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Eva’s Crazy Mind

justmeeva January 21st

i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows. 

i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.

best wishes to you. ❤️

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justmeeva OP July 9th

they’ve been here for nearly an hour-

justmeeva OP July 9th

so they came inside gave me no choice but to agree (the children *** jumped on me and pulled me not even exaggerating), it was all awkward and he indeed did ask about my future plans and school and everything (i *** told you-) and he said “eva is like an unicorn - everybody has heard of her but nobody has seen her” like ahahaha so funny and uh yeah never again <33

justmeeva OP July 10th

right now is one of those times where darkness is just terrifying. 

5 replies
mytwistedsoul July 10th

@justmeeva *sits with you* You're absolutely right - the darkness can be terrifying.  Do you have things that can make it a little more soothing? Maybe some fairy lights or a battery operated candle? Something that gives soft light. Maybe a stuffy or two? A favorite blanket or sweater? 

4 replies
justmeeva OP July 10th

@mytwistedsoul 

there’s just this.. hallway. that i logically need to go through in order to get to another room. so it’s kind of unavoidable. i have some lights on in my room for now, but they’ll have to be shut down soon too. right now i’m kind of just hoping it’ll go away on it’s own- the fear.  :’)

3 replies
mytwistedsoul July 10th

@justmeeva Are you allowed to keep your phone or whatever you use? Maybe you could set a timer for a nightlight on it? They make apps for nightlights too. Maybe you've tried them already? 

2 replies
justmeeva OP July 10th

@mytwistedsoul 

yeah i can keep my phone with me. i didn’t know they had digital nightlights, i’ll give it a try. thank you soul, again. you always have some great tips <3

1 reply
mytwistedsoul July 10th

@justmeeva You're welcome 💙 Google has just about everything lol. They have a bunch of apps for them. I really hope they help

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justmeeva OP July 10th

i’m terrified. 

nothing is behind your back, eva. nobody’s there. 

i know. 

but still.

justmeeva OP July 10th

genuinely trying not to lose my mind right now. 

nobody’s there-

justmeeva OP July 10th

tw.

so i kinda said to myself that if anyone wanted to uh unalive me right now they’re free to

and my brain and imagination took it seriously.

mytwistedsoul July 10th

@justmeeva sorry.   have you tried sitting in a corner? I know it probably sounds weird but your back is up against the wall that way. It feels alittle more secure 

6 replies
justmeeva OP July 10th

@mytwistedsoul 

it doesn’t sound weird dw, we love corners <3. right now, since i have to move around a bit to do some things here and there, i can’t. soon, though 

5 replies
mytwistedsoul July 10th

@justmeeva I wondered if you knew about corners. It helps. Does it bother you during the day or just at night? 

4 replies
justmeeva OP July 10th

@mytwistedsoul 

it seems like those things happen rather at nights, which makes sense, i guess. the darkness, lack of activities and distractions and all.

3 replies
mytwistedsoul July 10th

@justmeeva You're right. I can be totally fine all day and then come night the fear starts. There's less to keep us occupied with :/

2 replies
justmeeva OP July 10th

@mytwistedsoul 

exactly. but it’s okay right now though, your online nightlight trick might’ve worked, anyway it’s not so bad right now <33 thank you again <3

1 reply
mytwistedsoul July 10th

@justmeeva That's great! I'm so glad it helped! Even just a little bit can help make a difference. You're very welcome! 💙

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justmeeva OP July 11th

i slept like 4 and a half hours yesterday and like 11 hours today- we don’t talk about my sleep schedule. 

4 replies

@justmeeva

relatable. 💜 *sends a hug if okie*

2 replies
justmeeva OP July 11th

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

gladly accepts hug and sends some back 💗

1 reply

@justmeeva

thank you for the hugs 💙

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mytwistedsoul July 11th

@justmeeva I'm just happy you got more than a couple hours of sleep

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justmeeva OP July 11th

i’m not excited for my birthday anymore. i don’t look forward to it. it’s like it was with christmas this year. it’s just like any other day. besides, what’s there to celebrate? being alive? hah. lol. 

justmeeva OP July 11th

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