Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups
Hello Everyone!
I want to discuss an important topic that is particularly relevant to our community. I understand that there may be some confusion on this topic and I wanted to tackle it head on! Please review carefully!
Topic: Sexting and flirting at 7 Cups.
What is sexting?
Sexting is having sex over text message.
--> Behaviors associated with sexting:
1) Engaging in sex acts on 7 cups
2) inviting another user to engage in sex acts in both explicit and non-explicit ways
What is flirting?
Flirting involves verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person.
--> Behaviors associated with flirting:
1) Telling another user in the chat room that you like their profile picture and commenting on another users appearance. Even if you believe you are being kind, this is not appropriate.
Note: I'd like to clarify that it's one thing to say "oh hey new picture! Looks nice!" This is very friendly. But it's another to constantly make comments on appearance or make suggestive comments on appearance. These will not be tolerated.
2) Using the kissy faces in reference to a users comment or in a way that suggests you are interested in them in ways beyond friends.
7 Cups Site Policy on Sexting & Flirting
At 7 Cups, we have a zero tolerance policy for both of these behaviors in the forums, 1-1 chats (both Member/guest - listener & listener - listener). It's simply not what we are here for and it can be very hurtful to the person on the other side of the chat window. We are a compassionate, support network and we have no space for these behaviors. In fact, these behaviors work against us. They distract us from our mission.
Special notice to feminine presenting users: I know that everyone can be vulnerable to be on the receiving ends of these behavior. But the vast majority of the incoming reports signify that feminine presenting users are more likely to be targeted. Therefore, Id like to give a little notice specifically to this specific group. I want you all to feel empowered. If you are asked to engage in a sexual chat, please remove yourself immediately and report that user.
If this happens to you, you may feel uncomfortable or unsafe and that is understandable. Please take a self-care break, find a peer supporter or log on to your member account, but please know, we are actively working to remove these users from the community. If you see something, say something & protect yourself.
Here is what we will be doing to continue to remove & discourage these behaviors in our community:
1) Group support/ listener side chat rooms: warning system in place
2) Added censoring from the Member/Guest side. Note: We have no intention of hindering any member/guest ability to discuss a sexual problem. We will not censor specific words. Instead, we will censor specific phrases in which the context is clearly indicated.
3) Noni tip early presented early in the chat
4) Further language around the website (when you press the connect now button/ listener training)..etc. which works to further emphasize this point.
5) More education and culture building ( I hope to do a community discussion on this topic soon)
Thanks everyone!
Hey Laura, thanks so much for bringing up this topic! Recently, I have encountered several people who tried to engage in flirting and inappropriate conversation with me. Thank you for the advice; this is a wonderful resource for listeners who have encountered this topic or listeners who will be better prepared in case this happens to them. :)
@lovelyWhisper66 You are not the only one who has experienced this. 2 out of my first 10 convirsations on this site has been people looking for flirting. I tend to just tell them this is not a dating site, but if they need support of another kind I am all ears. That has stopped both the people I've been struggeling with this far.
I have had a few people go down the line of conversation bringing up sexual fantasies with me. Two of which were with family members, 1 with the mother and another with the sister. Both people tried to engage me in talk about my own fantasies and I can honestly say that I did not feel comfortable being open about my own intimate thoughts as I did not feel that it would be beneficial to the other parties and it seemed to me that it was unethical.
My personal stand point in this regard is that self-disclosure should be used carefully and ONLY if it will help, otherwise it could come across with a very different meaning or intent especially in scenarios with sexual content.
I recognise that there are most likely many Listeners who have some sort of training in Counselling or Psychology or undergoing training in these areas but I'm sure there may be some that have not and may be well inexperienced to handle this kind of situation and, ultimately, could end up doing more harm to the person involved.
At the end of the day, the main objective of ALL listeners is to Listen and aid the member or guest in working through things themselves. If a Listener feels they are not adequately experienced then they should refer the member/guest onto another Listener that is.
Working with people on this level is highly sensitive and if not handled with compassion and kindness things can go very wrong without anyone on 7 Cups ever knowing.
@Tattyfae This is what I did today. I'm new to listening and had a conversation where someone was asking me about my own intimate experiences. I didn't feel comfortable discussing that and said that perhaps they might wish to speak to someone else and they kept trying to drag me into the conversation. He said that I should be more open and that the thing he was asking me about was not bad. I said a few times that im not being judgmental, i just didn't feel comfortable with the direct questions but he continued to try and reel me back in, and i had to block him. Quite upsetting first conversation to have on here.
I dont' agree with discussing my own personal sex life, my intimacy or my sexual fantasies and desires. I don't see how that would help someone. If I went to talk to a mate of mine or a therapist, i wouldn't ask those questions and if I had, I wouldn't expect them to answer. They are there to listen and support, not give you details about their personal lives - well .. especially not the therapist anyway
Aaarrggh im getting tired of members messaging me just to be inappropriate and say rude sexual stuff. Im starting to lose my patience with these kind of members. Im sorry to say these kind of things but i just wish i could find a way to get rid of them and make them stop from messaging me. It really affects my way of communication with other members who dont have that kind of intent. 😔
@withyou08
i agree and can
I've been completely open to talking to members regarding their sexual issues, regardless of sexuality. I've kept these chats strictly abstract and made conscious efforts not to break the community guidelines, but recently I was suspended because my account was censored because of some things I mentioned eg. s-e-x is considered an attempt at inappropriate chats. I thought that 7cups was a place where people received support and helped members, but the whole ordeal caused me considerable stress and anxiety. It wasn't so much about not being able to be a listener, but being unable to contact my regulars who I have promised not to leave, and I see that now the only way moving forward and giving me security that I will not be wrongfully suspended again would be to completely block or avoid members with sexual issues. I understand the whole sexting and flirting rule, but I don't understand chats being censored without context, furthermore being suspended.
I have notice on two/three occasions members/guests tried this with me but i discontinue to converastion saying i am unaable to help them because I here to help others who need someone to listener and not here to flirt nor childs play. :/
It has been the same with me. At least one out of every five member I meet wants to talk about their sexual fantasies. At first, I used to discontinue the chat but then I decided to listen as to what they have to say, without disclosing about my own thoughts but then they ended up sending me sending explicit contents through links and I had to block them. That's why, I refuse to engage in such conversation anymore, this only leads to breaking the community guidelines.
And when you block them you eventually have your account ‘unapprooved
I have a question about this topic, it's about a guest that I've been talking to. We chatted 2 times, he was always very polite and kind, and he said that he was here, on 7 cups, because he was feeling lonely. Fair enough, I've delt with loneliness myself so no problem. The thing is, as we continued chatting, he spoke about masturbation and that his issue was that he wanted someone to know that he was doing it.
I told him about the therapy system at 7 cups, he thanked me but said he only wanted someone to talk to, about that. I also mentioned adult sites but he said that he'd like to be accompanied the way it is done here in 7 cups. I don't know what to think, or what to do, because he doesn't look like a pervert or anything. He was always asking if I was okay about his issue and so on but, and now what?
I'm quite confused about what to do, can someone help me?
@YourOwnBrightLight it seems like he's trying to engage you into a sexual way and that can be uncomfortable and un called for the beet thing to do is report him about the way he is acting.
It's been happening more often than not. Some members get hostile, and I feel bad because they may need real help. I've just been letting them know it makes me uncomfortable and I won't engage in those types of conversations.
I don't really feel that "Telling another user in the chat room that you like their profile picture" is a flirting action...I think it's a compliment, but anything like "you're hot" or whatever, that's flirting. Can you further explain on this? @Laura
Thank you so much for this. Majority of the chats I've had come in are sexually charged. Makes me feel really uncomfortable and really emotionally drained.
@JoyfulLotus3 a bunch of ppl just come and ask to RP to calm them down. If someone does that then that's a sign they are a sex chatter
