Eva’s Crazy Mind

@justmeeva

💜

this feeling again. like i’m.. lost. and gone. like i don’t exist anymore. like everything’s fake. like there’s no reality. like there’s no control. 

minutes go by. so do hours. and eventually, so do days. and there’s nothing you can do about it.

i should probably start writing it. i’m starting to run out of time. 

oh good there are those tears we didn’t know we’d have to cry today

gtg bbl.

@justmeeva

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

thank you 🩷

fake smile on because dad only knows her daughter as a happy girl <3

i get some.. really disturbing thoughts and scenarios sometimes. 

tw don’t even read it’s gonna ruin your mood 

oh world. first you’re making this place a living ***, trying to get rid of me like never before, and then you make that harder too? what do you want? did you change your mind? because i didn’t. if this is a sign you want me to stay afterall, then you’re late. i guess “actions have consequences” isn’t just for humans. not sure when, but you made your choice. and you made me make mine. now accept it. don’t *** bring people back when i’m about to leave. don’t *** do that. why- why are you like this?

@justmeeva 

Dont leave? 

@unassumingEyes 

i’m sorry..

@justmeeva

Your bio says you genuinely hope to see us again tomorrow. You cant if you’re not there tomorrow.

I genuinely hope there’s a lot more tomorrows for you.

I hope the day you go, the sky shows us eva in the way words never could. I hope that day is a long time away.

you dont have to apologize. Especially not for hurting. It should be us apologizing for creating a world thats hurting you 

even if you go ill still wait for you. Even if im waiting for decades ill wait. Ill wait and hooe youre not really gone, that youre not alone.

you dont have to feel bad, or guilty, or anything

eva just needs to be eva. The real, unfiltered eva. Thats enough. Thats more than enough. 

You might not read all of this but i love you either way 🤍

@unassumingEyes 

you’re not the ones to blame for it. you’re the ones who make world better. you’re the ones who give hope to the world. you’re the ones who keep that light shining. you’re the good in the bad. never been the opposite. you’re the ones who make the pain less painful. you’re my friends. always and forever. and i love you more than anything. <3

you’ll know when i’ll leave. not yet. 

@justmeeva

you make it better too, You make me better too. 

the clouds look unreal. i’ve always been fascinated by the sky. it’s beautiful. it’s magical. it reminds me of peace. i’m gonna miss it. 

smiling is hard rn. but i don’t have a choice. i’m around people. they can’t know. 

@LoveMyMoonflowers @justmeeva (and nadia frnd if she pops by) i think youre all very brave 🩷

@unassumingEyes

so are you eyes 💜

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

exactly my thoughts 🩷

@LoveMyMoonflowers @justmeeva i dont know if i am, but i try to be 🩷 for everyone 🩷

@unassumingEyes

so are you 💕

agh it said my first one didn’t post so that’s why *smh 7cups* 😭😭😭😭😭

*sigh*.

..

i’m just gonna shut up for a while. 

ykw i’ll be away for a while. 

not like days but for tonight. 

or if not away, i’ll only be here for the moments when i post *** idk. 

got some things to do and thoughts to think. and some other stuff. 

ideally i’ll be gone tomorrow. 

ideally i wont wake up tomorrow. 

but with my luck, how likely is that to actually happen? yeah. 

man why am i even still trying. 

i’m so *** done with myself 

i give up 

@justmeeva *sits quietly and waits* 🪑

idk if i should say anything anymore. i mean i should but what if i say all the wrong things again? again.