Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #6) How to Accept Feedback

@WatchingOverYou

Totally get you.

I got that response time too every now and then. Nothing much we can do about it I guess. The time we set to serve the community is already spread for many activities, from listening, supporting subcom to learning hahaa...

Happy New Year! All the best to you

See you around ❤️

@Heather225

i think when people are getting feedback generally they become defensive and think someone is attacking them, i would lie if i said I didn't feel that way too. I feel the reason of this is because we are so concerned about what we do and how others think of us that we lose our focus , feedback is not to put anyone down but to help others up. The video taught me that being appreciative towards the feedback is important, sometimes we fail to realise that as hard as it is to receive feedback, it might be harder for the other person to speak up and give you feedback

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received:
I will be thinking of the most recent negative feedback

How did you react? How did you feel?
I froze, because a negative feedback wasn't something I was expecting. I felt blood gushing through my head and palms being sweaty.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
My reaction was in fact an indication that I am not perfect. Which we do know, but we forget at times. And in such times negative feedback hits us hard like that

What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I will indeed take deep breath next time I am about to get a feedback, because that would give me time to remember that it's okay to fail and try to improve. :)

@DonaldDraper

Well said! We are not perfect, but we can get better!

@DonaldDraper

The deep breathing sounds for a great idea. I might have to steal that next time.

@DonaldDraper I understand how a feedback can be unpleasant and kind of scary but it's great that you try to improve! Good job!

@DonaldDraper

I love the idea that it is okay to fail and try to improve from it! It is something very true, that we often forget!

@Heather225

The last feedback I received wasn't the best one, honestly. I felt a bit sad about it, but I didn't let it take over me and accepted it, because maybe it could've been a misunderstanding between me and the member. Or maybe I really was wrong. But I reacted that way because I know that it was something I could fix and that I could contact a mentor, too, to see if something was going wrong. I think I reacted well, because I kept myself calm and didn't give up because of this feedback. And i don't think I'd do anything differently.

@kateaala

It seems you did react pretty well to the feedback! It is natural to feel upset, but you seem to have handled those emotions well. I also like how you were really honest!

@kateaala

Very well done!

[Posting again as I searched for my answer and it was only half complete!]

I think I reacted well - I accepted it, understood it and internalised it. I felt encouraged to do better. The most recent feedback I received was regarding discussions. I did feel as though it was a way of telling me that I had done something wrong, or that I wasn't good enough, but I realised it wasn't this at all. It was more so that I needed to push myself to be even better. I think I reacted like this because I was always pushed down when I was younger, and as a result I seem to think that this is what's occurring now. This is not the case, however. I don't think I'd react differently having watched the video - I know now how useful feedback is.

@RebekahRoyal

That's awesome that you can recgonize how useful feedback is! Amazing job Rebekah!

Think about the most recent feedback you received:How did you react?
I recently received a negative feedback that unexpectedly affected me
How did you feel?
it affected me very hard, because what I received negative feedback from, I received positive feedback from others before and after
Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
maybe because I’m too maximalist for myself. I still have a lot of work to do with this

negative feedback is helpful. I learn from it and that is very important

Question :

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Answer :

I keep receiving feedback from bosses on regular basis, like once a week, for various matters, because I'm entrusted with a wide range of high responsibility tasks at work. I'm really glad they give me feedback constructively. Yes sometimes they just burst with disappointment but at the the end of the day I know very well that they reacted that way because they have "High Expectations" from me and they do provide "High Warmth" as well. They want me to grow as much as I want it myself. They count on me. So usually I accept their feedback openly and think about it and work on it, but when they blast me I feel very sad and frustrated. But then I sort through my thoughts and feelings over time and I find my balance and rationale back. I become more accepting. I implement the feedback positively.

After watching this video I think I'll do a few things moving forward. (1) ask for feedback proactively, (2) separate myself from my work so that tough feedback doesn't hurt my ego and self image, (3) practice giving better feedback to my team members and peers.

@peacefulWarrior10 This sounds great! The video was quite helpful for me too.

@SofiaT2000

Thanks <3

@Heather225

The most recent feedback made me realize that actually the person had a valid point. It just made me reflect, there was no good or bad feeling because I did not feel attacked. In the past this was different though and I felt I was losing confidence. To me it’s important to remind myself the feedback is there to help, it is not personal (provided it is constructive feedback).

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

How did you react? How did you feel?

The most recent feedback I received was a mix of both positive and negative. I reacted pretty positively to it, although the negative part of the feedback was disappointing.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

I reacted (mostly) positively to the feedback because it was given to me in a very supportive and constructive way. That helped me look at the situation objectively and identify my strengths and weaknesses.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

In this particular scenario, not much would change, but in general, I will try to take negative or constructive feedback less personally.

@Heather225

When I recieved feedback, I was surprised. I felt disappointed in myself that I had let someone down in my capacity to try to help them. I think I reacted that way because my reason for volunteering here is to help others, I never want to add to someone's pain. I have learned since watching the video, that feedback of all types helps us grow and improve.

@Heather225

The most recent feedback I received was positive and I was happy with it and reacted in a good way. The feedback complimented my rhetorics style and that made me feel proud of myself. I don't have anything to improve, but I would remind myself to behave positively towards critical feedback as well as affirmative ones.

My last feedback was after a mock chat with a mentor

How did you react?

I think I reacted well and listened to what they had to say and accepted it

How did you feel?

I felt like the feedback was more on me rather than on my listening abilities.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

I had been the one asking for it so I reacted well but I think I tend to see feedback too personally.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I would tell myself to calm down and that the feedback is not on me but on my listening and aceept it better emotionally

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?

I’ve been taught by my parents to be acceptive to feedback without reacting at that moment and ponder over it later.So I was just listening to the feedback given.

How did you feel?

Though it was tough to listen, it was just harsh truth. The opposite person gave a different perspective, which I never looked at.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Often we miss on some smaller things when looking at bigger picture, so sometimes we need someone to remind us of the small and important things too.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Follow up, cos this shows if there’s any improvement, which I haven’t followed earlier. I’d definitely love to implement this going forward.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? I thanked them and complimented them.

How did you feel? Happy and appreciated.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? It was specific, postive feedback.

What would you do differently after having watched the video? I could be more specific when thanking.

@Heather225

How did you react?

I reacted okay, not terribly, but not that great either

How did you feel?

Every time I get feedback, I try to stay positive and take it as a compliment because someone cared enough to help me fix it, but every time, including this one, I feel defeated in a way. It's not overly defeated, but a small part of me thinks "you could have done better, why didn't you?" even when I was proud of what I had accomplished.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
I have a perfectionist type attitude, and so even the simplest critique like, "take your shoes off before you go into your room so you don't track dirt" makes me feel like "duh I should have known that" and I grow sad because I'm disappointed in myself.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I would probably work on being more receptive and listening, because when people critique me I sometimes shut off and stop listening because I have a tendency to want to be right all the time, and it doesn't help when someone tries to tell me I'm wrong.

@BeautifulMasterpiece

Do you think you could apply those listening skills to other things outside of 7 cups?

1:With the most recent feedback, I got I react to was a little off as I felt it wasn't really great. It did point out some important things I need to do but it was helpful as it used the sandwich method.

2: I felt that I need to do better on what I was doing with it.

3: As felt that I was being judged for the way that I been peer supporting people.

4: I think I would of accepted it more and said this is a way for me to improve as a listener.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

It stung a little at first but I was able to acknowledge that it was for my own good, to learn and grow from. It was hard to take it into consideration for the future, but having watched the video I understand the importance of an additional outside perspective

@Heather225

How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The most recent feedback I got was to stop pushing people away. I was calm about it even though I usually act very defensive or ignorant about it.

I didn't really react. I either react defensively or don't react at all whenever I recieve feedbacks.

I felt disappointed because I knew that it's a major problem with me, whenever I feel hurt I just push people away.

I reacted that way because I knew about it already and I subconsciously hate that I do it.

I would take the feedback into account and think more about it instead of burying it in the back of my mind.

@Heather225

I reacted quite well, because I've received quite a few and I know that feedbacks can be really helpful.

I understand better now, that feedback is not an attack and the other person doens;t want to offend me or make me feel bad, they just wanna help me.

Because I've learned that feedbacks don't equal to failures or something like that and they can help us grow and become better.

There is always room for improvement but your feelings matter too.

@Heather225

The last feedback I received was about professionalism. I reacted politely and didn't really show how I felt. The truth is that I felt annoyed because it was a pretty strict feedback from my coworker. The truth is that he could be more polite towards me. When I receive criticism I take it more badly than I should, so I try to keep calm and think of what I could have done better. If I see that the person's criticism doesn't really make sense I try to not pay importance and continue improving in other ways. Sometimes I have been about to give up because of a comment that disturbed me about my work, but now I realize that criticism and feedback are two different things and feedback's purpose is just to help someone improve. I still work on trying to realize when someone wants to shut me down or help me improve and gives feedback out of good intentions, so I keep in mind to not be biased, keep calm, listen carefully, ask questions and I still try to work on my feelings, not being afraid of feedback because that way I will know how to improve and to try to increase my confidence about myself and my work.

Accepting feedback is a crucial part of being a good leader.

Please watch this video.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? I got feedback from partner that sounds like criticism when I first heard it.

How did you feel? I felt like I was a kid that was being told they did something wrong.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? I was always criticized and judged when I was younger so feedback and punishment were about the same thing

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

In stead of reacting I could take a deep breath, and agree in part with them and then explain what I was trying to do and finding a common ground we can both agree on.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

For most of my life, I took feedback as I was failing, that I was doing things wrong and taht it was confirmation that I wasn't perfect so why bother trying. But I've learned that it's really helpful to take time and listen, and to work on how I react to that feedback. Is it coming from a genuine place of support? Or is it being nasty? Self-compassion has helped with that too. Now I slow down and take time to process before reacting like I would have in the past, and I'll ask questions to make sure I'm undersanding.

@Skyglider

It sounds like you take feedback really well now, I'm working on this and appreciate your words about self compassion.

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The most recent feedback I received was about my response time. I had a bad connection but I can see their side and I can see why that would be annoying.

I felt sad initially because the intentions weren't to purposely ignore anyone but I apologized where it was due and that made me feel a lot better. They ended up understanding and it was all ironed out.

Nothing differently really. If anything, this video just solidified my actions and that is comforting to know. :)

@Heather225

I would say although I don't lash out I sometimes take feedback personally. Last time I took the feedback into consideration but a few times I have taken it personally.

In the future I would follow the video:

Stay calm and listen. Separate yourself from your work and listen objectively

Be receptive and appreciative so people feel it's easy to give you feedback. Sincerely tell them thank you for the feedback.

Ask for advice to show you’ve heard the feedback and are ready to change

Set a follow-up and a plan for what you will do next.

@lovelyParadise7651

It's really hard not to take feedback personally, I have definitely had this problem in the past too.

Thinking about the most recent feedback I received, I felt attacked. I reacted by shutting down and acting more coldly—more distant. I felt like the person who gave me the feedback was saying that I wasn’t good enough. This hurt me a lot, and in return, I hurt them by seeming distant. I think that I reacted that way as a sort of defense mechanism. I didn’t want to be hurt, so I tried to isolate myself from the thing that was hurting me. This was of course nowhere near the appropriate reaction for me to enact. After watching this video, I think that I would really listen to them and trust that their intention wasn’t to hurt me, it was to help me grow and improve because they love me and want to see me thrive.

@Dinohorus

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic, I think it's perfectly natural to be defensive when receiving feedback, it certainly sounds familiar to me!

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

When I received feedback recently my first instinct was to get defensive, as it's hard to hear criticism. However, I managed to get over this pretty quickly and I think ultimately I was able to accept the feedback and learn from it, so I have improved from how I used to be, there is still a lot to learn though. Having watched the video the main thing I would do differently is make sure the other person feels appreciated, as it is hard to give feedback and often when I receive feedback I am too focussed on myself to properly acknowledge that.

@Gozzil

Editing to add why I think I felt and reacted the way I did as I realised I missed it:

I think I got defensive as receiving feedback can feel like being told I'm not good enough, especially when I thought i had done a good job. I managed to get over this and accept the feedback as I was making a conscious effort to do so in the hope it would help me improve.