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Eva’s Crazy Mind

justmeeva January 21st

i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows. 

i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.

best wishes to you. ❤️

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justmeeva OP May 31st

if i’m honest, if i could turn all my emotions off, i maybe would. 

justmeeva OP May 31st

and i mean i’ve tried, i’ve tried to just- not feel, and sometimes it happens by itself, but.. there’s no guarantee yk. they still come back sometime. 

justmeeva OP May 31st

right now is one of the many times i wish i could. 

justmeeva OP June 1st

heavy rain and thunder <3 

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justmeeva OP June 1st

i could run away.

i could.

i could. 

i could.

but i won’t.

i won’t. 

i won’t.

i won’t-

1 reply
iloveyouxx June 1st

@justmeeva

🩷do you think you want to- are you safe🩷? I know you’re not happy where you are right now. I know it’s hard. and running away just seems to be that temporary escape from all the overwhelming pressure challenges and hurt🩷it makes so much sense to just want an escape and run away from it all. I’m not sure when i said this before- It was to an irl friend- idk if you’ll relate to it too.💜but sometimes it feels like trying to juggle a million things at once and you just want to drop everything and run. you’re too tired for it all anymore🤍? I’m trying to understand but tell me if it’s different or I’m wrong about something <3 maybe if I could understand more you could talk about it and do you think that’d make you feel less alone💜but lovely I feel like you have it so hard :') youre rarely happy and when you are you have to get rid of it and I know that’s complicated. no one can always be happy. but I wish I could make that rare happiness last longer for you :')🩷without looking back at it and getting sad💜im not sure but I just wish I could help. >:💕

(if you don’t feel like replying now that makes sense💕it’s okay💕I won’t think anything of it but hoping you’re okay. I love you🩷hugs for when you feel like it <3)

1 reply
justmeeva OP June 1st

@iloveyouxx 

it’s always nice to see you /gen 🩷 mhm i’m safe. i guess you could say that i have a sort of plan but i don’t plan to use it- if that makes sense? like i’ve thought about it, but i know i probably won’t do anything. 

you understand and describe it well. and you’re so kind- thank you so much. for everything you said. for being here. for being in my life honestly. love you nadia friend 🩷 *warmest hugs for you because you deserve them /gen*

1 reply
iloveyouxx June 2nd

@justmeeva

awe🩷no it makes sense :p I’ve been there so many times and I think it makes sense 🩷

idk what to say honestly except for :p of course I’m gonna do all those things :’) you’re my friend :’)💜and the best friend💕and just such a valuable person with so much to offer💖I know I’m lucky💗I love you too🩷<3   

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justmeeva OP June 1st

maybe in a different life. 

justmeeva OP June 1st

i used to be such a dreamer. such a dreamer. now the only thing i dream about is death. 

justmeeva OP June 2nd

thanks, brain. that was cool to imagine. 

justmeeva OP June 2nd

i looked at my grades for this semester. they’re being put out one by one. know what my reaction was? i started laughing. (we have the number system) a couple of 5’s, and then a 2 in history. i’ve always been a 4-5’s student. i started laughing so much about the 2. i’m insane lol. i could maybe fix it if i finished some overdue assignments? maybe it’s not late yet? but uh yeah can’t say it’s a surprise. 

1 reply
justmeeva OP June 3rd

fixed the 2 to a 4. phew lol. 

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justmeeva OP June 2nd

mom: “does (name of younger sister) know?” 

ok look i hate her more than any***one in this world but i wouldn’t traumatise her like that.