Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
i said “mom”, waited like 15 sec, said it once again, waited, then my little brother who was next to her said “mom”, another 10 seconds passed, he said “mom, eva’s talking to you” and like 5 sec later she finally answered. *sigh*.
i’m gonna try to explain this the best i can.
my dad dropped me off at my mom’s workplace today. she told me she had some exciting news. there are different companies in the building. my mom had talked to some like idk french or smt man who has a 21yo son. the man is going to a trip for a while, the son will stay in my country. the son doesn’t really know anyone here, so my mom got the wonderful idea to take a day and take me, my 2 friends (the twins i mentioned just recently) who have absolutely nothing to do with any of this, and herself and go bowling. “he’s really nice” she said. i believe. “he looked like he was 16” ehehehe *sarcastic laugh* how amazing :D.
a r e y o u *** k i d d i n g m e? i’m like- i’m doing anything i can to avoid people at all cost, and then i get this? you’re kidding right? i really, truly don’t need (want) any new people in my life. i’m done with it all. i can’t, like i actually can’t mom. how do i tell her anything? what do i say? i can’t i can’t i can’t-
and it’s all my fault. it’s my *** social awkwardness. it’s my lack of- human interaction skills. it’s my insecurities. it’s my self consciousness. it’s my self hatred. it’s- the way i generally am. i ruin everything. and i can’t even explain it. what’s wrong with me? why do i have to be like this? why can’t i just be.. normal? i don’t know.
in summary, *** me.
@justmeeva I'm sorry but I have to disagree. This isn't your fault. You didn't get these insecurities on your own or the self hatred. Someone helped you with those. Probably her. And a situation like that with bowling and being with someone you don't know - that's something I feel you should have been asked if you'd be interested in doing. Not volunteered for 😕
@mytwistedsoul
yeah, i guess you have a point. 🩷
funny how some strangers on the internet are more reasonable and understanding than someone’s own parent(s) /lh
@justmeeva I think too many parents have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager 😕 and they never seem to realize that they're the ones with the earliest influence on their kids 😞
@mytwistedsoul
yeah, i agree with you. there’s this quote “parents have no idea what it’s like to be a teenager in this generation”. i think it’s pretty fair. maybe they really don’t completely understand, but sometimes it feels like they don’t even try to understand. like they just don’t listen. and then they wonder why their teens don’t tell them anything :/
@justmeeva Exactly! The world is a lot different now. The pressures come from some many different directions now. Even if they say they'll listen they just tell you that you're too young to feel that way. And then tell you how wrong you are about everything else you think or feel ."What have you got to be depressed about?" Or that you don't have any idea about stress and then they berate you for a poor grade. None of this gives anybody the warm fuzzies at the thought of trying to talk with their parents
3:13am. i- should probably go to sleep. goodnight 🩷💕
@justmeeva
good night eva friend 💗 i hope you'll sleep well <3
but there’s no way anything good would come out of it. so i really should not.
