DHawks Listener Profile

...See more A discussion on Empathy was held on August 22nd @ 3pm EDT, lead by the wonderful @Joyseeker in the Listener Community Room. (Disclaimer: I personally did not attend this discussion but have reviewed the entire transcript and made an outline on what was discussed to share with everyone!) ★ Icebreaker: Is there a song, quote, book or character you identify with and would like to share with us? "this too shall pass - Attar - @Resolve I guess Harry Potter because I feel that I keep learning so much about myself and it changes who I feel I am - @RocketsMom I identify with this long Marianne Williamson quote: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God/universe. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God/universe that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. - @contentedFlamingo47 i identify with spiderman - @wonderfulPumpkin71 ★ Question 1: What does empathy mean to you? empathy means the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes i think - @wonderfulPumpkin71 Empathy means not just sympathy as in "I'm sorry that happened to you" but actually getting into the hole with them and be where they are at. To feel what the other person is feeling - @contentedFlamingo47 Empathy, to me, means understanding what someone else is going through to the point we can understand their emotions. - @RocketsMom its like an attempt to imagine yourself in similar situation as others ! - @Resolve So empathy is more than just a superficial understanding. And is more along the lines of really feeling what the other person is going through. - @joyseeker ★ Question 2: How does it feel to be completely understood by another person? it feels less lonely - @wonderfulPumpkin71 It feels good. It feels like you aren't so alone. - @contentedFlamingo47 Definitely, I agree with the loneliness comments. Like someone else can unload your struggles - @QuickJazz So really feeling understood makes us feel less alone. Maybe gives us a sense of connectedness and helps us feel like our worries are lessened too. - @joyseeker It feels like I am not an alien. Just another human but with different and some what unusual emotional issues. - @OverPouringCup ★ Question 3: What impact has empathy had in your life so far? Is there a specific moment in your life when empathy made a difference that youd like to share? Yes, I just came back from a Climate Change Training session and other people came up to me when I shared about the grief I felt over the loss of my father and I felt heard and held in loving community. It released this knot in my gut that I had not been aware of and had been harboring. - @contentedFlamingo47 For one thing it allowed me to identify and be friends some great guys who were usually misunderstood just because they were different. - @OverPouringCup being in the 7 cups of tea community made me feel that way too. - @wonderfulPumpkin71 Empathy (shown by another person) allowed me to open up more about a trauma when I was working on it in therapy. - @RocketsMom So empathy has helped us to make new friends, broaden our horizons, help us feel loved, safe, part of a community and overcome horrendously difficult times and experiences. - @joyseeker ★ Question 4: How do you practice and apply the skill of having and showing empathy? being an empath I Can usually sense if a certain person is being truly empathic to me or just pretending. You don't need to understand some one to empathize, it's more of a gut feeling then an objective activity. - @OverPouringCup So there seems to be something about displaying empathy in a way that is true and pure, that seems important here. - @joyseeker probably by keeping trying and also working on staying objective. I think it can also be developed by practicing things such as remaining objective and knowing what topics we are not okay with. - @RocketsMom we can only try and relate with the help of analogies of life ! - @Resolve i think can be developed by opening up to new experiences - @wonderfulPumpkin71 ★ Question 5: What are some ways we can we show empathy to another person, such as a friend or relative? I think by going out of our way to show them we do not judge them. - @RocketsMom So few of my friend I can empathize with them yet not understand their situation, and to keep on empathizing I try to get to connect to new and distinct people. Helps me keep sharp and connected to my gut. - @OverPouringCup We can listen to them, feedback that we are paying attention and can relate to their feelings, show an understanding of the situation and its challenges, for example. Believing in someone/Having belief placed in us is soooo valuable. - @QuickJazz I think you have start with 'believing in the person unconditionally' - @Resolve So not judging and being sure that they know that too. Listening, feeding back, naming their emotions and validating them as well. An believing what they are telling us or experiencing. Good points! - @joyseeker ★ Question 5: What challenges might we face when trying to show empathy in an online chat? they cant hear the emotions in our voice - @wonderfulPumpkin71 I think that it's harder to show empathy when we cannot read nonverbal cues. For example, if we cannot see their facial reactions or see them stiffen, we may not know that we're not in line with them. - @RocketsMom I believe your honest intentions of being an empathetic individual online can be misinterpreted. Often in some harsh manners that cause issues. - @Baze Sometimes seeing words written down can highlight when we're using the same words too much =\ - @QuickJazz ★ Question 6: How do you demonstrate empathy as a listener in chats? Saying I understand is easy. What can we say or do to show that we really do? We could summarize in our own words what they tell us to show we are listening to them and understand what they are telling us about how they feel - @WhimsicalNarwhal83 I like to re-word things--enough differently to show I'm paying attention and understand. And, it checks to make sure I'm on the same page has them. - @RocketsMom emoticons can sometimes help - @wonderfulPumpkin71 We can say something like "I understand what are you going through "or "I know that feeling " +Am really sorry that you have to go through this - @OneHundredNames ★ Question 7: Are there particular subjects you cant or have trouble empathizing with? Why do you think that is? Subjects we have no personal experience with - @WhimsicalNarwhal83 I have trouble empathizing with people who don't make change, I think. - @RocketsMom I have trouble empathizing with domestic violence. When someone beats on another person because they are hurting. I have a hard time with people who don't help themselves and play victim all the time. But I don't like kicking someone when they're down. - @contentedFlamingo47 it is hard for me to find empathy with racist/homophobic people - @wonderfulPumpkin71 i find it hard to deal with depressed people and too traumatised people - @Lightwater I feel I can empathise, but it can still hurt when I think about it, if that makes sense? When speaking with someone who is reaching out for help, I put down my personal things and focus on it because I am able to (I understand things that can make one struggle with this). However, afterwards, sometimes I need to take some self-care because I can feel hurt by or low at what was discussed. Like Pumpkin said. There was one time where I was speaking with a friend who expressed something transphobic and it was horrifying. I let him know I needed a moment because sometimes seeing or hearing things can genuinely make my body want to vomit, even when I don't mean it to, but after that I was able to carry on and talk it out with him. - @QuickJazz I really find it hard to empathize with narcissistic persons and pretentious person. - @OverPouringCup As a nurse sometimes it's hard for me to empathize with ppl who comes in to the emergency room seeking help but they are non compliant with their health or they get upset when they don't get what they want - @Kismet237 ★ Question 8: What effect does talking about the same issue (or to the same member) has on your empathy level? For me, YES!! I find that I feel burned out and no longer objective. - @RocketsMom Talking about the same issue... I don't feel it affects my empathy, but sometimes I really feel stressed as my mind can sometimes hit a limit of ideas. For this, Google is often my friend! - @QuickJazz I think it depends on the member's view. If they are constantly complaining, I get burned out, but I LOVE to hear from a member later that they are doing better or working on their issue. - @WhimsicalNarwhal83 ★ Question 9: When listening to someone who has been through something youve been through personally, how can that affect your empathy? it increases it - @wonderfulPumpkin71 i feel i can help more cause i've already been there - @Lightwater Sometimes I am able to be more empathetic because I've been there. But, other times, if the topic is still too fresh or I haven't come to peace with at least some of it, I become more disengaged (less empathetic). - @RocketsMom I feel it can make managing empathy a little challenging, Joy. In that it has the potential to make my feelings of connection override their experiences, in that.. I think it's so similar that it is the same as what I went through and come to dismiss or overlook their individual experiences and place with it, etc. - @QuickJazz I am very careful about what I say when I talk to someone about a situation I've been through so I don't compare or assume that their experience is the same as mine. - @WhimsicalNarwhal83 i tend to give advice of what i should have done in that situation and we talk abt it together .. if the solution is good for them - @Lightwater ★ Question 10: What impact can listening to someone talk about the same problem over and over again have on your empathy? i get angry .. i often go off line. i try to keep calm but then .. i just lose it cause my patience reaches its limit - @Lightwater decrease in empathy!! It's like come on already, change! - @contentedFlamingo47 that's usually when I get frustrated and less objective. I feel more robotic then because I don't want to upset them yet I don't feel as much for them. - @RocketsMom it can lessen my empathy, joy or cause my empathy to feel less real - @wonderfulPumpkin71 It can cause burnout, resulting in compassion fatigue and a loss of empathy! Personally, I can get stressed, as it goes back to the whole wanting to have something new to say/different to add, so to help them come out of the loop. - @QuickJazz ★ Question 11: What are some reasons you might feel unable to empathize with someone? When I am in not so good mood reputation frustrates me a lot. It in a pleasant mood I can take it and reason that even though the exp might be similar there is some differences of minor nature that can be pointer to resolve the situation. - @OverPouringCup I find any struggle with it is more of a struggle with an inability to express empathy than to feel it. Sometimes I wish I did not have to say anything, I could just.. shoot beams of understanding into them and they'd just know, but one has to express it. - @QuickJazz I find it a struggle to empathize with racist people, giving the most compassionate care possible but I realize they are a product of their own environment. - @contentedFlamingo47 I may not be able to empathize when I am too tired to be objective or have patience. Same with if I am too burned out. - @RocketsMom when am too tired and not in bad mood i just don't take chats - @Lightwater ★ Question 12: What should you do when as a listener you feel you can no longer empathize with someone? Remove yourself from the chat in a polite way - @WhimsicalNarwhal83 refer the person to another listener - @wonderfulPumpkin71 I have found that, since not taking ongoing chats, I am not in that situation as often. But, if, with time, I still find I cannot empathize, I do refer them. I usually wait several chats but it may happen. - @RocketsMom I think if we are tired and can't empathize it's better we switch to a member account or just be offline till get some relaxed time. - @OverPouringCup ★ Question 13: What can you do to avoid losing empathy towards someone? look at documentaries/articles that explains more about their situation - @wonderfulPumpkin71 Definitely use resources to help move the conversation. And self care to relax and recharge - @WhimsicalNarwhal83 To avoid losing empathy towards someone I believe you need to be patient. - @Johnny20 i don't take people's insult in here are real .. i mean people come her e because they issues .. i never take it as insult no matter how rude they can be - @Lightwater to avoid--practice self-care and boundaries. - @RocketsMom keeping the knowledge that no matter what, this is a person who has a legitimate issue that is trying to reach out to you - @Yunowho Gaining a good understanding of the situation, learning about it or learning about them and their circumstance, etc. Broaden your mind and understanding, opening up to various possibilities, can help with empathy, I think - @QuickJazz ★ Closing Remarks: The discussion was a hit; a fun, engaging conversation between fellow Listeners that can benefit a lot of people as the questions are something that every Listener struggles with in his journey atleast once. Everyone was very kind and supportive of each other and @Joyseeker summarised the responses in an excellent, informative manner. We learnt that showing empathy is important, it can also be hard in certain situations and recognising such situations is vital. ★ Participants: @JoySeeker @Resolve @RocketsMom @contentedFlamingo47 @wonderfulPumpkin71 @QuickJazz @OverPouringCup @Baze @WhimsicalNarwhal83 @OneHundredNames @Lightwater @Kismet237 @Johnny20 @Yunowho (If this was the first discussion that you attended, please take the time to nominate yourself for the Aristotle badge, which you can do by going to the 'my impact' [https://www.7cups.com/listener/myImpact.php]page, and then pressing 'Apply for special badges', below your list of badges)

Feedback & Reviews

Ahhhh, I'm not usually stuck for words but when it comes to him, I'm speechless. I can't possibly find words that can encompass just how thankful I am for this embodiment of affection. Imagine feeling lost in this big big world, scrunched up alone and unnoticed in a corner. Damien would be the guy to sit by your side and offer you reassurances until you feel strong enough to get back out there. He brings the hope to the hopeless, the joy to the saddened, the love to the fearful. I absolutely adore this guy, not for just being here for me, but for being him. The portrayal of kindness, love and strength. One day, I want to learn to make as many people smile as he does. He's as fabulous as a star; you could call him a FabStar, in fact c; You are such a shining spirit, sweet.

Fast response. Easy to talk to. Can make you laugh but is understanding about issues and rightly sympathetic. Very nice guy :) Will talk to again, thank you for putting up with my resistance & helping me through my problems. Super encouraging and helpful.

Thank you! You really helped me! I love you!
Rachael xxx

You just feel comfortable around him!

You'll just feel comfortable around him! :)

You'll just feel absolutely comfortable around him :)

Funny dude that made me crack a smile, thanks. I will visit you soon again! you're best at what you do and now i have the courage to go up to her and finally tell her because of you. You are the best man! keep rocking so hard! :)

my very own superhero, if i could i'd pack you in a suitcase &carry you around everywhere to give me confidence &smiles. Everyone should talk to you, faith will be restored and hearts will be re-joint. Totally amazing!

This beautiful ray of sunshine has made life nothing but beautiful for me. He's the type of person who cares so much that you just feel like you're wrapped in a warm blanket of love and kindness. He's the sunshine of my life because he's bright and he makes me grow, but the thing that makes him better than the sun is that he doesn't burn. You're amazing, you really are. Thank you for being there for me. -xx

What can i say about Dammy? I have no words to express what you did for me Son. I have no children of my own but I'd want a boy just like you. Despite the age gap, you took the time to understand, to make me comfortable and to make me feel heard. You're a dork but extremely sweet. Thank you for this very good memory, will be revisiting the site soon! You made me feel so special!

A sweetie.

This guy is one of the best listeners I've found so far. He made me feel super comfortable, like I was talking to a friend, but still remaining professional. He understood my problems and encouraged me in a kind and sweet way, thank you for everything Damien, you're truly amazing! -I.

Talking to DHawks is like living in your happy place.

good talk

Words absolutely can not describe DHawks, but I'm surely going to try. Never before have I met someone more sunshine-filled, more love-filled, or more willing to share a piece of his heart as easily as he has. Quite honestly, he's one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my entire life. He goes out of his way to make sure you're feeling okay, and not because he has to, but because he cares. Sunshine, I am so happy that I've met you. You make the world brighter in every sense of the word, and quite honestly, you're one of those "once in a lifetime" kind of people. Before him, I had not much hope in the site, or really in myself, but honestly he's filled with such beauty, that I've absolutely gotten a new kind of love for the site. This listener is absolutely fabulous; thank you for everything, lovely.

DHawks is a fantastic person! He's so kind and so eager to help. I feel super comfortable talking with him, and I highly recommend it. :)

Simply the best

Absolutely amazing person. :)

He's the nicest person I've ever met. He doesn't care for me because it's his 'job'; talking to him makes me feel like he really wants to care for me. Once, he stayed up till 4am to check up on me and to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself. No matter how busy or tired he is, he'd get back to me asap. I know I'm not getting any better right now, but I know, with his help, I will. :)

Amazing. :)

Really helpful. One thing: he wont leave your conversation without coming up with a conclusion to help you move forward before he goes anywhere. :)

Thank you, I believe you are the best.

Thank you, D! X

A superhero indeed.

Very kind person and smart person. The amount of advice he gave to me and the things he said were very helpful. I feel so much better, thank you!

awesomeness

Your a great listener and very supportive ...thank you

he is really an amazing listener no matter what is bothering you. he replies quickly and is so nice and friendly and very easy going. Send him a message you won't regret it :)

My first experience with a listener and it went extremely well! It was very easy talking to him because he was so friendly and open-minded. He really paid attention to the things I was saying and it felt like he actually cared. I felt really refreshed after talking with him and will definitely be chatting with him again soon! He's a totally great and never (h)awkward person, someone I'd never forget and definitely recommend talking to.

He's a good listener

very helpful as usual

oh my such a nice fellow, really helpful i felt like i knew him a long time, he has really showed me a better way an help me to put my thoughts together, it was a pleasure speaking with him, blessings.

Amazing very attentive and just all round great chap

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