Distortion 3. Black and White Thinking
Hi everyone! I hope you are well. We have covered two distortions so far, catastrophizing and mind reading. Please check them out if you have not yet.
Today we will talk about black-and-white thinking, also known as polarized thinking, all-or-nothing, or binary thinking. It is the tendency to think in extremes and ignore grey areas. Either something/someone is great or horrible, no in-between. Healthline, in this article, makes a good point ‘There’s a reason most people don’t live on Everest or in the Mariana Trench. It’s hard to sustain life at those extremes.’
Examples of black-and-white thinking:
- Seeing people as good or bad. X is a good person, Y is a bad person. Failing to see grey areas, areas where X is acting poorly or Y is acting in a good manner.
- Seeing something is smart or stupid. Your peer presented a project in class, you failed to see its value and deemed it as entirely stupid. On the other hand you presented a project and dismissed a valuable constructive critique as you believed the project to be good and therefore it has no flaws.
- Thinking you are a failure because you don’t do well in school. You disregard your other strengths and focus on the negatives that weigh you down.
- Thinking someone hates you because they were rude to you once.
- Thinking you have no friends as you were unable to meet your friends for a month due to busy schedules.
The reality is that most of life happens in grey areas. People are far more complex than being good or bad. Similarly, situations we face are often not all good or bad. There are times when we face exceptions to this rule, something tragic happens or we lose someone we love. However, in this post we are talking about the tendency to think black or white in general, creating a pessimistic point of view in life.
We will use the same technique that we have been using in other posts where we train ourselves to not think in extremes.
📢Points of Action:
Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post)
Counter your black-and-white thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience.
⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise.
⭐ When was the last time you engaged in black-and-white thinking and what actually ended up happening?
Further Reading
How Black and White Thinking Hurts You (and What You Can Do to Change It)
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@Hope Thank you so much for this post. It's hard to admit, bit I find myself doing black and white thinking a lot, especially when it comes to people. When I see something bad about someone, I don't usually think they're a bad person altogether, but when I see something good about someone, I usually assume they're an absolutely amazing person.
For instance, I had this teacher who I used to think of as an absolute saint. And I considered everything she did to be absolutely correct. But she too is a person after all, and she isn't perfect. And that's fine.
@Hope
I had a new kid in my class and I hadn’t talked to her until 2-3 months later when we were put together for a project and till that time I had assumed that she’s not good and there was another new kid with whom I had talked with and I thought that she’s a good kid but it was quite the opposite actually. The kid I assumed to be bad turned out to be super good and the kid I had thought to be good turned out to be bad (she talks about me behind my back)
@tidyHickory3283
That is a great example of how we can misjudge people! I am glad you ended up getting a good project partner. Gentle reminder that the classification of good and bad also falls under black and white thinking. A better perspective can be acknowledging that someone has good and bad traits.
@Hope
True
ah yes! I will now think of it as traits rather then the whole person :D
I do this a lot actually mostly about myself
I struggle a lot in school espesially with numbers n maths n symbels n a lot of the time i just think im stupid n that i cant do most school stuff n sometimes i just have like secret meltdowns about it n feel like i cant learn anything. But im not actully that stupid realy like yeah i do suck at maths n numbers n stuff but sometimes im clever at other stuff n it dosnt matter that i struggle with numbers cos evry1 struggles with somethin
@DarkerPlaces
That is a great reflection! You can struggle with one aspect of your life but still value the strengths you have in other areas.
When I feel my needs are not met in relationships I tend think this way …, it feels terrible for me! I need to stop 🛑 bc it doesn’t help anyone and my partners struggle when I am struggling how to cope…, love this series going to use them as journal prompts ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful
It seems that you have identified a trigger that leads you down this rabbit hole. How can you ensure that your needs are better met to avoid this cycle of thinking from starting?
@Hope I really needed to read this. My world is so black and white :S
@TheMadHatterWasHere
Glad you maybe able to benefit. Would you like to give the exercise a try?
@Hope Not sure I'm ready for that right now. THe voices in my head are so loud today :S
@Hope
i didnt forget to do this post xD (no i totally did, been a busy lil avy)
I would say example of black and white thinking would be my one friend/ex girlfriend. (note: i have a very big tendency to rely on incredibly toxic people). I thought she was like the best person and i thought we crapped out gold. like i didn't see how she could do anything wrong, ever.
we ended up drifting apart, but looking back on it now, she was manipulative and callous.
Remember kids, friends don't put spiders on each other and then laugh when they cry (:
@AvyIsKing
Thank you for sharing. However, I noticed that your view of the person changed from white to black, one extreme to another. Some people can lean towards having more bad behaviors but finding grey areas includes looking for the whole picture. For example, the person may have manipulative traits but she may still have some qualities that led you to be interested in her in the first place.
Gentle reminder to please use appropriate language. I know its hard when we are frustrated but we can try!
@Hope
yes i agree, i did forget to mention that i know it is all black and white currently but eventually i will see the gray. i was very tired when writing this, so i ended up not making a lot of sense.
just because it went from a positive black and white to a negative black and white doesn't mean there isn't any grey. she was still good for me when i needed her.
@Hope Thank you again for this new article on mind distortions. I find myself black-and-white thinking sometimes, mainly when referring to myself, my mental health, trauma and grief. My husband does it more often and I always try to correct it when I have the energy to. I'm translating your articles for him to read them too, I hope it will help him to think more positively :)
I am sorry I didn't have the time to respond earlier, I was on a work trip in Vietnam 🌞🏝️
My exercise:
- Negative thought: The sexual abuse from my childhood has damaged me so much that I will never be able to enjoy my intimate life again.
- Counter thought: I have a bad period now processing all the trauma and that's why I get flashbacks and I am not currently able to enjoy my intimate moments for most of the time. I just need a lot of time to process the trauma and I also had a few "light moments" when was able to enjoy it so maybe I will be able to enjoy it again in the future.
@Hope
Thanks
@Hope
I guess thinking that I am s failure or really stupid when getting answers wrong or not passing an exam
Counter thought: getting things wrong does not mean that I am stupid and can never pass but maybe I needed to study more
@quietlistener2023
It's great that you recognized the black-and-white thinking there! Your counter-thought is a healthy way to approach setbacks. Keep practicing this shift in perspective!
Because of grief, I've lost the ability to know what I'm feeling, that I'll never have any emotions other than sadness and regrets.. That this should only be a temporary phase.. as I learn how to navigate through my grieving journey, my emotions will slowly be rediscovered..
@Hope
@Jaeteuk
I’m really sorry you're going through this. It’s so powerful that you’re able to acknowledge that grief is a process, and that your emotions will evolve over time.
