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How Can I Show Love To Myself?

RumpleSteeleSkin November 30th, 2017

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Hello everyonesmiley I hope you all are doing ok todayheart I have observed a lot around 7cups as well as in my daily life on "how can I show myself love" Yes this simple question yet so hard for many to do. It can be due to many things. Trauma, not shown love, even mistrusting. Thing is no matter what we gone through- hell and back we can start learning to love ourselves. We deserve that and need that to live. Do you want to learn of some ways to start showing love to yourself? Come on and sit with me while I share a few things with youheart

Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home. – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Let's say you dont love yourself and see yourself as not beautiful nor good enough. Then comes a person who tells you how wonderful you are. Would you accept it? No, it is more likely you would think they are either lying, mad or not particularly picky. Self-love seems to be natural; you live your whole life with yourself, in your body. You spend more time with yourself than with anyone other you love, you understand yourself the best, and you are the one who keeps all of your secrets.

Then why do you have a problem with loving yourself? Isnt the self-love something we are born with? Unfortunately, not.

Many factors can jeopardize your self love and self respect.. These factors vary from your parent's influence in your childhood, your social environment and culture to your distorted self-image. Whatever the reason might be, living without loving yourself is exhausting, stressful and may induce many negative emotions. It means constant self-doubt, fear of not being (good, smart, pretty) enough, missing chances because of the low self-esteem, burdening other people with repeated request for approval and so on.

On the other hand, loving yourself means being able to feel self-compassion and empathy for your own feelings, to greet and compliment yourself as any other person you love, to accept yourself as an imperfect human being and forgive yourself for your mistakes.

How Can Mindfulness Help?

Regarding being in the present and entering mindfulness, loving yourself means finding a way to be kind, non-judgmental and aware of whatever happens to you or whatever you are experiencing. It is an unconditional positive attitude towards our inner experiences. In order to love ourselves, we should start by simply being gentle to ourselves, as we are to other people. It means acting kind and friendly towards our emotions. Learning to observe our emotions and be with them instead of getting overwhelmed by them, is a big step forward.This includes unpleasant emotions as well as pleasant ones. Pushing away negative experiences and clinging to positive ones is a bad strategy. We often create more suffering by doing so, because we turn to drinking alcohol or some other unhealthy coping mechanism. Accepting and mindfully experiencing our feelings such as sadness, fear or anxiety is not the sign of weakness but the sign of strength.

Exercise Loving Yourself Even if it Seems Silly Loving yourself is not something that happens overnight. It needs a lot of work, and the work doesn't stop once you get to your goal. You need to water your self-love plant every day if you want it to flourish. However, you will find the way that suits you the most to do this, but for self-love beginners – heres some help. These exercises might seem silly, but they work and produce a fuzzy warm feeling around your heart.

Be Your Own Cheerleading Coach

You are the only one who knows what you need or want to hear, or knows the right amount of love..

I am loveable.

I love and accept myself as I am right now.

I am smart and have multiple intelligences.

My belly holds my power and intuitive center and I am grateful for it.

My life has ups and downs just like everyone and I have enough right now.

Take Actions Guided by Self-Love Repetitively make positive affirmations to yourself such as the phrase: I am deserving of kindness. Support these thoughts with positive actions such as giving yourself more space in the day, patience, and creating better self-care practices.

Quality Time: Be Present with Self-Love Set aside time for daily mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will help you connect with your highest self.
Make time for leisure and hobbies. Time for play and enjoyment is an important aspect of celebrating the gift of life.
Prioritize sleep and exercise. You must reboot and revitalize your physical being.
Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit. Your life is worth more than being a gerbil on a wheel

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1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

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orangeOwl1462 December 2nd, 2017

This is such a hard thing for me to do I guess b/c it doesn't come naturally. It's like I have this idea love is something you share with others, not yourself.

I know my anxiety and self esteem issues get in the way of self love. Plus I am not always the nicest, gentlest person when I am stressed. I am the person just trying to keep it together.

I also find I am far more compassionate to other people than i am with myself. Don't know why that is

1 reply
TheToastyOne December 2nd, 2017

I relate to this so much!

@orangeOwl1462

privatevoid December 2nd, 2017

@orangeOwl1462

So relatable to someone who spends a lot of time focused on other people's needs and forgetting to care for himself.

Self care can be anything from doing a hobby you really enjoy when you want to stir your mind away from negativity, something creative or perhaps a sport to occupy your mind. For some it's saying no to parties, hangouts, toxic people or anything that can induce stress or negative emotions afterwards. It's up to you. What are the things that excite you the most when a friend decides to do something nice for you? You see where I'm going. Be a good friend to yourself.

One thing I like to repeat to myself is the words of doctor Jordan B Peterson

'Treat yourself as someone you're responsible for helping' (something along those words)

He also said

'treat yourself however you want to be treated.'

See what he did?

Anyways I wish you the best in finding ways to show love and appreciation for yourself and all that you do. Don't remember that you are enough! 😊

1 reply
cyanOwl3282 December 2nd, 2017

@privatevoid

How do you figure out what you actually like to do, or what gives you pleasure? Ive struggled this that all my life. I wud much rather do for someone else as I find that much easier than focusing on myself. Ive tried a few things, but, get bored fast. I have just taken early retirement and moved half way across the country with my boyfriend. He works on the road. I am very fortunate to be able to travel with him; however, Im finding myself with way too much free time! And no hobbies/interests. Where do I start? Ideas??

1 reply
privatevoid December 2nd, 2017

@cyanOwl3282

Hmm, one thing I could suggest is finding more about yourself, perhaps taking a standardized personality test. I guess you could look up MBTI, the big 5 personality traits or the Enneagram. It can show you more about yourself, what you enjoy, what motivates you and fulfills you. You can find sites that even help with that sort of thing, finding what your passions are and what is meaningful to you.

I could also suggest maybe signing up for a Pinterest account? If you are looking for new things to do, ideas to try out, hobbies to pursue, I would definitely recommend it! That's where I get most of my inspiration and ideas from.

Hope you find something that suits you!

1 reply
cyanOwl3282 December 2nd, 2017

@privatevoid

Thank you! I will check those things out. Thank you again ❤️

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QuasiGrey December 2nd, 2017

@cyanOwl3282 I'm with you 100% , it's like, "What exactly am I supposed to be doing with my life?" I have moments of blinding inspiration which fizzle into nothing and then I end up feeling bad for not acting on them. I'm just trying to be patient with myself but it's hard sometimes.

peacefulSun36 December 3rd, 2017

@cyanOwl3282, Ive been thinking about your question since yesterday. One thing you could do is challenge yourself to try something new each week. Look online or in the local paper and see whats happening in your region. Go to events you otherwise would have passed up. You may discover a real connection. Good luck.

1 reply
cyanOwl3282 December 7th, 2017

@peacefulSun36

hmmm....I think I just need to change my attitude about it. I wud have loved to have this much time when I was raising a family & tending to parents

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RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 2nd, 2017

@orangeOwl1462

Hiya Owl good to see yousmiley I am sorry to hear that showing self love to yourself is hard- that is ok. And I have heard that to- love is with another. There is some truth to that yes, but first we must love and show it to ourselves before we can truly offer/accept it from another. Anxiety is the biggest "gate keeper" of all for many reasons. Can I suggest maybe you write down when the next time you feel this. That way you are mindfully aware of when this is going to happen and you can plan for it to come out better. It is tiring to keep it all together. Have you thought on sharing that load with someone? This action too- is showing self care/love to yourself. A lot of us find showing compassion to others is so much easier lol. I don't know exactly why this is but it issmiley Can you try and share that compassion with yourself once in awhile? Little steps for you?

cyanOwl3282 December 2nd, 2017

@orangeOwl1462

I can relate a 100% to what u wrote

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Crazy1300 December 2nd, 2017

Eating the food that I like and reminding myself that Im awesome and I deserve friendship

2 replies
peacefulSun36 December 2nd, 2017

@Crazy1300, its a struggle though—right? I have no problem indulging in foods that I enjoy, but I wonder if self love is selecting healthier options.

1 reply
privatevoid December 2nd, 2017

@peacefulSun36

I see what you mean Sun, but I think when it comes to self love, it's up to the individual to choose. The love only revolves one person and that person knows what's best for them.

But that's just my opinion. ☺️ Feel free to correct me

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goldenCucumber1287 December 2nd, 2017

Go to bed early and finish a movie I started last night.

peacefulSun36 December 2nd, 2017

Saying

emotionalMaple9419 December 2nd, 2017

I can show love to myself by continuing to seek help and support

when I feel my most vulnerable and want to quit.heart

1 reply
EmOnTheGo December 6th, 2017

@emotionalMaple9419 Yes yes yes, so big yes to this!!

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honestTortoise7644 December 3rd, 2017

1. What do you find to be the hardest on showing yourself love? Is it a feeling? A thought? Does your body feel something?

High standards, I love that I surround myself with people I aspire to be like. They're more intelligent in my field (and this helps me learn), more adventurous, and are happy/confident. This is mostly good for me, but if I'm having a low day I might see myself as far away from ever being on their level and it's hard to love myself in those moments

2. Showing self love can be difficult for many, what are things that get in the way?

Time, and energy it takes to begin doing something that deviates from whatever routine you have in daily life. You gotta carve out time for hobbies, but sometimes it's an accomplishment to just get out of bed and get through the day.

3. There are many reasons why we don't show ourselves love? Is there a way we can ask for some help?

I don't know how to ask for help with this ... how can someone else help when the only thing standing between self love is YOURSELF. you can talk it through with a friend and they'll listen but the way you treat yourself is your responsibility, no one else can change your habits

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 3rd, 2017

@honestTortoise7644

HIya Honest good to see you heresmiley So what I'm reading you say is high standards for self is what gets in the way of showing yourself love/care. I do understand on wanting to be just like our colleges and friends or family. But in reality we really can't we stress ourselves alot. I try myself to be a darn good state medical care giver, like those who get paid so well and get the great jobs. But in reality I am one of the good care givers my boss sees. Low days are so very hard to meet up with our standards. Can I suggest to maybe just try and be ok where you are at, and not focus on what others are doing or where they are at. Maybe talk with them on successes and things they done to get where they are. I really do agree with you on finding the time in you day/routine to have that time for you. But as you shared you have a hard time putting it into your routine already. Try to stop and smell the roses as most say. Stop outside and glare at a tree, notice how it grows, its beautiful leaves-does it smell? Or notice the weather, is it warm wind or cool. Little things like that can be worked into a busy routine. You are right that it is up to us to treat ourselves right...BUT if you were not shown this or taught...then how do you do it? Right? Even here on 7cups please talk to someone ask those awesome questions you may have. Wherever you feel comfortable in asking for help please do. As even I ask for help and it is a bit uncomfie but the more I been doing the more I don't feel weirdo or shy on it. Please do let me know how I can help more on this or the community as well

heart

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green18doz30 December 7th, 2017

I am doing things that make feel good.

ReservedExcitement December 12th, 2017

@RumpleSteeleSkin

Thanks, I will have to re read this to get all of the bits and pieces of it, it's so much. I will give it a try. Thanks.

cyanOwl3282 December 12th, 2017

I am so struggling with this right now and feel like my relationship is blowing up because of it. I

savethebees40 December 12th, 2017

Famous dude Tony Robbins says, "In your head, you're dead." That is absolute truth. If we stay too long in our heads, nothing seems or is real anymore. I can manifest any scenario I want. My paranoia starts to grow. My self-esteem begins to plummet. My anxiety amps up.

Mindfulness is helping me get and stay out of my head. I'm here, right now in this moment and I am going to be ok no matter what happens.

Be good to yourself. Forgive yourself (and I know how insanely hard that is). Take time to care for you and know that things will get better.

2 replies
cyanOwl3282 December 13th, 2017

@savethebees40

Live it! Thank you!

1 reply
RumpleSteeleSkin OP December 13th, 2017

@cyanOwl3282

smileyheart

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