Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #6) How to Accept Feedback

@CompassionateDreamer8522

Constructive feedback really goes a long way and I'm gald you are able to realize that! Very insightful!

Hi @CompassionateDreamer8522

You sounds like a great person. I can feel your positive vibe from your words ⭐︎

Reminds me of one of my fav quotes:

"When you focus on the good, the good increases"

Happy New Year and best of luck to you!

See you around ❤️

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The most recent feedback I recieved was on a school assignment. It was on a presentation I did, and they said I was good at formatting my project, but it had a few typo and grammar mistakes. At first I was upset, becuase I thought I did really well with the project, so I was upset I missed some things. I think if I had thought of it in the way that my teacher was just trying to help, and not calling me stupid or anything I would have taken it better.

@cocoakrispies121

It is understandable to feel upset about the feedback, I would feel that was as well. I like how you talked about reframing your thoughts and thinking of it as your teacher trying to help. Great response!

@cocoakrispies121

Awesome job with your post :)

@cocoakrispies121

To add on to my last post, I think that after watching the video, I can respond in a way that will allow me to grow from the feedback, instead of just wallow in the fact that I got it. Feedback isn't used to call you stupid, it's used to help you!

That was a very infromative video and will certainly help me grow both here and in work/life

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

How did you react?

Usually I get very defensive.

How did you feel?

At first i feel like i am being pointed out my mistake and no one likes that feeling. Bu then i try to think rationally.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Its probably my emotions that take a hold over my rational thinking.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I would take a deep breath and clam down and hear out and then process whats being said. I would try not to judge or take things out of context.

@Magicallykermit58

I love your response! I agree, no one likes feeling like their mistake is pointed out, and it is easy for emotions to take over rational thinking.

@Magicallykermit58

Great answer, could relate :)

@Magicallykermit58

I think trying not to judge or take things out of context is something I need to work on as well! Awesome job Kermit!

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I reacted by asking for clarification, and asking them what I could do to improve and grow, and then thanked them for reaching out. I did feel a bit anxious and worried, because although feedback can be very helpful, it can set of a stream of thoughts in your mind, and for me it sometimes does cause a bit of self-deprecation. I think I reacted that way because my emotions were talking to me, but in my heart I knew that feedback wasn't there to hurt me, it was there to help me. I think I reacted pretty okay, it was just the way I felt about myself. One thing I would change is I would set a follow up, I never thought of that before watching the video.

@hopedreamlove

what I think there is al ways good to change when you still young so you can havea life time of growing , learning and becoming a better person.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Most Recent Feedback- About reporting people - I felt that the feedback was not great but I accept it and that reporting is still good to do .

How did I feel- I was surprised to be honest that some behavior is acceptable by some and not others..

Why Do I think I reacted and felt the way i did - Because I am one who believes in putting all my efforts to do something well but surprised when received uncommending feedbacks.

What would I do differently after watching Video
I will be more open minded and be objective to receiving feedback and appreciate person who gives it

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?

I reacted with grace, and accepted the feedback and worked to improve myself.

How did you feel?

I was initially a bit upset and hurt, but before I spoke I realized that the person giving feedback was right.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

I was a bit hurt because of the way the feedback was worded - it was blunt and to the point.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I would have asked the person giving feedback for advice on how to improve.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

The last time I got feedback, I reacted by accepting it. I felt a little insecure and like I messed up horribly. I reacted the way I did because I am used to getting feedback and am open to it, I felt the way I did because hearing how one does something wrong will always eat at someones confidence, at least a little. What I would do differently is learn to not feel any bad feelings and tell myself that the person giving me feedback wants the best for me and is trying to "coach me up".

@CognitiveACE

Your positive attitude toward receiving feedback is really good. I have really learnt a lot from reading your answer. Thank You, ACE! I wish you the best in your journey ahead!

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

I have recently started learning driving. In the initial days, I was making a lot of mistakes. So, I received strong feedback (which was sort of a scolding) from my driving teacher.

How did you react?

It was hurtful at first but I maintained my calm. I tried to remain very careful later while driving. And now, I have become relatively better in driving the car in the first and second gear. The feedback has helped me improved significantly!

How did you feel?
Honestly, I was hurt.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?
I think the reason I felt hurtful was I didn't like being scolded. Somewhere I felt that my ego was hurt.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?
I would try to cheer myself up and would think that receiving feedback is a way to improve and grow. Now, upon receiving the feedback in my life, I would try to follow the specific steps suggested in the video. I would try to remain calm and would listen to the feedback and would also appreciate the person who would give me feedback.

@shiningSound31

HI Shining - Some driving teachers are really bad teachers. It is very important to teach a skill like driving without upsetting and hurting the feelings of the student, because that can make them nervous, and nervous people make mistakes. The only reason a driving teacher should scold you is if you deliberately do not listen to them. A good driving teacher has a special car with two steering wheels and an extra set of brakes as well, and then they can over-ride any dangerous mistakes that you might make. Driving teachers who don't bother to teach with the right equipment like this can become nervous themselves and lose their patience with students, which is dangerous to you, the student. If a teacher who is being paid to teach you doesn't make it comfortable for you to learn, then you should fire them and pay a different teacher instead - it is dangerous for you to have someone scolding you when you learn to drive. It is always important to give feedback clearly and without trying to make someone upset.

@CintaBali

??????

The most recent feedback I can remember is when I was talking to my cousin about my resume and she started giving me suggestions to make it better and some part of me felt very defensive and protective over the work I had done. I do not like criticism. When I feel as if I am being criticised I start defending my work or my actions by explaining why I do things the way that I do. After watching the video I would like to be a little more graceful in the way I receive feedback and become better at realizing the person isnt telling me that Im doing something wrong, but moreso understand that they are just giving me feedback because they care enough to want to see me succeed.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

How did you react?

I was surprised but I took it mostly positively, I might have internally questioned where exactly I went wrong and if it was a valid argument yet I was fine with it.

How did you feel?

I was upset for awhile and then decided it was for the best and it was a learning step for me and criticism is always good means the person knows I have potential to do better.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Well, it was not really my work that I got feedback for rather for failing to correct someone else is work which is unfair because it was not really my responsibility but I took it in stride. Might have been a wee bit upset but I understood it was for my good.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Spoken up and explained myself better. Also, understood the other persons point of view and learnt more from what they said.

@Heather225

How did you react?

I accepted my fault and decided to make sure the person providing feedback is able to see improvement soon.

How did you feel?

I felt guilty and bad for letting someone down. I also realised that I could not be giving any excuses.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

I think this could be related to my personality type ENFJ-A which shows that I dread letting anybody down.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I would try and ask for advice to do better.

(I received feedback regarding my response time and recently I received a review that said that I responded quickly so yay! 😄)

Thank you and looking forward to the next discussion! ~\(≧▽≦)/~

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Colleagues of mine encouraged me to embrace my work and to really put out my best every time. And it made me feel as they were constantly looking out for me and I really appreciated the fact that they went out their way to encourage me.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Nothing differently, great insights though!

A lot better than I normal since the chat room mentor did in Gentle way. I feel good about how. I reacted. I think reacted the way I did because the chatroom mentor did in a gentle way and not In. A way that would make me freack out. I think ask how can I know when is the tight time. To say I need. Help with a chat when something out of place happens in lsr.

@Heather225

How did you react? How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Part of my personality is that I love feedback, and looking for places where I can improve is always something I enjoy doing. That being said, the last time I received constructive feedback, I actually smiled a lot because the way the person worded their feedback for me was super helpful, and the first time when I saw the feedback, I could word-for-word agree 100% to what they said. As for the reason I reacted this way, I think it is really the way I perceive my own faults. If I were completely honest, I would rather someone tell me all my faults directly than compliment me and only point out one of them. Would I take a feedback with negative connotations badly? I rather think that I won't; to think of it in a positive nature, and know that this is where I can improve is definitely a plus! It really comes with the fact that I love people that are super straightfoward :)

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Ooh, I loved the video's approach to the whole idea of feedback, and I can agree with all its points. Something I would do differently . . . I am not quite sure, but I really liked the way the video explain feedback and how to approach (the reasons behind it and everything)!

@DayDreamWithYou

Liked your answer :)

@Heather225

How did you react? – My last feedback was from my manager at work. I reacted by defending myself.

How did you feel? – I feel betrayed and shocked as it came out of nowhere and I did not see it coming.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? - I think It was after one month of working at the company when they told me that I am slow at work and that I am not trying enough. It felt really bad because I was doing all my best and I did not know during the whole time that there was a problem with my performance.

What would you do differently after having watched the video? - Looking back at the situation, I am glad that I told the manager how I felt because I have no problem receiving feedback because it is an opportunity to learn and grow. However, the feedback I was given came pretty late and was not constructive. When I asked how can I improve I did not get any answer and the manager kept on scolding me without giving me any tip about what can I do to get better. However, one thing I would change would be to ask for feedback immediately myself to know how I am doing.

The most recent feedback I got was positive and in fact boosted my confidence so I can continue to do a good job. I reacted by smiling and appreciating it

I felt more confident after it was given to me.

I reacted this way because I was given reassurance on a topic I was unsure about and it made me think I was doing the right thing.

I would still appreciate the feedback and ask for ways in which I can continue to improve

- A recent feedback: My dad reminded me that I was not sitting straight and my bad posture could eventually give me a hunchback.

- How I reacted: I felt annoyed as it was not the first time I heard it; however, I can clearly see his concern for me starting to grow since I haven't changed.

- Why I reacted and felt that way: He has been reminding me about my posture for years; however, I couldn't change and he really is getting very worried.

- What I could do differently: I should've acknowledged what my dad said and started to change my posture. At the end of the day, he's only wanting the best for me and he wants me to have a good health.

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: It was feedback related to a group project

How did you react? In an angry way

How did you feel? I felt isolated and like I had the sole responsibility

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? I contributed almost 80% and people would point out grammatical errors while I had to stay up till 4AM compiling it because no one else would

What would you do differently after having watched the video? I would take a deep breath and try to tell myself that no matter how aggressive I react, they only want to help

How did you feel? Why do you think you reacted and feel that way? What would you do differently after having watched the video?

I think I reacted well - I accepted it, understood it and internalised it. I felt encouraged to do better - I don't think I'd react differently having watched the video!

@Heather225

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react? There are positive ones and some negative. When it's positive, I was really surprised and pleased that I was able to help someone out.

Negative takes me by surprise too as I was just trying my best to understand.

How did you feel? The positive feedback really makes my day. The negative doesn't bother me much but still make me doubt myself about my point of view, Am I too naive or looking at it at the 'wrong' way?

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Maybe because I don't take criticism well or maybe because people are so different from the way I was raised or view life.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Maybe listen to the feedback but also keeping true to myself.

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

The most recent feedback I have received was all positive, and I said thank you, but I expect thats not what the question actually means and do happen to remember the last negative feedback I received it was abusive, and the person said hurtful things about my character, even though they had no reason to say what they did and didnt know me at all. Some people who are in positions where they give feedback can either have poor training in feedback or might no be careful to realise that the feedback they give can be hurtful. Saying demeaning or patronising things, merely skimming over work which is being assessed or rushing and being careless about what is said or written can lead to poor morale in a team. The team with a leader who gives this sort of careless or subjective or shallow feedback eventually realises that the person giving poor quality feedback does that to everyone. Fair feedback in workplaces is always a 2-way process in Australia, and any leader who gives feedback to their team in the workplace is required to make specific appointments to do so, and also required to ask for feedback from the staff member about their own supervision and about the workplace as well. Failure to give fair feedback in the workplace is unlawful and workplace leaders can face a Fair Work commission tribunal if they over-criticise, nit-pick, make demeaning remarks, negative character remarks or make objectionable remarks when they give feedback.

How did you react?

I brought up the fact that the person had demeaned me and said untrue things that were negative about my character, and asked them not to repeat that abuse. The person who had given the feedback got very upset and told me that I hated them (even though I said nothing of the kind) and told me that they forgive me for that!!!

I told them that it would be better if they were far more careful about giving feedback in future, and that it is important to concentrate feedback to suggestions for improvement about what someone does, not negative and embarrassing opinions about how they are, and that it is also also important to find something to give feedback about that is positive and say that at the same time, if you are ever going to give negative feedback to a member of a team you are leading.

How did you feel?

At the time I felt that the person was irresponsible and cruel, and I felt unfairly judged and defamed. I didnt understand how someone could say something so defamatory and unprovoked about a complete stranger.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Because the person was abusive and had hurt me callously and carelessly.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Nothing. The feedback I had received was neither constructive nor useful professional feedback, and was just a slur, not a suggestion to improve something, so there was nothing I could do differently to stop this person being abusive except tell them that it was not fair that they had abused me.

When my work as a musician began a long time ago, it was really disconcerting to get so much feedback live musicians seem to get more feedback than any other trade on the planet. No wonder they disappear into a band room between sets. People would walk up to me and tell me You sound just like . . . (musicians I had never even heard of) and say You sound like a radio and would even tell me what other people had been saying about me while I was singing and give me advice, and I felt a bit confronted at first by having complete strangers walking up to me and beginning a conversation with the words You should . The only people who didnt say things that were at first a bit disconcerting were other musicians, who would just say Thankyou in fact you could tell by that particular comment that the person was probably another entertainer or musician. Many people would ask me how old I am, and because I began working in pubs when I was under-age, I would reply 103, and I still do. I would look up the musicians that people said I sounded like, and learn a few of their songs. If someone would give me advice about learning a specific song, I would look it up and would learn it if I liked it. One punter would even make tapes for me and I would go through and learn the songs from the tape that I liked. The rest of the advice, I didnt at first know what to either say or think about that. Eventually I realised that the punters were only trying to say something nice, and whatever they would say, I would take that with a grain of salt, and just say Thank-you.

In my work as a safety and admin consultant, I charge by the hour, so if a customer wants to make suggestions for me to improve or alter my work, I am of course delighted. Ill make an appointment and go through everything I have done so far and ask for confirmation or suggestions about each section, and charge them for every second of it. Then I charge them extra for the alterations as well. Feedback is great.

Think about the most recent feedback you received:

it was from a teacher of mine which always loves my projects and test results but she reached out to tell me i needed to improve on time managemnet as i've recently been unable to finish projects before deadlines

How did you react?

actually just by thanking them and telling that i'd try harder to stick to given times (but she is my teacher i couldn't have reacted otherwise or i'd end up in big trouble lol)

How did you feel?

at first i felt really pissed off but later i understood and really tried to stick to time limits and made a plan to keep myself accountable and it made the process in all the school work less stressing as well

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

because i felt i didn't deserve it as i wasn't the only one who missed the deadlines (most of us had had this problem from the start of pandemic) but if i wanna look at it more deeply probably because i took it personaly, like thinking that they're calling me lazy or sth

and next time i'll probably get to the point of welcoming the feedback sooner!

1) I reacted by apologizing and saying I would try to do better next time. All we can do is try afterall!

2) I understood so I did empathize with the issue. I felt fine, it did not bother me.

3) I reacted that way because I think constructive feedback is a good way to grow.

4) I think being graceful and reflecting always helps with feedback reception. I try to be but theres always room for improvement!

@Heather225

The most recent feedback i received: This is not a situation strictly speaking but a test. And the result I got indicated that in most social situations I was unpleasant with others.

I was surprised and a little offended too to be honest.

But that's because I'm often unaware of certain behaviors such as avoiding others or tending to give short answers in a conversation.

@Heather225

The most recent feedback I received was yesterday here, at 7Cups. I did the Mock Chat for Verified Listener.

I was very anxious during the chat. After the ending, I received some unexpected criticism on some points. That made me quite uneasy and disappointed. I was sure the Verifier would say it was all perfect. Internally, I calmed down, and accepted it partially, like there was a point, but with some exaggeration. All Member written reviews I have point to the other direction. Useful feedback, but not to be taken to the letter. I also received a lot of praise for other points, but I didn't pay attention to the praise, like it was obvious I did well on that.

I reacted OK. I accepted the criticism, rephrasing it like I really understood the point. I promised to improve on that, and expressed my gratitude for the feedback.

I took note of my possible weaknesses, things to focus on. it's always good to have a focus, among so many possible things to do. I think the Verifier did a great job (which I praised extensively in the Verifier feedback), but I also value a lot the feedback I get from members.

All in all, I think I behaved well in this opportunity. I wouldn't change much of what I did. (BTW I passed the test.).

I liked the idea of having external feedback.

I might ask my Mentor to do some more Mock Chats, or ask for Coaching sessions from time to time.

This could be the change.

@Heather225

Questions

Think about the most recent feedback you received: How did you react?

It was a coaching email from 7 Cups regarding my response time. I reacted quite well, though, because it wasn't really unexpected, as my inbox was flooding all over with new messages and I just couldn't process them all (to be fair, I couldn't process most of them, even).

How did you feel?

Though not being unexpected and the member (whoever they were) complaint made perfect sense, I still felt a bit sad and down, as well as frustrated for not being able to respond in a timely manner.

Why do you think you reacted and feel that way?

Well, because I always set high expectations for the work I do, and I consider myself a good/the best version of listener I can be at the moment, so it was hard going through that feedback.

What would you do differently after having watched the video?

Nothing, I guess, because my reactions was 100% acceptable and feelings were justified as well. But I'd be more aware of the importance of not taking it all on myself, meaning not having to answer hundreds of messages from multiple dozens of conversations on a daily basis, that's just crazy and probably no/very few listeners here would be able to do, while still having time for partner, family, work, and self-care!

@WatchingOverYou

It must have been hard but you reacted well. Well done!

@WatchingOverYou

Well done on your part! It must have been difficult but your reaction has been great <3