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EllieKB
7,009 M Moving Along 5
PathStep 810 Compassion hearts211 Forum posts751 Forum upvotes1,132 Current upvotes1,132 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceMarch 20, 2015
Bio
Hey! I'm El.
24 years old
non-binary (they/them pronouns please!)
I have ADHD and severe anxiety.
I've been through some very bad places with my mental health but I'm working to get better every day!
Recent forum posts
coming back to 7cups
Depression Support / by EllieKB
Last post
 May 11th, 2017
...See more i haven't used this site for a while but i'm going to try to use it more regularly. it has always helped me feel better during bad times. the community here is so warm and supportive my depression has been really bad for a few weeks now. today i reached a low and called a suicide hotline after work. but i'm still here and determined to make it through this. just taking it one day at a time.
panic
Anxiety Support / by EllieKB
Last post
 February 9th, 2017
...See more i feel like i'm on the edge of a panic attack. i'm preparing for a presentation i have to give at uni tomorrow and i'm feeling really stressed out about it. i hate giving presentations. on top of that i have so much work to do for uni. i'm scared of falling behind in class and i'm worried that my work isn't good. everyone else in class seems to be doing better than me. i'm also getting for ADD tomorrow morning, i'm really worried. not so much about getting diagnosed with ADD but rather that i don't have ADD at all and i'm really just lazy and stupid. my boyfriend hasn't replied to my text and i can't stop my thoughts spiraling into panic. i'm worried he's not ok or something bad has happened. but i don't want to text again or call because i feel like i'm crazy for worrying so much. i'm just feeling really overwhelmed and paralysed by fear. i know i'd feel better if i went for a walk or got a start on my work but i can't bring myself to do it. i'm just sitting around and panicking instead.
BFRB
OCD & Related Behaviors / by EllieKB
Last post
 December 8th, 2016
...See more (i hope i'm making this post in the right place, i can't seem to find any other thread with this topic) possible trigger warning for self harm/ injury i've experienced pretty severe anxiety for the last few years and one of my symptoms is obsessively scratching and picking my skin, sometimes until it bleeds. i did a bit of research and found it was called body focused repetitive behaviors (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body-focused_repetitive_behavior). it also includes trichotillomania (hair pulling) and dermatillomanio (skin picking). basically when i'm feeling stress or anxiety i start scratching my hands, arms and legs and i find it really hard to stop. my brain just sort of goes numb and i lose track of time passing. when i finally stop i've often got scratches and sometimes it bleeds. i try to keep my nails short to minimize the damage but even then i scratch so hard that i still break the skin and often bruise myself as well. it doesn't hurt while i'm doing it (like i said, i go sort of numb) but the next day it's painful. it's been getting really bad recently to the point where it's sore and painful putting on clothes and walking. i hate how it looks but it gives me a weird sense of relief while i'm doing it. it's almost impossible for my current injuries to heal because i end up scratching off the scabs. my mum saw the scratches on my arms and we had an argument about it but i've agreed to go to the doctors tomorrow. i'm really scared but she was really upset when she saw the marks and i don't want her to be worried about me. i just wanted to reach out the community and see if anyone else has this problem? and if you do, do you have some coping mechanisms? i feel very isolated and ashamed of myself at the moment. my self-esteem has plummeted and i've been cancelling plans because i'm so ashamed of how my skin looks. there's very little awareness around bfrb and it's often stigmatized as being one of the more 'gross' and 'weird' symptoms of mental illness. even lots of my close friends who are very understanding about my anxiety find it weird and uncomfortable.
Losing my friend
Depression Support / by EllieKB
Last post
 December 22nd, 2016
...See more i've known my best friend for 22 years and we've always been close. it's always felt like she's more of sister especially since i stayed at her house a lot when we were young and her parents looked after me when my parents were working. we got even closer when we when to university together but then we started drifting apart when she got a new boyfriend. her boyfriend is awful. it's not just me being overprotective, everyone who knows him agrees that he's emotionally abusive and manipulative towards her. i've tried to talk to her about it but it just makes her angry at me. we'd never really argued but now we argue all the time, mainly about him. we've always lived within walking distance of each other but a few weeks ago she moved to the other side of the city to live with him. now she's an hour train ride away and i haven't see her since she moved. a couple of days ago she hosted a halloween party at her new flat and invited all her close friend, except me. i found out by seeing the pictures on facebook. i feel absolutely crushed. i've never felt this alone and isolated before. i keep breaking down and having panic attacks. my friendship with her has been at the centre of my life for as long as i can remember and i feel like she's slipping away. i know she didn't invite me because i don't get along with her boyfriend but i thought our relationship was stronger than this. i still want to confront her about her boyfriends abusive actions but doing that just pushes her further away. i'm so lonely. i don't have any other friends like her
feeling really bad (vent)
Depression Support / by EllieKB
Last post
 September 28th, 2016
...See more i've been feeling really bad the last few days. i feel really empty and i don't have any energy to do anything. i stopped replying to messages two days ago and today i haven't turned on my phone at all. i know people are probably worried about me but i can't face having to reply to anyone. or maybe no ones even noticed i haven't replied. i'm scared of turning on my phone and seeing that no one cares. the longer i leave the messages the worse i feel and if my friends stopped caring about me i wouldn't blame them. i'm a burden because i'm sad all the time and i can't help anyone. they would be better without me because at least then they wouldn't have to worry about me. i can't stand the way i look. my body and face feel so ugly and wrong. i've been avoiding looking in the mirror as much as possible. i don't want to go out because i don't want anyone to look at me. i have to go to work in a few hours and the thought of it is making me feel sick with anxiety because i'll have to make eye contact and people will be looking at me. everything i make or do is bad. i can't draw or write anything good. even this post is fragmented and probably doesn't make any sense. trying to get my thoughts together is impossible right now. i'm useless and i'm never going to get better and be successful so i don't see the point in trying. i never seem to improve when i try so maybe i'm just stupid.
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