Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
so they came inside gave me no choice but to agree (the children *** jumped on me and pulled me not even exaggerating), it was all awkward and he indeed did ask about my future plans and school and everything (i *** told you-) and he said “eva is like an unicorn - everybody has heard of her but nobody has seen her” like ahahaha so funny and uh yeah never again <33
right now is one of those times where darkness is just terrifying.
@justmeeva *sits with you* You're absolutely right - the darkness can be terrifying. Do you have things that can make it a little more soothing? Maybe some fairy lights or a battery operated candle? Something that gives soft light. Maybe a stuffy or two? A favorite blanket or sweater?
@mytwistedsoul
there’s just this.. hallway. that i logically need to go through in order to get to another room. so it’s kind of unavoidable. i have some lights on in my room for now, but they’ll have to be shut down soon too. right now i’m kind of just hoping it’ll go away on it’s own- the fear. :’)
@justmeeva Are you allowed to keep your phone or whatever you use? Maybe you could set a timer for a nightlight on it? They make apps for nightlights too. Maybe you've tried them already?
i’m terrified.
nothing is behind your back, eva. nobody’s there.
i know.
but still.
tw.
so i kinda said to myself that if anyone wanted to uh unalive me right now they’re free to
and my brain and imagination took it seriously.
@justmeeva sorry. have you tried sitting in a corner? I know it probably sounds weird but your back is up against the wall that way. It feels alittle more secure
@mytwistedsoul
it doesn’t sound weird dw, we love corners <3. right now, since i have to move around a bit to do some things here and there, i can’t. soon, though
@justmeeva I wondered if you knew about corners. It helps. Does it bother you during the day or just at night?
@mytwistedsoul
it seems like those things happen rather at nights, which makes sense, i guess. the darkness, lack of activities and distractions and all.
@justmeeva You're right. I can be totally fine all day and then come night the fear starts. There's less to keep us occupied with :/
@mytwistedsoul
exactly. but it’s okay right now though, your online nightlight trick might’ve worked, anyway it’s not so bad right now <33 thank you again <3
@justmeeva That's great! I'm so glad it helped! Even just a little bit can help make a difference. You're very welcome! 💙
i slept like 4 and a half hours yesterday and like 11 hours today- we don’t talk about my sleep schedule.
@justmeeva
relatable. 💜 *sends a hug if okie*
@LoveMyMoonflowers
gladly accepts hug and sends some back 💗
@justmeeva
thank you for the hugs 💙
@justmeeva I'm just happy you got more than a couple hours of sleep
i’m not excited for my birthday anymore. i don’t look forward to it. it’s like it was with christmas this year. it’s just like any other day. besides, what’s there to celebrate? being alive? hah. lol.
