Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups
Hello Everyone!
I want to discuss an important topic that is particularly relevant to our community. I understand that there may be some confusion on this topic and I wanted to tackle it head on! Please review carefully!
Topic: Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups.
What is sexting?
Sexting is having sex over text message.
--> Behaviors associated with sexting:
1) Engaging in sex acts on 7 cups
2) inviting another user to engage in sex acts in both explicit and non-explicit ways
What is flirting?
Flirting involves verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person.
--> Behaviors associated with flirting:
1) Telling another user in the chat room that you like their profile picture and commenting on another users appearance. Even if you believe you are being kind, this is not appropriate.
Note: I'd like to clarify that it's one thing to say "oh hey new picture! Looks nice!" This is very friendly. But it's another to constantly make comments on appearance or make suggestive comments on appearance. These will not be tolerated.
2) Using the kissy faces in reference to a users comment or in a way that suggests you are interested in them in ways beyond friends.
7 Cups Site Policy on Sexting & Flirting
At 7 Cups, we have a zero tolerance policy for both of these behaviors in the forums, 1-1 chats (both Member/guest - listener & listener - listener). It's simply not what we are here for and it can be very hurtful to the person on the other side of the chat window. We are a compassionate, support network and we have no space for these behaviors. In fact, these behaviors work against us. They distract us from our mission.
Special notice to feminine presenting users: I know that everyone can be vulnerable to be on the receiving ends of these behavior. But the vast majority of the incoming reports signify that feminine presenting users are more likely to be targeted. Therefore, Id like to give a little notice specifically to this specific group. I want you all to feel empowered. If you are asked to engage in a sexual chat, please remove yourself immediately and report that user.
If this happens to you, you may feel uncomfortable or unsafe and that is understandable. Please take a self-care break, find a peer supporter or log on to your member account, but please know, we are actively working to remove these users from the community. If you see something, say something & protect yourself.
Here is what we will be doing to continue to remove & discourage these behaviors in our community:
1) Group support/ listener side chat rooms: warning system in place
2) Added censoring from the Member/Guest side. Note: We have no intention of hindering any member/guest ability to discuss a sexual problem. We will not censor specific words. Instead, we will censor specific phrases in which the context is clearly indicated.
3) Noni tip early presented early in the chat
4) Further language around the website (when you press the connect now button/ listener training)..etc. which works to further emphasize this point.
5) More education and culture building ( I hope to do a community discussion on this topic soon)
Thanks everyone!
Great post, Laura. Thank you.
Thanks @Laura for the efforts you're going to at admin level to support us on this.
One thing I'd like to add from my own experience is that having a personal photograph seems to invite more of these types of inappropriate chats, and of course comments in the chat room. This is, of course, just in my personal experience as a listener, and as a mentor who has supported many other listeners who have experienced this. Every listener here is entitled to have their personal photo as their dp, it's entirely your choice, but if you find sex chats and flirting very distressing and triggering, it may be worth considering choosing another picture, like a landscape, or just one that isn't a personal photo. It doesn't mean you'll never get a sex chat or someone trying to flirt with you but it may go some way to minimise the chance of it. It's about your self care and ensuring your safety. Whilst Laura and the admin team will do everything they can to ensure our safety, it would be impossible to completely eradicate this kind of behaviour, so it's also about personal responsibility and each of us ensuring that we keep ourselves as safe as possible too.
If anyone in the community is having a distressing time and feeling harassed, I encourage you to file a report and to also reach out for support, you don't have to feel alone. I would be more than happy for you to PM me and I can support and help you as best as I can.
@Laura
Thanks for this post. It is important to make sure that we are all as safe as possible. I also want to say that I agree with Sam (@Soulsurfer). A newer person asked me the other day if I had tips for how to keep these types of people from sending me personal requests. I looked at the Listener's profile and the main difference I could see was that there was a personal display pic of her while I use one of Rocket. Hers was not provacative at all, but the presence of a personal display pic seems to generate attention regardless. So, no, it's not really fair--why should we have to not use a picture of ourselves on the dp if we'd like? In an ideal world, we would be able to. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in and one way to slow down these types of 1-1 requests seems to be removing those pictures. I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do--to each their own--just keep it in mind as an option.
This is so important. A lot of Listeners feel reporting a member is wrong and the last resort and it should absolutely be that but if you're uncomfortable and not feeling your best, then you can't help the member anyway. Self care is so important.
Glad this issue is being acknowledged!
Yes! This is very important. I've got to change my profile picture because of the flirting and inappropriate texts. I felt really sad about having an anonymous photo but it was better this way so I can talk to people who want me for help and not for inappropriate stuff.
Thank you for doing this. :)
@lovetoloveyou97 - I agree it can be so frustrating when we are forced to do something, like change our picture, because other people don't respect boundaries or know how to act appropriately. But I admire you for taking control of this situation and acting responsibly to keep yourself as safe as possible 
Thank you so much for your kindness and for noticing me! I totally agree with you, safety is really important to me. What also more important to me is that we can stop these inappropriate behaviours.
@lovetoloveyou97--I'm sorry you were frustrated by changing your display pic. And, no, you shouldn't have to. But, at the same time, it is often the best choice. Having a neutral picture allows for the conversation to focus on the member/guest issue rather than flirting and so forth.
Thank you so much, Laura, for creating this thread and spreading awareness. This post is brilliant.
Excellent post Laura
@Laura , thank you for this and I hope it clarifies to some that there behaviour can be see flirtatious even if they are just "messing around"
@kane @sam thank you for wise words as ever
Yeees! Straight into the bookmarks, I wish I could upvote this post more than once
@Dova
Agreed....I want to be able to upvote posts more than once too!! :P
This is just a 100% awesome post! @Laura I think what you suggest is a perfect response to this issue - clear, concrete steps to discourage this extremely problematic behaviour, while still making sure we can provide support to those who need it.
What I want to underline is to anyone who has been on the receiving end of this kind of harassment - that was not your fault. You did not deserve to be treated like that. Whoever was doing the harassing was in the wrong. And you should not feel obliged to change anything because of what happened - as @Soulsurfer and @RocketsMom said very well, that's entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel under any pressure. It is the people that are harassing others that need to change their behaviour, not you.
And we're here for you as a community, and we will believe you when you report an issue, and we won't make assumptions about you, and we will always take it seriously and support you with it.
Mikey, a very valid point, and one I would like to reiterate again is that no matter what your photo may be of, you are never to blame for harrassment or inappropriate behaviour. I've seen members of this community say things before like "well look at her picture, she deserves it". This is WRONG. The person harassing you and initiating the sex chat is always to blame. What you look like and how you present yourself in your dp, whilst possibly making you more vulnerable, does not make you deserving of harassment. It is never your fault.
Agreed....my point was not that one's picture is what causes the behaviors. The person who is doing the harassing is making that choice. They just happened to pick someone with a picture in hopes to get a response. They will do the behavior regardless so please, no one should feel they caused the behavior or deserved to be at fault. I think changing display pics simply makes one less likely to be the subject of behavior that will likely occur regardless.
@Soulsurfer @Michaelmichael
