Course 2: Becoming a 7 Cups Leader - (Discussion #5) Approaching Conflict Resolution: Dealing with Issues Directly
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Any  community is going to go through challenges and sometimes people are going to be in conflict with one another or have disagreements. All of that is okay and should be welcomed and even expected. The trick is to figure out what is the best way to address these issues so that we can continue to grow individually and as a community. Most ethical codes for professions recommend approaching the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some other helpful guidelines for conflict resolution brought to you by @Tazzie (original post)!
â  Step back and slow down
â  Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
â  Habits can be changed through awareness.
â  Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
â  Show clarity regarding your intentions and goals for the conversation
â  Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
â  Listen to learn something new and express your views and feelings professionally.
â  Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other persons story
â  Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
â  Do not convince them you are right.
â  Be aware of potential barriers to listening.
â  Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
â  Use I statements to express yourself.
â  State a feeling rather than judging.
â  Be responsible for your assumptions
â  On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about  others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
â  Share your interpretation of the messages received.
â  Find a common ground
â Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
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Question time!
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
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1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have not been in a lot of conflicts and the few I was in have been kind of extreme and I would not say I handled them as well I would like. What has worked to resolve conflicts is keeping up an unconditional state of understanding and positive regard. Rather than trying to prove I am right, I try to find that space where I can understand them. But again, it's not something I always manage to do. Conflicts put you in a difficult spot. You know how you should and how you should not handle a conflict. However, in the heat of the moment, that doesn't occur to you. You respond emotionally. I am sure its a skill I can develop over time.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
unconditional positive regard!
@Heather225
With reference to the discussion, it is really important to take a part in the conflict resolution by ourself. Hereby i put front my answers for the questions respectively:
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, being in a conflicting situation is a very genuine issue. Not every time considerably we need anyone else to get into conflict into. Oftentimes we even get into conflict with our own selves. Most of the time when i find myself into anything similar, I prefer pausing everything for a while. I prefer to take time and look into the situation inch by inch and wait for the perfect moment to react. Taking a gap sometimes can resolve the conflict automatically. Rest of the times I prefer talking about it with all minute details with the conflicting side and try to find out what will it take to resolve the conflict and try the best possible way to act accordingly.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Like I have mentioned, sometimes we are too much stuck with our mind and can’t get out of simple situations. This is when we need to take things slow and we should stop and think about the situation. I have experienced situations where conflicts ended automatically after taking a gap as it allows both the parties with ample of time to think over the situation. It also helps in calming down the built rage in the conflict.
@Ashvillium
Exactly.. Like the saying goes, "Slow and steady wins the race!" 
@Heather225
Hi
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, of course, I have been in discussions in my classroom at the University, everyone was fighting over a rumor that had happened, it was really sad to see how my classmates said terrible things to each other, what I did was separate those who were arguing give them a glass of water. I put them in two different classrooms and I spoke first with one and then with the other, I told them to talk to me about it and then to keep calm, when they let off steam with me they felt relaxed, and later they could live together, they even apologized.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I believe that if we find ourselves in a conflict we should let the person vent and then create a dialogue without criticizing them. It is important to remain calm and be patient, it is also important to offer something to our partner, it can be a glass of water so that their body can relax and they can be calm
@Crystaldancer
Nicely said..
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes, I've managed them most of the time by being patient and listening to their opinions and when it's finally my turn to talk / give an input I would state my opinion like "I think.." rather than using "No, that's not right..".
I also try to clear almost all the doubts I have regarding a person's input. It gives more clarity and allows me to see the whole picture instead of just one part.
There are certain times that people are not open to suggestions or whatever feedback others have to give. In such times I’ve managed to tell myself that people are different and all i can do at the moment is provide my suggestion and give the other person time to think and reflect on that.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
- Patience : if the other person doesn't seem to understand your viewpoint give that person sometime. We don't know what they are going through at teh moment. The conflict might have happened not because either of you are wrong but because the other person is dealing with something else and is projecting that sentiments to the current situation.
- Messages can be interpreted differently as mentioned, so before you think negatively on something the other person said, you may ask the reasons for that statement from the person that said it.
- Listen more: If the other person is still talking, wait for a bit for that person to finish their point / statement. Doing so will avoid confusions, mistakes and might lead to better understanding.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have, I once had a conflict with one of my co-worker over a small issue though. We decided to take a pause for that day. I thought about it next day and next day cleared it out with a discussion.
2.)  Can you think of any tips  we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
I feel taking some time to introspect really helps, at least in my case. Making it clear that your view is only your own personal view and not the ultimate truth- is also something that should be taken under consideration.
@Prachi9876
You're totally right. Sometimes in anger, it's hard to think about how subjective our view is. It's really important to take a step back and think rationally about our views, realising they are not always the ultimate truth.
@Heather225
Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes. I have been in such a situation and I resolved it by encouraging both the parties to listen to the viewpoints of each other.
Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
Personally, my tip is to listen to the other person carefully, empathize with them, and see things from their perspective.
1) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
I have been in several conflict-resolution situations with my friends at school. To resolve them, I made sure to listen intently to the opposing side of the debate and speak calmly and openly to them in order to de-escalate the conflict.
2) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
One important tip to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution is to see the situation from the opposing side’s perspective. Once you do, you can figure out how to resolve the situation by listening to the person’s demands, being patient and respectful, and keeping an open-mind.
@Nerdtastic01
Good tip! Sometimes we totally forget to think about how the other person feels and it leads to more misunderstanding. We should try to understand the other person to come to a more sound solution!
@Nerdtastic01
It is important to focus on the present when you are in a stressful situation. you have identified the qualities you need when de-escalating stressful circumstances.
@Heather225
Yes, I have been on either side of conflict resolution situation. I resolved it by taking some distance and coming back with a clearer mind. Sometimes, when a conflict arises, people tend to explode with emotion. People become reckless and often end up regretting their reactions. After multiple trials and tests in my own life, I've learned that this isn't the right way to confront or approach someone. A tip I would suggest is to take distance and then approach the person in a calm manner. Tell the person, "hey - we need to resolve this and in a better way. I want to share with you what has been bothering me and you can share your concerns about me too. Then, let's find a way to resolve this."
@TheGoodHeartedBuddy
That's a great tip. I really do think it's a bad idea to take action when we are angry. For sure it can lead to a bad decision. Thanks for sharing!
@TheGoodHeartedBuddy
That sound like a good way to approach the other person to resolve the issue at hand.
@TheGoodHeartedBuddy
It sounds like you've learned a lot from conflict resolution experiences in the past, and taking a step back to ensure you're calm and thinking clearly definitely sounds like a good idea. I really like your tip message as well, reaching out to someone in such a positive and understanding way definitely sets a tone of resolution.
@Heather225
1.) Have you ever been on either side of conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Yes. I first tried to talk with the listener about the issue and understand them, but the situation became too difficult to resolve on my own. I then filled out an L-L report, and then it was resolved.
2.) Â Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict-resolution?
One tip is that if you are particularly heated about the conflict, take the time to step away from the situation and do something else to relax you. It's not good to make decisions when you are particularly anger, nor try to deescalate a situation when you are angry.
@LavenderFlower
self-care is essential to focus on as well as supporting to de-escalate the situation.
@LavenderFlower
It's really good you were able to resolve that conflict situation so well, and filling out a L-L form is definitely a good option :). Also I really like your tip about taking a step back so that the emotions of the situation don't affect your actions and prevent de-escalation.
@Heather225
Hello everyone 👋👋👋👋
1.) Have you ever been on either side of a conflict resolution situation? How did you resolve it?
Being a room supporter here, I have witnessed members arguing over certain topics. I had to defuse the situation by privately messaging, hearing them out by offering an open safe for them to express their frustration and referring to the guidelines in place. Also, making sure that the members in the room feel comfortable by using icebreakers or checking upon them.
2.) Can you think of any tips we haven't listed to facilitate healthy conflict resolution?
Being neutral, calm, patient, tolerant, using active listening, de-escalation techniques, changing the subject (light and positive topics), summarising the guidelines in order to clarify and address/solve the problem at hand.
@courageousheart96
Hi! I really like all of your ideas and tips for conflict resolution, practicing de-escalation techniques is a really good point as well, if there might be an opportunity to try to decrease or avoid the conflict before it gets worse :)