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How Can I Show Love To Myself?

RumpleSteeleSkin November 30th, 2017

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Hello everyonesmiley I hope you all are doing ok todayheart I have observed a lot around 7cups as well as in my daily life on "how can I show myself love" Yes this simple question yet so hard for many to do. It can be due to many things. Trauma, not shown love, even mistrusting. Thing is no matter what we gone through- hell and back we can start learning to love ourselves. We deserve that and need that to live. Do you want to learn of some ways to start showing love to yourself? Come on and sit with me while I share a few things with youheart

Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home. – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Let's say you dont love yourself and see yourself as not beautiful nor good enough. Then comes a person who tells you how wonderful you are. Would you accept it? No, it is more likely you would think they are either lying, mad or not particularly picky. Self-love seems to be natural; you live your whole life with yourself, in your body. You spend more time with yourself than with anyone other you love, you understand yourself the best, and you are the one who keeps all of your secrets.

Then why do you have a problem with loving yourself? Isnt the self-love something we are born with? Unfortunately, not.

Many factors can jeopardize your self love and self respect.. These factors vary from your parent's influence in your childhood, your social environment and culture to your distorted self-image. Whatever the reason might be, living without loving yourself is exhausting, stressful and may induce many negative emotions. It means constant self-doubt, fear of not being (good, smart, pretty) enough, missing chances because of the low self-esteem, burdening other people with repeated request for approval and so on.

On the other hand, loving yourself means being able to feel self-compassion and empathy for your own feelings, to greet and compliment yourself as any other person you love, to accept yourself as an imperfect human being and forgive yourself for your mistakes.

How Can Mindfulness Help?

Regarding being in the present and entering mindfulness, loving yourself means finding a way to be kind, non-judgmental and aware of whatever happens to you or whatever you are experiencing. It is an unconditional positive attitude towards our inner experiences. In order to love ourselves, we should start by simply being gentle to ourselves, as we are to other people. It means acting kind and friendly towards our emotions. Learning to observe our emotions and be with them instead of getting overwhelmed by them, is a big step forward.This includes unpleasant emotions as well as pleasant ones. Pushing away negative experiences and clinging to positive ones is a bad strategy. We often create more suffering by doing so, because we turn to drinking alcohol or some other unhealthy coping mechanism. Accepting and mindfully experiencing our feelings such as sadness, fear or anxiety is not the sign of weakness but the sign of strength.

Exercise Loving Yourself Even if it Seems Silly Loving yourself is not something that happens overnight. It needs a lot of work, and the work doesn't stop once you get to your goal. You need to water your self-love plant every day if you want it to flourish. However, you will find the way that suits you the most to do this, but for self-love beginners – heres some help. These exercises might seem silly, but they work and produce a fuzzy warm feeling around your heart.

Be Your Own Cheerleading Coach

You are the only one who knows what you need or want to hear, or knows the right amount of love..

I am loveable.

I love and accept myself as I am right now.

I am smart and have multiple intelligences.

My belly holds my power and intuitive center and I am grateful for it.

My life has ups and downs just like everyone and I have enough right now.

Take Actions Guided by Self-Love Repetitively make positive affirmations to yourself such as the phrase: I am deserving of kindness. Support these thoughts with positive actions such as giving yourself more space in the day, patience, and creating better self-care practices.

Quality Time: Be Present with Self-Love Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will help you connect with your highest self.
Make time for leisure and hobbies. Time for play and enjoyment is an important aspect of celebrating the gift of life.
Prioritize sleep and exercise. You must reboot and revitalize your physical being.
Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. Your life is worth more than being a gerbil on a wheel

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1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

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green18doz30 December 1st, 2017

I make sure I wear something that makes,me feel good. I put on my make up because I know it makes me feel good. I work out because I know it makes me feel good.

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@green18doz30

Hiya Green nice to see yousmiley Wow to put on cloths that feel good and make-up are all so self lovingyes also the exercise does make one feel good. Great job in showing yourself self-loveheart

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EllieKB December 1st, 2017

@RumpleSteeleSkin

this is such a fantastic post! thank you so much for sharing it heart

self love is something i've always struggled with. the early years of my life featured emotional abuse and neglect and as a result i'm always telling myself that i don't deserve love.

but i'm starting to learn that how i was treated isn't a sign of my worth, and i deserve love and compassion from myself more than anybody. it's a tough learning lesson but i think i'm finally getting better at accepting all of myself, including my 'flaws' :)

i wish everyone all the luck in rediscovering their love for themselves heart

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@EllieKB

HIya Ellie glad you stopped bysmiley Im sorry that you went through the emotional abuse and neglect then now feeling you don't deserve love. hun you DO deserve love to whatever level you accept. Wish I could just hug ya now and talk face to faceheart OMG I so am smiling at now you are learning that what was done to you doesn't define your worth, and you do deserve compassion and love. Wow I got tiggling-lol It is tough to learn HOW to self love and not only that but feel you are worthy of it. But look at you now- I'm so happy for yousmileyheart

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themainjane December 1st, 2017

Hi Rumple,

I

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@themainjane

HI Jane good to see yousmiley it is alright to not agree with things on mindfulness- some things I don't either and take out what I can use. Emotions are so hard to regulate yet control you know. Kinda like those silly vacumes on high lol they have a mind of their own and all over. What you shared here in mindfully aware of how you feel and when. We don't realise we are doing mindfulness till we read something or hear something. It is good to hear you asking for some help. My pm is always open if you like to chat as well as @soulsings

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cloudySummer December 1st, 2017

1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

It just feels like lying. It's uncomfortable, and I'm having second, and third, and fourth thoughts, all building up on one another. Usually ending with the conclusion that this can't possibly work, and why should I even try. Still, I have tried more and more since I've been reading up about mindfulness/self-compassion, usually with actions (self-care) rather than trying to warp my thoughts, except for trying to be more forgiving with myself, which seems to work a little.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

Believing into the truth of our beliefs.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

For myself, I think it's better I don't, because I know I'm horribly prone to rely on others' judgments about myself. I'm actually afraid of getting help, unless there would be a way to avoid that. But yes, perhaps some very, very concrete tips about how to work on this would be helpful. Best from someone who found they worked for them.

2 replies
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@cloudySummer

Hiya Cloudy glad you are heresmiley I am sorry that you have those feelings when showing yourself love. But I want you to know you are strong to open up and be honest and share this. Thannk you! Mindfulness sometimes does not work the first time or the 50th time. Thing is as you shared you are educating yourself and trying and trying new things. You are willing to find something that helps you. I think that is showing self love-what do you think? Believing in you and your beliefs is sometimes hard to well accomplish in showing care for self. Some those beliefs are lies others told us and so engraved in our heads. Some are truths that we just can't grasp- some are so confusing we just can't get the brain to even think on it. Thing is with practicing mindfulness it teaches you to only focus on the facts- just facts and that helps out alot in some situations. I like that you are very aware on how you rely on what others think or believe on this. I really do, as what others feel, think about us does play a big part in our lives. And that is okheart hmmm on tips. Well maybe to start off with, find the truths YOU believe in about yourself. Your likes and dislikes, even on your thoughts on feelings. Before you seek out support make sure what you believe in is firm in you. This can even become your personal boundary. Good luck with this

1 reply
cloudySummer December 2nd, 2017

@RumpleSteeleSkin Thank you <3 Yes, I'll keep trying. Focussing on facts is something I'm good at in other areas, so why not there, too? I don't understand everything you wrote (yet), but it sounds hopeful and so, so good :)

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RideaRainbow December 1st, 2017

@RumpleSteeleSkin

Your post was just for me, a wake up call, gave myself a hard kick...

need to start walking and I wiil from tomorrow.

Thanks Rumple heart

yes

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@RideaRainbow

Hiya Ride so nice to see you heresmiley So for you getting on top of walking again and well a swift personal self kick is gonna help you show more self love. Well hope that you enjoy ur walk and well don't kick yourself to hardcheekyheart

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mimameid December 1st, 2017

1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

It's mostly a feeling of worthlessness reinforced by constantly being put down by others. At least that's what it used to be. I'm getting better at reminding myself that I'm awesome every now and then, but deep down I still have that hurt and feelings of never being good enough in general.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

This is gonna sound odd, but as I was reading some of this article my mind was trying to resist it. It's like a roaring rebellion happening in my head that says "No, you're not going to treat yourself nicely because that's dumb and it won't matter". It will never matter. Because I will always be a person not worth much in general.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

lol asking for help? From who? People in my family are so busy worrying about themselves they don't have time for heartfelt chats about my feelings. I deal with these kinds of things myself as best I can. Therapy's not an option either, and the friends I have are usually too busy that I don't even bother telling them that I have problems with this kind of thing.

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@mimameid

Meeemmaaaa good to see you stopping bysmiley I am very sorry that you feel a worthlessness feeling and being put down by others. That is not a good feeling to have to deal with. hugsheartBUT I do so like that you try and change that feeling by telling youself you are awesome !! It takes time Memma to erase or let go of those negative feelings and place in positive. Small steps. Aaahhh so I see those negative thoughts you have on yourslef are getting in the way of giving yourself love and care. Ok try this maybe...

YOU... "No, you're not going to treat yourself nicely because that's dumb and it won't matter". It will never matter. Because I will always be a person not worth much in general.

New Truth...." It might sound dumb and don't matter to treat me nice- but I feel it matters for me. I am just a person but I am worth love and care to myself"

Memma I am sorry that the one place you should be able to go to isn't that open to heartfelt chats from you, or even good friends. You have us-7cups. We all appreciate you for you. You know how this is true? Cause for me, I know you here by name only, I see you in rooms and forums, you care and are gentle and funny and have goodness in you. My pm are open for you when you are ready. I will listen to those heartfelt chats you wantsmileyheart

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Kimberlyann0287 December 1st, 2017

I think I can show self love to myself of letting go of the person who is hurting me. I allowed him to hurt me and the best thing I can do is let go. I love myself so much more now that Ive accepted my feelings. I dont think I loved him I think I loved the idea of having a boyfriend. I wanted that so bad that I settled for a person who destroyed me. I have to love myself and let go.

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@Kimberlyann0287

HI Kimberly glad you are heresmiley Oh wow- that is a big way of showing self love to self. People who are not supportive to us and show us love and care are really not good. aaww hun that is gonna be hard, but I really love that you are putting yourself first in this decision. Yoy deserve better, a person to love you like you love you but more. I wish you luck in this and please use us for support if you need tosmileyheart

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emotionalMaple9419 December 1st, 2017

Thanks so much for this lovely reminder. I give and give of myself

to the point where I realize there isn't anything left of me.

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@emotionalMaple9419

Hiya Maple so very good to see you todaysmiley Yes a lot of times we give and give and give and..........................

Look we are empty and nothing for ourselvessurprise We can't live like that. I do hope that you can find a way of saying "no" me first. Please do keep me informed of how it goes or maybe if you just like to chat on thisheart

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optimisticWriter6394 December 1st, 2017

My thoughts about myself get in the way. I don

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@optimisticWriter6394

HI Writer good to see you todaysmileyI'm sorry that the thoughts you have are kinda in the way and that you don't like yourself. It can really be tough to place in self love when feeling this way for whatever reasons-they are valide! May I suggest when you feel in a good place to write down those thoughts and feelings about you, find some simple ways to some to how can I believe in myself? Small steps. I do know that upbringing also impacts one to learn to love themselves let alone be heard. I ask are you grown now? Are you living with family now? Is there ways now in your life that you can possibly start to feel heard? Sorry for all the questions to yousmileyheart

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TeapotKnitter December 1st, 2017

What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something? I was raised with the system of if I did something good/excelled (e.g cleaning or getting good grades ) I would get rewards, but if I messed up on anything (e.g. only got a B on a test instead of an A, left food baked on a pan I tried washing) I got nothing at all. So as an adult I have the mentality of if i didnt do anything worthy of a "treat", i get nothing and even if I did it but not perfectly its "cheating" & "unfair" to give myself anything e.g. even something small like repainting my nails or doing a face mask.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way? Mainly my schedule. I will schedule in times to do homework, go to class, etc. but will not carve out "me time" even though i know that having self time e.g. a bubble bath on Sunday night for an hour can actually help me me mentally. Otherwise the mentality that if I don't do enough I dont deserve to reward myself with anything at all, even time for myself.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help? Personally, I have issues asking for help. With my family and several past partners asking for help is/was seen as weakness, or saying you're struggling mentallyas a sign you didnt really want to get better. As an adult with a supportive partner I'm learning to ask for help but I'm still bad at it.

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@TeapotKnitter

Hi Teapot glad you stopped by todaysmiley aaawww Teapot what you just shared here kinda found the sensitive part in my heart for you. I am sorry that there was either doing great or just making honest oops in life determine if you got "rewarded" Sometimes I do not understand cultures or beliefs, but I know empathy and understanding on things. Im sure you done your best regardless on a reward Teapot. So time is an issue of you showing self love/care...or is it streaming from "I didn't do great so I don't get? Sorry I am getting the feeling it's both for you. This sounds complicated and yet so easy to turn around you know- but really it's not. Can I suggest something- make time for that bubble bath. Make it as important to you as going to class. Once you start doing this for about a month you are developing a good habit of showing yourself love/care. I do connect with you on the asking for help and feeling it's a sign as weakness. I too had to learn it wasn't weakness but courage and strength, being brave to ask. I am so happy that now you have a supportive partner who can guide you and listen to you when you need some support. I do wish you well in all this. It sounds with the little you shared you are trying to relearn self love. Good job-take caresmileyheart

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