How Can I Show Love To Myself?

@EllieKB

HIya Ellie glad you stopped by Im sorry that you went through the emotional abuse and neglect then now feeling you don't deserve love. hun you DO deserve love to whatever level you accept. Wish I could just hug ya now and talk face to face OMG I so am smiling at now you are learning that what was done to you doesn't define your worth, and you do deserve compassion and love. Wow I got tiggling-lol It is tough to learn HOW to self love and not only that but feel you are worthy of it. But look at you now- I'm so happy for you

Hi Rumple,

I

@themainjane

HI Jane good to see you it is alright to not agree with things on mindfulness- some things I don't either and take out what I can use. Emotions are so hard to regulate yet control you know. Kinda like those silly vacumes on high lol they have a mind of their own and all over. What you shared here in mindfully aware of how you feel and when. We don't realise we are doing mindfulness till we read something or hear something. It is good to hear you asking for some help. My pm is always open if you like to chat as well as @soulsings

1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

It just feels like lying. It's uncomfortable, and I'm having second, and third, and fourth thoughts, all building up on one another. Usually ending with the conclusion that this can't possibly work, and why should I even try. Still, I have tried more and more since I've been reading up about mindfulness/self-compassion, usually with actions (self-care) rather than trying to warp my thoughts, except for trying to be more forgiving with myself, which seems to work a little.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

Believing into the truth of our beliefs.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

For myself, I think it's better I don't, because I know I'm horribly prone to rely on others' judgments about myself. I'm actually afraid of getting help, unless there would be a way to avoid that. But yes, perhaps some very, very concrete tips about how to work on this would be helpful. Best from someone who found they worked for them.

@cloudySummer

Hiya Cloudy glad you are here I am sorry that you have those feelings when showing yourself love. But I want you to know you are strong to open up and be honest and share this. Thannk you! Mindfulness sometimes does not work the first time or the 50th time. Thing is as you shared you are educating yourself and trying and trying new things. You are willing to find something that helps you. I think that is showing self love-what do you think? Believing in you and your beliefs is sometimes hard to well accomplish in showing care for self. Some those beliefs are lies others told us and so engraved in our heads. Some are truths that we just can't grasp- some are so confusing we just can't get the brain to even think on it. Thing is with practicing mindfulness it teaches you to only focus on the facts- just facts and that helps out alot in some situations. I like that you are very aware on how you rely on what others think or believe on this. I really do, as what others feel, think about us does play a big part in our lives. And that is ok hmmm on tips. Well maybe to start off with, find the truths YOU believe in about yourself. Your likes and dislikes, even on your thoughts on feelings. Before you seek out support make sure what you believe in is firm in you. This can even become your personal boundary. Good luck with this

@RumpleSteeleSkin Thank you <3 Yes, I'll keep trying. Focussing on facts is something I'm good at in other areas, so why not there, too? I don't understand everything you wrote (yet), but it sounds hopeful and so, so good :)

@RumpleSteeleSkin

Your post was just for me, a wake up call, gave myself a hard kick...

need to start walking and I wiil from tomorrow.

Thanks Rumple

@RideaRainbow

Hiya Ride so nice to see you here So for you getting on top of walking again and well a swift personal self kick is gonna help you show more self love. Well hope that you enjoy ur walk and well don't kick yourself to hard

1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

It's mostly a feeling of worthlessness reinforced by constantly being put down by others. At least that's what it used to be. I'm getting better at reminding myself that I'm awesome every now and then, but deep down I still have that hurt and feelings of never being good enough in general.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

This is gonna sound odd, but as I was reading some of this article my mind was trying to resist it. It's like a roaring rebellion happening in my head that says "No, you're not going to treat yourself nicely because that's dumb and it won't matter". It will never matter. Because I will always be a person not worth much in general.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

lol asking for help? From who? People in my family are so busy worrying about themselves they don't have time for heartfelt chats about my feelings. I deal with these kinds of things myself as best I can. Therapy's not an option either, and the friends I have are usually too busy that I don't even bother telling them that I have problems with this kind of thing.

@mimameid

Meeemmaaaa good to see you stopping by I am very sorry that you feel a worthlessness feeling and being put down by others. That is not a good feeling to have to deal with. hugsBUT I do so like that you try and change that feeling by telling youself you are awesome !! It takes time Memma to erase or let go of those negative feelings and place in positive. Small steps. Aaahhh so I see those negative thoughts you have on yourslef are getting in the way of giving yourself love and care. Ok try this maybe...

YOU... "No, you're not going to treat yourself nicely because that's dumb and it won't matter". It will never matter. Because I will always be a person not worth much in general.

New Truth...." It might sound dumb and don't matter to treat me nice- but I feel it matters for me. I am just a person but I am worth love and care to myself"

Memma I am sorry that the one place you should be able to go to isn't that open to heartfelt chats from you, or even good friends. You have us-7cups. We all appreciate you for you. You know how this is true? Cause for me, I know you here by name only, I see you in rooms and forums, you care and are gentle and funny and have goodness in you. My pm are open for you when you are ready. I will listen to those heartfelt chats you want

I think I can show self love to myself of letting go of the person who is hurting me. I allowed him to hurt me and the best thing I can do is let go. I love myself so much more now that Ive accepted my feelings. I dont think I loved him I think I loved the idea of having a boyfriend. I wanted that so bad that I settled for a person who destroyed me. I have to love myself and let go.

@Kimberlyann0287

HI Kimberly glad you are here Oh wow- that is a big way of showing self love to self. People who are not supportive to us and show us love and care are really not good. aaww hun that is gonna be hard, but I really love that you are putting yourself first in this decision. Yoy deserve better, a person to love you like you love you but more. I wish you luck in this and please use us for support if you need to

Thanks so much for this lovely reminder. I give and give of myself

to the point where I realize there isn't anything left of me.

@emotionalMaple9419

Hiya Maple so very good to see you today Yes a lot of times we give and give and give and..........................

Look we are empty and nothing for ourselves We can't live like that. I do hope that you can find a way of saying "no" me first. Please do keep me informed of how it goes or maybe if you just like to chat on this

My thoughts about myself get in the way. I don

@optimisticWriter6394

HI Writer good to see you todayI'm sorry that the thoughts you have are kinda in the way and that you don't like yourself. It can really be tough to place in self love when feeling this way for whatever reasons-they are valide! May I suggest when you feel in a good place to write down those thoughts and feelings about you, find some simple ways to some to how can I believe in myself? Small steps. I do know that upbringing also impacts one to learn to love themselves let alone be heard. I ask are you grown now? Are you living with family now? Is there ways now in your life that you can possibly start to feel heard? Sorry for all the questions to you

What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something? I was raised with the system of if I did something good/excelled (e.g cleaning or getting good grades ) I would get rewards, but if I messed up on anything (e.g. only got a B on a test instead of an A, left food baked on a pan I tried washing) I got nothing at all. So as an adult I have the mentality of if i didnt do anything worthy of a "treat", i get nothing and even if I did it but not perfectly its "cheating" & "unfair" to give myself anything e.g. even something small like repainting my nails or doing a face mask.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way? Mainly my schedule. I will schedule in times to do homework, go to class, etc. but will not carve out "me time" even though i know that having self time e.g. a bubble bath on Sunday night for an hour can actually help me me mentally. Otherwise the mentality that if I don't do enough I dont deserve to reward myself with anything at all, even time for myself.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help? Personally, I have issues asking for help. With my family and several past partners asking for help is/was seen as weakness, or saying you're struggling mentallyas a sign you didnt really want to get better. As an adult with a supportive partner I'm learning to ask for help but I'm still bad at it.

@TeapotKnitter

Hi Teapot glad you stopped by today aaawww Teapot what you just shared here kinda found the sensitive part in my heart for you. I am sorry that there was either doing great or just making honest oops in life determine if you got "rewarded" Sometimes I do not understand cultures or beliefs, but I know empathy and understanding on things. Im sure you done your best regardless on a reward Teapot. So time is an issue of you showing self love/care...or is it streaming from "I didn't do great so I don't get? Sorry I am getting the feeling it's both for you. This sounds complicated and yet so easy to turn around you know- but really it's not. Can I suggest something- make time for that bubble bath. Make it as important to you as going to class. Once you start doing this for about a month you are developing a good habit of showing yourself love/care. I do connect with you on the asking for help and feeling it's a sign as weakness. I too had to learn it wasn't weakness but courage and strength, being brave to ask. I am so happy that now you have a supportive partner who can guide you and listen to you when you need some support. I do wish you well in all this. It sounds with the little you shared you are trying to relearn self love. Good job-take care

1. I've never felt self-love, so I don't know how it would manifest itself

2. What gets in the way is that I don't feel like I deserve love of any kind. I'm too horrible a person to love myself. I know all of my worst faults, all of the things I've done wrong, all of my failures, all of the people I've hurt and all of the ways I've hurt them. I can't forgive myself. It seems like I refuse to forgive myself. I'm just not worth the time.

3. Is there anything you can do to help? I'm not sure.

@Lexloveslife

Hiya Lexi good to see you here I see you do not know what self love is and how it grows? Ok so do you enjoy wearing something that makes you smile? How about certain things that makes your whole body feel so guilty but good? See a certain movie or show that you giggle or smile or relate to? Take a long bath, or walk and feel good about it? Self love/care form is so big that maybe you are doing a few things already but need some support in validating it is right. I'm not for ure on this. I'm sorry that you feel you do not deserve love/care cause of how you feel on your past things. No one is sinless or perfect. Everyone hurts someone, makes mistakes and fails in life. Maybe can I suggest something....forgive yourslef. I know that isn't easy. Slowly say I am sorry Lexi....... Tomorrow say I am sorry Lexi............. The next day I am sorry Lexi.................... We all deserve love and care to ourselves. I do hope you find it. Look at you..." Is there anything you can do to help? I'm not sure. " I'm very proud of you for asking me this. I am here as well as many who would love to listen and support you in any way we can.

Thank you for sharing this post.

1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?
I often overthink and overanalzye, and that alone makes me feel insecure and unlovable. I often think something is wrong with me, or that I have to be a certain way in order to love myself more, instead of unconditionally loving myself.

The thought that I often struggle with is "I don't matter anyway" or "See, always getting ignored. Nobody wants to be bothered with me." or "I'm not that interesting, they usually prefer other people over me" I think because I often compare myself to other people.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?
I often get into these negative thought patterns and I end up believing my own lies...or I look for evidence that I think suggests I'm not good enough.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?
I've been doing a better job, but I get lazy at times or lose motivation when things go wrong.

@RumpleSteeleSkin to me showing self love starts with not judging myself and accepting what I am going through as okay, even if I am not pleased with what I am going through.

It can mean tuning into what I am feeling and being sensitive to what I need, just like a parent knowing what their child needs, I can be sensitive to my inner child.

So this means I need to learn how to be the parent and find the parent within me. This can be challenging if my parents were perfectionists or always judging me or putting me down. Why is this challenging? Because that is exactly what the parent within me is modeled after. So I may need to do some remodeling, rip out some walls and create a more open space in my mind that can accept who I am even if my parents couldn't.

So for me reinventing my inner parent is an important step towards loving my inner child.

@soulsings I feel the same need to rebuild a non-conditional love between inner parents and inner child.

@soulsings

Hi Souls good to see you today To accept what you are going through does show some level of self love/care. For some I know this is very hard tho, just on the accepting as many may feel uncomfie and want to change it ASAP. But I do agree with you first step is accepting. I like what you said on "tuning into yourself" on how you feel and then feeding that inner child. We forget about that so fast and I do believe that inner self is like your soul. Wow I love how you explained how it is in the inside-like a parent I never heard that before but makes so much sense. Yes a parent is judgemental and critical and and and....but to find the middle ground on both sides is good. A bit hard but not so hard if you think on it the way you put it. Personally I am going to look at it just as you shared. And I do hope what you shared helps another here. Thank you Souls very much

@RumpleSteeleSkin I do love things about myself. I can also thank myself and spent time on just me. But one thing I struggle with immensly is forgiving myself. That's just something I can't do. Not sure if I ever can.

@JayTheBird14

Hiya Jay good to see you here I think that is great that you can thank yourself as well as spend time with you. That is way more then many can do, as some times it can be very complicated due to past things. I understand on the forgiving self part too. That to is another part of self love/care. Can you explain why you can't forgive yourself? What stands in the way? And is there a way here on 7cups we can help you start this? And just wanted to tell you- you are doing a good job

I would love some ideas for showing self-love.

Zee

@wasabizee

Building yourself up. Believing in yourself. Forgiving yourself.

@wasabizee

Hello Wasa good to see you as well as being brave and asking for some ideas on HOW to show self love. I hope these links can help you

https://youtu.be/ETgZWFrXFc4

https://youtu.be/k2Cjf56vTOY bell sounds

@RumpleSteeleSkin

Please call me Zee as my signature suggests on my post. Yes, I read your post. I was also looking for ideas from others. Thanks.

Ok to answer the questions

1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

Its all of it. Its panic. My body feels icky. My legs and feet are heavy yet tingly and my jaw tenses up and my head doesnt work right. Its a thought that its wrong, sinful, to put myself first.. its the thought that Im only worth something if Im useful to somebody. And Ive been told over and over again that Im not. Its feelings of hopelessness because I want somebody to notice me and say Im ok yet Im terrified they will hurt me. Its also anger because I can give myself the approval I seek yet Ive not been taught how.

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

My own thoughts and feelings, selfish nature of children, unavailability of husband. Fear. Guilt. Fatigue

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

Find someone who is good at it

@Longing4peace

Hi Peace good you dropped in today I thank you so much for sharing this here with us, that was brave of you So for you showing self love/care gives you panic, feeling it's wrong makes you feel icky. hmmm that has to really be hard to cope with knowing you want this for yourself and yearn it also. We also do want others to notice we have "worth" in life even if we don't have nothing to give but our pressence rigt. Ok so how about this...Can you do something really really small? Is there some food, clothing, music or even a bath you love? Where it makes you feel good and kinda fuzzy? Try with these very small things and don't notice nothing- right notice nothing just do it! If you get in a habit of the "action" part the feeling part will come natually. So for you it's really hard to show self love/care due to thoughts/feelings, childrens needs(oh yes on this one) husband not around for you and some very unpleasant feelings. I am sorry this is how it is for you. But I ask you try those very small things, cause SELF love doesn't include your family. But you-you come first and have to find some ways and time no matter how the kids whine on what they believe they think they need. (my kids do this 100% of the time and make me feel worse) I do hope that you can find someone who is strong in this area to guide you in learning self love. Maybe here on 7cups you can browse for a great listener in this area. Please keep me informed on how things are going.

@RumpleSteeleSkin kids are so hard lol. Even as Im reading this they are flicking eachother in the face. I think I might need to organise more breaks for myself. ;)

Thanks for your reply :)

@Longing4peace

Hi Peace haha I do know on kids haha! Yes we need to focus on us first, but as a parent we seem to do this quickly most of the time-and that is ok. Can I suggest maybe teaching the kids on some mindfulness as well? I do a few times a week with them and yes they giggle and make smart remarks. But after they are done they have good things to say

@RumpleSteeleSkin good idea :) cheers

I have low self-esteem and can't look myself in the mirror and tell myself anything positive. Mainly caused by my mother who gave mixed signals.

@ScaredRed

HI red thank you for being here and sharing what you did. I know it was hard and maybe scary but I am so glad you shared this little bit to all of us. Yes parents can surely make an imprint on our adult lives and kinda make it even harder to figure things out. We ask why? Why didn't they just love me for me??? But now we are grown and are responsible to do that for ourselves, no longer mom and dad-right. But where, how, what??? How do I do this

By telling yourself little thigs that are positive and truths daily. One day you wake up and say "hello Red" next morning you wake up " Hello Red-" and thank some part of your body for what it does. Yes I know this sounds silly, but please try it. If you do this for 30 days you will see that one day you wake up and say"Hi Red I like you today"

Do things that make you happy! And be patient, things like this take time

This is really difficult for me because i fight self worth issues but one way i show self love is allowing myself to read or watch youtube after a long day and remind myself i am doing the best i can, even on tough days or weeks

@teleah70

Hiya Teleah great to see you here It is very difficult to show yourself love/care you are right. But I see here what you shared you are showing this to yourself. Good job Sometimes we make this self love/caring seem harder then it is, and complicate it even more. But little things that you mentioned ARE self love even after a busy day or week. Keep up the good work and you will see yourself doing even more