Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #6) How to Accept Feedback
Please note: In order to successfully complete Course 2, you must respond to this post. Your comment/response should answer the questions/shows that you completed the given activity (if any). Read the post carefully and follow the instructions given. Save your responses to a document that you can later refer to. You will need to copy/paste your response in the course evaluation form at the end of each course to show that you have done the work and to refresh your memory.
Accepting feedback is a crucial part of being a good leader.
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
After fulfilling the requirements of this post, please check out the next post here! You must take part in the brainstorming/activities given in all of these posts to successfully complete the program.
This post is brought to you by the Leadership Development Program Team, find out more information about the program here.
@Heather225
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
For most of my life, I took feedback as I was failing, that I was doing things wrong and taht it was confirmation that I wasn't perfect so why bother trying. But I've learned that it's really helpful to take time and listen, and to work on how I react to that feedback. Is it coming from a genuine place of support? Or is it being nasty? Self-compassion has helped with that too. Now I slow down and take time to process before reacting like I would have in the past, and I'll ask questions to make sure I'm undersanding.
@Skyglider
It sounds like you take feedback really well now, I'm working on this and appreciate your words about self compassion.
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
The most recent feedback I received was about my response time. I had a bad connection but I can see their side and I can see why that would be annoying.
I felt sad initially because the intentions weren't to purposely ignore anyone but I apologized where it was due and that made me feel a lot better. They ended up understanding and it was all ironed out.
Nothing differently really. If anything, this video just solidified my actions and that is comforting to know. :)
@Heather225
I would say although I don't lash out I sometimes take feedback personally. Last time I took the feedback into consideration but a few times I have taken it personally.
In the future I would follow the video:
Stay calm and listen. Separate yourself from your work and listen objectively
Be receptive and appreciative so people feel it's easy to give you feedback. Sincerely tell them thank you for the feedback.
Ask for advice to show you’ve heard the feedback and are ready to change
Set a follow-up and a plan for what you will do next.
@lovelyParadise7651
It's really hard not to take feedback personally, I have definitely had this problem in the past too.
Thinking about the most recent feedback I received, I felt attacked. I reacted by shutting down and acting more coldly—more distant. I felt like the person who gave me the feedback was saying that I wasn’t good enough. This hurt me a lot, and in return, I hurt them by seeming distant. I think that I reacted that way as a sort of defense mechanism. I didn’t want to be hurt, so I tried to isolate myself from the thing that was hurting me. This was of course nowhere near the appropriate reaction for me to enact. After watching this video, I think that I would really listen to them and trust that their intention wasn’t to hurt me, it was to help me grow and improve because they love me and want to see me thrive.
@Dinohorus
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic, I think it's perfectly natural to be defensive when receiving feedback, it certainly sounds familiar to me!
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
When I received feedback recently my first instinct was to get defensive, as it's hard to hear criticism. However, I managed to get over this pretty quickly and I think ultimately I was able to accept the feedback and learn from it, so I have improved from how I used to be, there is still a lot to learn though. Having watched the video the main thing I would do differently is make sure the other person feels appreciated, as it is hard to give feedback and often when I receive feedback I am too focussed on myself to properly acknowledge that.
@Gozzil
Editing to add why I think I felt and reacted the way I did as I realised I missed it:
I think I got defensive as receiving feedback can feel like being told I'm not good enough, especially when I thought i had done a good job. I managed to get over this and accept the feedback as I was making a conscious effort to do so in the hope it would help me improve.
@Gozzil
I agree with what you're saying! When you think you've done a great job accepting feedback is hard.
A while ago I made a presentation for class. When the teacher asked for constructive feedback, the students told my group that we should've used pointers. I felt bad about it, especially since I worked hard on the presentation and they didn't recognise that. Next time I'll be sure to use pointers, though
@usefulSummer3139
*bullet points! My bad
@Gozzil
I'm really proud of how much you have learned <3
@Gozzil
Well done for managing to quickly get over the initial upset over receiving the feedback, the quicker we can accept and process the feedback positively the quicker we can act upon it! 🙂🙂 great Response
Definitely get that the first instinct when receiving feedback can be to feel defensive. But it’s great that you took a step back and recognized that the feedback can help you learn and improve ! @Gozzil
@Gozzil
I`m glad to hear you have learnt how to accept feedback <3 keep up the learning !
@Gozzil
To feel defensive at first is quite natural I suppose. But you managed to overcome it quickly, improved and aware that it's still a lot to learn, that's exceptional. *two thumbs up*
Here's one of my fav quote:
"It's what we think we know that keeps us from learning"
Happy New Year! All the best to you ❤️
@Gozzil You have a great perspective on this! I usually make sure they feel appreciated but if the feedback comes after that I then get so focues on the negative criticism. Your statement has made me realize I could spend more time with the member making sure they feel appreciated before letting myself beat myself up over it.
@Heather225
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?
The most recent feedback I received was for a practice test I gave. I didn't do well because I didn't study much and crammed everything on the last day. After moping for a while, I realised that that right thing to do was plan better for the next test and revise the topics I didn't do well in. I loved the video because it teaches us to take feedback in a positive stride. I will try to react better next time, and try to not waste my time feeling dejected.
@usefulSummer3139
I love that you are going to focus on taking feedback with a positive stride. It's always great to put a positive spin on things! 🙂🙂
Totally get the whole cramming and not studying as well for a test, it happens! I’m glad you’ve taken to take feedback as a positive experience after watching the video! @usefulSummer3139
At the time I am going to be honest I didn't take it as feedback more of an insult however upon reflection they were just trying to help me grow as a person.
Once again at the time it simply frustrated me as I didn't think they understood me however now I see that it was actually really helpful and I went and thanked them for that advice
At the time we were in a the midst of a debate so these feelings of frustration had already been building up and the feedback wasn't received by me in the way it should have.
I would have graciously accepted the feedback and asked them for further detail on how I could improve for next time 🙂
@Azalea98
Well done on this realization <3
Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?
The last time I received feedback, I felt bad about myself and for making a mistake, even though I took it as graciously as I could before moving on. It was in front of a group of people, which made me a little flustered, but I took it in stride and simply continued after correcting the mistake.
How did you feel?
It was a very minor mistake, and I'd been doing the task for a while with no problems, so I felt rather embarrassed. I also felt a little resentful towards the person who pointed it out, because the mistake was not affecting the task in any way.
Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
I felt bad because I wanted to do a perfect job, and I didn't want my mistake to be pointed out in front of everyone. I felt a little resentful because it messed up my flow and train of thought, when previously everything was going smoothly. However, because the task was ongoing, I simply chose to take it in my stride and carry on. I didn't let my emotions show and I managed to complete the task well.
What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I would feel less embarrassed and resentful because I'd be able to more graciously accept the feedback. I would also be able to carry on more smoothly as I wouldn't get so flustered after my mistake was pointed out
@hopebeyondpain
I completely understand that feeling. As a rule of thumb, we should always correct people privately and praise them publicy. Nevertheless, being able to control your emotions in that situation is something not many people can do. I am glad to see you gained something from the video.
@Heather225
Think about the most recent feedback you received:
a) How did you react?
I was eager as well as scared to get my feedback. It did make me sad as well as more competitive to move on and improve
b) How did you feel?
I felt like my efforts were not reaching to a place I wanted and all the energy I put into it is a waste and did doubt about my capabilities
c) Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
I think I felt that way as I've put a lot of my energy into it and have given up lots of things to work on it ,so was scared whether it wouldn't be of worth
@DreamTouch
Just stumbled upon this post, and these are some great answers! It's also quite relatable :)
@DreamTouch (continuation)
d) What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I could see the areas for improvement, ask help to the experts on that area and work on it. I could see it as a chance to improve and learn more on it.
Hi @DreamTouch
I get you and I'm aware that you're doing great and a lot to serve the community ♡
⭐︎ Well done
Happy New Year and best of luck to you!
See you around ❤️
@Heather225 one of the feed back that I'd remember that someone said that I laughed too loud that has made her felt umcomfortable. At first, I was hurt by her feedback and I was speechless at that time. I can't deny there was a little bit mad inside of me. I reacted that way because someone's never give any feeback about my habits etc. after that I calmed myself down from those madness and sadness and I thanked her for that feedback. From that moment, I watch myself when I'm around her in order to make her feel comfortable. I learned from the video are to improve myself and learn from my mistake and be calm and happy.
Feedbacks are definitely hard! But they are a great learning experience for us as well. Thank you for your post! All the best @kdsyahirah