my eyebrows, eyelashes, arms, and legs. i first started with my eyebrows, then started with my eyelashes pretty soon after. but i didnt start with my legs until a few months ago, and started with my arms some months after that. i really dont know why i do it. it just feels like a fun thing to do somehow. like if i'm tired and maybe have a headache, pulling, especially from my eyebrows and eyelashes feels relaxing. pulling from my arms and legs isnt that fun to be honest, but i still do it and i dunno why. it also feels good to look at the hair after pulling it. sometimes i roll it between my fingers. and by the way, its not something i just do if i'm worried or anxious or something. i could do it absolutely anytime. i look pretty weird because of this. my eyebrows are particularly noticeable. my mother comments on my eyebrows a lot, and when i tell her that i pull from it, she just tells me that i have to stop. but that's hard, so i just always use makeup to give the appearance of normal eyebrows. and i dont have an eyebrow pencil or something so i just have to use kajal to do it and a lot of times it doesnt work well but i try to make it work. my arms are pretty noticeable too. i mostly pull from my forearm and not my upper arm. i know most people dont have much hair on their upper arm, but i'm a really hairy person so i have hair on my upper arm too. but since i dont pull from my upper arm and pull from my forearm, its like there is more hair on my upper arm than my forearm, and it feels really very wierd and uncomfortable. most of my clothes sadly dont have sleeves that come up to my elbow. i tried to cover my arms by wearing a sweater for a long time but now it's getting too hot to wear a sweater. i still try to wear one sometimes, but 36°C is too hot for that. my eyelashes are luckily not very noticeable. like they dont look super good but they dont look visibly bad. and my legs are luckily not visible because i wear pants and even if i wear a frock i still wear leggings. but my eyebrows and arms are a big big problem. also, pulling is painful for my fingers. i usually use my thumb and index finger to pull, and on days when i pull a lot, my fingertips start hurting and become kinda red.  i try to stop myself sometimes. and if there's someone around i actually can because i dont like pulling in front of others. even when nobody's around, sometimes i actually can stop myself. but usually not for long. sometimes i feel like i should really stop pulling. part of me wants to stop because it makes me look weird, but part of me wants to keep doing this because it feels good while i'm doing it. i dont understand why i feel this way and i dunno what to do about this. i need some help sorting this out. is anyone else in a similar situation? i'm open to any suggestions to figure this out. thanks for reading this post, i appreciate it. 🤍
Does crying need justification? Venting about last night and my mother...
General Support / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 February 26th
...See more Last night, i was crying a lot and my mother was so angry with me about it and she was quite literally scolding me for crying. i mean i share a room with her, and i was crying in bed and our beds are stuck to each other, so she could obviously hear me crying. I know that it's not always fun to have to hear someone cry when you yourself are sick and want some peace and quiet. i understand that my mother is sick and in pain and she didn't want to hear me crying in that time and my crying supposedly disturbed her sleep. but she only kept doing things to make me cry even more. She continuously kept asking why i was crying and of course, i would never tell her that. but since i didn't tell her, she made some assumptions and started scolding me saying "you will do wrong towards me, you will express anger towards me, and you will cry" and a lot of other kinds of scoldings based on her assumption. her assumption was surely wrong and knowing about her assumptions just made me cry even more to be honest. She was even rubbing her hands on my back maybe because she thought that would comfort or silence me but it only made the crying worse because i hate my mother and don't like her touching me. so i was moving to the edge of the bed to possibly escape her reach, and she got annoyed by that and said another bunch of hurtful things that made me start crying loudly, when i was previously crying fairly silently. Okay, i get that she didn't like me crying when she's in pain too and want to sleep but can't. but why does she have to make such a fuss about my crying, i dont understand. like stereotypically, boys aren't allowed to cry (which makes no sense to me, because they can feel bad and want to cry too). but what problem does she have with me crying, I'm not even a boy. (also, she was the one who started crying first, and when i see someone crying, most of the time, i automaticly start crying as well. but she didnt cry for nearly as long as i did.) I don't remember how i stopped crying or if i even stopped crying or just fell asleep while crying. whatever it was, in the morning when i woke up, my mother told me "you don't have to tell me why you were crying, but just think about it. whatever the reason is, is it justified?" in her opinion, her crying is justified because i caused her pain. This brings me to the question, does crying need justification? if yes, what are some legitimate reasons to cry and what happens if i cry over a non-legitimate reason or cry without a reason (that does happen sometimes, or does it just happen to me)? Today i was again crying in while showering and i dont understand how, but my mother still hear me crying even with the tap running. i thought i had learnt how to cry silently, but i just got proven wrong. my mother takes my crying as me not caring about her because she has assumed that i am crying because she is sick. (that's not what i cried about, and dunno how crying about that would mean i don't care about her, but let it be.) she later told me that i just cry without a reason. i said that i don't cry without a reason. and then she's like "then tell me the reason". i refused to tell her and then she told me "what is this reason that you can't tell your own mother about? i don't understand you, is it?" I just replied "oh you do understand, is it?" and left it there. honestly, i have to say, she does NOT understand. if she did, she wouldn't scold me for crying, she wouldn't yell at me, she wouldn't call me names, she would talk to me lovingly, she would take me seriously when i tell her that that i want to sleep and not wake up, she would understand that there's something dewper behind my slow eating, she wouldn't say that i just complain all the time, she wouldn't tell me that i deserve pain and suffering in my life, she wouldn't tell me that i won't learn a lesson until she dies. Sorry about the angry rant there. thank you for reading this long post. 💙 tagging vase buddy @bestVase7265, i hope you don't mind, feel free to ignore the tag if I'm bothering you.
I'm really overwhelmed with schoolwork
Student Support / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 February 23rd
...See more I got tons of schoolwork to do right now. Nearly all my notebooks are incomplete. We are getting fresh new homework every single day. All teachers are running to finish the portion because they don't have much time. We have 3 notebook submissions on Monday and all 3 of them are incomplete. It's just so hard to manage. And I'm clearly not able to manage so much pressure (and I'm just in 8th grade, I wonder how I'd manage next year if things are already so bad) and seriously I'm falling behind on schoolwork. Plus I also have to start studying for annual exams starting on 1st march. And I'm not able to focus on anything well because I'm depressed, and it's making it hard to study well, also with such high expectations from my parents and teachers. One day I manage to sit down and finish one subject and the next day we again get loaded with new homework. I can never stay on top of everything. Some or the other subject always has serious amounts of pending work. It's an endless cycle of homework and stress. I'm tired and dunno what to do. I definitely get pretty carried away with Cups and don't do much schoolwork on some days, and I'm trying to deal with that a little by making a schedule sorta thing and trying to follow it as best as I can. But I'm oftentimes not able to follow it and end up spending way too much time on Cups. And I don't really have a schedule for Saturday or Sunday evenings (and I can't come up with one) so I spend most of the weekends online and can't stop myself. For a while now, I've been thinking maybe I should go on a little break from Cups so I can focus a bit more on schoolwork and hopefully catch up with things a bit. But that would feel like I'm punishing myself and not caring for my mental health. I love Cups and I love talking to people on here. And I have no other emotional outlet so trying to stay off Cups for a week or so would mean I bottle everything up and that would just hurt so much and it might mean I won't be able to focus on my schoolwork. I'd also really miss the wonderful people here. I really dunno what do do. I'm looking for help or suggestions you might have. Thank you so much for reading though this. 💜 Tagging my forum buddies @Cottonn @bestVase7265 who might be able to help, I hope you don't mind the tag.
Space for @JustWantingToMakeFriends and Berry
Pen Pals / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 February 27th
...See more @JustWantingToMakeFriends Hiiii there! How are you doing? I'm always here for you, Friends. 💙 Lemme know if you'd like me to call you something else. 😊
I don't like going through this every month
General Support / by exuberantBlackberry9105
Last post
 January 8th
...See more I never really talk about this, because i feel a bit embarassed, but i guess this is me venting about my periods, and i dunno which subcommunity this belongs in so i'm posting in general support. But anyways, my periods are really hard to deal with right now. They're painful and messy. My mother wont let me use anything but pads and i find them very irritating for my skin. I'm leaking all the time, and it's really messy. I don't have the freedom to lie down whenever i want because i'm worried I'll leak if i lie down. i dont understand why my pads leak all the time even if they arent fully soaked, maybe i'm not using them properly? I cant even swallow the period cramp meds properly because i'm pretty new to swallowing tablets. My periods cause me so much stress and anxiety every month and it's not fun. i hate dealing with this. tagging my forum buddies @Cottonn and @bestVase7265 if you dont mind, feel free to ignore this tag if i'm bothering you
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