Building Self-esteem Series: The FAST way
Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well. Last week we talked about what is self-esteem and what it impacts. We had quite a few responses where people shared how they can benefit from an increase in self-esteem, reflecting on how self-esteem plays a role in the success of people they look up to. You can participate in the post here.
This week we will explore one way we can start working on improving our self-esteem. It is the FAST method, rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. What is interesting about this approach is that it allows you to make decisions when faced with everyday choices to ultimately improve your self-esteem by being true to yourself.
FAST Acronym
- F is for Fair – Be fair to yourself as well as other people. It’s important to learn that your needs are just as important as someone else’s. This is also about being assertive and learning to speak your truth.
- A is for Authentic – Don’t apologize for having an opinion or disagreeing with others. This does not mean you have to be rude to others but you can disagree respectfully.
- S is for Stick to your values - Don’t compromise or abandon your values trying to please others or conform.
- T is for Truthful - Be truthful and don’t make excuses. Be honest and don’t exaggerate or tell little white lies.
Here are some more narrowed-down examples/applications:
- F (Fairness): Someone in your group keeps making plans without considering your availability. Speak up! Suggest alternative times or activities that include everyone's preferences. Remember, your needs matter too.
- A (Authentic): Don't be afraid to show your true feelings, whether it's sadness, anger, or joy. Bottling up emotions can be unhealthy. If a friend upsets you, you are allowed to express it. If they did something great, you are encouraged to recognize it.
- S (Sticking to values): Spend time working with a cause you care about, like animal welfare or environmental protection. Contributing to something bigger than yourself aligns with your values and builds self-worth.
- T (Truthfulness): If you disagree with someone's idea, be honest and provide constructive feedback. Offer alternative solutions while remaining respectful of their perspective.
You can answer a minimum of two of the following questions or you can answer all! (The instructions apply to everyone who is working towards the braving self badge)
- Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
- Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
- Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
Attention: At the end of the series, there will be a short quiz/form to fill out to avail of the badge and show that you have understood the content of the series and have applied the techniques shared. Over the next few weeks, please note down specific situations where you have applied the FAST method. It can even be a few words! This series is more of a workshop than consuming content, for it to benefit you, you will need to apply the methods/techniques and partake in the exercises.
Note: Due to the nature of some of these prompts, we encourage listeners to switch to a member account to participate in the series to benefit fully. If you prefer your listener account, you are welcome! But please maintain the boundaries expected of a person using a listener account and avoid detailed shares of your personal experiences.
I love this post. Thank you, @Hope for including something from DBT; I really appreciate this! 💙
Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
I have. It made me feel drained. I can remind myself of my values and priorities, set clear boundaries, and honour myself by actually upholding these boundaries.
Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
I felt energised, confident, and happy. It helped me reach my full potential and bring more positive things to my environment, which made me proud. Authenticity means everything to my sense of self-worth because it makes me feel confident and secure in who I am, exactly as I am.
Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
- Fairness: setting boundaries in relationships helps keep it balanced and mutually beneficial.
- Authenticity: sharing honest opinions and perspectives, even when they’re different from other people’s, encourages diverse viewpoints.
- Sticking to values: choosing activities that align with our values, even if they’re different from our group’s.
- Truthfulness: providing honest and constructive feedback for growth.
@Hope
- Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
Many times, unfortunately. It makes me feel like I don't count or like I deserve to be ignored. I could have taped into exactly what I wanted and understood the group situation at the same time and found a balance between both.
- Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
When I'm teaching something I'm passionate and knowledgeable about. I feel respected and admired and I am able to manage time, put some limits and conduct the situation.
@Hope
Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
Yes, a lot of times. At that point when I'm prioritizing someone else's needs, I feel good knowing I'm helping someone, and that I am keeping my words. But later on, depending on the situation, I might regret it. To have been fair towards myself, maybe I could have thought about and prioritized my well-being.
Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
I cannot think of any real-life situation when I was fully myself. In real life, I always pretend to be a person I am not, and I've become so good at pretending. But it's hard and tiring to pretend all the time and sometimes people catch me not being the person I pretend to be, so I have to cover it up. It's very tiring.
But I am usually fully myself on 7 Cups. Sometimes the immediate outcome is feelings of embarrassment because I'm so used to pretending, but that usually goes away with time and the final outcome is (usually) a positive one. As for how authenticity impacts my sense of self-worth, it usually increases it because I know that people know me and care about me for who I really am, not some fake version of myself.
Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
Not very sure about this, I guess maybe trying to say no when needed to be fair to ourselves....
@Hope
1. Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
Not really, but sometimes I feel guilty for not doing so, I guess it's normal.
2. Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
One day I was at a workshop, I had wonderful conversations with others in the room about my interests and ambitions, I expressed myself freely and people there commented on my positivity and excitement, I felt more fresh and free and over all better.
3. Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
It would help me in life in general, when I feel too away from my dreams and close to give up, and when I do mistakes and have to forgive myself🍃.
@Hope
I've encountered many situations where I've prioritized someone else's needs over my own. It feels like I'm being suffocated and drowning at the same time. I can't go back in time and change what I did.
I've never been fully myself, uninhibited and genuine. There's always been conditional trauma and outside influences.
@Hope1. Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
I am so guilty of this. While I like to think it's just because I care for people and want to be nice, I realize I shouldn't always do this. It is possible to want to help others by making them a priority but not at the expense of sacrificing my own mental health. Helping others make me feel good, but I am getting better at admitting when I need to pause on them and put me first. ♡
2. Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
I tend to always try and be myself. I am content with who and how I am as a person. I have to live with myself for the rest of my life so I may as well like and love myself, right? I may as well. Even though, I'm going to be myself regardless, at the end of the day, I have to admit that there are certain people who make me feel safe. For those people and the ones I adore and I know accept me, I feel free to be me.... unfiltered. Meaning I can be my crazy self. By me being true to who I am without having to front, I am happier. I know I am worthy of being accepted too. That's why even though I am a listener, I still have to be me. I'm open that I have my own share of mental health issues and I do not have to pretend like I have myself or everything together because I don't. I'm only human.
3. Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
To be short here, I will just say trusting in myself and continuing to show myself love are 2 ways I can build my confidence.
@Hope
Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
Yes I have prioritized others needs over my own, but I oftsn do not mind to do it. At times however I do feel resentful or like they are taking for granted. I guess the best way is to be fair to ourselves as well as others and find a way that brings us satisfaction and does not make us feel taken for granted
Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
I try my best to be myself most of the time. During these times I feel calm and confident and domt worry ro much about opinions. I feel it affects self worth because you know you can be just you and that is the best way. Trying to be anyone else is undermining and can bring us down
Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationship
When dealing with difficult people, when going to a meeting or other event and might help improve relationships with family and others
s?
@Hope
- Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself? Yes, I have encountered a situation where I prioritized someone else's need over my own. It made me feel empty inside. I could have focused more on first taking care of myself then, looking to help others.
- Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth? A situation when I was fully myself, uninhibited and genuine was when I openly tell people that I am not available for ceratin things. It makes me feel less stressed and overwhelmed. Even when I communicate to people about my needs, I feel much more confident.
@Hope
Have you ever encountered a situation where you prioritized someone else's needs over your own? How did it make you feel? What could you have done differently to practice fairness towards yourself?
Yes, I’ve definitely done this before, especially when I agreed to help a friend with something even though I was already exhausted. I didn’t want to disappoint them but by the end of it, I felt frustrated and drained because I wasn’t listening to what I needed. Looking back, I think I could have been more honest with myself and with them, maybe suggested a different time or offered support in another way that wouldn’t have left me feeling so stretched thin.
Describe a situation where you were fully yourself, uninhibited, and genuine. What were the outcomes? How does authenticity impact your sense of self-worth?
One time, a friend canceled plans last minute and instead of brushing it off like I usually would, I decided to be honest about how it made me feel. I told them I was disappointed and felt like my time wasn’t being respected but I also let them know I valued our friendship. It was a bit awkward but they appreciated my honesty and explained they were going through something personal.
So, being authentic in that moment gave me a huge boost in terms of self-worth. It reminded me that I don’t have to hide my feelings or pretend everything is okay when it’s not.
Can you think of additional examples of everyday situations where applying FAST principles can strengthen your confidence and relationships?
An example where I could apply the FAST method is when a friend makes a comment that makes me uncomfortable. Instead of staying quiet to avoid conflict, I could practice authenticity by speaking up and saying how I feel. Fairness would mean expressing my feelings without feeling guilty for doing so. By sticking to my values and being truthful, I’d set a boundary and show that my perspective matters. This would boost my confidence and help create more open, respectful relationships with my friends.
