Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #6) How to Accept Feedback

- A recent feedback: My dad reminded me that I was not sitting straight and my bad posture could eventually give me a hunchback.

- How I reacted: I felt annoyed as it was not the first time I heard it; however, I can clearly see his concern for me starting to grow since I haven't changed.

- Why I reacted and felt that way: He has been reminding me about my posture for years; however, I couldn't change and he really is getting very worried.

- What I could do differently: I should've acknowledged what my dad said and started to change my posture. At the end of the day, he's only wanting the best for me and he wants me to have a good health.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: It was feedback related to a group project

How did you react? In an angry way

How did you feel? I felt isolated and like I had the sole responsibility

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? I contributed almost 80% and people would point out grammatical errors while I had to stay up till 4AM compiling it because no one else would

What would you do differently after having watched the video? I would take a deep breath and try to tell myself that no matter how aggressive I react, they only want to help

How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I think I reacted well - I accepted it, understood it and internalised it. I felt encouraged to do better - I don't think I'd react differently having watched the video!

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? There are positive ones and some negative. When it's positive, I was really surprised and pleased that I was able to help someone out.

Negative takes me by surprise too as I was just trying my best to understand.

How did you feel? The positive feedback really makes my day. The negative doesn't bother me much but still make me doubt myself about my point of view, Am I too naive or looking at it at the 'wrong' way?

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Maybe because I don't take criticism well or maybe because people are so different from the way I was raised or view life.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Maybe listen to the feedback but also keeping true to myself.

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

The most recent feedback I have received was all positive, and I said thank you, but I expect thats not what the question actually means and do happen to remember the last negative feedback I received it was abusive, and the person said hurtful things about my character, even though they had no reason to say what they did and didnt know me at all. Some people who are in positions where they give feedback can either have poor training in feedback or might no be careful to realise that the feedback they give can be hurtful. Saying demeaning or patronising things, merely skimming over work which is being assessed or rushing and being careless about what is said or written can lead to poor morale in a team. The team with a leader who gives this sort of careless or subjective or shallow feedback eventually realises that the person giving poor quality feedback does that to everyone. Fair feedback in workplaces is always a 2-way process in Australia, and any leader who gives feedback to their team in the workplace is required to make specific appointments to do so, and also required to ask for feedback from the staff member about their own supervision and about the workplace as well. Failure to give fair feedback in the workplace is unlawful and workplace leaders can face a Fair Work commission tribunal if they over-criticise, nit-pick, make demeaning remarks, negative character remarks or make objectionable remarks when they give feedback.

How did you react?

I brought up the fact that the person had demeaned me and said untrue things that were negative about my character, and asked them not to repeat that abuse. The person who had given the feedback got very upset and told me that I hated them (even though I said nothing of the kind) and told me that they forgive me for that!!!

I told them that it would be better if they were far more careful about giving feedback in future, and that it is important to concentrate feedback to suggestions for improvement about what someone does, not negative and embarrassing opinions about how they are, and that it is also also important to find something to give feedback about that is positive and say that at the same time, if you are ever going to give negative feedback to a member of a team you are leading.

How did you feel?

At the time I felt that the person was irresponsible and cruel, and I felt unfairly judged and defamed. I didnt understand how someone could say something so defamatory and unprovoked about a complete stranger.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Because the person was abusive and had hurt me callously and carelessly.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Nothing. The feedback I had received was neither constructive nor useful professional feedback, and was just a slur, not a suggestion to improve something, so there was nothing I could do differently to stop this person being abusive except tell them that it was not fair that they had abused me.

When my work as a musician began a long time ago, it was really disconcerting to get so much feedback live musicians seem to get more feedback than any other trade on the planet. No wonder they disappear into a band room between sets. People would walk up to me and tell me You sound just like . . . (musicians I had never even heard of) and say You sound like a radio and would even tell me what other people had been saying about me while I was singing and give me advice, and I felt a bit confronted at first by having complete strangers walking up to me and beginning a conversation with the words You should . The only people who didnt say things that were at first a bit disconcerting were other musicians, who would just say Thankyou in fact you could tell by that particular comment that the person was probably another entertainer or musician. Many people would ask me how old I am, and because I began working in pubs when I was under-age, I would reply 103, and I still do. I would look up the musicians that people said I sounded like, and learn a few of their songs. If someone would give me advice about learning a specific song, I would look it up and would learn it if I liked it. One punter would even make tapes for me and I would go through and learn the songs from the tape that I liked. The rest of the advice, I didnt at first know what to either say or think about that. Eventually I realised that the punters were only trying to say something nice, and whatever they would say, I would take that with a grain of salt, and just say Thank-you.

In my work as a safety and admin consultant, I charge by the hour, so if a customer wants to make suggestions for me to improve or alter my work, I am of course delighted. Ill make an appointment and go through everything I have done so far and ask for confirmation or suggestions about each section, and charge them for every second of it. Then I charge them extra for the alterations as well. Feedback is great.

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

it was from a teacher of mine which always loves my projects and test results but she reached out to tell me i needed to improve on time managemnet as i've recently been unable to finish projects before deadlines

How did you react?

actually just by thanking them and telling that i'd try harder to stick to given times (but she is my teacher i couldn't have reacted otherwise or i'd end up in big trouble lol)

How did you feel?

at first i felt really pissed off but later i understood and really tried to stick to time limits and made a plan to keep myself accountable and it made the process in all the school work less stressing as well

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

because i felt i didn't deserve it as i wasn't the only one who missed the deadlines (most of us had had this problem from the start of pandemic) but if i wanna look at it more deeply probably because i took it personaly, like thinking that they're calling me lazy or sth

and next time i'll probably get to the point of welcoming the feedback sooner!

1) I reacted by apologizing and saying I would try to do better next time. All we can do is try afterall!

2) I understood so I did empathize with the issue. I felt fine, it did not bother me.

3) I reacted that way because I think constructive feedback is a good way to grow.

4) I think being graceful and reflecting always helps with feedback reception. I try to be but theres always room for improvement!

@Heather225

The most recent feedback i received: This is not a situation strictly speaking but a test. And the result I got indicated that in most social situations I was unpleasant with others.

I was surprised and a little offended too to be honest.

But that's because I'm often unaware of certain behaviors such as avoiding others or tending to give short answers in a conversation.

@Heather225

The most recent feedback I received was yesterday here, at 7Cups. I did the Mock Chat for Verified Listener.

I was very anxious during the chat. After the ending, I received some unexpected criticism on some points. That made me quite uneasy and disappointed. I was sure the Verifier would say it was all perfect. Internally, I calmed down, and accepted it partially, like there was a point, but with some exaggeration. All Member written reviews I have point to the other direction. Useful feedback, but not to be taken to the letter. I also received a lot of praise for other points, but I didn't pay attention to the praise, like it was obvious I did well on that.

I reacted OK. I accepted the criticism, rephrasing it like I really understood the point. I promised to improve on that, and expressed my gratitude for the feedback.

I took note of my possible weaknesses, things to focus on. it's always good to have a focus, among so many possible things to do. I think the Verifier did a great job (which I praised extensively in the Verifier feedback), but I also value a lot the feedback I get from members.

All in all, I think I behaved well in this opportunity. I wouldn't change much of what I did. (BTW I passed the test.).

I liked the idea of having external feedback.

I might ask my Mentor to do some more Mock Chats, or ask for Coaching sessions from time to time.

This could be the change.

@Heather225

Questions

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?

It was a coaching email from 7 Cups regarding my response time. I reacted quite well, though, because it wasn't really unexpected, as my inbox was flooding all over with new messages and I just couldn't process them all (to be fair, I couldn't process most of them, even).

How did you feel?

Though not being unexpected and the member (whoever they were) complaint made perfect sense, I still felt a bit sad and down, as well as frustrated for not being able to respond in a timely manner.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Well, because I always set high expectations for the work I do, and I consider myself a good/the best version of listener I can be at the moment, so it was hard going through that feedback.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Nothing, I guess, because my reactions was 100% acceptable and feelings were justified as well. But I'd be more aware of the importance of not taking it all on myself, meaning not having to answer hundreds of messages from multiple dozens of conversations on a daily basis, that's just crazy and probably no/very few listeners here would be able to do, while still having time for partner, family, work, and self-care!